By the time Penta returned, books in hand, Ash had received his new foot.

" Hermes was feeling especially generous today, Ash, which is something that you could learn from him."

By this time, Ash had been awake for twenty and a half hours. He was willing to accept anything at this point, all the while wishing that he would wake up soon, this all being a dream.

" Now. This may sting a little. Bite this." Fate handed Ash his wallet.

" What?"

With a burst of superhuman strength, Fate ripped the remnants of Ash’s former foot off.

" OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

" I told you it would sting, you baby. Now hold still."

Another burst of pain arrived when Fate rammed the new foot home into the newly created stump. The god-flesh assimilated with the mortal flesh quickly.

" There you go. All better now. Now you have a foot again, and all the benefits that come with a god-foot."

" Benefits?" cried Ash, through clenched teeth and wallet.

" Hermes. Runs fast. Remember."

" So I’ve got superpowers!"

" Superpower. Emphasis on the one. You can run quite quickly with your new foot."

" Sweet."

Penta felt unnoticed, and decided to remedy the situation. He dropped the two books, PhilMcCrackus’ great work ‘A Beginner’s Guide to Life, Gods, Goddesses and other assorted Skullduggeries’ and Ash’s Scribery, the papyrus scroll written by Penta, about Ash’s life, which together probably weighed ten pounds. These struck Ash’s new foot.

" Ow! Dammit Penta! I’m gonna kill you, you little imp bastard!"

" Yipes!" Penta scampered off towards the hall.

" Calm down, Ash. He did not mean any harm."

" I’m gonna get that stupid little imp someday."

" I know you will, Ash. Now read."

Fate handed Ash PhilMcCrackus’ masterwork. Then she left the room. Ash began to read.

A Beginner’s Guide to Life, Gods, Goddesses, and other assorted Skullduggeries.

By PhilMcCrackus Imponith, Esquire.

" What a name on this guy!"

Chapter One: In the Beginning

Hello fair reader. If you are reading this, you probably have sore knees, and a lot of time on your hands.

" How did he know that?"

Don’t ask how I knew that. So, as you probably know by now, when a bunch of humans think of a reason for natural occurrences, that reason manifests itself as a being at the Table. Fairly simple. One of those idiot humans could probably understand it, even. What you probably didn’t know is that certain manifestations were there even before humanity. These were (and still are) called the Elder Forces. They include:

Wisdom, Serendipity, Order, Destiny, Fate, Death, Pestilence, Plague, etc., etc.

These often have more pull at the Great Council. After humanity was created, the new gods began to show up. First came the Egyptian, Babylonian, Hittite, and Chinese gods. Later came the Greco/Roman pantheon, the Japanese gods, and the Christian mythos. These gods too, have a large pull at the Council, although as the people who worship them die, or quit believing, the old gods lose their power. The Christian, Buddhist, Shinto, and Muslim religions have majority rule at the council at this time.

" Blah, blah, blah. This guy talks too much. I’ll skip ahead."

Chapter Six: The One Who Was Chosen

Mother Earth, or Gaia, as we personifications call her, calls upon a hero in the times of greatest need to save the Earth………"

" Zzzzzzzzzz."

15:30

" Ash. Ash. Get up Ash. Get up. Get up."

" Zzzzzzzzzz."

" Get up, dammit!" Ash felt a sharp pain in his side.

" Kick him again, Miss Fate."

The sound of a flying imp filled the room.

" Aaaaggh!"

" Stay out, Penta."

Ash awoke, bleary-eyed.

" Wow, Fate, that was great! You should try out for the Packers next season. You’d be a great field goal kicker!"

" Ash, do yourself a favor. Shut your talk-hole for just one minute, okay?"

" So anyways, I tried to read your boring-ass book last night. Fell right asleep. Could be the mythical cure for insomnia, right there. If only it didn’t hurt your knees so much…."

" The reason you fell asleep is probably because you had been, at that point, awake for nineteen hours straight. You had a long day. Long night too."

" Point taken. What’s for lunch?"

" The usual. Ambrosia, Mead, delectable viands from across the galaxy. You know, the nectar of the gods."

" Sweet. When can I start?"

" You want to eat too? Well, I’m sorry, but it’s imp gruel for you. The food of the gods is so delicious, you would probably die from culinary ecstasy."

" Damn. Well, lead the way. I’m so hungry, I could eat five ogres, with a side of seven imps."

" Who told you the secret gruel recipe?"

Ash turned sharply, and saw Penta standing in the doorway, with a huge bruise across his face.

" Eeeewww."

" Fate told me to make you read your scribery, isn’t that right, Miss Fate."

" Yes, Penta. Go on, get out."

Later.

" Now that was gruel! Very enjoyable. Delicious! It tasted like imitation gravel, mixed with arsenic and strychnine, and sprinkled with a hint, just a hint, of rat droppings and mold. Great stuff."

" You get used to it eventually. You wanna read your Scribery now?"

" Not really. I want to know what’s going on, why I’m here and what drugs I took last night. Fate said something about my talent. What was she talking about?"

" See, now this is a time where you Scribery can help you."

" Okay, I’ll bite. What is my Scribery?"

" Your Scribery is that huge scroll I accidentally dropped on your foot last night. It is the most comprehensive literary authority on your life."

" In English please."

" It’s a big scroll that has every event in your life written on it. In great detail."

" Even that one time when…"

" Yeah, even that one. That was pretty nasty, Ash. What were you thinking?"

" I was five, okay? When you’re five you do stupid things. Now let us never speak of this incident again."

" All right."

" How did you know about, that, anyway? Did you read this Scribery thing?"

" Read it? I wrote it. On another subject, that Aliciana that you’re always thinking about seems like a pretty nice girl. Can I meet her sometime?"

" What did you say?"

" Aliciana. I’d like to meet her."

" She doesn’t deserve to have to put up with you, you little runt!"

Ash backhanded Penta over the table they were sitting at.

" That’s it! I’m gonna have to deal with you Imp-Fu Style!" Penta screamed.

The imp leapt back over the table, and administered a punishing kick to Ash’s temple. Ash quickly recovered, and elbowed Penta in the side. With a primal, berserker scream, Ash’s normally gray eyes flashed bright red.

" You’re gonna pay now, Penta!"

Ash picked up Penta by the scruff of his neck fur, and leapt skyward. He hung there, kept up by forces unknown. With a voice not his own, Ash growled, " Never patronize Aliciana! She’s too good for you!"

Ash threw Penta, screaming and hurtling towards the ground. He struck a table surrounded by imps, and slid down the wooden surface, striking gruel bowls and glasses of imp mead asunder. He came to rest at the door of the Impateria, seemingly dead, just as Fate strode in.

" Enough! Get down from there!" Fate echoed.

Ash fell to the floor, hit his head on a table, and was struck unconscious. Fate dragged him and Penta out by their heels, and left the room. The remaining imps, their late lunch interrupted, ran around, screaming "He has finally arrived", and " Look at what he did to Penta, the guy’s a mess!" along with " He has finally shown his Talent. He manifested!"

Ash woke up in the dark room; this time tied up to a dentist’s chair, looking up towards the ceiling. Fate sat behind him, where he could not see. A bright light was above him, shining into his eyes, and making the Green Lantern symbol on his shirt sparkle.

" Fate? Fate? Are you there? I’m sorry for what I did to Penta. I don’t know what came over me. He just mentioned Aliciana, and I went nuts. I’m sorry. Is he all right?"

" Well, let’s see, Ash. You broke both of his legs, both of his arms, seven ribs, and his nose. You also incited an imp riot. We’ve been chasing the little rascals around for hours, now. I’m sure he’ll pull through, though. He’s got a long infirmary stay ahead. All because of that girl, Aliciana."

" How does everybody know about her? Did you read that Scribery thing, too?"

" Everybody around here has read your Scribery, Ash. You’re a celebrity around here. It’s required reading. By the way, how is Aliciana doing?"

" I don’t know. We don’t talk any more."

" There’s a reason for that, you know."

" What, what is it?"

" We’ll have to start at the beginning. You fell asleep during your required reading. Oh well. Close your eyes and shut up. You’re about to learn why you’re here."

" You heard a little about the Elder Forces. I am one, and so is my sister Destiny, and my brother Order and the others are too. You know we are among the most powerful members at the Table. What you don’t know is that there two more Forces, Forces that are more powerful than all of us at the Table put together. These are Good and Evil. You may not believe in these, but they are there, under everything. They also have personifications."

" Good is personified by Gaia, Mother Earth if you wish. She, in Her infinite wisdom, does not trifle with small things like the Table, and minuscule things like humanity. She concerns herself with the fate of the entire universe. She gave us the Cause to help Her in Her quest. The Cause tips the balance of the war between Good and Evil. This war has been going on for millennia, ever since the beginning of time. Usually, only we Personifications deal with it, but every once in a while, a thousand years or so, the time comes for Gaia to choose her Champion, the Champion Of The Cause. This runs in an illustrious bloodline. Your bloodline. Your father was the second-last Champion. He died a heroic death in the service of the Cause in the Second-Last Battle for the Earth. You will be the last Champion. You will decide the fate of the world."

" That’s a hell of a lot to swallow, Fate. I don’t know if I can."

" I know Ash. It was hard for your father too. But for my sake and the sake of the world, you must try."

" You knew my father?"
" Yes, Ash. I knew him well."