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Graht
Atlantean Mythology 101
Fri Oct 11 2002 6:00:31 pm
139.134.64.153

Previously on Atlantean Mythology 101. It came to pass that Good King Abraxus of Atlantis lost his crown. One day while drunk he dropped it and it fell in the sea- and his wicked brother Kroxlax incited the people of Atlantis to rebel by shouting,” what kind of King do we have that is so careless. If we do not remove him then one day he may forget to lock the town gates and we shall all be murdered in our beds by Pirates or eaten by monkeys.” And thus Good King Abraxus was expelled from Atlantis. The Codess Amdo –who hears all and sees all- was told what had happened to Abraxus and placed a geas on the great Altantean hero Ptoppy. And one day the geas laid an egg and from that egg hatched the Greater Atlantean hero Ptozez who Amdo charged with recovering the crown of Atlantis.
For many years Ptozez traveled with his crew across the face of the known world, and knew no fear. He pulled the jeweled nose from the chest of the clockwork trout of Berlin, exiled the false dragon of the North Sea to the West Sea and killed the terrifying reverse Cyclops; who had two eyes and one of everything else. But he never forgot his quest to recover the crown of Atlantis.
Now read on...

One day while their ship was travelling along a coast at the edge of the world Ptozez was gazing through the Eye of Bellatrix. This was a magical device he had stolen from the house of the invisible Medusa, whose gaze could turn men to stone and was hard to kill because no one could tell where she was looking. As he gazed along the coast he spied a maiden being terrorised by a dragon. Ptozez turned to his second in command –Apone- and said,” assemble the crew for we must rescue this maiden.”

So, Apone went below and said,” we must prepare for battle for we have a maiden who needs rescuing from virginity.” And one of the crew called Hudson did ask,” is this going to be a stand up fight or a bughunt?” And on being told that they would have to fight a dragon he did complain,” it’s a bughunt.” As the ship approached shore Ptozez told his crew of his plan,” any questions?” he asked. “ Verily,” said Hudon,” how do I get out of this Harpy dung outfit?” And he then did laugh and give high-fives to the rest of the crew while Ptozez scowled and muttered under his breath and thought about getting a new crew.

Once on the beach Ptozez’s crew laid down covering fire while Ptozez attacked the dragon with his sword. The battle was long and fierce but at last the beast was slain and the maiden rescued.

Ptozez took the maiden to the village at the bottom of the dragon’s mountain. And he burst into the tavern and did declare,” stout yeoman, rejoice for I have killed the beast that bought fear to this village.” And one of the village elders turned to another and said,” he’s done what?” And the other replied,” he says he’s killed the dragon,” and a third muttered,” well there goes the tourist trade.”

Ptozez was deeply confused,” are you not pleased?” he asked. “ No,” said one of the villagers,” that dragon brought money into this village.” “ Yeah, “ said another,” I’m going to have to close my souvenir shop now for who’s going to buy my ‘My brother went to Dragon Village and got eaten and all I got was this lousy T-shirt’ t-shirts now?” “ Anyway,” shouted another,” Dragons are a protected species, you can’t just go round killing them willy-nilly.”

“ Interfering do-gooders,” yelled someone at the back of the room and with that the villagers gathered rocks and threw them at Ptozez and his crew and drove them out of town.

Ptozez’ quest had suffered a set back but his journey would continue…