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The Martin Luther King Bridge on the Mississippi River at St. Louis is the mother of all eyesores. As HL Mencken might have put it, it looks like a fat woman with a black eye, or a Presbyterian grinning. It lies rusting in the St. Louis sun like a dead bloated fish, one past all hope or caring. Having been neglected for decades without even a lousy fresh coat of paint the 'World's Second Most Dangerous Bridge" has taken on the patina of a two-day old fried egg.

We propose that the states of Missouri and Illinois get on the ball and paint the damn thing. What color? Orange! of course. Orange is the only color for monumental pieces of steel crap. Orange gives such pieces a kind of interest they haven't earned, an eloquence they don't have, and a popularity they don't deserve. It turns sheer ugliness into clownishness, a far more acceptable attribute, in our opinion. Take a trip to the Laumeier Sculpture Park in St. Louis County.

Park Web site here.

What color are the largest, most interesting sculptures? Duh! They're orange, of course. So is, come to think of it, the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. That's right, it ain't gold. It's orange.

Talk to your elected officials in Springpatch and Jeff City. If they continue to do nothing about this horrific eyesore, we should have a paint and pizza party. No that would be "too dangerous." Well, then it's up to our beloved elected officials. Talk to them. Pester them. Bore them. Harass them and blab, blab, blab till they turn orange in the face. Keep Downtown Alive!