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Best Friends Forever

First of all, let me introduce myself, my name is Jezabell Mariana Nicolette.  I was born in Nashville, Tennessee on April 9th, 1983.  Throughout my life I was just an average kid with an average life... I just had a few issue that I had not quite addressed yet.  The year after I started High School, for one reason or another, I started fighting with my friends and family constantly.  It seemed as though no one understood that I was going through or they just simply didn't care.  So I did the first thing I could think of, I turned to drugs and alcohol.  I never intended to ruin the friendships I still had with people who actually cared about me but it simply erupted in my face.  I don't blame them for not wanted to be associated with a person who got drunk and high almost every night. 

In the very beginning I found nothing wrong with what I was doing.  I was just escaping reality.  I got into many fights with my friends and family about my addictions.  After awhile they all just simply disappeared, at least that's what I like to tell people.  It helps me to deal with the reality of what actually happed these last couple of years.

I started hanging out with people who were involved in the same kind of thing I was.  They were the only people that wanted to be around me at the time.  I still remember though that my best friend never left my side, even with what  I had been a part of those past few years.  I had been involved in robbery and such to get money for my expensive addictions to drugs and alcohol.  But, through it all, my best friend Monica never gave up on me.  She kept telling me that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and she was determined to help me find it.

I ended up in the hospital for alcohol poisoning, drug overdoses, and other various stupid things that I had done to myself and to others.  There came a point when I didn't care who I was hurting and what I was doing.  I even once thought to myself, "Who cares, no one gets out of life alive anyways..."  I didn't care and I didn't intend to care.  I made myself believe that I was happy with life the way it was and that I didn't care what other people thought of me and the lifestyle I had chosen because they, "didn't understand."

Three days later Monica passed away in a car accident on her way to my house.  I didn't know until after the fact that it was because of a drunk driver.  I blamed it on myself.  If I just had not called her and asked her to come over and help me find a way out of the mess I was in, my best friend in the entire world would still have been alive.  I had no one to fall back on after my friend's death, no one cared anymore because of all the horrible decisions I had made; both my family and friends had given up on me.  Some of my old friends had even told me that I was a lost cause and nothing that they could ever do would be able to help me, they didn't have that much strength in themselves and enough hope in me.  

For a week and a half after Monica's death all I did was sit in my room, trying to figure out why things happen the way they do.  Why did my best friend in the entire world have to be taken away from this Earth the day I was finally ready to confront my problems?  Why did the only person who truly cared about me have to be taken away from me?  All these questions were left unanswered because that night I wrote a letter.

Dear Lord,

Why was the only person that ever seemed to truly care about me banished from this Earth?  Why did she have to die at the time when I needed her most?  I need help to find the night at the end of the tunnel...she was the only one who cared.  Well Lord, I am coming to join her; my world just can't turn round without her.

Love Always,
Jezabell Mariana Nicollette 

I then proceeded to jump out of the window of my tenth story apartment building bedroom window, the medical examiner told my family I had died on impact and probably never felt a thing.  NO one began to cry, like I said they had all banished me from their lives, and now they wouldn't have to worry about me ever again.  But, that didn't bother me I was where I wanted to be with my best friend Monica Angel Augistiana.  In third grade we had promised each other we would stand beside one another as best friends through all eternity, we never broke that promise.