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My Blog
Sunday, 12 December 2004
Nice time at a party
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Hoobastank- Out of Control
Topic: When is it not about me?
My Song
So I went to Dud?s housewarming party last night. Should I have gone? Probably not. But I went anyway. Why? Few reasons. Wanted to check out where he lives now. He?s one who loves to spend money. He only thinks of money as just that. Money. Some of us need that money for our credit cards, our car payments, rent, food, whatever. We save money for the car we want to get, a place to live when we decide to move out of our parents home, a CD we want, whatever it may be. He spends it like water. Just lets it go. Anyway, the house is nice. Three bedroom place, a big place for the two of them, the furniture is brand new, the house is nice and clean, despite the empty beer bottle lying around.
Second reason was to meet the new girlfriend. Just wanted to know what kind of person she was. I?m going to call her Ballistic (which I?ll tell you about in a little while). I didn?t get to meet her. I didn?t get to meet her because she didn?t want to meet me. That should?ve been the clue for me to just leave. Go home, watch a movie, talk to my older brother, and go to sleep, and still be happy. Why didn?t I leave? I wanted to smoke before I did.
Third reason. To confirm the vibe I already had. She doesn?t like me at all, and had a problem with me being there, and Dud was avoiding me for that reason. Maybe I didn?t need to confirm the obvious, but I went with it anyway. I needed to confirm it. We all huddled into Dud?s bathroom. Me, Dud, and like six other dudes. Ballistic opens the door, looks around and was like, ?Yeah sure, smoke in my bathroom, go ahead.? Closes the door and leaves. I look at Dud and around the room. Said it was okay, she?ll get over it. I?ll leave it alone. If he didn?t have a problem or wasn?t worried about it, then I?m not. None of my business. After maybe 15 minutes go by (I don?t know, at that time I was high enough to not know real time), Ballistic crashes the door open and yells at everyone to get the fuck out. Get out of my fucking bathroom right now type shit. Crazy. So I left, a little disappointed that I got one hit off the blunt, but the contact was still there. Dud and Ballistic lock themselves in the room and start yelling at each other. Again, nothing to do with me, he said it was cool, I?m going to stay in my corner.
Later on, I go outside and Dud is avoiding me like crazy. Couldn?t even ask him if I could get a Pepsi. That?s when I knew something was up and it had to do with me. Was I paranoid? Yes. Was I paranoid because of the weed? No. I was paranoid because it was definitely there, and I wanted to what. Now the only person I could actually get to tell me the details was Dud?s best friend, Excuses. It was going to be a very hard mission. This man is the king of excuses. Has an answer for everything that doesn?t include the truth anywhere in there. It?s a talent I tell you. Excuse after excuse until you get so fed up with it, you give up. He?s really good at it. But I?m also good at plotting. I cover angles like no other. I analyze, stay 11 steps ahead of the game, and go from there. I knew trying to get the truth from Excuses was going to be a battle. First step was to get him alone long enough. We went to Waffle House. He tried to ditch me three times on the way there. He knew what was coming. He?s not stupid either. First time, he wanted to get home and smoke the last of the blunt that he had. Second, he had a girl coming over. Third his friends were at his house. I let him know that I wasn?t taking him anywhere until we had our waffles. He?s not ditching me for that crap.
So, he tried to avoid my question so many times. Finally I let him know. ?You either tell me what?s going on, tell me the truth, we can stop pretending to be nice to each other because we?re not up front about it, or he can continue making excuses and telling me that there?s nothing there, and we can continue feeling uncomfortable when we?re in the same room. Either way, my decision will still be the same.? Finally I backed him into the wall enough he had no where to go but tell me the truth. She does have a problem with. I?m the ex, and she doesn?t want Dud to be in the same circle with me at all costs. That was the whole reason of Ballistic going ballistic with the whole smoking in the bathroom ordeal. The fact that me and Dud were sharing the same space, despite that there were six other dudes there. It was only me and him in the same space she had a problem with. Explains why he was avoiding me, and why she doesn?t like me. I?m the ex. With that said and done, I went on to explain to Excuses that there was absolutely no reason for me to be at the party, and no reason for me to even had been invited.

I refuse to be the center of a problem when it comes to couples. It?s not my thing. Even if I could, I wouldn?t even attempt to break up the marriage of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. Totally not my thing. I don?t want trouble. I don?t want to be the cause of anything wrong anywhere any time. It now involves me. And I can?t do anything about it because Dud is my ex and he has a new girlfriend. I can?t make him choose, I can?t make him be my friend, I?m going to have to swallow my pride and take it. After that, we may never be friends again. If it?s supposed to be that way, fine. I?ll take that. If they break up, it won?t be because of me. I won?t be going over to their place anymore. Everything is up front on the table, we don?t have to pretend. I know how she feels about me, and I?m not going to try to force myself to make her think that I?m a good person. Out of the question.

In the end, I?ll be fine. I?ll move on with my life. Two people out of my life isn?t going to affect me any. I have plenty of other friends. My missions were accomplished last night. I found out what I needed to know, moving on. Did it make a difference? Honestly? Not really. I knew she didn?t like me, but now I know why. Today is a sunny day, and I have laundry to do. The sun will set, the sun will rise the next day. Continuous cycle of life, why should I sit here and figure out a way to make things better when it?s only going to take up a lot of time and effort and drama? Nah. I got shit to do.
My Song

Posted by Shika at 12:01 AM EST
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