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My Blog
Tuesday, 9 November 2004
Just another day
Mood:  cool
Topic: Me
I spent my Saturday evening with "Ace". Smoked out, had a great time. And I figured that everything was going to be back to what it used to be. It wasn't, and I don't know why I should even think that. It's horrible. But I did have a good time. I think it was about 15 minutes of our "date" that I realized that "this" whatever it was, was going to go no where. As my co-worker said, 0 to 60 and back to 0 in a week. That's exactly how it was. By the end of the night, I got out the car, said goodnight, and I'll talk to him later. End. I don't feel bad. Surprisingly I don't. I guess I came to terms with it. But then again, I was pretty high and thought too much about it, so it helped a lot too.

I also talked to my best friend that night. I was telling her about "Dud" and how I'm talking to him to keep the peace because we all share the same the group of friends. I was trying to be nice to him, and try to get everything to a somewhat normal friendship that we had before we dated. (Now that I think about it, it was a mistake to date him.)

This guy, Dud, has been in love with me since we first worked together years ago. I mean years ago. He hadn't given up on me, and he let the world know that he wouldn't. He had his mindset that he didn't want any other girl if it wasn't me. And if I were never to be with him, then he'll live his life in hopes that maybe I'll give him the chance. Flattering, sure. Creepy, a little. Puppy love, seemed like it. Trust me, it wasn't just puppy love. Then I decided one day, hey maybe it won't be so bad, he's always been good to me. So I did. For seven months. He was really one of those guys who agreed with everything that I said, did everything to keep me happy, and would cry if I said, hey don't call me tonight so I can do some stuff. He called me at my office one day while my boss was there, and I told him that I'd call him back as soon as I can. What does he do? Calls me back 15 minutes later. I hung up on him. He sounds like a decent guy. But thats not what I'm looking for. I need someone who will argue with me. I like to argue, its my thing. Sharing different opinions and try to convince the other is sport that I enjoy. And I don't need someone who would do everything in the world to keep me happy. I mean extreme. A card for my birthday or just a phone call to say good luck is all I really need. I'm happy with that. No flowers for me because I checked the mail or I got an "A" on an exam. But thats how he was.

Back to the story of me talking to my best friend. She said that I should quit talking to him. She has a point. If I continue to, then he's going to think that he has the right to talk to me any which way he wants in front of everyone. I don't need that, because if she taught me anything its not to take crap from people and put them in their place. And I don't like embarrassing people, but I will if I have to. So I think that's what I'm going to do. I'm not missing anything anyway.

Thats what has been on my mind this weekend. While I was completely stoned. I should write more when I'm high.

Posted by Shika at 1:41 PM EST
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