*sigh*
Mood:  blue
how come once i get out of a relationship i rush into another one? its only hurting myself when i do this, not physicly but emotionally, i hate to admit that im still in love w/ robert, sure i like other guys, but robert, hes diffrent, i always felt like he cared about me and wanted make me happy and make sure i was ok, but now its like i cant find that n neone else, theres noone like him, as much as i want to move on i cant and that kills me. i want to be w/ him soooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad but now i kno that will never happen b/c hes made it clear that he dosnt like me. i feel bad for saying i would go out w/ brandon, i like him, but i dont like him, i guess its b/c hes not robert, which yet again i hate myself for wanting to be w/ him soo much i wish i didnt i wish i could go on w/ life and truly be happy, but i was soooo happy w/ him and now i have this feeling, i cant even explain it, i just idk.....i dont kno wat to do nemore, i shouldnt have said yes to brandon, i need more time to myself and time to get over robert, you would think me having a bf would help me get over him, bs, it only makes me want to be w/ him more, i just miss the way he was, always caring, and the way he would hug me, but i guess never loved me, b/c like as helm says you dont bring someone into your life just to throw them away, well he threw me away and hasnt tried to get me back yet, and i doubt he ever will, *sigh* i hate me.

.....
why can i not act sad for once? i mean gosh, im not happy all the time, but i guess when im not its a burdon on everyone, like earlier for instance, robert i guess read what i had written in my journal, thought O i should get in her business even tho i dont care for her. so he put on that little ooo i care for you tell me everything attitude, but then i didnt want to talk to him, i will never again go to him for help, advice or nething, he dosnt deserve to kno wats goin on, nor do i want to tell him nethin now...i instant messaged him thinkin, well maybe if i talk to him it will make me feel a bit better, bs, he just shot me down like usual, for instance i told him wat was goin on, and he was all like why r u telling me this? omgsh he couldnt have said nething meaner to me, so inconclusion, i will no longer go to NEONE for help, i will resolve my probs on my own, i wont let neone like robert make me feel like i can talk to them, b/c obviously no one really cares. no ones here for me, no one ever has been, my whole secure feeling is just a lie.

Why so much drama?
Mood:  hug me
My gosh, when one thing actully starts to get ok it goes down the drain, why damnit? why does everything go wrong now, everyone was happy. ok to start things off, Im still in love w/ robert, and it hurts me sooooo much to kno that hes in love w/ amanda, i dont like josh, i dont love him more than a friend, and i hate lying to him saying that i do, b/c i dont mean it, im in love w/ the one guy i felt actully loved me when we were dating, but w/ josh i mean after like 4 or 5 days after we started goin out he says he loves me and i kno he dosnt mean it, its like he expects me to say it back, but it hurts so much when i do, i want to be w/ Robert so bad and i hate that more than nething, hes hurt me one too many times, why in the hell do i still love him? i guess its b/c when we were dating it felt like he cared for me, no other guy has ever done that for me, i want sooo bad for a guy to just tell me that he loves me and wouldnt mind if i cried on his shoulder, he would love me and sho me that he cared, i want that sooo bad i mean i would kill for that, i mean i want that soo bad that im crying rite now, and i had that perfect guy, but now hes in love w/ someone else, im tired of being the "sis" i want to be seen as a nice, pretty girl who some guy would love and care for, but now i guess thats too much to ask for, im stuck w/ someone i only like as a friend and its killing me.

BITCH
Mood:  don't ask
BITCH BITCH BITCH, I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF ALL OF THIS SHIT WITH ROBERT, OK HE BREAKS UP WITH ME, NOW HE TREATS ME LIKE SHIT!!!!!!! IM THE ONE THATS SPOST TO BE HURT BUT O NO DOES HE GIVE A DAMN?NO!!!!!!!!! I NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER SHOULD OF STARTED TALKING TO HIM, I SHOULD HAVE JUST IGNORED HIM AND MADE HIM FEEL LIKE MORE SHIT, I HATE ME AND I WANT ALL OF THIS SHIT TO GO AWAY, RITE NOW THERE IS NO CHANCE IN HELL FOR ME AND ROBERT AND I KNO HE DOSNT LOVE ME LIKE HE SAID HE "LOVED" ME!!! SO FOR NOW I AM NO LONGER WAITING FOR HIM!!!!!! HE OBVIOUSLY DOSNT CARE FOR ME OTHERWISE HE WOULDNT DO THIS TO ME, IF HE CARED ABOUT ME HE WOULDNT HAVE BROKEN UP WITH ME, HE WOULDNT TREAT ME LIKE IM JUST SOME BITCH, HE WOULDNT ACT LIKE THIS!!! SO SCREW YOU ROBERT IF UR GONNA TREAT ME LIKE SHIT IM GONNA TREAT YOU LIKE SHIT >:(