Celebrity Diet Tips:
Unveiled!
At a major unveiling ceremony this month, where the celebrities were out
in force. Everyone was on about how hungry they were. Having been called by the
tabloids this weekend “scandalously gaunt”,
a glowing Michael Martin gushed about his new diet regime – “It’s like
the smoking ban, but with food, in fact its ironic * nervously chuckles * I’ve
had to take up the fags myself to keep away the 3pm slump”.
Yum.
Scheifling distant cousin of Claudia Scheifer’s mom, Unferth, has shared
this week’s tasty tip with us. “Don’t eat, just take Dramamine, I took it when
I was giving birth and I haven’t looked back since”. Mmmm.
Before:
—
“looking sexily bent as usual”
After: ‘
All this talk about food has given us a craving to share all our
knowledge via remote satellite with our glorious readers aka “The Glorified Cunts”, all the new shit on
the OC. That’s right, keep reading and we’ll spoil the whole thing for you. If
you don’t want to know, tough, cause we’ve planted information throughout El
Gaffer and If we meet you in person we’ll just tell you anyway. You glorified
cunt.
Ok so, Ryan steals Marissa’s shoes in the shocking season opener and
insists on wearing them to school where he creams himself infront of the new
girl. This worries Sandy and Kiki as
Seth never went through a shoe stealing thing. How will they cope?
Marissa goes all goth and it turns out she’s a vampire with a soul, who
craves Summers blood (as you should know from last season she was Summer the
vampire slayer).
Jimmy gets a boobjob.
Now to what you’ve been waiting for, Fair(ly) Shity. To be honest we’re
not quite sure, since the last time we saw it we were about 5 and Niamh was
snorting cocaine. Off Barry’s thigh. She’s still knocking around though.
Song of the Weeks
11-01-2005-01-11
Ciara-biore feat. Petey Pablo
GOODIES
I’m not bein’ too
dramatic, that’s just how I gotta have it,
Oh licky licky licky…
I bet you want the
goodies, I bet you thought about them, I got you hot and bothered, because I
talk about them,
Keep on looking for
those goodies, keep on looking cause they’re staying in the jar.
Oh licky licky licky…