El Gaffer 

Volume No : 4                      Issue No : nine!                    Date: 21-12-2004

 

Plans this weekend? Anybody?

It is Christmas! Don’t you get that warm feeling inside, when you see that S Club Juniors song, where they say that a puppy is for life not just for Christmas and then you remember that puppy you killed and oh….i’m sorry for bringing that up now….anyway, lets not forget that Christmas is, y’know, about Christ, so your mammy will probably tell you to go to mass and you probably should cause it would be lousy to piss her off on Christmas day. As for Christmas eve, I’m sure everyone has plans of coming home at 10 o’clock, absolutely scutterfaced and banging at your neighbours house shouting, “I pure thought my house was here??” and then the police come get you cause you are crazy and homeless. And then you get to spend your Christmas in prison with Jesus, who is still able to pimp on you cause that’s the power of God. Right thurr.

Also, we are obliged to tell you from Satan (who is sticking a fork in my nose right now, by nose I mean ass and by ass I mean mom) that he will be interviewing Jesus in prison live at about half past. Rock on!

Christmukka celebrations in El Gaffo…

 

What Kind Of Party Is This?

It was the kind of party where everyone threw their car keys into a bowl. But no one could actually drive home, except for that one guy who actually brought a car, that was kind of gammy out of him really.

Little Shop ended swiftly, with the helpful aid of Denise, she is so helpfully hot. The Adonis was well in there. “Give us a wave” she screeched. And he did. Later, the mob reunited in An Brog… dara, drank, danced, drank some more and then left. Tried to find the Fucking Ledge’s house. And we did.

“Nasty put your clothes on” said Assling, and then Danny John said, “don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got”. It was a rap battle, with him and his straightened hair and her with her twirling baton. That’s the most unfunny thing I’ve ever heard in my life, its like sitting through The Lodger sober. With Nollaig Shona. dick.

People licked each others nines, Cormie fell down the stairs with a clatter (when Lisa pushed him), Buckfist was consumed at a startling rate, Martini wasn’t, Stevie Wonder dressed up in womens clothing and sang us many a song by playing the guitar with his whole body, potential love making was in every direction and that Fucking Ledge Donnacha made fucking great cups of fucking leaf tea and toast, what a Fucking Ledge. “Is he all into organic shit, or what?”