Aries
You will develop a sudden
strange obsession with the opposite sex. Beware of woodland creatures, their
furry exteriors hide the savage rage of years of oppression.
Power colour: Magenta
Capricorn
The moon is orbiting
through Venus which means you will develop a nasty rash I your nether-regions.
Bathe the area in the blood of a squirrel to ease the pain. Power colour:
swollen red
Libra
Your friend will die a
quick and painful death. Don’t walk next to Taureans when crossing the road.
And yes, yes you should do that. Naked.
Power colour: Mauve
Sagittarius
You will start to notice
hair where there wasn’t hair before. Don’t worry this is quite normal. However,
if it continues you should see a doctor.
Power colour: Black
Gemini
You will get your test
results back. Congratulations! Or commiserations. I’m not sure. You should vote
conservative for a while. Power colour: Blue/Pink
Scorpio
You will find yourself
unreasonably sexually attracted to an Aries. Convention be damned! Listen to
your pants, not your brain. Copious amounts of alcohol will help you through
this month.
Power colour: Polka-dot
Aquarius
This is the dawning of
the age of Aquarius. You’re wet and ready to strike. Remember: Jab, Jab, Punch,
Jab. Stay away from coal mines.
Power colour: dark as the darkest night
Pisces
You will read a horoscope
which appears to be referring to itself. On further inspection, this will prove
to be true. This will confuse you.
Power colour: Beige
Cancer
Due to the presence of
Neptune in your sector, you will develop a severe bout of dysentery. Don’t let
this stop you from achieving your goals!
Power colour: brown
Taurus
You will die a quick and
painful death. I’m sorry, but we all have to go sometime. Look left and right
before crossing the road.
Power colour: Grey
Leo
Now that the stitches are
out, you’re back in action. Now, if only you weren’t so damn ugly. Still
there’s always plastic surgery. Or a mask. Power colour: Orange
Virgo
Sometimes it’s better to
let sleeping dogs lie. But if they’re ontop of you, crushing your legs, you
should probably wake them. Don’t let someone force-feed you this month. Power colour: Charcoal
‘It
wasn’t really an El Parto…more like an El Gathero’ says spokespersono for El
Gaffo
And so it is…just like it
always is. The night’s events wrapped up per usual on Lyndick’s kitchen floor
drinking tea. Quite a sombre night in all, although a bit of a disappointment
to some “Awww…there were no school boys…I really wanted to see some uniforms”
says one attendee.
The Party Planner
herself…worn out from doing such a crap job all night. And from the excitement
of seeing Orla.
Although for the rest of
the gand (Lisa), were pleasantly surprised to see an old friend appear from the
floorboards, from hich she was being kept for months before, Orla Crowley (The
Real OC), “Ahhh….Orla!!!” screamed the delighted Lisa as she eventually realised
20 minutes later that orla was there….
Your mom.
Good one.
(snigger)
A shock came to all in
attendance, when the young Eoin ‘Winning’ Winning downed a full bottle of vodka
to himself. As many of the gatheros were VERY sober, it was quite amusing to everyone
to see this phenomenon. Symptoms included: giggling, thinking Ezara was naked
when in fact he had just seen her shoulder, writing notes to anyone and
anything on post-its, flopping around on the floor, cleaning up Lisa’s mess at
her bidding and vomiting up blood. A good night for all. Eoin is available for
weddings, christenings and funerals. He’s sure to cause a stir.
Eoin was here.
Classifieds:
06-11-2004-11-06
Wanted: 1 mom. Good
condition. Will pay up to 20 euro.
Young college girl
seeks like minded younger impressionable school boy to “clean” with. Enjoys
long “cleaning” sessions.
Lost: Virginity
Found: Your cherry.
Contact: B.O.T.Tom
Flynn @ 555hismom
Looking for a quick
and easy way to make a buck from the comfort of your own home,
well………*~@?+!!………$&%£>……
Horses/Equestrian.
Kinky?
Colonic Irrigation.
SPECIAL DELIVERY
With our special
offer.
~Leaksa the Plumber
B.A.~
Cum to her office @
El Gaffo.
“It’s gross but
you’ll like it”