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Snow Bunny and the Seven Scouts(part one)
'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs'
A Sailor Moon parody
This is a parody of the story, "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" I don't own it. I also don't own Sailor Moon, which belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.
Expect constant Usagi bashing in this one.
*** = time jump
~*~ =see footnote
A long time ago, there was a...beautiful, no. That's not the word...'unique' girl who lived in a far away village. Her name was Bunny. She had blonde hair that was tied in odangos~*~¹ on the side of her head. One day she went to explore the nearby forest on a brisk winter morning. Little did she know, her life was about to change. Deep in the forest lived an evil sorceress, named Beryl. She was very jealous of Bunny's....umm...well she wasn't really jealous of Bunny, but since no one likes Bunny, she just decided to hate her anyway. Well, she hated Bunny because everyone else does and that was that.
Bunny sat on a fallen tree and pondered what she would eat for lunch. After a few seconds of staring off, she realize she was completely lost.
"I am sooooo hungry!" She proclaimed looking for some sort of edible plant, but a white blanket covered the entire forest floor masking any kind of plant that could exist. If only she was smart enough to realize she could dig underneath the snow to find food.
Bunny ran around in small circles for a few minutes for no apparent reason. Then she decided to gnaw the bark off of a tree and eat it.
"Not good enough! I need food!" She said to the tree she was gnawing on but there was no reply, unlike she had predicted.
She had given up all hope to eat for the day. Bunny retreated to the old tree she was previously sitting on and slumped down on it, waiting for something to happen. Suddenly Bunny heard a snap coming from deeper inside the forest. She jumped up excitedly, hoping she could find something edible that wasn't tree bark, even though she kinda liked the earthy taste.
Beryl watched Bunny's idiocy through her magic crystal ball. She realized why no one liked Bunny and now hated her even more. Any reason to hate Bunny was a good one. Beryl decided to plot Bunny's demise. Soon no one would have to deal with anyone as stupid as Bunny again.
Bunny ran after the noise she heard trying to see if she could find out what she heard. After seconds of running, Bunny was exhausted, and hungrier at that! She collapsed in the snow from over exerting herself.
Beryl was very pleased to see that Bunny had been taken care of once and for all. Those 2 seconds of running had probably killed her. Beryl walked away, finally happy to see that Bunny was disposed of. She had more important things to take care of now that the universes' biggest twit was dead.
Bunny lay in the snow unconscious, a fairly large amount of drool dripping from her mouth.
"Cheesecake!" She shouted as she shot up from the ground. 'Cheesecake' echoed through the forest. Bunny realized that she was saved!
"I know that when you hear an echo there's a river close by! And where there's a river there's a cheesecake factory! And where there's a cheesecake factory there's cheesecake!" She thought, proud of her 'brilliant deduction.' "I just have to follow the echo!" She thought again, running toward where she heard 'cheesecake.' "Heeey! It stopped! Now I'm stumped." She said to herself.
Not far from where Bunny stood completely stumped about where to find the 'river' she was looking for, seven scouts who kept hearing random words being called out in the distance. Words like 'cheesecake,' and 'hungry.'
"I wonder what kind of moron is making all this noise!" Sailor Grumpy shouted. She was dressed in red and had black hair down to her back.
"Well, maybe we should go and look for them. They could be...ZzZzZzzz" And that was all Sailor Sleepy could say before she passed out on the ground. She was tall and dressed in green with brown hair tied into a ponytail on the top of her head.
"Oh well!" Sailor Happy said in a singsong voice. "Maybe she'll come to us! If not, we'll go on a scavenger hunt and find her! Oh boy, oh boy, ohhh boooy!" She said jumping up and down excitedly. Sailor Happy wore orange and had long blonde hair.
"Well, let's just go find her. It will definitely save us some time. Besides, I haven't been out in the woods for a while." Sailor Dopey said as she began to walk over to the woods. "Lets-" She said before she tripped over a rock, falling flat on her face. She was dressed an aqua blue and had wavy blue hair down to her shoulders.
"Are you O- Are you- Achoo!" Sailor sneezy managed to say as she sneezed. "Damn allergies! I don't know- I don't- I- Achoo!" She sneezed again. Sailor Sneezy wore dark blue and had short dirty-blonde hair.
"Ugh...Am I the only normal one around here?!" Sailor Mercury~*~² said burying her face in her hands. "Let's just go. What do you think Sailor Bashful?"
Sailor Bashful just blushed while looking down and nodded her head. She wore black and had straight black shoulder length hair.
"Will someone carry Sailor Sleepy?" Sailor Mercury asked looking among the group.
"Don't look at me bitch! You carry the fatass!" Sailor Grumpy said angrily. Mercury looked to Sailor Sneezy.
"Hey, I wouldn't want to- want to- Achoo!" She sneezed loudly. "I wouldn't want to give her my cold..."
"I could carry her." Sailor Dopey suggested.
"NO!!!" Everyone shouted in unison.
"Okay then." She said with a smile.
"I would love to carry our sleepy friend!" Sailor Happy volunteered dancing over to where Sailor Sleepy lay. "Lalala!" She sang as she picked up the green clad scout.
"Now let's be on our way!" Sailor Dopey said looking back at the other scouts with a smile as she walked on.
"Look out!" They all shouted as she slammed her head into a low branch.
"I'm okay!" She said stumbling for a moment. "I just have to find my tooth."
Bunny looked to the snowy forest floor.
"Hey! There's footprints! They look just like mine." She said placing her foot in the print perfectly. "And they're the same size as my feet! Oh no!" She said in shock. "This can only mean one thing! When I was unconscious, an evil mad scientist came and took a blood sample of mine and fled of to his lab to clone an evil twin and the evil twin must have come here to confuse me and then over here where the footprints are scattered we met up and battled to the death and I lost the fight, but somehow another scientist got a sample of my blood and cloned me back to fight the evil twin! But wait! If the good twin lost the fight, then I must be the evil twin! Oh no!" She shouted in distress.
"What will I ever do!" She looked around franticly. "I know, I'll have to do what I was created for! Destroy the good twin! Muahahaha!" She laughed maniacally.
Bunny looked to the snowy forest floor.
"Found it!" Sailor Dopey said picking up the tooth and placing it her pocket. "I might get a dollar if I put it under my pillow!" She said smiling revealing a gap in her smile.
"Someone shoot me..." Sailor Mercury said sighing. "Why don't you girls stay here. I'll go and find this person myself."
"Fine! Screw you!" Sailor Grumpy said frowning. Sailor Mercury walked off into the woods where she heard an evil/retarded laugh coming from not too far away. She picked up her pace, running through the snow until she saw a person in the distance.
"Hey!" She called out as she started to slow down.
The stranger with the blonde odangos stared at her, eyes wide. "Pie..." She said as she walked toward Mercury hypnotically.
"No...person..." Sailor Mercury said backing away.
"Me like pie! Bunny eat pie! Pie is yum!" Bunny said drool dripping down her chin, like a rabid monkey...or some other animal.
"Just look it in the eye..." Mercury thought..."Let it know who is the dominant species." She thought narrowing her eyes.
Bunny stopped suddenly. "Hi! What's your name? I'm Bunny and I'm really hungry! I haven't eaten since I gnawed the bark off of a tree back there! Feed me!"
"Oh my! You gnawed bark off a tree? You must be starving. How long ago have you eaten?!" She asked concerned.
"I only ate this morning! I'm starving! Please...I can't go on...I'm weak with hunger!" Bunny cried.
"But it's still breakfast time?! How could you possibly be hungry!?" Mercury asked puzzled.
"I am and if you don't feed me I'll eat you!" Bunny warned in an angry tone.
"Geez, if you're that hungry, follow me. I'll take you home and prepare something for you." Sailor Mercury sighed walking off with the happy Bunny following her. "I'm Sailor Mercury, by the way."
To be continued in part two of "Snow Bunny and the Seven Scouts"...
~*~¹ Odangos: The 'meatball' type of hairstyle Usagi has.
~*~² Sailor Mercury: If you're wondering why her name remained the same unlike the others and if you're unfamiliar with the fairy tale, "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs," One of them was named Doc and he didn't have any defects like the other dwarfs. Sailor Mercury is my favorite Scout, so I decided to leave her the same. XP
Written by: Kurayami ♥