What You Need To Know | For Dusty

Be Prudent ... Assess the Situation ... Examine the Possibilities ... Be Playful ... Love One Another ... Never Give Up ... Keep the Spirits Up ... Hope It Works Out ...

Something I've learned from an early age, though it may seem a bit redundant to mention, is to never expect anything nice in your life. If something is going well, always understand that it will either end, or turn sour and wreck your happy existence as it once was.
And so, life goes on, memories fade away, and you exist understanding only one thing - that nothing good can come from happiness. What you don't see at the time is that the fulfillment you are seeking cannot come from the paranoia you have induced, and that your life is wasting away before you and everyone else. Not that you care when you're living through it. You convince yourself that you are happy after a long while.

How shall I begin my tale?
When will it take place?
Do I really know my existence, my fingerprint, even my true face?
How shall I explain my story, but how will I move on,
when the journey's been completed, when the last candle's flickering is done?
I'm not sure how to tell you, so I'm going to sputter on,
let the words flow from my fingers freely,
as I've always wanted to have done.
I be looking not for pity, and I be looking not for tears,
the only thing I wish to do is share with you my fears...
My fears and my desires, wishes hopes and dreams,
the things that have happened in the past that have stopped me from being able to sew up my loose seams.
Please take this seriously, Dusty,
as I would not spend the time if I didn't care,
about you, about us, our friendship, that is,
and whatever else you can spare.
I beg for forgiveness from you, for the utter stupidity of this rhyming,
but it struck me as an enigma to be able to deliver it in such timing.
Let this story begin, my friend,
let it flow right on, like the rivers of my seeping heart,
like the rhythm of this poem.

I shan't deliver this in such the fashion that the above excerpt is, but in a more traditional, informal essay-type piece, only without the proofs.

And I Commence...

How else would I begin? You've heard my story already, I'm not quite sure how you felt. I heard what happened to you, and I must say that I'm appalled, and I know the same thing would have happened to me if my mother hadn't stopped drinking.
I've almost been lesbian raped, I've been abused by two people that I thought loved me, I've been alone, or at least left to think I was alone, I've never really experienced many good things. Tortured at school because I was different but didn't know quite why, it seemed I'd been born a generation back, I fit in more with my teachers.
My mind was forced to mature too rapidly and I suffered depression from that and other things. Nothing can give me back what time I lost due to all of this, and nothing can give it back to you, either. But would we really want it?

How Did I Get Myself Into This Mess?

I'm not quite sure, really. I know that I'm shy, and I know that I feel paranoid of my appearance, as far as attitude and being rude to others goes. I might feel as if I've offended you even if I haven't. I might feel as if you're very angry at me even if you are not at all. Please, don't take these things personally, and don't get angry at me unless I've said something mean, in which case most of the time I have problems phrasing how I feel, and putting it into words, so I don't mean half of what I say if it seems rude.

All I want you to know is that I have grown incredibly attached over this time of about two and a half years, which is probably understandable, and I need you to understand that my low self-esteem and my low self-image are both products of an incompetent blundering alcoholic fool of a mother and a father that wasn't around, who couldn't be around. I know you feel much the same, and I cannot blame you. I need you to know that you are special to me, you are unique in my life and I cannot pass up the opportunity to let you know that I care for you in the highest form. Please bear with me, even if you do not feel the same things.

Know that I am forever sincerely yours, and that I cannot even express in words what I have just said, and will wish to go back and edit, but it's over, it's done with, and it was the best I could do at the time, so accept it with the open mind of a stranger, and end it with the open heart shared between the best of friends, if only you can.

I'd do it for you.