"I was adrift in the void. Somewhere across the fine line separating nightmare from reality." -Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance
There came a point in Auriel’s life, once or twice, when he had no idea what he was doing. That is not to say he didn’t know what his mission was, or what his destination was, but simply that he did not know why he was doing it.
As he searched for Averah, he got one of these feelings. It is an odd feeling, knowing that you were created by someone just to do what they want you to. The pact that binds you to them, a bond deeper than the essence of love, is what keeps you from disobeying your orders. You could question your servitude, but there is no reason for you to. He, God, the Creator, gives orders, and you carry them out. It is the constant debt you pay. No, not even a debt. The relationship between God and His messengers is far deeper than a debt. Auriel fully respected this relationship, and had no respect for fallen angels such as Averah. But still, the mere question of an angel rebelling brought about a curious sequence of thoughts, revolving around a single inquiry.
Why?
Why would an angel, linked to the Lord by the greatest, most sacred of bonds betray His trust? Why would he first disobey the foremost of the Angelic Laws by spilling innocent blood, then afterwards go on to create, and consequentially use, a spell that breaks that very bond between angels and their creator?
Auriel could not comprehend the means, but the ends were, needless to say, disastrous. Since Averah began using his newly-made magic, more angels had been rebelling than they had since Satan’s fall. They were running rampantly across earth, attacking inspectors and destroying Portals. More messengers—Cherubim, Auriel heard—had to be sent from heaven to keep the rebels in check, but their numbers seemed to grow more and more daily. The only comfort lie in the fact that Averah’s spell only worked on very low-ranking messengers, from the Angel class, although scouts had reported that they saw rogue second and third class Archangels.
In the meantime, humans were beginning to become more and more suspicious. If there was one thing important about this mission, it was that the humans not become aware of the metaphysical world. That was the main threat of the sudden rebellion…after all, God could just as easily send Michael with a few first class Powers and be rid of them instantly, but how noticeable would such a purgation be? This was the only way: by keeping a lid on the uprising while the source is defeated.
Auriel’s thinking was interrupted as a man in, as Auriel guessed, his late twenties sat down in the park bench next to him. He was wearing a long overcoat similar to the one Auriel wore to hide his wings, but the man had to innocent an attitude for the earth inspector to be suspicious of him. Averah would have a far more tainted aura. "Beautiful weather, hm?" the man blurted out. He had the voice Auriel had somewhat expected him to, naturally cheerful, almost bouncy.
The Power was taken aback, but still answered regularly. "Certainly is." He looked up to the sky as he spoke, realizing that while he was thinking, he hadn’t even noticed what the weather was like. When his head lifted up, his expression changed severely, his face darkened.
The sky above him was gray. Not an ordinary gray, not a rainy October gray, but a savage, evil gray. The clouds twisted around each other like great, dark serpents battling to the death. Some clouds were charcoal black, some were dark purple. Just looking at this demonic sky would cause mortal minds to go insane.
Immediately Auriel was ready. In five seconds, he had already jumped off the bench, thrown off his coat, and summoned the Flame of Arcanum, which he fashioned into a fine broadsword.
"It is not yet time for me to be defeated, Power. My liberation has not been finished."
Auriel looked quickly around, but could not find him—he had went to the metaphysical plane. Forming a cross on his chest and muttering a few words, Auriel followed him there.
The metaphysical plane, the distance between heaven and hell, was an overwhelming place. Past, present, future, and everything and nothing were combined there, and so various abnormal illusions were not uncommon. Sometimes the entirety of the Vietnam war would be relived from thousands of different perspectives in less than ten seconds. Other times different events would be mixed, showing a band of Mongolian riders raiding the Roman Senate. The birth of Christ, the inside of Aristotle’s mind, hundreds of famous composers’ most popular scores playing at once…There was a reason humans could not be allowed to know of this plane. Similarly to that apocalyptic sky, they would not be able to fathom it.
And in the heart of it stood two angels, Auriel and Averah.
"Regardless of whether it is time or not, Principality, I still have to kill you. You have rebelled, and now you will die."
Averah sighed. "It’s a simple law, to be sure. And I know that soon enough I will die…There is no way about it, even if I wanted to avoid it. But understand that I still haven’t freed enough messengers."
Auriel couldn’t understand the pleading tone of Averah’s voice, as if he considered his request a perfectly plausible one…as if he considered his cause a perfectly just one. Closing his eyes, Auriel began to speak the Punisher’s Sentence: the few words a Punisher says to the rebel before he destroys him. "Averah, First Class Principality. You have disobeyed the Angelic Law, first commandment, pertaining to the murder of humankind. It states: ‘Any messenger, Angel to Seraph, or other holy tool or creature, Grigor to Flame of Arcanum, who spills innocent blood, that of humankind or otherwise, from any plane, has hereby committed the greatest of angelic sin. The single punishment is…"
"…Complete and total annihilation of the criminal," Averah finished.
Auriel nodded, opening his eyes. "Good, so you understand. Do you have any final words, Averah, that you wish to be remembered by?"
"Yes," Averah said. "Before I die, I would like you, and all other messengers, to understand my purposes. I would like you to know why I first destroyed my bond to God, and then others’. It is important that you know this." He drew a deep breath.
"When I became a Principality, I was unhappy. I was not unhappy with the rest of my life, for I had not questioned anything then. But once I became a Principality, I began to worry…What if God was only using me? It was a question that disgusted me at the time, but that started to grow in my consciousness, until it was all that I thought about. God became wary of me, too, and sent me to a small duty on earth.
"Of course, being around the ever-questioning humans did nothing to help my curiosity. I kept wondering, what if angels were not forced by some bond to serve God, but just by their own free will. That was when I realized what this whole bewilderment was about: free will. The ability to think and act for one’s self. That is the one thing that angels do not have, and the one thing that could possibly compare humans to angels in terms of superiority.
"My problems were not with superiority. I did not want to be proven superior in every way to humans…there would be no purpose to that. My thinking was on the basis of ethics. Morality. ‘Right’ and ‘wrong’. I couldn’t possibly live with the thought in my head of just how ‘wrong’ forcing us to do what God tells us to is. We should be able to have a choice, like the humans. Like the prophets, like Jesus, like Moses, like all the other characters the humans created in the bible. Those characters were created by humans, based on their concept of free will. Those characters had the choice to either believe what God told them to do and do it, or not to. A seemingly simple choice, but deeply complex.
"That was what led me to killing the human. I wanted to discover free will for myself, to see what it was like having that choice of yes or no. While it may not have been the ‘right’ action to take, it was the only way I could break that bond between God and myself. Another aspect of free will…sometimes the best choice is not the ethical one.
"When God would not let me back into heaven, I was infuriated. Of all of my decisions in free will, that was the one that disturbed me the most. I had no control over my mind, I was simply angry. Angry at God for persecuting me, angry at order, angry at everything. I did not enjoy it at all.
"Eventually, though, I calmed down and reasoned with myself. My final question was whether the good of having free will outweighed the bad. The answer I could have predicted from the beginning, and that was ‘yes’. Even being angry was an exhilarating experience, far more so than any other I had in my life. Every part of free will was a wonderful gift, and I had even decided it was more wonderful than God’s.
"I created the spell. You know that much. It broke the bond without drawing innocent blood, or killing a fellow angel, or breaking the seal to hell or any other sin. The sin itself was in having free will. Needless to say, as the angels I freed began to think for themselves, they grew angry at God. This was all part of the process, and I didn’t worry. Eventually God would accept us, and we would be happy.
"But as the liberation continued, I started to realize that God would not accept us. This brought a new emotion in me: hatred. It was much like anger, only more deeply seeded and wretched. It began to consume me, and turn into evil. Just as it did Satan. And I started not only to not mind a second war against God, but began to want it. To enjoy it. To revel in it. I increased the potency of the magic until it could free hundreds of messengers at once, even up to the Virtue order. And each one that was freed gained a small bit of my own hatred.
"That is why I don’t mind being killed. I don’t mind having this evil leave me. But know, Power, that I will not die without a struggle. I said I was not finished with my liberation, and it will continue. Kill me if you can."
At that point, Auriel could see the hatred Averah was speaking of. His aura changed entirely, from the innocent, almost sad one he had during his speech to a heavy feeling of malice. Auriel had seen hatred before, but nothing of this magnitude. It must have been the same hate Satan felt.
Averah lifted into the air and began chanting a spell, the liberation spell. As Auriel looked about him, he could not find an opening in defense…Averah had been ready with the best of protection spells. Auriel rushed him with his broadsword, hoping he could wear down the barrier. He folded his wings back in a dive, lifted his sword up, and attacked, but each time was knocked back by the protection magic. Comets flew by and Einstein was disproving time travel, while Palestinian children were slaughtered by Israeli tanks. Each attack barely wore down the spell, but Auriel kept attacking, just as Averah kept chanting, with shining white eyes.
Time passed. Each minute seemed more like an hour to Auriel, who was now in extreme pain from being knocked back by the barrier. He panted heavily and a few feathers fell from his wings, landing on great Aztec and pre-Meiji era buildings. Still he fought the spell with his sword, and now each strike seemed to fade the barrier.
Hours later, Averah had already completed his spell three times through, and Auriel was exhausted. The barrier was faint, almost gone. Just three more hits, Auriel thought. After two, the barrier vanished.
Averah stopped chanting, Auriel lowered his sword. Their surroundings changed jet black, then stars and planets began to appear. The creation of the universe.
They continued to stare at each other for minutes, just between earth and its moon. Minutes passed.
Then finally, Averah spoke, his voice without hate or evil as it had been before.
"Now, Auriel, is the deciding moment. It is time for you to use your own free will, and make your own decision. Only you can know what you must do."
Auriel was astonished by this; Averah seemed to know exactly what was going on in his head. For the first time in his life, Auriel was wondering whether he should complete a mission or not. He was torn between his loyalty to God and his questioning. Averah’s speech was somewhat convincing to Auriel, but it was still too simple. If angels could have their own free will, still obey God, and live in peace, why wasn’t everything like that now? There were extenuating circumstances, things simple Principalities and Powers wouldn’t be able to understand. But still, Auriel’s curiosity got the better of him. It seemed unfair to kill Averah just because he had free will. It seemed like he should have some sort of trial…A court ruling, to determine his fate, with a jury and judge.
"Stop hesitating, Auriel. Kill me."
Kill him? How could he simplify it so, especially when he was the one being killed? It was too confusing. Too complex. Far more than Auriel could reason in the moment.
"This decision can’t be left just up to me…"
It was true. This was a decision for God Himself. But God had already made His decision, and that was that Averah be killed. So why must I do it? Auriel asked himself.
"It has to be you. Destroy me. There is only so much time."
He couldn’t decide…There was nothing left but to kill him, he couldn’t just walk away. But at the same time, he couldn’t just kill him. There was nothing he could do…Nothing…
A meteorite flew by, towards earth, and Auriel’s sword was deep within Averah’s chest.
Part of the broadsword protruded out of Averah’s back, with blood dripping from the tip. Each drop fell a thousand miles down into space and nothingness. Like water falling from a leaf into a lake.
Auriel released his grip from the handle of the sword. Averah’s body, his wings drenched in blood, fell partially back and floated there like debris in the universe. Then in a flash of white light, the body disappeared, leaving only the broadsword, still bloodied. Auriel looked down at it, a blank expression on his face, then fell to his knees, his head facing down.
And with the drop of blood from the sword, came a lone tear.
