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The Phone Call
Two old friends from way way back, from grade-school, Ben and Arnie - they're getting getting on in years.
Ben and Arnie are agnostics but just in case there's an afterlife they have a deal: whoever dies first will try to get in touch with the surviving friend.
Sure enough, the day comes when Ben dies and Arnie is grief stricken. He's completely forgotten their deal when the phone rings!
Arnie (answering): "Ben! It's you. It's really you. I'd know your voice anywhere. This is great. First of all tell me what it's like??"
Ben: "Well, I get up when I feel like it and have a snack and then maybe I'll make love for awhile and have a nap or I'll have a nap and then make love; then a big meal, another nap, make love for awhile. That's pretty much it."
Arnie: "Ben, that's amazing. Heaven sounds terrific."
Ben: "Who said anything about heaven? I'm a BUFFALO in Montana."
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Patiently the Officer watched as the patron staggered out of the bar.
"You're coming with me for a breathalyzer test."
The patron put up no resistance and when the test showed an alcohol level of 0.0 the officer could NOT believe it.
"OK, buddy, what's the story. If anybody looked drunk you certainly did."
"Oh, I can explain that," replied the patron, agreeably:
"I'm the DESIGNATED DECOY."
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The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
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Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
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The patient refused an autopsy.
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The patient has no past history of suicides.
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Lenny Bruce told this one about a small plane crash in the Australian outback where the sole survivor is a baby boy.
A pack of dingo dogs who happened to be nursing their own pups suckle the baby boy and actually raise him until he's found at age 10 by a missionary couple who adopt him.
Incapable of human speech at first,he catches up fast as the devoted missionary couple teach him not only to speak, read, and write but to master the calculus and pass for French.
At age 15 the boy gets early admission to Harvard and 3 years later he's ready to start his first year of Medical School when he's run over and killed chasing a car.
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