*Opening Scene. Angelica, Susie and 3 other kids in a car. Angelica is wearing shades, a long light purple skirt and a light red top. Her hair is held back, like Charlotte’s hair is.*

(Angelica is on the phone).

Angelica: We’re breaking up, Sean.

Susie: Wow. Did you just break up with Sean?

Angelica: Teenager means never having to explain.

*Opening sequence*

*Scene: School. Angelica walks in (wearing what is described earlier), everyone greets her.

(Tommy and Dil are standing next to each other, in front of the others as Angelica walks by)

Tommy: Me and the Dilman are finally on the radar of life because our cousin is a teenager.

(Angelica walks past Harold)

Harold: Angelica? What’s it like being a…teenager?

Angelica: It’s just like being in a move starring me, Angelica!

(She stands behind a sign that says: “Today’s special. Angelica”)

Savannah: Angelica?

*Scene ripples like when a stone is thrown in water to reveal that Angelica was daydreaming the last two sequences*

Savannah: Angelica?

(Angelica looks at Savannah, rather annoyed)

Savannah: I’m really sorry but this table’s reserved for the 13 and over crowd. Plus, you’re kind of sitting in my chair.

Angelica: It’s not like your names on it, Savannah!

(Savannah points to the chair which DOES have her name on it)

Angelica: Wow! In gold too! Oh, well, in a few days I’ll be 13 and have my own cool table and who knows might be the new hot spot! Right girls? Oh! And some of you have an RSVP to my party wouldn’t want to miss out on the cell phones in the gift bags. No rolling fees, unlimited minutes.

(Angelica leaves. Savannah frowns at her friends)

*Scene: Angelica, Susie and Harold are walking too class. Harold is eating cheese*

Susie: Ooo, girlfriend! Taking on a 13er before you are one is like opening an umbrella indoors while walking under a ladder as you break a mirror which dropped while you opened that dumb umbrella.

Angelica: When I’m 13, Savannah and I will be my equal, especially after my party! Or as I like to call it The New Gold Standard.

Susie: What’s the latest tally on RSVPs for this ‘New Gold Standard’?

Angelica: Well so far there’s Amanda, Emily, Kendra and you two guys.

Susie: Sounds like The New Tin Standard!

(Susie giggles)

*Scene. Angelica’s bedroom. Fluffy is sleeping on the floor. Charlotte walks in carrying 6 invitations. Angelica is reading a magazine*

Charlotte: Any idea how the invitations addressed to Tommy, Dil and the rest of that group ended up stuffed behind the refrigerator?

Angelica: Fluffy! No cat toys for a week.

Charlotte: Invite them!

Angelica: Tommy and his merry band of dweebs? Did I mention that their idea of fun is sniffing each others socks?

Charlotte: You never know where a dweeb- er someone will end up. Today a sock sniffer, tomorrow President of the New York Stock Exchange.

Angelica growls as she takes the invitations.

Charlotte: Oh here’s some good news. I’ve landed Zedra, TV Teen Psychic. She’s amazing! She said she knew I’d be calling. Your friends can have oral readings in-between Porpoise rides and pedicures.

Angelica: Sounds incredible! All the more reason I don’t want my party ruined. It’s bad enough that there’ll be pre-teens there…but PRE pre-teens? Puh-lease don’t make me invite them!

Charlotte: Sorry!

(Charlotte leaves)

Angelica: Guess I can put them in little outfits and make them serve punch.

*Scene: School. Angelica walks up to Dil, Kimi, Phil and Lil*

Angelica: Here, here, here and here! Sorry there late.

Kimi: And stepped on!

Dil: Nothing says ‘I want you at my party’ than a big footprint.

(Tommy enters holding an invitation)

Angelica: Of course if you already have other plans, I’ll understand. For instance…

(Angelica takes a long list out of her bag)

Lil: The circus, the Icescades, open house at the wax museum?

Angelica: Ooh! And looky here! Bossy and Flossy, the two-headed cow is- er are appearing at the County Fare!

Phil: That’s a do-er!

Angelica: Just remember to leave my birthday gifts in the loft box on the porch. Well, this is where we part. I’m going to be a teenager and you guys aren’t. I’d love to say it’s been great knowing you, but why lie now? When you see me in passing remember to look the other way, I on to bigger, better and older things.

Phil: So basically same old, same old?

Tommy: Pretty much.

Dil: Well nothing’s going to keep me away. There’s Porpoise rides, they talk you know! No way I’m gonna miss what could be the most meaningful conversation of my life.

(Phil looks at Lil; Lil looks at Phil. Kimi looks at Tommy and Tommy looks at Kimi. All confused then look at the list Angelica left them)

*Scene. A shop called ‘Teen Girl’*

Harold: Well?

Susie: I’d stay away from horizontal stripes.

Harold: Not me! Angelica’s birthday gift. It’s her big 1-3.

(Savannah purposely backs into Susie)

Savannah: Sorry Susie. Didn’t see you. I’m a little obsessed about finding the perfect dress for my party.

Susie: Your party?

(Savannah hands Susie an invitation)

Savannah: Really hope you can make it. Ooo! That dress wants me as much as I want it.

Susie: ‘You’re invited to soon-to-be Annual Annual Spring Bash this Saturday’. Uh-oh! The date!

Harold: Ah yes, the dreaded date. How about we just go together?

Susie: The date! Of Savannah’s party?

(Susie hands the card to Harold)

Harold: This can’t be right. Savannah’s party is on the same day as Angelicas- er.

*Scene. Susie and Harold are outside Angelica’s house. Harold is carrying a big tub of Ice Cream.*

Susie: Just remember, as soon as you break the news to Angelica, duck!

Harold: How come I have to do it? You’re a better bad news breaker than I am!

Susie: Because you’re the one with the Ice Cream, Harold! You’ll be able deflect whatever she throws.

(Susie rings the doorbell)

Harold: The important thing is that we’re letting her down gently before she finds out the hard way.

(Angelica opens the door holding a number of RSVP slips which all say ‘No’ on them. Angelica looks unhappy)

Angelica: Can you believe it? These people all said no! I don’t get it.

(They move in and Angelica puts the rejections in a tray)

Susie: Angelica? Harold has something to tell you.

(Harold looks shocked at Susie then gives Angelica the card about Savannah’s party. Angelica looks at it)

Angelica: WHAT?

Susie: Now don’t get all crazy Angelica! You still have a bunch of yeses.

(Phone rings. Angelica picks it up)

Angelica: Hello?...Oh hi Amanda!...Wha?...You already said…Oh, yeah, whatever.

(Angelica puts phone down)

Angelica: Amanda said that she couldn’t risk turning Savannah down.

Harold: Well, at least you still have us and er…some other good friends.

(Phone rings)

Harold: It could be someone selling you a Vacation Time Share.

Susie: I don’t think so.

(Angelica just looks at the phone as it continues ringing)

*Scene. Tommy’s house. Charlotte is crying, while holding a handkerchief to her nose. Didi is comforting her*

Charlotte: Some people have actually decided not to come to Angelica’s birthday party. There going to this Savannah persons.

(Charlotte blows her nose and hands Didi the handkerchief)

Charlotte: I can’t change the date now. I had to move oceans to get those Porpoises. This is all my fault! If I had given birth to her a day later none of this would have happened, but now no-one is coming to her party! The Porpoises might as well back it up!

(While Charlotte talks, Tommy, Phil and Chuckie look in)

Tommy: Aw cold! No-one’s going to Angelica’s party.

Dil: Eeeek! Eeek! Eeeeeek?

(Tommy, Chuckie and Phil look at Dil)

Dil: That’s Porpoise for: ‘Why are you guys hanging outside the kitchen?’

Chuckie: Angelica’s party is kind of guest light.

Dil: Swank! More one-on-one time for me and my blow hole buddies.

(Dil leaves)

Phil: Serves Angelica right for being so bossy. Speaking of Bossy…and Flossy are we going Saturday or what? I wanna win a chance at milking her…I mean them.

Tommy: I don’t know guys, this sounds pretty sad.

Chuckie: I know it’s really sad. Angelica didn’t want us at a party that no-one else even wants to go to. Does the bottom of the food chain have a basement?!

Tommy: I bet she wants us to go now.

Phil: She made it pretty obvious that she didn’t. Besides, who cares?

Tommy: Well, I say we take a vote.

Phil: Well let me go first. No no no no no no no no!

(As Phil keeps saying ‘no’ the scene changes to the Java Lava)

Tommy: We get it! Besides, were here for the girls vote anyway.

(Lil and Kimi look at each other for a split second)

Lil & Kimi: NO!

Tommy: Thanks for giving it some thought. Okay Chuckie, you’re my last hope.

Chuckie: Seeing as I foresee this party as considerable potential damage to my self-esteem, I feel I have to choice to vote no!

Tommy: Agh!

Chuckie: I mean, it’s Angelica! For all we know she could stick us in little outfits and make us serve punch!

Tommy: Well, the difference between you guys and me is…I have to go! Let’s face it I’m trapped in the cold genetic truth. She’s my cousin.

*Scene. Angelica’s bedroom. Angelica is in her pyjamas, dressing gown and slippers. Fluffy is sitting on her bed while Angelica eats the tub of Ice Cream and cries*

Harold: I warned you this called for a double-tubber!

Susie: Look Angelica, it’s not that bad!

(Angelica looks at Susie, then cries loudly and reaches for a tissue but grabs Fluffy’s tail. Fluffy yowls and runs off. Angelica then takes a tissue and blows her nose)

Susie: I know there’s a way out of this.

Harold: Like maybe they’ll discover toxic mould in Savannah’s basement and she’ll have to cancel her party.

(Angelica looks at Harold angrily while Susie frowns at him)

Susie: Or Angelica could ask Savannah to change the day of her party.

Angelica: What? Are you crazy? I’m the injured person here! It’s MY 13th birthday! You’re actually suggesting I go crawling to Savannah and beg her to change the day of her party?

*Scene. School and Angelica is talking to Savannah*

Angelica: So can you change the day of your party?

Savannah: Hmm. We do have a problem don’t we? I mean, we wouldn’t want to force anyone to choose.

Angelica: It’s like we think the same. By the way, I love how your eye shadow matches your belt buckle.

Savannah: Oh, thanks. Anyway, because I know how much your party means to you, I’ll certainly see what I can do.

Angelica: You’re the best Savannah.

(Savannah giggles and leaves)

Angelica: Convince Savannah to change date of party. Check! Co-ordinate party eye shadow to match belt buckle and shoes.

*Scene. Vending machine*

Dil: Eee eeek! That was ‘Pass the Sardines’ right?

Phil: More like ‘You want blubber with that’.

Dil: Darn!

*Scene. Angelica sitting at a table when Tommy approaches*

Tommy: Angelica?

Angelica: Busy here! Can I help you?

Tommy: We’re cousins and although we’ve had our ups and downs and downs and…downs, er, I don’t want you to be alone at your party so here it is. I’ll be there…did I mention what a sacrifice this is for me?

Angelica: Dear little cousin, I’ll hardly be alone as Savannah’s changing the date of her party. But as it was so sweet and pointless of you to offer to come, I’ll be sure to mail you a piece of cake.

Principal: Just a reminder, have a lovely day!

(Tommy walks over to the others)

Tommy: Take me off the being a good cousin list. Party’s back on so I’m off the hook!

Dil: Eeee eeeeek!

(Dil runs off)

Phil: Er, you might wanna ix nay the hook talk around Kid-Porpoise!

*Scene. Cafeteria.*

Angelica: And then I thought why get one music act when I can get two. Techno and Pop!

Susie: Glad your party’s back on. I knew my idea would work. Except I did think that Savannah would take at least one day to make up her mind.

Harold: I can call the Tuck Store and reinstate my order!

Tommy: Well, Miss Teen Queen sure looks stoked.

Lil: It is nice she’ll have a big crowd for her big par-tay!

Phil: Not as nice as knowing that we ain’t going!

Susie: So what day did Savannah move her party to?

Angelica: She didn’t say. Did I tell you that there’s gonna to be a ice sculpture of me from the actual iceberg that sunk the Titanic?

Susie: Well, what did she actually say?

Angelica: That she’d see what she could do.

Harold: Uh, Angelica? Far be it from me to burst any bubbles but that doesn’t sound like that she promised to change the date of her party.

Angelica: We had this total teen communication! You pre-teens wouldn’t understand.

(Enter Savannah and her friends)

Angelica: Savannah, would you please tell these two the new day of your party?

Savannah: Oh my gosh! Didn’t I tell you? I really tried to move things around but no luck. Sorry.

Angelica: But you said…

Savannah: That I’d see what I could do. And I did. Bye-bye.

(Savannah exits and Angelica gets upset, drops her tray and runs out of the cafeteria about to burst into tears. Tommy and co watch as Angelica runs out)

Savannah: I don’t understand why she actually thought I changed the date. Doesn’t she know I planned it for that day on purpose?

(Savannah’s friends look stunned)

Savannah: I know it sounds mean, but Angelica did break a major rule by assuming that she would be popular before proven. In the long run, she’ll thank me.

Tommy: I can’t believe it! Someone actually out-meaned Angelica!

(Kimi comes in and sits next to Chuckie. The sound of a toilet flushing and Angelica crying is heard)

Kimi: Well, Angelica’s bawling her eyes out in the girl’s room, she keeps flushing so no-one hears but it would take a leaf blower to drown out that blubbering!

Lil: This is so, so sad.

Chuckie: Even I almost feel sorry for her.

(Tommy and Kimi look at him)

Chuckie: I said almost.

Phil: What are you guys talking about? She gave us our walking papers remember? It’s not our problem.

Lil: Then why does it feel like it is?

Chuckie: It’s kinda like when you step on a lot of gum, you can never get it completely off your shoe.

Tommy: Right, it’s like even though Lil disses Phil all the time, she defends him when others do.

Phil: You diss me?

Lil: Only behind your back.

Phil: Oh, okay then.

Tommy: The point is relatives can diss you but outsiders can’t. I gotta do something.

Kimi: Angelica isn’t even my cousin and I feel like doing something too.

Lil: I guess she’s been in our lives so long she’s kinda like an evil, annoying cousin to all of us.

Tommy: There’s no way around it. She’s family!

(Savannah leaves and Tommy watches her leave)

Tommy: Guys, I think I have a plan.

*Scene Savannah’s locker*

Tommy: Uh…Savannah?

Savannah: Oh my gosh! You’re a Senor Jumping Bean fan too? Isn’t he the cutest thing when he does the Mexican hat dance around his own tiny Sombrero?

(Tommy pulls a string on the hat that makes Senor Jumping Bean do a little dance)

Tommy: Uh. You don’t know me but…

Savannah: Course I do! Your Tommy…er.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah. The point is I too think that Senor Jumping Bean is the cutest Chihuahua.

(Savannah opens her locker and shows Tommy the contents)

Tommy: Wow! There’s even Senor Jumping Bean pre-moistened towellettes.

Savannah: If it says Senor Jumping Bean, I have it.

Tommy: Oh man, then I guess you already have a VIP invitation to the Senor Jumping Bean after hours book signing at the Lapdog Luxury Pet Store on Saturday?

Savannah: No I don’t. And I’m a VIP! How come I didn’t get one?

Tommy: Did I say VIP? I meant VVIP! Anyway, the thing of it is I can’t go. My father’s having an ankle-ectomy. They’re dissolving. The good news is that he’s getting new Titanium ones, so if you don’t have anything else do to, would you like my ticket?

Savannah: Would I? I did have a party planned but everyone else will have to find something else to do. I can’t believe your giving this to a total stranger.

Tommy: Truth is, I’m not a teenager but someday I will be and I hope that someone of your popularity and eternal coolness will remember me.

Savannah: Not only are you a fellow Senor Jumping Bean fan, but you’re a first class kiss-up! Thanks!

(Savannah leaves and Phil enters)

Phil: So it worked?

Tommy: Thanks to my brain and your home-printing press.

(Phil’s home printing press is his hands)

Phil: I’m getting them all prettied up for when I milk Bossy and Flossy!

*Scene. Angelica’s birthday party. Just Angelica, Susie and Harold there*

Angelica: I can’t believe you guys made me go through with this!

Harold: Some kids might show up.

Susie: Yeah, Harold’s right. I mean, you never know.

Angelica: Know? KNOW?! I’ll tell you what I know-

(Gate opens and 2 kids walk through)

Kid 1: Hey Angelica!

Kid 2: Happy Birthday!

Angelica: Oh yeah, thanks. No-one is gonna show up at this party and you wanna know why?

(Loads of kids come through the gate and all greet Angelica)

Angelica: Yeah, hi, how are you? I’ll tell you why, it’s because I-

(She notices lots of kids are there)

Susie: You were saying?

Angelica: It’s because…they all came to their senses!

(A few minutes pass)

Angelica: You see, pre-teens, showing up at my party are my peers way of acknowledging my equal popularity status with Savannah, whose party obviously can’t compete with mine.

Susie: Uh, Angelica? Kimi told me that Tommy and his friends saved your party by getting Savannah to postpone hers.

Angelica: What? Those pre pre-teens did that for me?

(Angelica swipes a phone from a gift bag and dials Tommy’s number)

Angelica: Tommy? Get over here NOW! ...Bossy’s the real cow! Flossy is just a fake cow head…Well then get over here as soon as Phil stops crying.

(More time passes)

Dil: Eeee eeee!

(One Porpoise spouts water)

Dil: I knew you guys had interface with our Alien brethren!

(Porpoises chatter)

Dil: Cool! I mean, eeeeeee!

(Focus on Drew and Charlotte)

Charlotte: Just think Drew, before we know it, we’ll be planning her sweet 16! Do you think they have enough room for one more face on Mount Rushmore?

(Tommy and co enter)

Chuckie: I still say she’s gonna put us in funny little outfits and make us serve punch!

Harold: Punch?

Chuckie: And he’s her friend!

Angelica: Guess you know why I called you?

Chuckie: Where do we suit up?

Angelica: I heard what you did and wanted you way here because it’s my way of saying…of saying…of saying…

(Harold slaps Angelica on the back)

Angelica: THANKS!

Phil: Sorry, but that doesn’t make up for destroying my carefully constructed Bossy and Flossy illusion…I mean…is that a Mime?

Angelica: So, how did you get Savannah to call off her party?

(Savannah enters)

Savannah: Senor Jumping Bean huh? There was no book signing at the pet store! It was just Free Flea Dip Day! I found out he’s your cousin and you put him up to this in order to steal all of my friends away from my party! In a minute!

Angelica: Fake book signing? Hmm, it’s sneaky, under handed, backstabbing. Something that I’d normally do but amazingly didn’t.

Savannah: Well I want my friends back.

(Goes to other kids)

Savannah: Party’s still on at my place!

Kid 3: No can do Savannah.

Leslie: I’ve already made an appointment to have my hand to be hand-tattooed.

(Goes to another group)

Savannah: My party’s gonna be so much more fun than this!

Kid 4: Hey check it out! The contortionist is squeezing into a vacuum cleaner bag!

(All run off)

Angelica: Well, since your party’s a bust, you probably don’t have anything better to do. So if you wanna stay, we won’t kick you out.

Savannah: Thanks, my staying would give this party an edge.

Charlotte: Attention everyone! The pre-course of the first course of our fabulous 8 course meal is about to be served so take your seats!

Savannah: Oh, is that where the cool kids are sitting?

Angelica: Uh-huh.

(Goes to sit down)

Angelica: Sorry Savannah, but those seats are already taken.

Savannah: By who?

Angelica: Some cool kids.

(Points to Tommy and company)

Chuckie: Is she pointing at us or do I have something hanging out of my nose?

Tommy: Both.

Lil: We scan on Angelica’s cool bar?

Angelica: Get up there!

(All sit)

Tommy: It’s just that our long history together compelled us to act.

Angelica: But our history is me yelling at you guys.

Phil: And that got us…right here.

(Taps his heart)

(Dil is riding the Porpoises while squeaking)

THE END.