The curtain opens up before a large wooden stage, revealing a great number of props and cardboard backgrounds lying about in disarray.
In the foreground stands a geeky-looking guy wearing black clothes and big glasses.
"Yo. Sorry about the mess. I'm Black Dragon, and once again, in lieu of doing an actual omake feature, I'm going to be cheap and do something far less amusing that requires almost no effort on my part."
BD frowned. "Well, actually, this is different from last time. Because it's about time you readers started contributing something to the work, too!"
He looked slightly annoyed as he crossed his arms over his chest. "I work on this stuff late at night, you know, along with all my college work! I'm probably going to get carpal tunnel syndrome before I even get a real job! And what do I get for it?! A few considerate people offer a nice word, and I get the occasional piece of artwork or detailed review! It's great, but come on! I work on a deadline! And I don't get jack! You'd think that for all the effort and time I put into this garbage, the least I could get is a-"
Before he could continue, a sandbag attached to the ceiling by a rope swung down from the scaffolding above, slamming firmly into the side of the author's head, and knocking him onto the ground.
"Get to the point, dipweed!"
"Yeah! I want some screen time before all the readers leave in disgust!"
BD groaned and pushed himself up in a daze.
*Thwack!* "Ugh!"
Unfortunately, he was dazed enough that he still hadn't realized what had hit him, and thus the sandbag struck him again coming back the other way.
"Unnnnh..." Black Dragon very slowly got to his feet, and stood up dizzily. Just a few inches behind him, the sandbag continued swinging in a wide, heavy arc, mostly undisturbed from knocking BD's skull out of the way.
BD shook his head to clear it. "Uh... right... well, anyway, I'm giving my readers the chance to contribute to the next edition of Jusenkyou Theatre."
He smiled and adjusted his glasses. "That's right! I'm offering you all the chance of a lifetime, or until I get tired of doing these things again! You, the reader, will have the chance to offer a question to the BDP (Black Dragon Productions) character of your choice! Any character! Any version of any character! Or me, as if you'd want to!"
BD spread his arms out. "Ever wanted to know about Snake's past? No! But you can ask him anyway! Want to know if space pirate Ranma's ever had sex? You probably do, so go ahead and ask him all about it! Want to ask Ukyo, who's been featured for a short bit in Yagami 1/2 and nowhere else, how she feels about essentially never showing up in any of my works?" He sweatdropped. "Maybe, but I'd prefer if you didn't. She's not too happy about that."
He coughed into his fist. "Anyway, like I said, you can ask any question of any character who's been featured in any of my works. I will then take the most interesting and potentially humorous questions and ask them in the next Jusenkyou Theatre, before having them answered by the character in question! This is an exercise to see just how involved my readers are willing to get. If at all. If nobody offers anything, I'll probably do another Fosters commercial."
"My apologies ahead of time, but only question per person. Also please try to avoid swearing. Send all responses to black_dragon74@hotmail.com. No questions offered through ff.net reviews or forum posts will be used. Offer no longer valid after chapter 5 has been posted. Not available in Taiwan. Sorry, no CoDs. Thank you." Black Dragon bowed deeply.
"You know, you really are a lazy jerk," said a voice off-screen.
"Just shut up and let's get on with it."

Takahashi Soup
by Black Dragon

I thought that this would be far more useful to the average reader than a disclaimer.
Eccentricity: (n) A method of distinction so cheap that fools use it to accentuate their incapacity.
Ambrose Bierce - The Devil's Dictionary

Chapter 4
Balance of Fate
**********************************************************************************

"Oh what a beautiful moooooooorning! Oh what a beautiful daaaaaaaaaaaay!" The youngest Tendo daughter skipped happily down the stairs, smiling brightly.
"I've got a wonderful feeeeeeeeeling, everything's going my waaaaaaaaaaay!" Jumping over the last few steps, Akane landed on the bottom floor and spun around with a flourish.
Ranma raised an eyebrow as he looked at her. Akane was bright-eyed and energetic. The bags under her eyes had vanished, the twitch in her smile was a memory, and she wasn't mumbling to herself between every sentence.
"Dang. Just ten hours and you make a complete recovery. That's pretty messed up," Ranma muttered, picking up his empty plates as he started to stand up.
*Wham!* Out of nowhere, Akane grabbed the back of Ranma's head and shoved it hard into the table.
"Ow!" Ranma shouted, pulling his head back up. "What the hell was that for?!"
Akane smiled brightly and giggled. "No reason! I just felt like it!" With a happy wave, she bounded out the door, swinging her bookbag in a wide arc at her side.
Ranma's left eye twitched as he rubbed his nose. "I think I liked her better when she was crazy. Stupid alien."
Soun sighed. Nabiki shrugged.
Then the middle Tendo daughter scratched her chin. "Speaking of Lum, my room is right next to yours, so I heard a lot of commotion last night."
Soun's body twitched, and he froze. Kasumi, who had entered to pick up the dishes, stopped and blinked in surprise.
"However," Nabiki added, "it wasn't THAT kind of commotion. What's the story Saotome?"
Ranma grimaced and leaned back, holding his head. "Last night was like a four hour struggle over sleeping arrangements. Pop and Ataru kept trying to throw Lum out, while Lum kept on trying to convince Ataru to let her stay and blasting Pops with lightning bolts. Eventually they got her out of the room, but she kept sneaking back in and snuggling up to Ataru." He sighed wearily and took a sip of tea.
Nabiki shook her head. "To think that after all that pervert's been through, a beautiful woman just falls into his lap and he pushes her away."
"Honestly, I can't really blame him," Ranma admitted, "Lum is trouble with a capital 'T', no matter how hot she is. I'm just surprised he's shown that much common sense."
Kasumi frowned. "Either way, it's not right for them to make so much noise so late at night when people are trying to sleep. They must have kept you awake all night!"
Ranma stood up and stretched. "Eh, don't worry. I found a way to deal with it."
__________________________________________________________________________________

"Rise and shine, jerks!" Ranma yelled as he walked into the dojo, backpack slung over one shoulder.
"Eh? Wha?" Ataru mumbled groggily, his eyes twitching open from the sudden influx of light.
Ranma rolled his eyes as he walked toward the corner of the dojo where Ataru, Genma, and Lum laid. "Time for school. Here, let me help you out of those ropes."
Ataru grimaced as Ranma kneeled down to undo the bonds that wrapped around him tightly from shoulders to ankles. "Man, they rebuilt the school already?"
Ranma shrugged. "It's not like we were that thorough destroying it. Stay still, this knot is tricky..."
"Okay, yeah... by the way, couldn't you have at least tied her up too?" Ataru asked irritably, jerking his head toward the unconscious Lum, who lay asleep in his lap.
Ranma shook his head. "Too much trouble with that lightning trick of hers. Maybe I'll devise a counter for it later. Got it!"
The ropes went slack around Ataru, and he stood up before dusting himself off. "So, how's Akane taking this?"
"I just saw her skipping down the stairs and out the door," Ranma said flatly, "singing."
Ataru sighed. "Well, damn. And I was so close to making it with her, too."
"How do you figure?" Ranma asked, raising an eyebrow. "Was your plan to utterly break her spirit and mind, so that she'd eventually surrender her soulless body to you as an empty shell of the woman she once was?"
Ataru frowned. "Well, no, but it looked like it was turning out that way."
A loud yawn from below distracted the brothers, and they both looked down as Lum rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
"Hey Lum. You sleep okay?" Ranma asked.
She blinked drowsily, then frowned at him. "Next time you tie up darling, don't put him in the same place as your dad! We want our privacy!"
Ataru twitched. "NO, we DON'T!" Frustrated, he walked past Ranma toward the door. "Come on bro, we have to get to school."
Lum blinked and stood up. "Hold on darling! I'll come with you!"
Both Ranma and Ataru jerked to a halt.
'This... is not going to end well...' Ranma thought.
'Oh HELL no! If she starts clinging to me at school, then I won't be able to make up with Shinobu! And I definitely won't be able to make out with Shinobu!' Ataru grimaced as the possible images of all that could go wrong bombarded him.
"No! Not a chance!" Ataru yelled, turning around. "Lum, listen, I don't know what crazy idea you have rattling around in that big empty space you call a brain, but we are NOT married!" he yelled, swiping his hand sharply across the space in front of him. "We are not engaged! We are not a couple! We're not even casual acquaintances! Is that clear?!"
Lum blinked. Twice. "What are you trying to say, darling?"
*Thud!* Ataru fell face-first onto the floor. "Ranmaaaaaaaa..."
Ranma groaned as Ataru started whining. "All right, all right. Geez." Suddenly, without changing his expression, he pointed behind Lum. "Hey, I think your flying saucer is on fire."
"What?!" Lum turned around in a panic, not even stopping to wonder how a craft constructed from futuristic, super-resilient metals could catch fire in the first place. Once she had turned around, however, she did stop to wonder how Ranma could have possibly seen such a thing through the windowless back wall of the dojo.
Fearing she had been tricked, Lum turned back around. Sure enough, both the object of her affection and his brother were nowhere to be seen.
"Ooh! You won't get away with that!" Lum shouted ineffectually, lifting off the floor and looking around the room carefully.
Failing to find any sign of the Saotomes other than their tied-up, still-sleeping father, Lum burst outside into the morning sun.
__________________________________________________________________________________

*Splash!* "Bleagh! Ptooey! Hey, what're you doing?" Ataru complained as Ranma pulled him into the koi pond.
"It's a disguise, stupid," Ranma said, dragging the soaked lecher out and then slinging her over a shoulder.
"Whoa, hey! Careful! I'm more sensitive like this!"
Ranma grit her teeth as she jumped over the boundary wall that surrounded the Tendo property. "Would you stop complaining when I'm trying to help you?!"
Landing lightly on the other side, Ranma dropped Ataru heavily onto the ground.
"Ow! Watch it!" Ataru rubbed her behind with one hand and her hair with another to relieve the aching and excess water. "Okay, fine, but why are we girls right now?"
"'Cause she's only seen your female form once, and she hasn't seen mine at all," Ranma said matter-of-factly, "so even if she spots us, she probably won't recognize you right away."
Ataru blinked. "Whoa... pure genius!"
"Genius is easy when you're the only other one around," Ranma commented evenly, apparently unfazed by the compliment. "Now let's get to school." Adjusting her backpack over her shoulders, Ranma headed off, quickly followed by her brother.

Moving at a quickened pace, the two Saotomes made it about halfway to Furinkan before they ran into Lum again, which was entirely because the alien princess had been flying around in random directions since leaving the house, not knowing where Furinkan was in the first place (and not having the clarity of mind to ask).
"Darling!! Where are you?!"
Ranma didn't turn toward her brother, and whispered as she kept walking. "Don't make eye contact. Move straight ahead."
"Right. Gotcha." Ataru began to whistle innocently, which caused Ranma to groan and Lum to immediately focus on the pair.
"Darling?!" Lum yelled, paying closer attention to the two young women down on the ground. Just as quickly, she dismissed them, and zipped away through the air, heading for the next street for searching.
Ranma breathed a sigh of relief, and then turned around to chastise Ataru. Only to stop as she realized why Lum had moved on so quickly, even though Ataru had caught her attention. "Wh... Where did you get that?" She asked shakily.
Ataru blinked. "What, this old thing?" She gestured down at the plain white and blue seifuku she was wearing, and Ranma took a step back involuntarily. "I got one just in case I need to disguise myself as a girl! Pretty slick, huh?"
Ranma's eye twitched. "When did you put that on?"
Ataru shrugged and gestured to the spot behind them. "Back there, somewhere." Then she patted down the skirt, which to Ranma's disgust was a deal shorter than was Furinkan's standard. "The skirt really isn't that bad. Though I'm wearing boxers, so I've gotta make sure it doesn't get flipped up, otherwise people'll get suspicious."
Ranma's eye twitched again.
The blue-haired girl then removed her backpack and offered it to Ranma. "I've actually got an extra set, if you want a disguise too."
*Pow!* Without even thinking about it, Ranma's fist jetted toward Ataru's jaw, knocking the cursed lecher flat off her feet and throwing her into the wall lining the sidewalk. *Wham!*
"Ugh!" Ataru groaned as bits of concrete fell down around her. "Ow... you coulda just said 'no'..."
Ranma took several deep breaths, trying desperately to banish the image of her running around school in a girl's fuku. "I... uh, sorry about that... I was a little hasty, there." Then she blinked, and her eyes widened considerably.
"Well, as long as you admit it," Ataru mumbled, prying herself out of the wall and smoothing her skirt. Then her head snapped up as Ranma zipped toward her. "No! Wait! I didn't do anythi-!"
*Clap!*
Ataru's eyes squeezed shut tightly as she waited for the blow to fall, too shaken to begin her normal routine of seemingly lucky dodges. A nanosecond seemed to stretch into infinity.........
Eventually it occurred to Ataru that maybe the blow had never fallen, and that she wasn't stuck in an ultra-dramatic freeze-frame. Slowly cracking open one eye, she saw Ranma standing very close to her, struggling as she held something up in the air above Ataru's head.
Slowly looking upward, Ataru beheld the curved blade of a heavy scimitar just centimeters from the top of her skull, being held up by Ranma's palms that had clapped together on either flat of the blade.
Ataru blinked, frowning. Then, as if she wasn't just a hand's width away from having her brain cleaven, she calmly turned around to see who had attacked her.
"Sha-Shampoo?!"

Shampoo knew that she didn't cut a very intimidating figure. She had a pretty face that was free of scars and malformation, and a reasonably tall, but very curvaceous figure with hips that stuck out just right underneath an enticingly smooth waist. Her hair flowed down to her knees in a thick, elegant, purple cascade. Despite strenuous exercise, her muscle remained tight and lithe along her body, and her bust was the envy of many of her peers.
Needless to say, the Chinese Amazon usually depended on the huge steel blade in her hands to tell people how dangerous she was. It was annoying not to be taken seriously at times, but Shampoo had long ago decided that she'd take looking harmless and beautiful over looking frightening and ugly. After all, she DID have the sword.
However, there were times, such as when a target she had sworn to kill leapt up between her arms to give her a hug and a kiss, that the Amazon champion really wished she had a more warrior-like image.
Ataru wrapped her arms eagerly around her assailant as she pressed her kiss harder, trying to force her way through Shampoo's hasty resistance. However, by the time Shampoo started trembling violently and Ranma had shouted "Run, you idiot!" for the sixth time, even the cursed lecher gave up the attempt, pulling away her lips while pressing her body harder against Shampoo's.
"Come on Shamps! How about another kiss of death? Please?" Ataru grinned happily, a bit of drool escaping the corner of her mouth.
*Wham!* Trembling with fury and turning red with humiliation, Shampoo slammed her forehead against Ataru's, knocking the lecherous man-turned-woman back enough for her to slam her knee into the bluette's stomach.
"Urk!" *Thud!* Ataru landed flat on her back at the base of the wall Shampoo had been standing on, and would have groaned in pain, except that the position gave her a perfect view up the short Chinese dress Shampoo was wearing.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR, STUPID?!" Ranma shouted, still holding the scimitar firmly in place.
Ataru wiped some of the blood from her nose (which wasn't due to Shampoo's headbutt at all), and smiled up at the Amazon. "Aw, c'mon! Don't tell me you're STILL angry about that tournament thing! Water under the bridge, baby! We're in Japan now! Let me show you around, eh?"
Gritting her teeth, Shampoo pulled hard on her sword, unbalancing Ranma and placing the redhead in position for a punishing kick to the head that sent her sprawling into the street.
Ataru blinked. "Whoa. Uh... say, just how serious are you about this killing thing?"
"You shut up now!!" Shampoo yelled, her chest heaving as she pulled back in preparation for a jumping chop. "Shampoo kill!"
"Gyah!" Ataru jumped back as the scimitar came down right in front of her, digging into the sidewalk. "You're telling me you seriously-whoa!" She ducked low under a horizontal slash, and then rolled backward to evade a kick. "You seriously came all this-yipe!-way just to-waugh!-just to kill me?!"
Shampoo growled as Ataru leapt backward out of range and then sought cover behind a utility pole, peeking out at her. "Of course Shampoo come all this way kill you! Why else come?"
Ataru actually looked hurt as she cowered behind the concrete pillar. "Well... I was... you know... hoping that you liked me..."
*Thud!* Shampoo couldn't help but facefault at the admission, and massaged her head as she stood up again. "How you get stupid idea like that?!"
"But... you issued this whole 'hunting you down and killing you' thing by kissing me!" Ataru protested.
"That how it done! All Amazon do when beaten by other woman!" Shampoo shouted, her face burning.
Back on the street, Ranma was sitting on the ground, watching the exchange with her head in her hands, and trying to decide whether to knock Shampoo out or flee the scene entirely.
"But I bet not all Amazons kiss like you do!" Ataru offered, smiling brightly. "I mean, with tongue and everything?"
Shampoo twitched mightily, and she grit her teeth as a red aura began to build around her. "Shampoo mean to kiss on CHEEK!! Idiot girl kiss on mouth!! One more thing humiliate Shampoo before tribe!"
"So you don't like me at all?" Ataru asked timidly, looking like she was on the verge of tears.
"Shampoo like MAN!!" The Amazon attested hotly, jabbing her sword at her target. "Have no problem if idiot girl like that, so long as stay away from Shampoo!" Then she stopped and reconsidered that last statement. "Really, not matter though, since Shampoo kill anyway."
Choosing to ignore the last comment, Ataru grinned and strode out from behind the pole. "Well, if it's a man you want..."
Ranma immediately got up, and calmly walked past Shampoo toward her cursed brother.
"... Then baby, I've got all the-" *Wham!* Ataru was effectively silenced as Ranma grabbed the front of her face and slammed her head backward into the nearby utility pole.
The redhead then turned toward Shampoo. "Look, I really don't know why you're being such a brat about this. So you lost one fight! It's not like the dolt hurt you or nothing, so stop being such a sore loser!"
Ataru pulled her head out of the pole. "Oh, that sounds REAL rich, coming from-" *Wham!* Ranma promptly put it back in.
Shampoo shook her head at the twins' antics. "Not try to explain to outsider. You not understand Amazon honor. Is way of warrior!" The she shifted stances, moving her body sideways while positioning her sword overhead. "Now you move now, or you die too! Obstacles are for killing!"
"Nice philosophy," Ranma muttered, scratching her chin. To Ataru's alarm, she actually seemed to consider Shampoo's words. Finally, the redhead shrugged. "Okay, fine."
"WHAT?!?!" Ataru shouted, horrified. "You're gonna let her kill me?!"
Ranma wisely took several steps back. "I'm gonna let her try, at least."
"But, but," Ataru stuttered, "you can't, man! We're family! We gotta stick together and-YAAH!!"
Ataru ducked under a horizontal slice, and then dashed backward as the utility pole began to teeter over, its base having been cut clean through.
Shampoo quickly checked that the pole wasn't about to fall in her direction, and then turned once more toward Ataru, her sword pointed forward. "Ataru, you run too, too long now! Is time to face death like warrior! You make good for Shampoo, and fight in last moments! Way of coward is-"
*CRASH!!* The Amazon's speech ended prematurely as the large concrete pole fell down atop her, knocking her out instantly.

At the base of the fallen pillar, Ranma dusted off her hands, smirking. "Kick ME in the face, will you?"
Ataru blinked, and then looked worriedly at the mess of purple hair sticking out from under the concrete cylinder. "Do you think she's okay?"
"You're welcome," Ranma mumbled sourly, "and she's probably feeling better right now than you will be if you don't shut up and follow me."
Glancing at Ranma's retreating back, Ataru gave one last sorrowful look at the comatose Chinese beauty before dashing off after her brother. "You didn't have to hit her that hard, you know!"
"I didn't hit her!" Ranma countered, searching the streets for something as she ran toward Furinkan, "I just pushed on the pole she cut!"
"Oh, whatever!" Ataru shouted, trying to keep up. Without the motivation of a cute girl ahead of her or a sharp, pointy thing behind her, she had trouble keeping up with the super-agile redhead.
"Besides, just what the hell did you think you were doing back there?!" Ranma shouted back, slowing down a bit so that Ataru could catch up to her. "Shampoo's out to kill you! Get that through your thick skull! Next time I might not be able to stop her without taking her down directly, and then she'll be after BOTH our hides!"
"Oh, come on!" Ataru protested. "She's not that bad! And you've gotta love the way they issue challenges!" Ataru grinned.
*Thwack!* Stopping long enough to kick her brother in the face, Ranma continued searching the streets until she found a small vendor cart on the sidewalk.
"Ah ha! Wait here Ataru!"
"Like I have a choice..." Ataru mumbled, lying on her back in the middle of the street as Ranma ran for the cart.
A few moments later Ranma returned with two cups of steaming hot water in her hands and a disgusted look on her face.
"Dirty old man, asking me out... he's gotta be three times my age!" Shaking her head, she kicked Ataru lightly in the side. "Come on. We should change behind some cover, so that he can't see. I might need to get water from him in the future."
Ataru slowly got to her feet, and followed Ranma behind the corner of the canal wall. "... Still, you gotta admit, the girl's got persistence, following us all the way to Japan!"
"Following YOU," Ranma corrected sharply, dumping the hot water over her head.
Ataru snorted. "Oh, right, like you wouldn't have fought her if I hadn't gotten on that log first. You and Pop were the ones eating her prize."
Ranma grit his teeth as he splashed the other cup into Ataru's face. "You only got on the log to introduce yourself and try and hit on her! And you didn't even defeat her! You just jumped around until she got so exhausted that she tripped and fell onto the ground!"
Ataru smiled smugly and raised one hand, observing his fingernails. "It was a flawless victory, if I do say so myself."
"It was a hideous affront to everything martial arts stands for." Ranma said flatly, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Well gee, aren't we eloquent..." Ataru mumbled in response.
"Just shut up and get ready to go," Ranma said, turning around pointedly.
Ataru blinked. "Huh? Get ready? I am ready."
Ranma turned around and stared at him expressionlessly. Then he squeezed his eyes shut tight and massaged his head. "Ataru..."
"What?" The young lecher asked, honestly mystified.
"The dress, Ataru. The dress."
"... Oh! Right!"
__________________________________________________________________________________

"Wow Akane, you're sure in high spirits today," Yuka commented as Akane finished telling them all about the conclusion to the race that had taken place yesterday.
Akane giggled, smiling brightly. "I sure am! With Lum around, that pervert Ataru can't get to me! Last night when he said he wanted to sleep in my room, Lum blasted him!" Her friends sweatdropped as she laughed heartily. "You should have seen it! He lit up like Hiroshima at the end of World War II!"
"But Akane, isn't it awful having that alien in your house?" Sayuri asked, rummaging through her bookbag. "I mean, her race did try to conquer Earth."
Akane shrugged. "We're past all that now; why hold it against them? Just so long as she keeps that perverted freak off of me."
Yuka scratched the back of her head. "So, Akane... why exactly is this guy living with you, anyway?"
Akane shuddered mightily, feeling some of her recent hysteria well up inside. "I... I don't really want to talk about it... Let's just say that my dad kept really bad company when he was younger."
"Speak of the devil..." Sayuri muttered, staring over Akane's shoulder.
Akane turned back to look, scowling. "Damn. Lum's not here..." But after a few moments, she shrugged her shoulders. Ataru didn't bother her much at school; there were plenty of girls here, and every one of them reacted less violently than she did to being harassed. Surprisingly (to Akane, at least), he had also kept true to her request not to reveal the engagement (for some reason, it escaped Akane's perceived realm of possibilities that Ataru would rather be able to freely hit on girls than brag about being her fiance or have an excuse to molest her in-between classes).
"Pardon me..."
The three girls turned around, startled at hearing a voice so close to them. When they had found the source of the voice, they stared.
It was a boy about their age, if not a little bit older, but he was obviously not a student. It wasn't so much the lack of a uniform that betrayed this (Furinkan had a very lax policy concerning the uniform. Something around the lines of: "you don't dress up, we don't give a damn"), but rather that he seemed to be a traveler living off the road, from virtue of his heavy, dust-stained clothes and the massive backpack he carried. Why a man was going on a nature hike in a Tokyo suburb was anyone's guess, but that looked to be the situation.
"Yes? Can I help you?" Akane asked, giving an occasional glance back at Ranma and Ataru to gauge what they were doing.
"Ah, c-can you tell me how to get to... uh..." The boy tugged nervously on the bandanna tied around his forehead, which was yellow with black spots. Then he took out a small slip of paper from his pocket. "Um, d-do you know the way to... Furinkan High School? In, uh, Nerima?"
Akane stopped watching Ataru approach and concentrated all her focus on giving the stranger a disbelieving stare. "You're kidding, right?"
The boy groaned. "Oh, no! Am I in the wrong district again?"
Akane sweatdropped. "No. No, you're not. THIS is Furinkan High School." She pointed to the large, conspicuous concrete slab next to the gate that had the school's name printed on it.
The traveler stared at the sign as if he couldn't believe it. Not that the three girls were surprised, as he was obviously embarrassed about wandering around the place he was looking for without even realizing it.
"HALLELUJAH!!" The boy shouted, throwing his arms up in the air and causing the girls to jump back in surprise. "Finally, I've made it!! This is it!! Ataru Saotome, today Ryoga Hibiki shall at last bring you to justice!!"
"Who, me?"
Ryoga blinked rapidly, then turned around to look at the boy who was pointing curiously at himself.
"Ata... Ataru? Is... is that really you?" Ryoga asked, bewildered.
Ataru scratched his head. "Uh, yeah, it's me, I guess... who're you?"

*WHAM!!* Dirt blew upward in a tall, dusty cylinder as the lost traveler pulverized the ground with a surprise jump attack, obscuring the center of the impact. It had happened so fast that most people that had been watching the exchange closely were not aware that anyone had attacked until they saw the impact itself.
Ryoga wasn't most people, however, and as the dust cleared, he was already searching for his victim, gripping in his hand the umbrella he had bundled atop his backpack.
'Where did he go? I know I saw a blur pass by right before I hit...'
"Who the hell are you?!"
Ryoga turned around and moved into a defensive stance, aware that the angry shout hadn't come from Ataru.
Luckily for said lecher, Ranma wasn't most people either, and had realized Ryoga's intentions quickly enough to throw Ataru over his shoulder and move out of the impact zone. It was lucky he had too, because he was certain that Ataru's brain wouldn't have had time to shift into "uncanny dodge" mode before moron had gotten smashed.
Ryoga's eyes narrowed. "You stay out of this. It doesn't involve you."
Ranma's eyes narrowed as well. "I didn't ask permission to interfere. I asked who you are. Answer the question, or that bandanna's going to be the only thing holding your skull in one piece."
Members of the student body that had stopped to watch the turn of events swallowed nervously and began to back away. They remembered very well the kind of damage Ranma was capable of when he was upset.
Ryoga frowned. He was too stubborn to let it show, or even fully admit it to himself, but the way this kid was staring at him, coupled with his tone of voice, had shaken him somewhat. Of course, Ryoga wasn't intimidated often by other men looking for a fight (as opposed to girls asking for the time of day, of which he was terrified), so he responded to the danger signals with the same kind of common sense and good judgment the Hibiki clan was famous for.
"Ha! I'd like to see you try, little man!" Ryoga snorted and hefted his umbrella, pointing it straight at Ranma (who had finally dropped Ataru on the ground). "Why don't you get out of the way before you get stepped on or something?"
*Fwack!* *Whup* *Whup* *Whup* *Whup*
Ryoga blinked as his umbrella left his hand and jumped into the air, doing lazy somersaults as it went. Ranma stood right in front of him, and slowly lowered his leg out of kicking position, a calm expression on his face.
"You can call me 'little man' if you want, I don't really care, but I'm not going to let you beat up my brother without even telling me why."
Ryoga blinked yet again. 'Brother? Oh, right! That little worm had a twin brother, didn't he?'
The lost boy frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "I am-" *Thwack!*
Ranma watched Ryoga stagger backward as his own umbrella fell to Earth and collided with his head.
"Look out." Ranma deadpanned. Much of the surrounding crowd snickered.
Ryoga growled, baring his elongated canines. "My name is Ryoga Hibiki! Now move out of the way, jerk!"
Ataru scratched his head. "Ryoga... Ryoga... Ryoga... nope, doesn't ring a bell. Do you have a cute sister? I'd probably remember her."
"No! I'm an only child!" Ryoga picked up his umbrella and moved his arm back. "And now your brother will be too!" He launched himself forward, causing the crowd to gasp.
*Fwack!* *Thump* *Thud!* Making two bodily rotations with a single leg extended, Ranma once again kicked Ryoga's umbrella into the air, and then doubled around to sweep the lost boy's feet out from under him.
"Slow down there, Dracula," Ranma murmured, dropping down so that he sat on the backs of his legs while balancing on the balls of his feet, "you sound like you're reasonably serious about the death thing. What's your problem?"

In the surrounding crowd, the whispering began.
"Why's Ranma getting involved in this? Let the pervert get what's coming to him."
"I think it's great that he's standing up for that loser! He's so noble!"
"Man, he's got this new guy at his mercy!"
"I wonder what Ataru did to him? It's not like he'd bother a guy, and he said he was an only child, so he's not angry about his sister being groped..."
Watching with her friends, Akane snickered gleefully. "Oh, this is great! First the alien, and now this guy! He'll be dead or gone by the end of the week!" Her laugh took on a more maniacal edge, and her friends began to inch away a bit.

Ryoga twitched angrily, slowly pushing his face up from the dirt. "Saotome...... you-" *Thwack!*
Ranma shook his head as the unnaturally heavy umbrella once again made Ryoga one with the ground. "Man, you'd think you'd have learned after the first time. Do you get struck in the head with large objects often?"
More snickering came from the crowd, and a red, blazing aura began to collect over Ryoga's back.
"Seriously though," Ranma relented, "when did you meet Ataru, and what'd he do? In all likelihood he does deserve whatever you want to give him, but I've gotta make sure."
"Uhm, right..." Ataru began to back away. "Well, tell you what, I should get to class now, so tell me how it turns-OUGH!" his escape was foiled when Ranma grabbed the back of his shirt and held fast, nearly choking him.
Ryoga did his best to calm down as he stood up, but really, talking about his problems wasn't his strong point. He was much better at smashing his problems into tiny pieces, really. The fact that he responded rather than attacking can be fully attributed to the fact that at the time, he couldn't decide which Saotome he wanted to strangle first.
"In... junior high... years ago... we were in the same class..." Ryoga mumbled, his fists clenching and unclenching.
Ranma blinked. "Junior high... oh! I remember! Ryoga Hibiki! Yeah! I remember you! How you doing, man?!"
Ryoga ignored him and pointed a finger at Ataru. "You..."
Ataru scratched his head some more. "Junior high...... nope, nothing. Though, I do remember this REALLY cute blonde that I asked out from back then."
Ryoga grit his teeth.
"Hey, remember me? Ataru's brother? Ranma? We used to fight over bread all the time! Remember? I always won?" Ranma tried unsuccessfully to get Ryoga's attention, letting go of Ataru.
"Ataru..." Ryoga's fist shook in front of him. "That 'blonde' you remember was-"
"Keiko Mebami," Ataru answered easily, reaching into the depths of his memory that held the name and image of every woman he'd ever met, "she didn't go to our school, since it was all boys, but she used to meet with this one dork and walk him home." Ataru snickered. "Heh! Now that I think of it, that idiot had the worst sense of direction I'd ever seen! And then I suckered him into introducing me to Keiko! What a rube!"
Ranma sighed as Ryoga began to glow again, his aura giving him the image of a demon straight out of hell. "Ataru... this guy IS that dork."
Ataru stopped laughing and froze, then slowly focused his attention on Ryoga, who was almost setting the grass on fire with the power of his aura. "Oh... uh... I remember you now! ......... Hello!"
*SMASH!!* Ataru jumped out of the way as Ryoga plowed a fist into the ground he had been standing on.
"Ataru... because of you, I have seen HELL!!" Ryoga shouted, yanking his fist out of the Earth.
"Eh? I haven't seen you since junior high! What's your problem?!"
"Because of you..." Ryoga's eyes clenched shut, and a lone tear ran down his face. "Keiko never forgave me for letting you tag along and harass her! My first love was shattered, and the pieces of my broken heart still lie there, at that accursed school!"
Ranma sweatdropped. 'Whoa. Major drama queen.'
Ataru sweatdropped as well. "What? That's stupid. You were in JUNIOR HIGH, man! You were a little kid! Move on!"
"SHUT UP!!" Ryoga growled, raising a fist in the air. "I'm not done yet! Then , to add insult to injury, you didn't even show up for our fight! I challenged you to a fight in that abandoned lot, and even had a policeman lead me there so I'd make it on time, and you weren't there!"
Ataru snorted. "Well, DUH. You know I can't fight. Why would I show up?"
Ryoga's infuriated expression slowly changed into a malevolent one. "Well now the fight's come to you, you coward! Now you'll pay!"
Charging forward, Ryoga cocked back a fist for the attack, already imagining the feeling of Ataru's bones shattering under the force of his knuckles.
*Thud!* His movement was halted as Ranma jumped right on top of his head and kicked downward, driving the lost boy into the ground.
"Now wait just a minute!" Ranma protested indignantly. "What about me?!"
"Who the hell are you?!" Ryoga shouted into the dirt.
"I'm his brother, remember?! You don't remember me at all?!" Ranma jumped off of Ryoga's head, positioning himself between the fanged boy and his brother.
"No! Go away!" Ryoga slowly picked himself up off the ground, making a disgusted face at how much dirt was being ground into his shirt today.
"But we used to fight all the time!" Ranma insisted. "I always beat you to the last piece of bread, and when you'd get angry and attack me, I'd always win! What about that?"
"Don't be ridiculous!" Ryoga shouted angrily. "What kind of an idiot would go through all I've been through over some bread?! He'd have to be the dumbest loser on the planet!"
Ranma frowned. "Hmmmm... that's actually a good point..." He crossed his arms over his chest. "However, I still can't let you kill Ataru."
"Then you'll die with him!" Ryoga shouted, driving forward with his arms positioned to rip through Ranma's defenses.
*Brrrrrrrrrrrring!*
Both combatants froze as the bell rang, and slowly became more aware of their surroundings. Namely, how their surroundings were absent of other people.
"Gah! Everybody's already gone to class! I'm late!" Not bothering with Ryoga any further, Ranma dashed away to the front doors of the school.
"Hey, wait! How do you get to Ataru's class?! I still need to kill him! I don't think... I can... find... aw, crud..."
__________________________________________________________________________________

"Man, two attempts on my life in one day!" Ataru muttered irritably. "And it's not even lunch yet! All I need now is for Lum to show up..."
"Ataru, are you all right?" The young lecher turned around in his seat as Shinobu walked up to him. "I... I heard that some boy attacked you in the front yard..."
"Oh Shinobu!" Ataru jumped up and hugged his sort-of-girlfriend, sighing deeply as he did so. "I was afraid I'd never get to see you again!"
Shinobu blinked rapidly. "You... you were?"
Ataru straightened his arms so that he held her by the shoulders at arms' length. "Shinobu, I just want to say that I'm sorry about what happened at the race. You know I'd never take that alien bimbo over you! You're the only girl for me!" He released her and took up one of her hands in one of his.
Little flower petals seemed to materialize around Shinobu as Ataru stared deeply into her eyes. "Oh Ataru... do you mean it?"
"The hell he does," a nearby girl muttered sourly, "why don't you try doing that without your fingers crossed?"
"Why don't you try minding your own business?" Ataru countered irritably.
"Feh. It would've been better if that fanged guy had squashed you."
"Hey! Don't say such a cruel thing about him!" Shinobu protested. "That jerk came out of nowhere and just attacked him! He's nothing but a common thug!"
"Yeah! What she said!" Ataru added.
"Yeah, right!" Another girl said, standing up from her seat. "That poor boy, torn from his true love by your perversion! It's so sad! And then you don't even have the courage to stand up for yourself like a man!"
"Give me a break!" Ataru shouted. "Keiko was only nice to Ryoga because she felt sorry for the dope! He couldn't find his way back to his own house without help! And the way he stuttered and stammered around her, she honestly thought he was retarded!"
The girls considered this.
"Well, okay, fine, but the fight thing still stands." The first girl said.
"Uh huh, sure," Ataru mumbled, "do I LOOK suicidal to you? That guy could probably kick an SUV through a football goal! And he's out to KILL me!"
"Yeah, so leave Ataru alone!" Shinobu insisted. "I mean, this all happened YEARS ago! What kind of guy chases down a childhood menace for that long! They were just kids, for crying out loud!"
The opposing girls were still thinking of a suitable argument for that when the teacher entered the classroom.
"Good morning, class. Please take your seats and quiet down." He put his briefcase down on the front desk, and then got out his attendance sheet.
*Bam!* "Wait! I'm here!" Ranma shouted, bursting through the door and skidding to a stop right in front of the teacher's desk.
The man didn't even look up. "So you are. You're late. Get a pair of buckets and go stand in the hall. And THIS time, try to go a whole day without destroying the school, would you?"
Ranma stood shock-still for a moment, then cast a deadly glare at his twin brother (who happily waved back) and left the room to get a pair of buckets.
__________________________________________________________________________________

Once he had filled the buckets up with water, Ranma stood in front of his classroom door, holding the two weights solidly with his arms stretched all the way out to either side. In such a position the weight had the least possible leverage for him to support it, so at least he got some kind of workout from the meaningless punishment.
"Stupid Ataru, makin' me late for class... only stopped to help him... could've at least told me..." he continued mumbling sourly to himself, and eventually made a mental note to force his lecherous twin to thank him the next time they crossed paths.
"Yeesh. First we have to get away from Lum, then we have to sidestep Shampoo, and now this Ryoga guy is on our backs. We've never had this much trouble catch up with us in less than a month before!"
"Ah, so I hear your wretched ways have finally been paying their dues. Karma is harsh mistress, is she not?"
Ranma raised an eyebrow, and then slowly turned to see Kuno standing down the hall, smirking. In his hand was a steel katana, obviously of fine and expensive construction, but made for use, not for display.
Kuno, being Kuno, was not unnerved or even confused when Ranma suddenly smiled slightly.
"You know, after all the crap I've been through this morning, thrashing you is going to be refreshingly routine." Ranma grinned and let his arms drop to his side before putting down his buckets.
Kuno chuckled haughtily. "You will not find me so easily vanquished, fiend, for I stand before you a new man!" He thrust a fist into the air.
Ranma blinked. "'A new man'? What, did you hit your head and get amnesia?" It didn't seem terribly likely; Kuno's head had taken such ridiculous levels of damage before that Ranma seriously doubted it housed anything of importance anyway.
"Nay, hold your pitiful attempts at witticism Saotome, for they merely accentuate your ignorance." Kuno rubbed his chin, as if deep in thought. "I have come to the conclusion, knave, that my earlier duels against thee have lacked a most crucial element on my part: the serenity and nobility for which one such as I is naturally entitled to."
"Personally, if I were you, I'd be more worried about the lack of brains," Ranma commented quite seriously. "Of course, if I were you, then I wouldn't be me, so I might not have my perspective." Ranma mounted his chin on his fist in thought. "More to the point, if I were you, would I have your mind and soul, or just your body? Saying that I'm you kind of implies that I'd only be in your body, but then I hardly think I'd be picking fights with me, you know?"
*Thud!*
Ranma looked over toward where Kuno had stood, only to see that the older boy was lying face-down on the floor, out cold.
He blinked. "Whoa... did I just outsmart him into unconsciousness?" Really, Ranma had just been fooling around to try and drag the fight out, since it didn't seem like he'd have much else to do during his punishment time.

Sensing a presence approaching from behind, Ranma turned around, and raised an eyebrow when he saw who approached.
*Clap* *Clap* *Clap* "Well done, Saotome, well done," the vice principal's glasses gleamed in the fluorescent lights as he clapped slowly, approaching the pigtailed youth at a measured pace. "Quite a display. But not quite as... complicated... as the one you put me through." Behind the administrator was another man, who was dressed in a formal business suit.
Ranma shrugged, apparently unconcerned. "Yeah, I know. The thing is, Kuno really is stupid, and on some level, I kind of feel sorry for him." Then he smirked. "You're just a jerk, so I don't have to feel guilty about whatever I do to you."
The vice principal chuckled darkly. "Oh, yes. About that..." then he pulled a slip of paper from his jacket. "Here. This is for you."
Ranma calmly took the paper. "Let me guess: expulsion?"
"Ha!" The VP barked a short laugh. "That would be too easy after the humiliation you put me through! Read the paper!"
Ranma frowned and did so. "Hmmmm... pay for the damage to the school... pay for the excess electricity used... pay for your hospital bill..." he looked up at the grinning old man. "This is legal paperwork, not a school punishment."
"Quite right, quite right." The VP grinned wider. "You have a sharp mind, though you have exceedingly poor judgment." He handed Ranma another slip of paper. "Here."
"Ah, here we go," Ranma said, reading the new document, "cleaning all the toilets, scrubbing the furnace, dusting the basement, washing the administrations' cars... and so on and so forth."
Ranma stopped reading and stretched. "So, you must know that I'm not gonna do any of that, so why don't you hurry up and explain what's keeping me from making another glow rod outta you?"
"That would be me," the other man said, calmly stepping forward with a very strict and cold demeanor about him. "I am this man's attorney. Ranma Saotome, my client has every right at this point to enact legal measures against you that would result in a number of severe, life-altering penalties. He has declined to do so, unless you should continue these acts of violent aggression and disrespectful threatening. I can assure you though, that should my client come to harm, "harm" meaning of course any number of legally binding definitions, including, but not limited to, experience of, threat of, or thought of pain, that he should-"
Before the lawyer was allowed to drone on any further, Ranma's hand whipped out and grabbed the front of his shirt. Then, before the wide-eyed vice principle, Ranma lifted the man high into the air above his head.
"Okay. I understand," he said simply. Then his eyes narrowed. "You're first."
__________________________________________________________________________________

*Brrrrrrrrrring!*
Ataru sighed in relief once the bell rang that ended class, glad that another boring English lesson had finally concluded.
Shinobu put away her books and walked over to her sort-of boyfriend, and then noticed that he was looking around the classroom for something. "Ataru? Is something wrong?"
Ataru blinked, then turned toward her. "I was asleep during most of class; did Ranma ever come back in?"
"Ranma? No." Shinobu answered hesitantly, wondering herself what had become of the pigtailed boy.
"Aw, man! Now who's going to be my bodyguard?!" The lecher complained, slumping down into his seat. "Two pychos trying to kill me before class even starts, and Ranma just up and leaves?"
"Well, he might be waiting for you still," Shinobu offered, heading toward the door.
Entering the rush of students flowing out of the classroom, the couple soon found themselves in the hall. Though a great number of people were currently roaming around in preparation for their next classes, Ranma's telltale red shirt was nowhere to be found among the sea of drab school uniforms.
"Well, this bites," Ataru muttered, "what if Ryoga shows up again? I'll be creamed for sure!"
Shinobu blinked. "Didn't you say you were better than your brother in some ways?"
Ataru frowned, and thought about it. "Yeah, now that you mention it, I guess Ryoga probably couldn't get me if things really came down to it. Still, I'd feel better if he was around."
Shinobu giggled. "You and your brother are really close, aren't you?"
Ataru chuckled alongside Shinobu. "I hope he shows up soon," he said nervously, not answering the question.
"Oh, don't worry," Shinobu insisted, "we'll probably see him in class. All he had to do was stand in the hallway; how much trouble could he get into?"
__________________________________________________________________________________

"Let's see now... 'the payload will only fly free of the arm when movement of the arm is arrested, as the payload is totally reliant upon the force of the arm's motion for momentum. Find the optimization of the following equation to determine the arc, in degrees, required for the farthest projectile distance.'"
Ranma finished reading the problem out of the physics textbook in his hand and turned to look at the wooden catapult he had constructed. "What the heck's an 'optimization'?" He asked irritably, scratching his head as he looked over the data in the book.
"Mmmph! Mmph!" In the arm of the siege weapon laid the vice principal's lawyer, bound to the point that he could only wiggle slightly as he tried to get free.
Ranma sighed and closed the book. "Man, Ataru was right, making these things is harder than it looks." He turned around again to look at the vice principal, who was bound and gagged next to a pile of excess wood and tools. "Do you think maybe I should have gone for the slingshot instead?"
"MMMMPH!! MMMMMMMMPH!!" The VP struggled vainly against his bonds, obviously terrified.
"Aw, the heck with it," Ranma mumbled, closing the book and tossing it on the ground. "We'll do this with trial and error. Ready?"
"MMMMMMMMMMMMPH!!" The lawyer cried, tears of horror streaming down his face.
Ranma walked around to the back of the device, and took hold of the lever. "The book says that there should be something to stop the motion of the arm, but that requires a whole other part, so we'll see how it works without one." With that he pulled the lever back, releasing the latch that held the catapult arm in place.
*Ka-chung!* *WHAM!!* The attorney was promptly slammed straight into the ground as the arm swung around in a 180 degree arc, only stopping and releasing its payload once it struck the other end of the base.
Ranma stared mutely at the scene for a few moments before turning toward the VP. "Man, I'm glad I'm not taking physics this year. Your turn!" Ranma began to reset the arm, and the vice principal redoubled his efforts to break his bonds.
"Okay... there! I guess I should stop the arm half-way or something..." Looking around, he found a medium sized rock, and then picked it up.
*Thunk!* He jammed it into the front of the arm slot, and then dusted off his hands.
"There! That should get some distance ... I guess." Then he walked back and slung the vice principal over his shoulder.
While the man had been unable to get free, he had, amazingly enough, finally managed to chew through his gag.
"Oh please!! Please don't do this!! I'm so sorry!! I take it all back!! I pardon you for all offenses!!"
Ranma whistled happily as he lifted the man up and into the launch trough.
"You can't do this!! It's inhuman!! I'VE GOT A FAMILY!!!"
Ranma took hold the of the launch lever. "I'll be sure to send them my condolences." Then he saluted. "Ready to fly, captain?"
"PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU!!" The man screamed. "I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT!!!"
Ranma hesitated. "Really? Anything? ...... Can I have your job?"
"What?!" He shouted indignantly. "Over my dead body!!" Then he remembered his current situation. "Mommy."
*Ka-chung!* "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah..."
Ranma held a hand over his eyes as he watched the administrator fly through the air. "There! Now that's how it's supposed to work!" Then he crossed his arms. "Too bad though. I wonder what it would have been like, to be vice principal." It probably would have been more interesting than being a student, though Ranma hadn't really been serious about the offer.
"There you are!!"
__________________________________________________________________________________

"WaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
Sakura jerked to attention as she heard a swiftly rising scream come from outside, and turned away from the bruised football player she had been treating as she tried to ascertain where it was coming from.
*WHAAAAM!!* *Crash!!* *Crumble* *Crunch* The part-time nurse and shrine priestess shielded her face as the wall of her office exploded inward, and then coughed as a cloud of dust rose in the room from the sudden rain of debris.
After a few moments of waving the dust out of her eyes, she noticed that whatever had crashed through the wall had landed rather awkwardly atop a thankfully empty exam bed.
Raising an eyebrow, she ignored the exclamations of her normal morning influx of Akane victims and approached the apparent projectile, which was surrounding by chunks of what used to be her wall.
"Oh, great. It's the vice principal," she muttered. Not that she had any particular problems with the man, but any time the current authority came flying through a strong, solid barrier into your care, there was bound to be trouble.
"All right, everybody out. I've got a serious patient now." She began to wave the group of massacred teenagers out the door, all of whom gave irritated grumbles and whiny protests as they left.
__________________________________________________________________________________

Ranma's left eye twitched as he recognized the high-pitched voice. "So... found your way here, huh?"
Lum smirked and crossed her arms under her breasts. "Did you really think such a stupid trick could distract me for long?"
The pigtailed boy turned around. "No. I'm kind of amazed that it distracted you at all. Like you said, it was pretty stupid."
Lum grit her teeth, revealing a pair of fangs that easily put Ryoga's to shame. "Be quiet and tell me where darling is!"
"Why don't you just leave the dork alone?" Ranma reasoned. "He'll be back after school's over, anyway."
"A married couple should stay together," Lum insisted.
"Married couples don't usually go to class together," Ranma countered. "Kind of gets distracting, and makes it hard to study, ya know?"
"Well, I need to keep an eye on him!" Lum said, grasping for reasons to be with her love. "Who knows what he's doing behind my back?"
"Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!" Lum blinked as Ranma suddenly burst into laughter. "You honestly think that you can 'keep an eye' on Ataru? Gimme a break!" He trailed off snickering. "Look, I can tell you all about the things that he's doing behind your back, and if you're around, the only difference is that he'll be doing them right in front of you." Ranma turned away pointedly.
Lum fumed. "That's not true! I'll get him to stop doing perverted things, even if I have to beat loyalty into him!"
Ranma snorted. "Oh, spare me! I've been trying for years, Miss Invader, and you're nowhere near as good as I am. Save yourself some grief right now and fill out some divorce forms, Lum. All the couples counselors in the world couldn't save your marriage."
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!" Lum cried, electricity arcing around her hand as she pulled her arm back.
*BRZZACK!* Ranma's image faded from view as lightning crashed into the spot he had been standing just moments before.
Lum blinked as she realized she had missed, then caught a flash of red out of the corner of her eye.
"Hey! How did you get all the way over there?!" Lum shouted, pointing at the figure in the tree just a few meters away from where she was floating in the air.
Ranma smirked. "I'm just that good. Which is why you should really think twice about bringing this to blows."
Lum's eyes narrowed. "Was that a threat?"
"No," Ranma said evenly, "this is a threat: throw another lightning bolt at me, and you're going to find out what it's like to fly without using your powers."
"Ha! You're no match for me!" Lum boasted, flying higher up and charging her lightning field.
"Bring it on, you stupid alien!" Ranma shouted, jumping away from the tree as it was suddenly consumed by streams of electricity.

Ranma hit the ground and twisted, launching himself under two more electric bolts as he headed for Lum's position.
He had no intention of hurting his new sister-in-law, but she had brought things to violence, and needed to be taught that one, all-important lesson: when it comes to combat, Ranma Saotome is tops, no questions asked. That she could fly and hurl energy bolts at him from relative safety only made the challenge more enjoyable, and the eventual victory that much sweeter.
Ranma skidded to a stop, and a lance of energy blew a crater into the ground in front of him. "Hey, here's an idea: try aiming!" He shouted, grinning.
"Hey, here's an idea: shut up and eat zaps!" Lum shouted back, throwing another barrage of lightning attacks at her foe.
Ranma dashed backward, shielding his eyes as the ground in front of him burst open in a series of bright flashes. "Oh, yeah, great comeback! Is there something wrong with you, or do all of your race have the brains of Earth chipmunks?"
Lum growled as her lightning field built up even more energy, and her horns elongated slightly. "Shut up! You can't dodge forever!"
Ranma smirked. "I don't plan to. I just thought I'd give you a chance to give up and apologize before I humiliate you."
"Ha! What're you going to do from down there?! Insult me into submission?!" Lum snarled.
"Hey, not half bad! You're getting the hang of this snappy comeback thing!" Ranma praised, smiling brightly.
*Ka-Zakk!* Ranma twisted away as another bolt lashed by him, and then his expression turned serious.
"Seriously though, if you insist on pushing this, I have no choice." Ranma shifted his body, and took up an unusual stance, leaning forward slightly with his knees bent.
"You have no choice... but to what?" Lum asked cautiously, a slight sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.
"Behold, the Shisou Style Ninjitsu first master form: Anything-Goes revision!" Ranma held his stance, as if waiting for someone to "ooh" and "aah".
He smirked. In his efforts to surpass his father and find ways to distract himself from his troubles putting up with Ataru, he had studied under several masters besides his father to complement his abilities. Though the Anything-Goes school already incorporated a significant portion of effective Ninjitsu into its teachings (which was no surprise, given the school's reputation for superior agility and underhanded tactics), the Shisou school had provided several special tricks that Ranma had found particularly interesting.
Lum, with all her lack of experience with martial arts, wasn't terribly impressed with Ranma's knowledge of an advanced Ninjitsu stance, and almost casually launched a lightning bolt at him.
"Shadow split!" *Ka-Zakk!*
Lum gasped as Ranma seemed to split apart into four different images, each one darting away from the lightning impact in a different direction.
Then the images all rushed toward her, zig-zagging across the grass in such a random pattern that it seemed purely impossible that they were anything but four separate people.
"Gah!" *Zak!* *Zak!* *Zak!* "No fair! Nobody told me Earthlings could do things like that!"
"You didn't do your homework!" One of the images replied, mocking Lum's own response when Ataru complained that she had superhuman powers.
In her current confusion, however, Lum didn't have the collection of mind to figure out which image had spoken, and continued throwing lightning bolts frantically at every red blur she could see until she felt a sudden weight on her back.
"Gyaah!" Before she could activate her full-body lightning shock, her arms were pulled back behind her, and her wrists were bound together with the same thin steel cable that the pigtailed boy had used to tie up the vice principal and his lawyer.
*ZAK-ZAK-ZAK!!* By the time she did activate her full-body lightning shock, Ranma had already jumped away and landed in a nearby tree, all the while sticking his tongue out at her.
"Whatsa matter? Did the big, bad Earthling teach you who's boss?" Ranma snickered.
Lum glared hotly at him, gritting her teeth. "Why you! Just wait until I get free!"
Ranma snorted. "No way. I 'aint waitin' that long." Then he crossed his arms over his chest. "Now Lum, I want you to understand that I went through all this to make a point, not just to be mean."
Lum fumed. "And that point is...?"
Ranma stared at her mutely for several seconds, holding his condescending expression perfectly. "......... I forget. But it has something to do with me being better than you." He turned around and waved it off. "Anyway, just tell me you'll leave and I'll take off the cable."
"Urgh..." Lum declined to do so, and continued to struggle with her bonds.
"Well, if that's the way you want it..." still grinning smugly, Ranma turned around to head back to the school.
And came face to face with Shampoo.

Shampoo's eyes narrowed as she carefully took in the features of the boy in front of her.
"Uh... c-can I... uh... help you?" Ranma asked, his voice cracking as beads of sweat rolled down his head. 'All right, be cool. She's after Ataru's girl form, not you. Things are going to be okay.'
Shampoo nodded sharply. "Shampoo remember you! You boy that run down by Ataru!"
Ranma bit back a curse as he slowly began backing away. There had only been one occasion that Shampoo had ever caught up with them back in China that any of them hadn't been in their cursed forms; it just so happened that on that particular occasion, he had left to retrieve hot water for everyone, and had changed back before bringing the water to his father and brother. That water had been wasted, as Ataru and Genma had come racing by and knocked him over.
The incident had been so short, and any apparent connection between him and the blue-haired girl so flimsy, that he felt sure that the Amazon wouldn't have recognized him.
Unfortunately, Shampoo was proving to be a great deal sharper than he expected.
"Uh... 'Ataru'? Who's that?" He asked, smiling nervously. He sincerely hoped that she assumed his nervousness was due to the scimitar she clutched in her right hand.
Shampoo's eyes narrowed. "You think Shampoo stupid? She see you in China market when get run over by Ataru, then find here short time after, when Ataru here too!"
More sweat appeared on his forehead. "Coincidence?" He offered.
*Shing!* Shampoo cut a shallow horizontal arc in front of him, and Ranma twitched.
"Okay, fine, maybe I have met the guy before, but that doesn't mean I know where he is!" Ranma hoped his voice hadn't cracked; for all his love of making cynical wisecracks, he knew he was a poor liar.
Unfortunately, his mistake wasn't so subtle as a change in tone.
"'Guy'? What you mean?" Shampoo asked suspiciously, "Ataru is woman!" Then her eyes narrowed again. "What you name? How you know Ataru?"
Ranma swallowed deeply. He knew he could beat Shampoo in a fight, but he wasn't going to hurt her permanently, which meant that she'd be out to kill him for a LONG time. And unlike Kuno, she was a quite capable and competent fighter.
Luckily (or perhaps not), he was saved from the interrogation by his previous foe, who had discovered that she could simply turn around and point her arms behind her to aim her lightning bolts, even with her wrists bound.
*Zak!* *Zak!* *Zak!* "EEEEEYOOOOW!!" Ranma shouted as he was pounded with electricity, and then groaned before falling forward onto the ground.
Lum smirked and zipped around. "Ha! That'll teach you to pick fights with me!"
Shampoo blinked as the pigtailed boy before her twitched on the ground, smoke rising all around him. Then she looked up at the very odd girl floating in the air, whom she had managed to dismiss earlier in favor of the martial artist. The floating girl had a hairstyle very similar to her own, though not as long in back, and the floating girl's hair was a bright aquatic green. And, as if flying in the air and throwing lightning bolts wasn't odd enough, the girl also had little rounded horns poking up through her hair, and was wearing a somewhat ragged-looking tiger-striped bikini.
The Amazon frowned. "Why you do this?"
Lum blinked, not having paid much attention to what was distracting Ranma enough for her to get in a free shot. "I was getting him back for this!" She shouted irritably, jerking her head to one side to gesture toward her wrists.
Shampoo scratched her head, wondering exactly what it was she had interrupted. "Is not important. Want find Ataru!"
Lum blinked, then smiled. "Really? Me too!"
Shampoo nodded, smiling. "You turn around, and me free, okay?"
Ranma's head shot up. "Lum! Wait! You REALLY don't want to-"
"Oh, shut up you!" Lum shouted angrily as Shampoo expertly sliced through the wire with her sword.
"You know where Ataru be?" Shampoo asked, watching as the oni massaged her wrists.
Lum shook her head. "No..." then she smiled evilly, and pointed toward Ranma. "But HE does."
"Lum, you're gonna regret this..." Ranma warned, getting up and backing away slowly.
"But not before you doooo!" Lum sang, electricity arcing around her.
Shampoo shrugged and approached in a slightly less malevolent manner, her scimitar resting upon her shoulder. "You just tell where Ataru be, and not get hurt, yes?"
"Hmmmm... actually, I'm thinking... no." Then he turned around and ran for the streets at full speed, lances of energy raining down from behind.
'This has the makings of a REALLY bad day!' Ranma thought.
__________________________________________________________________________________

Akane stretched out her leg as she prepared to run laps for gym class, squatting low to the ground.
"I know it's none of my business, but that pervert is a real sicko! I just don't want him taking advantage of you, Shinobu!"
Shinobu frowned as she stretched her own leg along the railing next to the stairs. "If you admit it's none of your business, why do you say it like that? 'Taking advantage' of me." She brought her leg down and crossed her arms over her chest. "I may not be a martial artist, but I can take care of myself, Akane. Ataru's sex drive might be a little much, but he's not a rapist."
Akane was about to disagree, when she stopped to think about it. "I guess you're right. He'd never have the guts to do something that serious."
"Still," Yuka reasoned, not really as worried as Akane but still curious, "what do you see in that guy? All he ever seems to think about is sex." Then, after a moment, she added, "Well, sex and cookies."
"What do YOU see in Ranma?" Shinobu countered, only realizing a moment later how stupid a question that was.
"Well, that depends," Yuka deadpanned, "do you mean other than his rugged good looks, gorgeous body, and cool attitude?"
Akane snorted. "Oh, come off it. Ranma's just like his brother; he's just more subtle about it."
The girls ignored her, having expected something like that from the youngest Tendo. While most knew of and could sympathize with her fear of the lecherous Ataru, nobody could fathom the girl's aversion to his serious and combat-devoted brother, and so just dismissed it as part of her "all boys are evil perverts" attitude.
"Okay, fine," Shinobu admitted, shrugging her shoulders, "Ranma's a great guy, but I want someone who can appreciate me as a woman, you know? I've talked to Ranma a lot, and it's like he doesn't even HAVE a sex drive. All HE thinks about is martial arts." Then she too stopped to rethink her statement. "And cookies."
Yuka sighed dreamily. "Yeah... he's a lone wolf, who doesn't need anybody! What a man!"
Shinobu and Akane rolled their eyes as they approached the track.
Shinobu started first, and caught sight of Ataru, who was watching from the bleachers.
Ataru, in turn, noticed Shinobu, and then waved happily, before blowing her a kiss.
Blushing terribly, but grinning like mad, Shinobu quickly ran by to start off her laps, not wanting everybody to see her reaction.
Having seen her reaction anyway, however, Akane sweatdropped heavily and grimaced in disgust as Ataru waved and blew a kiss to her, too. "That poor, poor girl..."
__________________________________________________________________________________

Ranma breathed heavily as he inched along the wall of the alleyway, trying to avoid making any loud noise among the numerous crates and garbage cans strewn about.
He grumbled to himself, and seriously considered finding some water to change into a girl. Shampoo was familiar with his female form, so she'd pursue him even more aggressively than she had been, but it would at least get Lum off his back.
Not that she would have been able to keep track of him as a guy, if she hadn't teamed up with Shampoo. Even if the Amazon was Earthbound, she had proven a far more capable hunter than the airheaded alien.
"Speak of the devil," Ranma mumbled sourly, sensing someone jump onto the edge of the roof above him. Even before he turned around, he had already ascertained that it was Shampoo, as Lum wouldn't have landed so heavily.
"Ah, you no can run forever," Shampoo said, smirking.
"Hmph." Ranma didn't make any sudden effort to escape, slowly turning away and walking down the alley toward the street. "Maybe not, but you can't chase me forever, either. It's just a matter of who gives first." Truth be told, he was already quite sick of the whole situation. Running was Ataru's method of dealing with conflict; it was the way of the coward. Ranma vastly preferred combat, and had only put up with the chase thusfar because of the many problems involved with fighting Lum and/or Shampoo directly.
"Ah ha! There you are!" Lum caught sight of Ranma from high above, and dove down to land next to her current ally in preparation for the pursuit.
Much to her surprise, Shampoo suddenly held an arm out, her expression thoughtful.
"Huh? What's wrong?" Lum asked, wanting to get back to torturing information out of the pigtailed boy.
Shampoo smirked. "We do this wrong way, Shampoo think... there other way get information from man, yes?"
Lum blinked. "Huh? Sorry, but Earth-Japanese is my third language, so..."
"You just stay here." Shampoo commanded, racing along the edge of the roof and then jumping down at the entrance to the alleyway.
Ranma tensed as Shampoo landed before him, and was prepared to jump to rooftops to escape, when he realized that the oversized sword that made up her primary threat factor was nowhere to be seen.
When she smiled warmly at him, the pigtailed boy was only further confused.
"You very fast, yes? Seem like good fighter. Shampoo think maybe not want beat information from you."
Ranma blinked. "Huh? What are you getting at?"
Shampoo's smile shifted into a lazy smirk. "You is good looking too. Maybe you tell Shampoo where Ataru is, and Shampoo... do favor in return?" Honestly, Shampoo thought the pigtailed boy would've made good marriage material for a lesser Amazon. Against her, of course, the boy wouldn't stand a chance, though, so any lasting relationship between her and the teenage martial artist was out of the question. A short, mutually beneficial one, however...
Not that she'd ever been with a man in that way before, but after finally leaving the village after so long, and finally being away from Mousse's prying grasp and his watchful (if significantly flawed) eyes, it seemed as good a time as any to find out first-hand what many of her peers were always gossiping about, especially since it seemed to be the quickest way to locate her victim.
Ranma, for his part, once again demonstrated his unfathomable immunity to the opposite sex. "Huh? What kind of favor? Like, cook dinner or something?" He scratched his head, wondering what Shampoo could possibly be offering that she thought was worth selling someone out to their executioner.
Shampoo frowned. Either her Japanese was worse than she thought, or she simply wasn't being direct enough.
Either way...
Ranma's eyes nearly popped out of his head as the teenage warrior grabbed his hand and then pressed it onto her chest, spreading his fingers out with her own such that he lightly grasped the entirety of her right breast.
Shampoo licked her lips suggestively. "You know what Shampoo mean now, yes?"
"Mehgaddabababababaaa..." Ranma gibbered uncontrollably as his fingers gently probed the jiggly flesh of Shampoo's mammaries, held firm against the thin cotton fabric of the short combat dress she wore.
The Amazon girl dismissed the incoherent babble. "You tell Shampoo where Ataru be, and Shampoo do whatever you want, yes?" She began to move Ranma's hand over her breast, flushing as his fingers massaged her pleasurably.
'No!' Ranma's brain shouted. "Thappadagawahdooyaaaa..." His mouth mumbled. 'What the hell was that?! That was supposed to be 'no'! Get it together, man!' A mental kick to the head only managed to completely unhinge his jaw so that it hung open, and Ranma simply gaped helplessly as pleasurable sensations shot up his arm.
Shampoo was beginning to think she might have overplayed the whole seduction bit, as her informant had gone from confident and serious to completely unintelligible in moments. Still, he wasn't running away or refusing her, and she was rather enjoying her current position.
Unfortunately for all those involved, a third party chose that precise moment to wander in on the scene, lost as usual.
"Hey! There you are! You're Ataru's brother!"

Ranma's brain, which had degenerated into a chaotic storm of logic centers assaulting the libido and trying to restore normal function to his limbs and mouth, suddenly snapped back into order as a somewhat familiar voice shouted at him.
Ignoring the current position of his arm and hand completely, Ranma turned and scowled at Ryoga. "What, you STILL can't remember my name?"
Ryoga grit his teeth. "I don't give a damn what your... name..." he trailed off, his mouth going slightly slack. "Wh-What are you DOING?!"
Ranma blinked, and then cast a glance at Shampoo, who was openly glaring at Ryoga. Then his mind reconnected the presence of his hand and reminded him where it was.
Wrenching his hand out of Shampoo's grip as if it had been dunked in acid, Ranma tried his best to look dignified as he muttered, "It's none of your business."
Ryoga shook his head to clear it, his face slightly red. Ranma was right, actually; it wasn't any of his business, and he had no reason to care. "Whatever! Just tell me where Ataru is!"
Shampoo blinked. This man was looking for Ataru too? Just then, something that the fanged boy had said clicked in Shampoo's mind. "Wait! You Ataru brother?" Shampoo took a step back involuntarily, grimacing. She couldn't possibly expect someone to betray a family member because a girl was flirting with him. Well, maybe if she was trying to pry information from Ataru herself, but this young man certainly didn't seem the type to break so easily.
"I'm tired of this! Spill the beans, already!" Lum, who had been watching Shampoo's interrogation attempt in a mix of disgust and riveted interest, floated down behind Ranma. "Talk or fry!" Electricity arced around her arms and shot between the tips of her horns.
Ranma grit his teeth as he realized he was surrounded, and that Shampoo was once again preparing for a much rougher type of physical interrogation.
With Ryoga's strength and damage potential, if he had gauged the boy's opening attack right, Shampoo's speed and agility, and Lum's capability to fly and hurl projectiles, there was simply no way he was going to get out of this in good shape.
That was until he noticed that Ryoga already seemed to be bleeding.
"Wha... Wha... Wha..." Ryoga mashed a hand over his nose to try to stem the flow of blood, his eyes locked onto the scantily-clad Lum. Were he capable of making coherent noises at the moment, he would have noted that ragged, tiger-striped lingerie hardly seemed to be appropriate street clothes.
Unfortunately, he didn't recover speech capacity until well after Ranma had plowed his knee into the lost boy's face at high speed.
"Outta the way, Dracula!" Ranma shouted, flipping over the stricken martial artist so that the larger boy covered his back from any oncoming projectiles.
Of course, Lum didn't let a little thing like a (supposed) ally get between her and a target. "Ha! Divine retribution!!"
*GA-ZAK!!* *ZAK!!* *ZAK!!* "Gwaaaaaaah!!" Ryoga trembled violently as lightning coursed through him, shocking him to the core. *Thud!* "Uuuuugh..."
"Damn! Missed!" Lum said irritably, as if the fact was not apparent to everyone present.
"I warned you about aiming first!" Ranma taunted, running backward as he watched smoke curl around Ryoga's twitching body.
His danger sense flared, and he killed his backward momentum before flipping forward, landing well out of reach of Shampoo's weapons.
The Amazon had exchanged her sword for a pair of bonbori, which were better for downing opponents without killing them. After all, the pigtailed boy seemed to be a worthy fighter, and it would be horribly wasteful to kill such a man over a pitiful coward like Ataru. "You not run and tell where Ataru is!"
"Not in yer life!" Ranma countered, then skipped forward to avoid a lightning blast.
"You tell now, or Shampoo hurt you bad!" Though menacingly worded, Ranma continued to find Shampoo's threats, if anything, sickeningly cute.
"You can't catch me, and you know it! Just give up now!" Ranma boasted, keeping most of his awareness focused behind him in Lum's general area, and noting with much annoyance that Ryoga was getting back on his feet.
Thus, he was unaware of the new presence in the area until it was too late.
"Oh ho! Now I see that the house of Kuno is not the only institution you've managed to offend, Saotome!"
Ranma's eye twitched, and a vein appeared on his head. "Kuno..." 'Well, at least he's after me, and not Ataru...... wait a minute! Since when was that good thing?!'
Lum blinked as a boy in a blue robe walked up from behind Ryoga, brandishing a steel katana. "Huh? Who're you?"
Kuno smiled broadly at the visage of mature loveliness that floated in the sky above him, and sighed deeply in contentment. "Merely another blade that would take this wretch to the edge of the abyss, my princess of the sky! Watch with wonder and amazement as I add my indomitable skill to thy own! Together, glorious princess, we shall banish this foul cretin to the depths where he belongs!"
Shampoo, Lum, and Ryoga all sweatdropped.
"Wait a minute!" The lost boy shouted. "We don't give a damn about this guy! We want to know where Ataru is!"
"Yeah!"
"Is right!"
Kuno blinked, and rested his katana on his shoulder. "Well, if that is your only business, then I can divulge the location of th-GURK!!" Kuno was cut short as Ranma decked him with a flying roundhouse, and flew across the street from the force, smashing into a parked car with such velocity that the whole vehicle crumpled inward from the blow.
"Go for the pigtailed guy!" Ryoga shouted. "If we can either bring him down or keep him away from the moron with the sword, we can find out where Ataru is!"
"All right!" Lum cheered, shooting upward and charging her lightning field.
"Shampoo take care of this quick!" The Amazon boasted, jumping forward in a flurry of motion.
Ranma's eye started to twitch again. 'Ataru... wherever you are... I hope you're having as bad a day as I am!'
__________________________________________________________________________________

"Hello, ladies!" Ataru greeted semi-casually, walking into the locker room in her girl form.
The teenage girls turned to look at the entrance, and then promptly went back to what they were doing, only lingering to take in the features of the girl that none of them had met before.
Ataru's jaw went a little slack as she slowly took in the sight before her. So much bare skin! Exposed for all to see, its owners confident that they were safe from the prying eyes of lechers!
Ataru desperately tried to contain an evil laugh. She had gone to some lengths to make sure she wouldn't get caught, and had even learned that Akane (the only girl in the class that could identify his female form) finished her laps ahead of most of the other girls, and was thus dismissed to go change early. After waiting for the youngest Tendo to leave, the sex-changing lecher was free to observe without fear of discovery.
'Oh, GOD, YES!!! Look at it all! That fuddy-duddy Ranma doesn't know what he's missing!'
Across the room, in preparation for a shower, Sayuri grunted as she struggled with the hook of her bra behind her back. "Darn... I hate these things... hey, Yuka, do you think you can undo my bra for me?"
"Oh, okay, let me ge-WAAAH!" *Crash!* The brown-haired girl was shoved aside as the bluette who had greeted everyone a few moments ago dashed behind Sayuri.
"I'll do it!" Ataru said happily, her hands twitching in excitement.
Sayuri blinked, and then looked behind her to see the new girl smiling widely at her. "Oh! Okay, thanks!" She turned back around and lifted up her arms. "My mom buys those bras with the weird hooks that are hard to open; you might need to work the whole thing a little bit."
Ataru started drooling as she went to work. 'This is the single best day of my LIFE!'
__________________________________________________________________________________

"Hi-YAH!!" Ranma struck Ryoga solidly in the stomach as he ducked under a lightning blast, and then quickly backflipped into the air when Shampoo closed from behind.
Ryoga staggered, but managed to recover quickly enough to attack before Ranma landed. Grabbing several bandannas from his head, he began to twirl them in his hand, and then released them as projectiles, each cloth band gaining the properties of a spinning buzzsaw blade.
Ranma dodged backward as the bandannas whirled past him, then dodged to the side as Shampoo tried to close again. He knew that if Shampoo managed to engage him at close range he'd be too distracted to dodge incoming projectiles, and he wasn't willing to take her out quickly, like he'd do if Ryoga tried to fight him up close.
"I say... where be the wondrous angel Sakura? Most often I awake in her care..." Kuno slowly sat up from the shattered remains of the automobile he was kicked into, thoroughly dazed.
This distracted all of Ranma's attackers, and the pigtailed boy noted that Ryoga and Shampoo formed a straight lined toward Kuno.
"All right, time for the tricky stuff!" Ranma yelled, jumping to the side so that the Amazon and lost boy were directly between him and the kendoist. "Nightmare memory!"
The two rogue martial artists jerked their heads back toward their opponent, only to see him blur and charged toward them. Ryoga and Shampoo immediately raised their defenses, only to gawk in confusion as the blur that they thought was Ranma simply zipped through them, leaving faded afterimages in its wake.
*KER-SMASH!!* Ranma plowed a ki-powered kick straight into Kuno's chest, blowing the car apart totally, and sending the arrogant fool flying through the wall of the adjacent building.
"What? How did he-?" *Kroom!* *Crash!* Ryoga's exclamation was cut off as he and Shampoo were blasted by twin black energy waves that had originated from Ranma's original position.
Ranma smirked and turned around as Ryoga and Shampoo struggled to get up. "Behold, the Shisou style second master form: Nightmare cutter! I created the delayed blast revision myself."
Shampoo grunted lightly as she stretched her neck to either side, getting the kinks out. "Is impressive... but you still not win." Such a technique WAS very impressive, but it hadn't held nearly enough power to knock her out. The Amazon frowned. If she had been the end target, though...
"I don't really need to win," Ranma admitted. Then he looked up toward Lum, who was panting slightly. Obviously the alien girl wasn't used to expending so much power in such a short period of time.
Ranma sighed. "I'm probably going to regret this, but..." he looked up at Ataru's self-proclaimed wife. "Lum, do you have any idea WHY this girl and that moron want to find Ataru?"
Lum blinked. "Huh? Why?"
"Shampoo kill Ataru for disgracing Amazon tribe!" Shampoo announced hotly, holding up one of her maces.
"I'm going to crush that little coward like a soda can!" Ryoga shouted, baring his fangs as his hands gripped into fists.
"Whaaaaaaat?!" Lum cried, whirling around to face her supposed allies.
Shampoo frowned. "Why YOU want find pervert Ataru?" She asked. She had assumed that the strange demonic girl had had intentions similar to her own; Ataru seemed like the kind of lesbian that racked up a lot of indignant females on her trail.
Lum grit her teeth. "NO!! I won't let you hurt darling!"
THAT shocked Ryoga into immobility and had Shampoo shaking her head. Ryoga, knowing Ataru's male side, was astonished that such a beautiful and sexy girl would apparently fall in love with someone as pathetic as Ataru. Shampoo was merely frustrated that she had another obstacle to contend with.

Shampoo stepped forward and jabbed one of her maces forward. "It not matter if you Ataru lover. You fight by Ataru side, you die. You step back now, then you live. Is you choice."
Lum growled, and felt a renewed rush of energy fill her as she realized that she had put her beloved in danger by siding with Ranma's enemies. "You won't harm a hair on darling's head, or I'll zap you to dust!"
Ranma grimaced as he realized that things were spiraling out of control in exactly the manner which he had feared. "Lum, wait, you REALLY don't want to beat that girl, she'll-"
"Shut up and help me protect darling!" The alien princess commanded, once again refusing to listen to the pigtailed fighter.
"Shampoo beat you quick!" The Amazon shouted, running around Lum in a closing spiral as to better avoid lightning bolts.
Ranma was still debating what to do about the dueling women when he sensed danger from behind, and ducked a razor bandanna that would have clipped his shoulder otherwise.
"We're not done yet, Saotome! I've come too far to let anyone stop me! Tell me where Ataru is!"
"Suck fist and die, Hibiki!" Ranma shouted back, rushing his attacker.

Ryoga saw Ranma trying to close the distance, and flung another barrage of bandannas at him, forcing the pigtailed boy to dodge backward.
"You can't keep flingin' those things forever, Hibiki! You'll run out sooner or later!" Ranma taunted, building his aura around him.
"Ha! How little you know!" Ryoga grabbed another handful of bandannas from his seemingly unlimited supply around his head. "I've been training to break Ataru once and for all, every single day, year after year, ever since he skipped out on our fight! You stand no chance against me!"
Ranma snorted as the lost boy flung his weapons. "You've been training all this time to defeat a pathetic weakling. Compared to me, you... are... NOTHING." Shifting stances slightly, a black aura sprung up behind Ranma.
*Shrak!* Just as the bandannas converged on their target, Ranma's aura exploded, and Ryoga goggled as the pigtailed boy split apart into four different images.
"Shisou Style Ninjitsu first master form: Shadow split," Ranma said calmly, as if reciting from a book, "Saotome Anything-Goes revision, form three: Dread rush."
With the four images standing so close to each other, Ryoga couldn't tell which one was speaking, and as the images faded from view, a definite sinking feeling settled in the pit of the lost boy's stomach.
"Oh, phooey..."
*Thrak!* *Pow!* *Smash!* *Crack!* *Thwack!* One at a time, coming from all different directions, blurred images of Ranma began to appear and strike Ryoga, each one launching a different attack and then fading from view once more.
Were anyone around who wasn't too distracted with their own battle, they would have likened the assault to the imagined scene of a thousand wraiths descending upon and man and ramming into him at high speeds; as it was, Ryoga was quickly lifted off the ground from the attacks, whereas he was then bounced from fist to foot as the mirror images continued to beat him, never letting enough time pass between strikes that the fanged boy should touch the Earth.
At last, the area exploded with black tendrils of energy, which then coalesced into a single Ranma image, which then rushed up and slammed Ryoga into the ground with an axe kick, completing the deadly combination. *Wham!*
Ranma's chest heaved as he tried to control his breathing, having exerted himself heavily to pull off the advanced technique. "Feh. I knew he couldn't take it."
*GA-ZAK!!* *ZAK!!* *ZAK!!* "Gyaaaaaaaah!" Ranma screamed in pain as a stray lightning bolt slammed into his back, and fell to ground as smoke curled around him.

"Damn it-" *Zak!* "-stop moving-" *Zak!* "-and let me-" *Zak!* "-zap you!" *Zak!* *Zak!* *Zak!*
Shampoo deigned to justify the request with an answer, and once again jumped aside as the torrent of lightning continued.
She knew that she couldn't keep this up for long, though. Lum showed signs of only slight exhaustion, and at the rate and speed that the alien could throw lightning, Shampoo was quickly exhausting herself dodging.
Deciding to risk a more aggressive strategy, the Amazon did a backflip and flung one of her bonbori upward into the air.
Lum paused in confusion, then looked up and realized that the colorful mace was coming down right toward her.
"Ha!" She shouted, zipping out of the way of the flung weapon and twisting around for effect. "You missed m-" *Thwack!* The second mace, thrown straight at the alien's head, struck without error, and Lum crumpled onto the ground in a daze as the Amazon jumped toward her.
"It over now!" Shampoo shouted, extending her leg for a kick.

*Pow!* *GA-ZAK!!* *ZAK!!* *ZAK!!* *ZAK!!* *ZAK!!* A heavily charred Ranma watched impassively as a bright series of flashes engulfed the pair of dueling women, and he sweatdropped as they both fell onto the ground.
When Shampoo slowly and shakily stood up over the insensate alien, Ranma raised an eyebrow. Lum's full-body proximity shock looked to be significantly more powerful than her thrown bolts; he was surprised that the Amazon was still conscious.
Heavily dazed, Shampoo slowly tried to make sense of the hazy image lying at her feet.
Quickly, she regained enough sense to remember exactly what she had just been doing. "Sh-Shampoo... Shampoo win! ... And now... Shampoo... rest now..." *Thud!*
Ranma sweatdropped. Then he looked around at the devastation they had all caused. Lightning-blackened craters littered the streets, sidewalks, and grass, huge gouges could be seen anywhere little bits of cloth hung, and distant shouting about pickaxes and steamshovels could be heard from the damaged interior of the shop he had knocked Kuno into.
Sighing deeply. The pigtailed boy picked Lum's body off the ground and slung her over his shoulder.
"I hate my life," he mumbled. Then he began walking home.
__________________________________________________________________________________

Ataru happily munched on a cookie as he led Shinobu to the Tendo Dojo. He had just been out shopping with the girl, and as they talked she had begun enquiring as to his living arrangements, as he had just returned to Japan after so long.
Ataru DEFINITELY liked where that inquiry was going, so he had hastily shortened the trip to purchasing a bag of chocolate chip cookies, and led his semi-girlfriend toward his current residence.
He didn't stop to think about Lum. At least, not until he saw the aforementioned alien being carried home over his brother's shoulder, followed by a certain annoying little holy man.

"Oh, dear! Your features today are horrible! Horrible, I say!! Great troubles will befall you!" Cherry insisted, poking Ranma in the back with his staff.
"Can it, Orange! I've already been through it!" Ranma yelled, gritting his teeth.
Cherry blinked. "Oh... well, then I guess you'll be fine. And it's Cherry, not Orange."
"Whatever! Go away!" Ranma yelled, stomping further toward the dojo.

Ataru and Shinobu blinked at the display, then moved faster to catch up.
"Hey, Ranma! What's up, man? I haven't seen you since first period!" Ataru waved toward his brother, then froze as the martial artist glared at him.
*Thud* Ranma dropped Lum unceremoniously onto the ground, and then stalked toward Ataru, his fingers shuddering with an eerie twitch.
Ataru began to back away. "Uh... what are you-" *Snatch!*
The lecher blinked as his bag of treats was suddenly ripped from his grasp, and gaped as Ranma turned away, stuffing cookies into his mouth.
Ataru shouted, "Hey, those are mi-"
"GRRRROOAAR!!" Ranma growled, snapping at Ataru like a feral animal as he cradled his stolen snacks.
The lecher immediately latched onto Shinobu, his eyes wide with fear. "Okay! Okay! You can have the cookies! Please don't kill me!"
Shinobu just stared, wondering what had happened to Ranma such that his clothes had gathered so many burns and cuts, as well as what had happened to Lum that she had thick bruises on her forehead and cheek.
"Well now, that IS odd..." Cherry mused.
"What, that Ranma's acting like a rabid badger?" Ataru guessed, only to swallow nervously as his brother glared dangerously at him.
"No... I'm just looking at your aura..." Cherry rubbed his chin. "I didn't notice before, but your fates are very closely linked, you and your brother."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
Cherry nodded decidingly. "Yes, I'm sure of it now!" He suddenly stepped back, and then pointed to both the Saotomes. "Usually, you both have generally bad luck."
"Duh," Ataru mumbled.
Ranma simply grunted and continued eating.
Then Cherry moved one hand down, while keeping the other parallel by moving it up. "However, when the luck for one of you gets really bad, it essentially 'drains' the misfortune from the other one of you! Thus, when one of you is having an especially bad or good time, then fate must shift between you two to maintain the cosmic balance! Astounding!"
Ataru blinked. Twice. "Wait... so you're saying that since I've been having a great day, Ranma's been through hell?"
Ranma grunted again, then lifted the bag up to spill the crumbs out into his mouth.
"But wait," Shinobu reasoned, "what about when Ataru was competing with Lum? He was having a horrible time! Shouldn't Ranma have won the lotto or something?" Of course, nothing bad had happened to Ranma either, and he had been able to take the whole week off from school, but with all the misery Ataru had gone through it seemed like he should have gotten more out of it.
Cherry just shrugged. "Luck isn't an exact science."
"I see," Ranma said evenly, muttering his first coherent words since Ataru's arrival. "Anything else you got to tell us?"
Cherry blinked. "No, not really."
*Moosh* Ranma shoved the empty cookie bag into Cherry's mouth, and shoved the little man back, sending him stumbling. *Punt!*
Shinobu and Ataru sweatdropped as they watched the monk disappear into the distance.
"Wow... you really have had a bad day, huh?" Ataru ventured.
"Shut up and bring the alien inside."
"Yes, sir..."

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End Chapter 4