Standard disclaimer applies. Ranma belongs to the all-powerful and most revered Rumiko Takahashi. MegaTokyo belongs to Largo-san and Piro-san. This was done on a challenge. Don't sue me or flame me, I'm only partially resposible for this. Some scenes may be more or less taken straight from MegaTokyo comics, without their permission.
As far as continuity goes, the Ranma part takes off after the Mt. Pheonix battle and failed wedding, etc., and the MegaTokyo part right after Piro and Largo are forced onto the streets.
Key: Words in " " are English or untranslated Japanese, [ ] are signs or writing, { } is Japanese, ' ' are thoughts, ( ) are comments.
L33T Ranma!
Part Three
2 Be or N07 2 Be L33T
************************************************************************
"Now you see, the console is a conduit for the soul. The controller is your gateway. Live through it. Feel through it. You must be one with your game pad." Largo stopped his lecture, and waited as the blond with the funny hair spouted more of the inane drivel that the Japanese had somehow made into a language.
Ranma mumbled something in reply as he continued playing mechanically, seemingly without thought.
Usagi turned toward Largo and yawned before replying. "He says he's tired. I am too. Can't we go to bed?"
Largo shook his head furiously. "NO!!! We cannot surrender now! He is close! I can feel it! He will attain L33Tness soon!"
Ranma mumbled something else, and Usagi planted her fists on her hips. "He says that he gives up. You're better at video games than he is. He just wants to go to bed!"
Ranma almost felt ashamed at the admission, but the past 10 hours had been so humbling that even he was forced to admit that Largo simply had some sort of edge which he simply didn't. It was a gift, similar to his own natural ability for martial arts. After so many defeats, and so many failures to properly analyze Largo's technique, Ranma had finally decided to do the sensible thing and say that it was only a game, and therefore didn't matter.
Ranma put down his controller and stood up. Before he could fully turn around, however, Largo had grasped his shoulders and was looking him straight in the eye.
"Are you really going to give up?! Does your pride mean so little to you? I thought you were better than that! Come on man!!"
Usagi winced. "Could you not yell please? It's four in the morning, you know." Largo backed off impatiently, and Usagi sighed and repeated what Largo said in Japanese.
Ranma twitched and shook violently, mentally torn between impulses brought about by an entire lifetime of training, not to mention his not inconsiderable pride, and his physical fatigue, combined with a hefty load of common sense.
The decision was made when Largo picked up a controller, and handed the other one to Ranma. The pigtailed martial artist let out a frustrated growl, then snatched the controller from Largo's hand irritably.
The Capcom vs. SNK screen flashed, and was banished just as quickly. *Choose your character!* The box that marked Largo's cursor cruised over and selected Ryu and Iori, a favorite combination of his. Ranma grumbled to himself, and selected Kim and Terry.
"Now remember, you have to pour your heart and soul into this, man! To be L33T is more than being good at video games; that is merely the transcendence, the trigger. L33T is a state of mind. Enlightenment, if you will."
Usagi repeated the words dutifully in Japanese. Ranma gave a disgusted grunt, then rolled his eyes as the fight started up.
The fight went just as all the others did. A jumping kick was countered with a shoryuken. A low sweep was blocked, and Ranma's advance was halted by a sudden hadouken. Ranma recovered and rolled, only to be thrown in the other direction.
Largo shook his head. "You're not trying, dude! You're controller technique is |>00r!"
15 seconds later, the pixelated figure of an unconscious Kim Kapwam hit the ground. Ryu moved into his victory stance, with his bandanna tails swaying in the wind.
Largo shook his head sadly.
The control was shaking in Ranma's hand. 'I must not kill him... I must not kill him... I must be a good loser...' the thought sent tremors down his body, 'there must be some way to beat this guy! There has to be!'
Second round. Ryu opened with a fireball. Terry jumped, and was struck by a shoryuken.
Ranma started to feel dizzy. His vision was getting blurry. 'I can do this! I can win!'
Terry launches a power wave, then follows up with a crack shot. Ryu blocks one, rolls past the other, and throws Terry.
'I've got to concentrate! I can't lose! I WON'T LOSE!!!'
Then his mind snapped, and his vision was clear.
Largo was just starting to contemplate sleep when Terry jumped in just short of the shoryuken that Ryu executed in response. Then he was shocked out of his own fatigue as a light flashed around Terry.
*Power... geyser!*
Largo gaped as he was struck by three different energy blasts, and started focusing more on his game. It was for naught, though. Ranma fought like a caged lion, and in the moment that he could spare to glance at the martial artist, Largo could see that he was now playing with feverish intensity, as if the game was the only thing that existed; the only thing that mattered.
He had ascended.
Ryu went flying off the screen from an immaculately timed burn knuckle. Largo nodded in satisfaction as the next round began.
Usagi gaped, unable to believe that Ranma had finally won a round just like that.
The next round could not be called a battle. It was a struggle for dominance. A war.
Fireball. Jump. Light punch. Block. Fast counter. Jump. Fierce kick. Sweep.
Usagi was mesmerized by the flashes of light and the complex, subtle tricks that were used, only to be ruined by an opponent with apparently equal skill. Very few attacks hit home.
And, alas, soon it was over. The time ran out, and the image of Terry Bogard turned around ashamedly as Iori started chuckling, and then erupted into full blown laughter.
Ranma set down his controller, then bowed deeply to Largo.
"Master, forgive me! My s|<1llz are not yet complete!!"
Largo grinned. "PH33R not, good pupil, m4d s|<1llz will come with time and experience."
Usagi gaped some more. "Ra-Ranma... you're speaking English!"
Ranma nodded, and stood up. "It is so. I... I never realized before... this p0w3r..."
Largo stood up himself, then set his hands on Ranma's shoulders. "That p0w3r is now yours, student! Use it! And revel in the glory of the L33T!!"
Ranma simply nodded, an uncharacteristic glint in his eye
Usagi started to look worried, and stared at Ranma from her perch on his shoulder. What had Largo done to him?
**********************************************************************************
Scene opens up to a picket fence. Spectators could see Piro with a propeller beanie hat, and Largo next to him in a rabbit costume.
"Yes, what did Largo do to him indeed?" Piro began. "You may be wondering this yourself."
Largo spoke up next to him. "Ranma has undergone L33Tification, the process of becoming L33T. L33Tification has certain effects on a person, depending on the mode of ascension, and the subject's potential L33Tness."
Piro turned around, and pointed a large stick at a diagram of a human brain. "In general, scientists have determined that much of the neural energy, which is normally scattered about your gray matter to give equal power to all cognitive functions, is transferred to this area of the brain." Piro moves the stick back, and points to an area marked with a dotted ellipse.
"This is known as the 'L33T' portion of the brain. It contains the essential functions of reflexes, tactical and short-term analytical thought, as well as a good portion of technical knowledge and memory."
Largo grinned. "Naturally, energy must peak in these areas for m4d s|<1llz to be attained."
Piro rolled his eyes. "Naturally. Most of the energy is taken from the areas responsible for long-term planning, attention span, reason, and it leaves the common sense part almost barren. The L33T basically know what they want, and not much else. Also, for reasons unknown, L33Tification triggers an instant recall of all minor or forgotten English skills."
Largo chuckled. "PH33R our L33T 3n6li5h S|<1llz!"
Piro shook his head. "I'm sorry to say that, despite extensive study of this debilitating condition, to this day, there is no cure for L33Tness."
Largo blinked. "Huh? Cure? What?"
Piro patted him on the shoulder fondly. "Don't give up hope, Largo. Scientists are working around the clock. One day, a cure will be found. Just wait."
"Huh? Dude, I don't understand."
Piro nodded sadly. "I know, Largo, I know."
**********************************************************************************
Piro stretched as he tugged his clothes on, and let out a contented sigh as his muscles cooled. Showers were quick and easy, but taking a long, hot bath just had a therapeutic quality that you just didn't experience in the U.S.
He greeted Kasumi politely as he reached the breakfast table. Then he moved aside rapidly as Akane stomped down the stairs and sat down next to him, and tried to will himself invisible.
{Where is that jerk?! I can't believe him! He stayed up ALL NIGHT playing those stupid games, then woke us all up with his yelling at four in the morning!} Akane glared as she looked about, searching for the cause of her ire. She still wasn't quite over seeing Ranma taking advantage of that poor robot girl last night, and had been fuming over the whole incident when Ranma and Largo had started yelling.
Nabiki looked around. {Say, where IS Ranma? I haven't seen him this morning.}
Kasumi raised a hand to her mouth. {Oh dear. Largo-san is missing too.}
One by one, the group assembled at the table turned to stare at Piro.
He met each of the gazes with the same confused expression. {I don't know where they are.}
Akane frowned, but turned away. The others did the same. Piro sighed in relief, then finished his meal and went back to the guest room to get ready for work.
*Poof* "Yo Piro, wassup?"
Piro started, and then glared at his conscience. "THERE you are! Do you have any idea how much trouble you've caused?! Ping has-"
Seraphim silenced him with a wave of her hand. "Knock it off Piro. We've got a problem on our hands."
Piro blinked, then scowled. "I KNOW. That's what I'm talking about!"
The tiny angel-girl rolled her eyes. "I mean a DIFFERENT problem. Usagi just informed me just a minute ago that Ranma's following Largo around town. Figures that ditz couldn't keep things under control." She sighed.
Piro blinked. "Wait... Ranma? Following Largo? Why would he do that? He has school today."
"Piro," Seraphim deadpanned, "Ranma is now L33T."
Piro blinked some more.
"Okay," Seraphim began again, "imagine, for a moment, a Japanese version of Largo. Now take that image, and give it superhuman strength, speed, agility, and the ability to fire energy blasts and create tornadoes."
Piro paled. With Largo's diminished line between reality and video games... "We've gotta do something!" Piro stopped to think. "Well, after work. What are they doing now, anyway?"
__________________________________________________________________________________
"|]13, foo!"
{Oh dear, they do make quite a mess.} Kasumi hummed to herself as she entered the guest room, stepping over the various computer parts and game cartridges strewn about the floor.
Meanwhile, at Sony Inc...
The engineer at the computer station adjusted his glasses for a moment, then gestured to his co-worker.
"But it's just not right! Beating up on scared, helpless people like that!" Usagi frowned darkly at Ranma, who mostly ignored her as he stepped into the changing room.
Within moments, Ranma stepped out of the changing room.
{So he really just left? He didn't even tell anybody?} Ukyo looked at Akane worriedly. Ranma skipping school was hardly unheard of, but there had always been an obvious reason before.
Shampoo raced upon the rooftops on her bicycle, making occasional jumps to clear buildings.
{Ranma-sempai! Get back here!} Ping-chan hefted another sedan and tossed it at the fleeing duo before rejoining pursuit. Ranma was many times faster than she was, but he wouldn't leave Largo behind, meaning that she mostly had to concentrate on keeping the American in range.
Ranma, noting that there was no follow-up object following the last hurled car, snuck a peek behind him as he ran.
*Whoosh*
Largo approached as Ping-chan went down, and grinned at his protege's apparent skill.
{So if I run the simulation like this, and give her a weapon...}
The two engineers tore their eyes away from the computer screen to see four figures behind them. Behind the four figures was a rather large hole in the wall, right next to the door to the office. Through the hole, both men could see a trail of unconscious bodies making a path from the building's entrance.
The engineer sighed, then glared at his coworker, whose eyes were locked on the shiny material stretched tight over Shampoo's rear.
"Hmmm... school should be out by now." Ranma gazed in the direction of Furinkan High School, ignoring Shampoo as she snuggled her body tight around his.
Largo watched her go, then raised an eyebrow at Ranma. "You are a lucky man."
Usagi sighed from where she sat on Largo's shoulder.
{Hello! Shampoo back!}
Konatsu was plenty worried when 8 o'clock rolled around, and had been jumping about restlessly for hours.
The cross dressing ninja was quite literally climbing on the walls with concern when the door opened, and Ukyo walked into the restaurant, humming to herself.
Akane had later found out where Ukyo went, and had spent a good deal of time fuming over it. In fact, Nabiki had given her a discount-price report of where Ranma had been all day. She was curious about the dance clubs that had been assaulted and ransacked, but that curiosity was soon smashed beneath the formidable weight of her fury.
{Ah, I'm sorry Piro-kun, but I don't know where Ping-chan went. I'm sure she'll turn up sooner or later.}
*Bam* {Yo, I'm home!}
Piro watched as Ranma headed up the stairs, a grin on his face and a spring in his step.
As Largo slept, he dreamed. He dreamt of the 6r347 3\/1| that infested Japan, an 3\/1| that was it his responsibility to root out and destroy. It was only a matter of time. Soon the battle would be joined.
As Largo slept, Piro didn't. A conversation with his companion very rarely yielded any helpful results, but this time, Piro was just plain frightened. Largo was messing with a force he simply didn't understand, and the young man had a way of making a situation worse whenever he tweaked it.
As Shampoo slept, she dreamed. She usually dreamt of Ranma, but tonight's dreams were different. There were no hopeless tragedies of Ranma being dragged kicking and screaming to the Amazon village, or equally hopeless fantasies of Akane being crushed into a bloody paste, and Ranma throwing himself at her in thanks. This time, there was only a bright happy future, with the pleasures of marriage surrounding her. There were images of Ranma's gentle affections, words of love, and rigors of her first pregnancy as they started their own family.
As Ukyo slept, she dreamed. Her dreams were largely unchanged; there were images of wedding cakes, ceremonial kimonos, and wedding parties. But amongst the usual festivities of the happiest day of her life, there was one very important difference: Ranma had always before been there, but almost in the background. He was there, yet not. A part of her dreams, and in fact a vital component, but still separate, distant from her, even as the marriage ceremony began.
As Akane slept, she dreamed.
As Ranma slept, he dreamed. He dreamt of his life's experiences. The places he had been, and the people he had met. So far, from his new perspective on life, it mostly sucked.
**********************************************************************************
End Chapter 3
*Smash* *Thwack* *Pow* *Pow* *Pow* *Pow* *Snap* *Smash*
Largo nodded in satisfaction as the 3V1L zombies were dispatched en masse. With Ranma's L33T martial arts s|<1llz, and his knowledge and experience, they would cleanse the world of 3V1L!
{Look out!}
{He's crazy!}
{Oh God, somebody help me!!}
"Ha ha ha!! PH33R my m4d m4r714l 4r7s s|
Ranma nodded happily, and blasted a path through the wall of the dance club, now littered with unconscious bodies.
"Ah, but wait! Are you not forgetting the act that must always follow a sw337 b347d0wn such as this?"
Ranma stopped and stared at Largo, confused. Largo gave him a smug smile. Then Ranma slapped his forehead.
"Of course! Looting!" Ranma immediately started fishing through the insensate ravers' pockets.
Largo nodded. "Yes. And once we have sufficient supplies, we will purchase you proper dress. Hurry!"
Then he frowned. "Yo, Ranma. There any police around here? 'Cause usually they try and get in the way. Damn government conspiracies..."
Ranma snorted. "Police? In Nerima? |\|0 \/\/a`/, d00d."
Largo grinned. "|\/|057 3><[3||3|\|7."
__________________________________________________________________________________
After and two minutes with her feather duster and a wet cloth, the room was already looking shiny, save the assortment of items still laying about the floor. Kasumi would have picked those up, but she didn't think that their guests would appreciate her touching their things.
Kasumi stopped when she came to Ping-chan, still plugged in next to the electric socket and powered down.
Shrugging after a moment of thought, Kasumi started dusting Ping-chan, only to accidentally throw the switch behind her ear with the handle of her duster.
{Wha... What? Kasumi-chan? Where am I?}
Kasumi blinked. {Oh my. You're in the guest room Ping-chan. Are you alright?}
Ping shook her head to clear it, then started shifting through her past memory records.
{OH!!! Where's Ranma?!}
Kasumi blinked. {Ranma? I'm afraid I don't know. Piro-san seemed to think he was out with Largo.}
Ping blinked. {He... he left me here? But... we're engaged! He left me!} She sniffled, and fell down to her knees.
Kasumi blinked, then moved to comfort her. {Now, now. I'm sure Ranma will be back. He probably just went out to eat at Shampoo's or Ukyo's.}
Ping-chan sniffed. {Shampoo? Ukyo? Who are they?}
Kasumi blinked. {You didn't know? Ranma's engaged.} She frowned slightly. {Very engaged.}
Ping-chan trembled. More fiancees? Then his proposal was just a trick? He was just playing with her? How could he be so cruel?!
{WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! RANMA!!!!} Ping-chan ran through the wall of the room right outside, sobbing all the while as plaster and wood rained down on the floor behind her.
Kasumi sweatdropped as she stared at the large hole in the wall. 'Oh dear, it looks like I'll have to clean up again. Poor Ping-chan... but I suppose this will be a healthy lesson in how to deal with rejection.'
__________________________________________________________________________________
{Hey, take a look at this. You know how we never finished that algorithm telling the Ping EMS unit how to deal with emotions such as 'rejection'? I just ran a simulation.}
The other engineer looked over at the monitor, and raised an eyebrow. {Wow. Can it really do that?}
{Lift and throw buses? Yeah, I think she can.}
__________________________________________________________________________________
"Hey, hey, chill little babe! It's cool!"
Usagi stared incredulously as Ranma shut the door to the room, and then gently picked her up in his hand.
"Cool?! How is that cool?!"
Ranma smiled at her. "They were 3V1L! So they deserved a 8347down! See? Cool!"
Usagi could only stare. How had Ranma's speech patterns (not to mention his actual language) changed so drastically in such a short amount of time? "Well, what about the looting! That was just evil!"
Ranma's grin didn't waver. "Spoils of war, little babe." Ranma then made a twirling motion with his index finger. "Now, if you wouldn't mind..."
Usagi blinked. "Huh? Oh! Okay." She turned around.
There was a shuffling of clothes, and as soon as she saw the shirt hit the floor out of the corner of her eye, she turned back around.
Ranma started as his conscience gave off a wolf whistle.
"Hey! No peeking!" Ranma glared at the tiny blond, and she giggled even as her face reddened.
Largo nodded in approval. Ranma now wore a plain white muscle shirt instead of his traditional Chinese shirt. His pants were the same, but he wore a silvery metal chain as a belt, and his slippers had been exchanged for a pair of hiking boots. He also wore a black headband with the Mortal Kombat dragon logo embroidered on the front.
"N07 84D. Here friend. To complete the ensemble." Largo held up a black leather jacket with metal plates attached to the shoulders and arms. Ranma bowed deeply and accepted the offering.
"L33TM4573R, you bless me. This r0x0rz."
Largo grinned.
"Squeak!" Largo blinked, then turned to his furry conscience, who was pointing out the window.
"What's up little dude? Huh? Hey Ranma! It's Ping!"
Ranma blinked, then looked out the window. "Great. |>5`/(|-|0 |20807 61|2| is here." Ranma took a better look, then sweatdropped. "She looks kind of upset."
Largo nodded in agreement. "Man, I didn't think an 18-wheeler could skid like that on its side. Not on hard asphalt, anyway."
"Maybe we should go see what's wrong?" Usagi suggested.
Ranma nodded, and followed Largo out of the store.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Akane fumed in her desk, and the book in her hands was nearly torn apart as her hands clenched sporadically. {YES!!! Can you believe it?! Just up and leaves with that weird American guy without so much of a word to anyone else!! When I get my hands on that creep...}
Ukyo tuned Akane out. If Ranma had left the dojo on his own, any number of things could have happened to him. Which meant that he may need help. Which meant that she had to find him before Shampoo did, if she wanted to provide that help, along with all the love and affection that Ranma's "cute" fiancee could possibly provide.
The okinomiyaki chef looked up at the clock hanging on the wall. Study hall was almost over, meaning that there was only one more class in the day. She had never liked math anyway.
{I'll give him a reason to leave! I'll just bet the both of them are off at the Nekohanten, flirting with Shampoo and... Ukyo? Hey Ukyo, where'd you go?}
__________________________________________________________________________________
She sighed, and bumped the empty aluminum ramen container to her other hand. Just another delivery, part of another boring day. She contemplated going to see Ranma, but once again decided against it.
The whole chase seemed so pointless now, and it hurt. Shampoo was a smart girl, despite popular opinion to the contrary; she saw the way Ranma and Akane looked at each occasionally. She saw that they cared for each other, at the very least; though no matter what, even if Ranma decided to marry that horrible girl, she would never allow herself to believe that Ranma actually loved Akane.
And yet, love or not, that was the extent of Ranma's feelings towards ANYBODY. Shampoo had never once gotten the same warm, caring glance from the pigtailed boy that Akane ignored frequently. Ranma DID care for Shampoo too, but the same way he would care about any girl he knew.
Shampoo's teeth clenched, and strained the chain of her bicycle as she put more force into her legs. It just wasn't fair! They were actually going to marry her to that... that stupid, arrogant, jealous twit!
Shampoo jumped her bike at the edge of a roof, and went sailing out over the street and past the canal, to come to a stop in an alley. She sighed.
Ranma had forgiven her for the bombs, almost as quickly as he had forgiven Ukyo (he hadn't said anything to Kodachi yet, but she suspected that was because he didn't want to get near her). That was one quality of his that she found so attractive; he was so easygoing, so forgiving. Even if he didn't understand, he didn't need to. He simply let the past go. It was something she was extremely thankful for too; if he wasn't so quick to forgive, he'd probably hate her by now.
'And it's one more thing that Akane takes completely for granted,' Shampoo thought irritably as she started riding again.
*Sigh* "Ranma..."
*CRASH!!!*
Shampoo gave a start, then put on the brakes as there was an explosion of brick and glass on the other side of the building she was next to. She stared in that direction for a moment, then peeked out of the alleyway.
Shampoo blinked. "Ranma?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! CRAZY ROBOT CHICK!!!"
Shampoo blinked again. What was that language he was speaking? What was he running from? And who was that guy right behind him?
"Keep running dude!! She ripped out another telephone pole!! OH GEEZ!!! DUCK!!!"
Shampoo sweatdropped as a girl she didn't recognize in some sort of frilly dress hurled the aforementioned telephone pole.
Shampoo's eyes narrowed, and she calmly set her bicycle against the wall of the alleyway. Then she pulled out her colored bonbori.
Ranma didn't hit girls, even in self-defense. Shampoo thought it was stupid, but it was Ranma's policy. Otherwise, Akane would be in pretty bad shape by now. In any case, there was no doubt in Shampoo's mind that Ranma would allow this girl to crush him with whatever she was capable of lifting before he'd strike back at her. Shampoo's grip tightened on her bonbori.
Her proximity sensors went off, and Ping lashed out behind herself just in time to deflect a multi-colored bonbori flying toward her. Her eyes cold, the malfunctioning android looked up slowly to see a shapely violet haired girl perched atop a telephone pole.
{Who you and why you attack airen?} Shampoo demanded, waving her other bonbori at the robot girl.
Ping-chan's eyes narrowed.
Noticing that Ping had stopped to look at Shampoo, Ranma cursed inwardly and stopped.
"|]4|\/|! Shampoo's here! This su><0rz!"
Largo sped past Ranma, only to stop a little ways ahead of him. "Dude, what's the matter? The psycho robot chick is-...... huh? Who's that?"
Ranma growled. "That's Shampoo. Oh man. Quick, where's Ping's off switch?"
Largo blinked. "What about Shampoo? I'm talking about the babe throwing those weird maces."
Ranma shook his head, nearly dislodging Usagi, who had been clinging to his pigtail when the whole chase had started. "I'll explain later. Where's the switch?"
"It's behind her left ear," explained a dizzy Usagi. "Just what did you do to her anyway?"
Ranma shrugged. "Got me. It's a gift of mine, turning people homicidal." Giving a rather morbid smirk, he sprinted off toward where Shampoo was being forced back with a light post.
"Aiyah!" Shampoo leapt backwards, just barely avoiding having been smashed to the side with the long length of steel.
Ping-chan glared at the Amazon, arcs of electricity crackling around the cylinders attached to her ears. {You can't have Ranma! He's mine!}
Shampoo's teeth clenched. {Shampoo have no idea where you come from, but Shampoo send you back there! Ranma belong to Shampoo!} She shifted her stance, and prepared for a thrust with her steel-headed weapon.
{Well now, it's nice to be wanted.}
Both girls blinked, and immediately focused on Ranma, who was standing on the axle of an overturned car. He smiled.
{Or that's how the saying goes, anyway. Personally, I think it kind of sucks.}
Ping's eye twitched, and sparks shot out of the units attached to her ears. {Ranma!! How could you?!} She hurled the light post, and Shampoo gasped.
Ranma grinned. Moving into a crouch, he jumped into a somersault as the metal post neared him, kicking it further into the air, and then kicking it back down with his other leg as he reached the apex of his jump.
Ranma landed back on the car, and the badly dented post slammed into the street hard, spraying concrete and digging itself into the hardened surface. Shampoo gave an impressed whistle.
Ping-chan sniffled angrily, then looked for something else extremely heavy to hurl at her beloved.
{Hey Ping!} Ranma suddenly shouted.
Ping blinked, and turned back toward Ranma. {Huh? What?}
Ranma pointed at her. {Look behind you!}
Ping blinked again, then turned around.
*Click* *Thud*
An inactive android girl hit the ground, her large eyes blank.
Ranma smirked and dusted off his hands. {Feh. Nothing to it.}
"Most excellently fought, my phr3nd! Now we shall-"
"Aiyah!" *Glomp* Largo blinked as a curvy, bosomy, purple-haired person attached herself to Ranma's side. Ranma shrugged best he could, then yanked an arm loose to wrap around Shampoo's waist.
Shampoo was in shock. Ranma was HUGGING HER BACK?!?! She must be dreaming! This had to be a fantasy, a daydream! Any minute now she'd come to her senses and see Ranma walking by behind Akane, nursing a bruise!
"Hey dude, who's the babe?" Largo asked, appraising her quite openly.
Shampoo stared. Any minute now...
Ranma grinned. "This is my second fiancee, Shampoo. Cute, 'aint she?"
Largo nodded. "Damn, she's hot!"
Shampoo started trembling slightly. It would be any minute now...
Largo smiled, then shook his head. "No way those could be real though. I'll bet she pads 'em."
Ranma snorted, then grinned wider. "Oh, they're VERY real. BELIEVE ME."
Oh, the hell with it. If it really was a dream, she might as well enjoy it before she woke up, right?
Largo blinked as Shampoo seemed to snap out of her stupor, and starting cuddling for all she was worth. Then he looked down at the insensate Ping-chan. "Hey, what do we do with the psychotic cyborg here?"
Ranma shrugged, Shampoo still rubbing against him liberally. Usagi watched from his shoulder, her expression a mix of fascination and resignation.
Largo kneeled next to the android, then fished some papers out of Ping's pockets.
"Hmmmmm... lessee here. We've got our license agreement, software copyright, warning not to let her get wet...... AH! Here we go! She's got an extended 2-year warranty. We just need to take her back to the manufacturer."
Ranma nodded, then scooped Shampoo up into his arms, which surprised her, but also delighted her to no end. "Then we're off to Sony! Our |
{But first, we're gonna hook you up, babe.}
Shampoo and Largo blinked.
__________________________________________________________________________________
The second engineer whistled. {That's pretty nasty. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned", I suppose.}
{Whoa! Look at all the buildings fall down!}
*SMASH!!!*
The man sitting before the computer sweatdropped. {Um... the door wasn't locked, you know.}
Ranma snorted. {We have no need for doors. Right babe?}
Shampoo grinned. {Is right!}
The other man was gaping slightly as he stared at the violet-haired Amazon. She was now wearing a tight miniskirt and sneakers, and for a top wore a blue bikini top that showed her cleavage remarkably well. She wore a black jacket with metal plates on the shoulders and elbows, identical to Ranma's, over that.
Largo stepped in front of the couple, dragging the still non-functional Ping behind him.
"Okay dude, here's the deal. You be speakin' English?"
The engineer who wasn't busy drooling nodded slowly.
"Good. We got this droid here, and she's been acting all crazy on us. Throwing things and stuff like that. She also keeps yelling weird stuff like... uh... Ranma, what was it?"
Ranma shrugged and hugged Shampoo to him again. "Stuff like how I betrayed her and how we're engaged and junk like that. I have no idea what she's talking about."
The engineer got up from his computer, then leaned down to inspect Ping-chan. {Hmmmm... I see burn marks on her memory storage units. Ah! Her CPU's been damaged too!} He looked up at Largo. "Has anything happened to her recently? Like has she gotten wet? We've just recently been able to fix that little problem. Though that algorithm..." The engineer looked back at his computer, which was still playing a video of a little animated Ping-chan loading a rocket launcher.
Largo blinked, then shrugged. "I don't know what happened. She 'aint even mine. She just started attacking me and my friend here." Largo coughed into his hand, and then suddenly looked serious. "Look, I have a warranty here, and Piro's gonna be ticked if he finds out I broke his girlfriend. So fix her or whatever. Now. Or we'll destroy the place or something."
The engineer gave him a flat expression. "Right. You're going to destroy this building?" He deadpanned.
Ranma snapped his fingers, and Shampoo stopped snuggling against him and launched a roundhouse kick at a random wall.
*Crash!!* The poor, innocent wall didn't stand a chance.
The engineer sweatdropped, then laughed nervously. "Well, we'll do what we can, okay?! Leave it to us!"
Largo nodded. "1nd33d. Come, pupil. Our work here is done."
Ranma nodded himself, then followed Largo out, Shampoo still attached to his arm.
'Well, better get to work.' He picked up Ping-chan and trudged over to the lab. It was going to be a long day.
__________________________________________________________________________________
{Ranma? Why you speaking strange language?}
Ranma turned and smiled at her. {It's English. 'Fraid you'll probably have to pick it up sooner or later, babe.} He ran a hand through her long, purple hair, and Shampoo made delighted noises.
Learn this "English"? Not even a consideration. Shampoo had learned to speak understandable Japanese in less than a month. Learning another language was no problem if it meant spending more time with Ranma.
"Dude! I got b33r!" Largo sat down on the bench next to his two companions, and tossed a can of beer to Ranma, who caught it deftly. "Hey man, you got the time?"
Ranma brought one arm around to show his new Timex, which was taken from one of the many evil zombies he had vanquished. "It's about 6."
Largo nodded and opened his beer. Shampoo glanced at the watch, then gasped.
{Aiyah!! Is late! Shampoo need get back! So sorry!} Shampoo threw a regretful glance at Ranma, then started to run to where she had left her bike.
{Hey, wait!} Ranma yelled out, and Shampoo stopped and turned toward him. {You wanna go out tomorrow?}
Shampoo stood shock-still. Ranma was offering to take her on a date? This was the happiest day of her life!!
{YES!!! Of course Shampoo go on date with Ranma!!}
Ranma grinned at her. {Cool! I'll meet you in the park, okay? Around one 'o clock! Say hi to the old bat for me!}
Shampoo nodded happily and waved to him as she jumped away.
Ranma grinned. "I know. I can't believe that until now I just thought of her as some annoying chick who wouldn't leave me alone." Ranma snorted, then took a long sip from his beer. Then he started coughing spontaneously, spitting out most of the liquid onto the ground.
Largo nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, I know. I've gotta find some place that sells imported beer. This stuff is awful." He chugged down his own can in four seconds flat, then tossed it in a nearby receptacle.
{Ranchan! There you are!}
Largo blinked as Ukyo ran across the park to the bench they were sitting on. Despite wearing a boy's uniform, she had stopped binding her breasts recently, and it showed. What really caught his attention, however, was the really big spatula strapped to her back.
"Man. What kind of fly do you need THAT to swat?" Ranma ignored him.
{Hey Ucchan! What's up?}
Ukyo frowned. {Ranchan, what's going on? You weren't in school today... and what are you wearing?}
Ranma smiled and dusted off his jacket as he stood up. {Pretty neat, huh? You like it?}
Ukyo blinked. {Er... it's nice.}
Ranma then wrapped an arm behind her, and Ukyo suddenly found herself eyes only inches away from his. {So, you wanna go out for ice cream?}
Ukyo stared at him wide-eyed. {What did you say?}
Ranma grinned widely. {I SAID,} he stated, emphasizing the last word with a quick peck to Ukyo's lips, {you wanna go out for ice cream?}
Ukyo was frozen as the warmth from her heart and her lips met, and her entire body started to feel warm and fuzzy. The entire world seemed to melt away, and there was no one but her and her Ranchan.
*Glomp* {I would LOVE some ice cream.}
"Maybe I should just give up."
"Squeak!" Boo agreed, before holding up a sign. [They don't pay us enough for this.]
__________________________________________________________________________________
Cologne turned from her cooking to watch Shampoo come in. {Shampoo, where have you been? The dinner rush is just starting, and you know I can't rely on Mr. Part Time here.} She gestured to Mousse, who was trying to take an order from a potted plant as the customer held his head in his hands. {And... what are you wearing?}
Shampoo backed up, then struck a slight pose. {You like? Ranma help Shampoo pick out!} The male customers in the restaurant, many of whom were ready to leave after dealing with the incompetent waiter, gave some very appreciative comments at the sight and decided it might be worth their time to stay.
Mousse, predictably, didn't take the news very well. {What?! That fiend Saotome was with you?! Why I'll *Wham* Owwwww......}
Cologne retracted her staff from where Mousse was smashed into the counter. {Oh, so you were with son-in-law. That's all right then. How is he?}
Shampoo giggled and jumped up and down, causing every man in the room to focus his eyes on her breasts as they bounced with her. Many didn't even notice when the ladies they were eating with got up and left in disgust.
{Is so exciting! Ranma be nice to Shampoo! He even ask Shampoo on date!}
{WHAT?!?! I'LL KILL *WHAM!!* Urgh...}
Cologne smiled up at her great great great... er, granddaughter. {Why, that's wonderful. But you'd better change now. We can discuss this later.}
Shampoo nodded happily and bounced upstairs.
Cologne sighed to herself and shoved Mousse's body off the counter that he had fallen over. Ah, to be young and in love. It was certainly about time that Ranma had started to show some interest in Shampoo. If the boy had just listened to his hormones in the first place like everyone else his age, then Shampoo would be pregnant by now, and she could be back in China, training her son in law so that he could teach his children to be the greatest generation of fighters ever born in the Amazon nation.
Ah well. Time for that later. For now, she had customers to attend to.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Ukyo had not come back to the restaurant after school. This was bad in itself, but when the usual customers from Furinkan High came by, only to find that the Ucchan's hadn't opened yet, he had heard that Ukyo hadn't been seen since 5th period. Once it was also mentioned that Ranma was missing too, the situation became that much more dangerous. Hanging around Ranma, Ukyo could be anywhere, and be subjected to anything; almost every possible disaster (as well as many impossible disasters) was centered around Ranma, and whoever happened to be nearby was more often than not caught up in it.
Unfortunately, Konatsu couldn't just go out and look for her; she had no idea where to look for either Ranma or his mistress. And what if she showed up while he was out?
{Oh! Mistress Ukyo! I... er... why are you dressed like that?} Konatsu stopped and stared.
Even if Ukyo had given up, for the most part, the pretense that she was male, she still tended to wear masculine clothing. Until just now.
The okinomiyaki chef was now decked out in a very small cut-off t-shirt that exposed everything below her breasts (not that it covered those that well either), and was wearing a pair of cut-off denim shorts as well to show maximum leg. In other words, quite a figure to attract attention. Konatsu himself was having more than a hard time of keeping his staring away from the expanses of bare skin.
Her spatula was still there, but it was slung into a leather strap that had one end tied around her waist and the other end looped around her shoulder. Her small spatulas were now held in the loops of her shorts.
Ukyo didn't shy away from Konatsu's staring, and chuckled before spinning around slowly, her long chestnut hair flowing around her neck in a spiral.
{So? What do you think? Ranma picked it out himself!}
The ninja blinked. {Ranma?}
Ukyo nodded, then leaned back against the wall, clasping her hands in front of her. {I just had the most WONDERFUL day. Ranma finally noticed me! He's finally treating me like his fiancee! I can't believe it!} She turned her smile to Konatsu, and he reflected on how he had literally never seen the normally cheerful girl this ecstatic. {And he asked me out! We're going on a date tomorrow! He's meeting me at the park at one! *Sigh*......}
Konatsu blinked. {Er... tomorrow's Saturday. Some of our regulars were kind of upset that we didn't open today...}
Ukyo waved her hand, as if waving their concerns aside. {If they think that I'm going to sacrifice the greatest, most important opportunity of my life so that they can get a bite to eat, then they can go to the Nekohanten and suck ramen noodles for all I care. We didn't open today, and we won't open tomorrow.}
Ukyo skipped up the stairs, her grin as bright as ever.
Konatsu watched her go up, then shrugged his shoulders and sighed. Oh well. Maybe he could get some extra cleaning done tomorrow.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Ranma had been seen with Ukyo. Not just hanging around her, or hitting her up for free food, but FLIRTING with her and holding her and even KISSING her!
And as if that wasn't bad enough, before that Ranma was seen with that bimbo Shampoo! There was really nothing new in that case; Shampoo was grabbing him, snuggling away, etc. Actually, Nabiki had said that Ranma wasn't seen to be resisting this time, but Akane knew better; Ranma never resisted Shampoo's advances, and he was always flirting with her and encouraging her. That PERVERT!!!
And on top of ALL that, Ranma was even seen going out with Ping-chan, that robot girl who he proposed to the night before!! Well, Nabiki had said that her contacts claimed he was running away as she threw large objects at him, but again, Akane was smarter than that. She knew that Ranma was flirting with her too, and even if she did hit him or something, it was probably in retaliation for something perverted he did. Served the jerk right.
Piro nodded nervously from the far end of the table away from Akane, who was glowing a blazing red and looking like she wanted to grind the cup in her hands to powder. Soun and Genma were both cowering behind him, and impressive feat when they were both taller.
{Th-Th-Th-Thank you... Ka-Ka-Kasumi-san...} He gulped, and the noise apparently attracted Akane's wrathful gaze for a moment. She broke eye contact a split second later, focusing once more on all the different ways she would hurt Ranma when he got back. Piro wanted to cry just from the glare, and Soun had already been reduced to tears.
Seraphim hid behind his neck, having already been subjected to the briefest of Akane's I'm-gonna-kill-Ranma-next-time-I-see-him glares. "Scary..."
"Piro! We got more beer, dude!"
Genma and Soun clapped their hands together and gave thanks to the heavens. It was unfortunate that they'd have to pay for the boy's funeral, but ultimately necessary if they were to distract Akane's Death Gaze (tm) from themselves.
Ranma walked in, apparently totally carefree in his new setup, which caused a raised eyebrow from Nabiki. Kasumi bowed and welcomed him, to which he thanked her.
Largo's attention picked up what Ranma had apparently not noticed immediately. Namely Akane's deadly battle aura. "Uh... I think you're in trouble, dude."
Ranma blinked, then looked at Akane. {Hey! What's up?}
The aura pulsed. Genma splashed himself out of reflex, and Piro decided to join Soun in hiding behind the larger mass that the panda now provided.
{And just WHERE have you been?} Akane asked far too calmly, even as her eye twitched.
Ranma blinked. {I've been out with Shampoo and Ukyo. Why?}
Akane growled and cocked back a fist. {YEAH RIGHT!!! Don't lie to me!! I know you were out with Shampoo, Ukyo, and...} what Ranma said finally registered. {What?}
Ranma frowned. {I said, I was out with Shampoo and Ukyo.}
Akane stared, and her battle aura started to tank. Ranma was admitting it? Then it flared up again. {Well what about Ping, huh?!}
Ranma blinked some more. {Oh. Well, I guess you could say I was out with her too, though I wish she would have just stayed home.} He noted Akane's incredulous expression. {What?}
{I don't believe this!} Akane growled. {You skip school to go out with your girlfriends, and you don't even deny it!!} Akane's fist sailed. And then she blinked, as Ranma was suddenly closer to her, past the punch that had found no home.
{Why would I lie?} Ranma asked in genuine curiosity.
{Because that's what you've always done before!!}
Ranma shook his head. {Nah. It's just that I wasn't going out with them before.}
Akane growled as her fury returned full force. {You expect me to believe that?!}
Ranma chuckled. {Well, that's the thing. I figured, if I'm going to get hit no matter what I do, I might as enjoy myself and make sure I deserve it, right?}
He backed away quickly, letting Akane's left hook pass just centimeters from his chin. {Besides, since when did you care who I spend my time with?}
Largo spared a glance at Piro, who was clutching Soun in terror. His expression was one of worry, though also one of confusion; he couldn't understand a word they were saying!
{I don't care!} Akane said, punctuating the last word with another punch that Ranma dodged. {This is what you get for being such a pervert!}
Ranma blinked. {Pervert?}
{Yeah! Don't think you can fool me! I know how you're always groping Shampoo! I'll bet you had your hands all over them!}
Ranma shook his head in the negative, and Akane stopped in confusion.
{No, no, it's not like that at all. You gotta take these things slow, you know? Well... okay, it was like that with Shampoo, but c'mon! She's always climbing on me! What am I gonna do, say "no"?} He grinned.
The punch that Ranma just barely ducked under had enough feminine fury behind it to send Ryoga out cold. Akane turned to see Ranma stand up behind her, her anger continuing to build to levels previously unknown even to human females.
{Ah! Come on! They seemed to really like it! I even helped them pick out new wardrobes! Ukyo looks SO hot in shorts, you wouldn't believe it!}
{DIE!!!} Akane shot forward with her arms extended, planning to grab Ranma and choke the perverted life out of him. Her hands ended up going through the opposite wall instead, and by the time she freed them, she couldn't see Ranma anywhere.
{Where is he?!?!} Akane shouted, glaring at the people in the room (except for Kasumi, who she could never focus a glare at, naturally). Then she settled her gaze on Largo.
{You! You have something to do with this!! Where is he?!}
Largo blinked. "Uh... lessee... ohayo? No, wait... er, sake! Uh, nano... uhm... sushi..."
Akane screamed incoherently in frustration, and stalked up the stairs.
Largo gazed at her back. "Man, Ranma was right. She just might be a demonic presence! I'd better check her out later."
With Akane out of the room, the other inhabitants began looking around, themselves curious as to where Ranma went. They were all quite surprised when he rolled out from under the dining room table.
Nabiki blinked. {Well, that was a new approach to Akane's temper. Have you ever considered life insurance, Ranma?} Ranma chuckled at the joke made at his expense. Largo walked up and clapped him on the shoulder.
"Dude, how'd you do that? I didn't even see where you went!"
Ranma grinned. "I'm just that good. Ph33r the 5|<1||z!" He high-fived Largo, right before Soun turned him around to face him and Genma.
{Son, what is this about you going out with Shampoo?}
[You had better not be cheating on your fiancee, boy!]
Ranma shook his head. {Now, now, I was just joking about having my hands all over Shampoo.} 'Not.' {I'm not interested in a purely physical relationship with either of them. I view them both as people and individuals, and only seek a healthy, strong relationship with my fiancees built on trust and mutual respect.}
Nabiki's eyebrow shot up, and she almost fell over as the elbow she was leaning on slipped off the table.
Soun and Genma stared at him.
{Uh... that's nice...} Soun began, when he was suddenly interrupted, by Kasumi, of all people.
{Why Ranma! That's so mature of you! I'm very glad to hear that!} Kasumi's smile showed nothing but approval, which further messed up Soun's thought processes.
"What's going on?" he asked hopelessly.
"Damned if I know," Seraphim responded. "But when I get my hands on that ditz and that stupid hamster..." her eyes narrowed.
Piro stood up, then followed Largo into the room they shared. This was going too far. Something had to be done.
"Ah! Sw337, [00|, American 833r! Come to me, fresh nectar of mortals!"
But first, he had to keep Largo from getting too sloshed to communicate with.
__________________________________________________________________________________
He sighed. At least Ping-chan would be okay. Once Sony fixed her, anyway.
__________________________________________________________________________________
There was no Amazon village, or Cologne, or Akane. Only Ranma, and her.
__________________________________________________________________________________
But this was different. He was there. The dream seemed to center around him. She smiled at her love, and he smiled back. She made a joke, and he laughed the loudest. And then before the ceremony began, he held her close, and gave her a kiss that seemed to stretch into infinity...
__________________________________________________________________________________
She dreamt of many things. Most of them centered around Ranma. As much as she hated it, ever since he had shown up, nearly every event of note revolved around him. She had always enjoyed (or was it despised?) the "VIP" status she had been spontaneously given as Ranma's first fiancee, and abused that status regularly by her own whim. He was always by her side, and no matter what she did, for better or for worse, he always would be.
But something had happened. It had only been one day, but somehow, she knew, the status quo had changed, and she wasn't at all sure where she placed now. That American had done something to Ranma.
Akane dreamed. A smile crossed her face as little chibi-Ranma's were smashed into the ground in a large Whack-A-Mole Machine. That pervert would get his.
__________________________________________________________________________________
He had almost no control of his life. He was constantly pushed and pulled in one direction or another, and frequently swept into circumstances far beyond his control; usually circumstances that people blamed him for in the first place. He received not praise for trying to do what was right, but, more often than not, beatings.
He was forced to live his life under the same roof with the one girl he was engaged to who DIDN'T want desperately to get into his pants, who in fact showed him far more scorn than affection, and who attacked him regularly for even associating with other girls who would (and in some cases, have tried to) kill for the same chance with him. He had never asked for any of them, but did that matter? Of course not.
Well, now was the reign of the L33T.
Life was a game.
And from now on, Ranma was playing by different rules.