Disclaimer missing, feared dead. If found, call someone who cares.

Guardian
Chapter 20
A New Threat... Or Not

**********************************************************************************

*Crack!* *Boom!*
Ominous lightning flashed in the background as rain poured down in thick sheets upon the antiquated western-style castle that topped the surrounding desolate landscape. Jagged stone spires stretched toward the dark clouds above, and the wind made a vicious howling noise as it combed through the castle's courtyard, whipping through rusted spike fences and blackened, bare-limbed trees.
*Ch-gunk!* The sound of a large lever being dropped could barely be heard through the eerie maelstrom outside, and another peal of thunder crashed as the topmost spire of the castle suddenly split open, revealing a huge metal pole swathed in wires and circuits, and topped with a silvery sphere that crackled with experimental energies.
The tower slowly extended skyward as the castle's old, barely-maintained clockwork gears ground together, forced into action after years of disuse by engines and generators far more advanced.
*Ch-chung!* At last, the tower reached the height of its track, and arcs of electricity started to appear all along the length of the rod, though dwarfed as they were by the thunderous bolts that still pounded the sky around the compound.
__________________________________________________________________________________

"Dr. Deth, the transmitter tower is in position and ready to be powered up on your signal!" A bosomy woman with long, blonde hair called from a circular workstation covered in switches, gauges, and display panels.
*Vrrrrrm...* From the center of the workstation, a cylindrical platform slowly lowered itself toward the floor. Atop the platform, seated in a plush leather chair, was a wiry old man with a thin ring of gray hair wearing a sharp white lab coat with shiny black gloves, boots, and shoulder pads.
The man stood up and grinned, taking a moment to adjust his wire-rim glasses. "Excellent Maria, excellent! Synthia! Are all systems ready?"
On the other side of the control pit beneath the column, an identical woman was bent over several display meters. "Hmmm... yes Doctor! Everything is go!"
The mad scientist chuckled. "Most unfortunate that with my total staff of you two here to help me with the final stages of the project, that the castle security systems have to be left unattended to, but no matter! The last stages are at hand! The radiotronic manipulation tower is complete!"
He gripped one hand into a fist, and held it high above his head. "Nikolai Tesla! Had you only lived long enough to see your bizarre dreams take form! Energy flowing in endless circuit! Electricity transferred into radio waves! It's a madness forged of steel and plastic! Mwa hah hah hah hah!!"
Dr. Deth then leaned over the edge of his pedestal, gripping the railing as he grinned at the generator for his tower. "And now, using notes I obtained through a separate and largely irrelevant convoluted back-story, at last I have the means to bend the entire world to my will! I alone will control the output and transmission of all electricity in Japan! And once I have this nation's formidable industry on its knees, it will be a simple matter to construct a device to control all the world's energy transmissions! Then ALL will be forced to recognize my genius! I, who was cast aside as a lunatic and forced into the surprisingly charitable Japanese mad scientists' guild, will at last RULE THE WORLD!!"
From the control pit, Synthia and Maria clapped excitedly. "Wow! Way to go, Doctor!" "This is so exciting!"
"With just the press of a button starts the beginning of the end!" The mad doctor cackled as he sat back in his chair, uncovering one armrest to reveal a large, red button.
Then he stopped, and frowned slightly, looking back and forth across his main laboratory.
"Doctor? Is something wrong?" Maria asked, cocking her head to the side slightly.
"Erumph! No! No, of course not!" Deth said suddenly, pressing the button on his armchair. "Now! Let the countdown begin!"
Loud klaxons and red lights flashed in the laboratory interior, and electricity raced along thick cables the hung from the ceiling in bundles.
"RMT beginning startup charge!" Synthia called out, manipulating a few switches. "Ten seconds until RMT is fully functional! Nine seconds!"
Dr. Deth grinned as the countdown began, steepling his fingers.
"Eight seconds!"
Leaning back in his chair, the mad doctor began to rock back and forth, making sure he looked especially relaxed and reassured.
"Seven seconds! Six seconds!"
Deth unsteepled his fingers, and started to drum them along the exposed metal portion of his armrest control panel.
"Five seconds! Four seconds!"
The doctor frowned, and leaned forward, scratching his head.
"Three seconds! Two seconds!"
Looking around the laboratory, and paying extra attention to the vulnerable or hard-to-see spots, Dr. Deth grit his teeth.
"One second! Annnnnd..."
"Stop the countdown!"
*Breep!* The machines ground to a halt as Deth slammed his hand down on the sequencer cancellation button, and his assistants looked up to the Doctor in surprise.
"Dr. Deth, what's the matter?!" Maria cried, searching wildly for any disturbance.
"I... uhm..." the madman twitched as he looked about the room suspiciously. "I'm just... you know... taking a moment. To savor it. The moment, that is."
".................."
".................."
".................."
"So, um... how much of a moment are you going to need?" Synthia asked, sweatdropping. "Because my coffee break is in ten minutes, and I was hoping we could get your campaign for world domination off the ground before then."
"Quiet!" Dr. Deth yelled, startling the two beauties. "Did you hear something just now?"
Maria blinked. "No Doctor. Nothing."
"Just the generator and the wind."
Deth looked back and forth across the laboratory. "Neither of you heard anything like a body crawling through an air duct, or a mini-laser slicing through a dungeon grate?"
"Nope." "Nuh-uh."
Frowning deeply, Dr. Deth pointed to Synthia. "My dear, check the security systems. Have their been any disturbances that we can write off as local animals? Or cameras that have suddenly become inactive, doubtless due to maintenance problems at a mind-bogglingly convenient time?"
"Hmmmm... no, nothing. All systems check out perfectly."
"Well, damn it!" The mad scientist shouted, again startling his assistants. "Why hasn't anyone shown up to try and foil me?! Doesn't anybody CARE?!"
Maria and Synthia sweatdropped, having no idea what to say to that.
Fuming, Dr. Deth whipped out a cell phone, then hit a number on his speed dial. "Stupid no-good British agencies... never on time... damn European sons of-Hello? Yes! This is Dr. Deth! ... No, I'm not here to make new demands, my old ones still stand... I don't care. Look, can you put me through to her Majesty's Secret Service? Yes, I'll hold."

"I had no idea the Doctor valued competition so much," Maria said worriedly.
Synthia shrugged, stretching as she checked her watch. "I have to admit, it did seem kind of odd to get through a project without any government incursions or spycraft. Anyway, it looks like he'll be awhile, so I'm gonna go grab my coffee."
"Hurry back!"

"Hello? Good! Now put me through to Agent 007! You heard me! ...... Well, it WON'T blow his cover, because if he was doing his JOB, I wouldn't need to call, you fool! Now put me through to his cellular!" Drumming his fingers impatiently on his armrest, Dr. Deth awaited his call's connection.
*Bond here. What's the matter?*
"Ah! James Bond! Good to hear your voice!" Deth said in a strangely pleasant tone. "I was afraid you'd been killed by some bumbling assassin or minor hitman skirmish! Tell me, where are you now?"
*In the Bahamas, actually. Look, I'm very busy, so if this could wait-*
"The Bahamas! Oh, my! That sounds wonderful!" Deth said happily. "I can't remember the last time I've gotten time to go on vacation, what with my projects to create all manner of doomsday devices and take over the world and such. In fact, I was just completing my latest project just a few moments ago? Did you get a... I don't know... a memo, or anything?"
*Well that's... that's a funny story, actually. You see, I-Ooh, oh, no! Not right now! Just hold on!-I was actually on my way to your stronghold two days ago. You know, to stop you and secure the future of the free world.*
"My! Your pilot must have been very confused!" Deth said sarcastically, his voice starting to lose the forced humor.
*Yes, well, I didn't actually make it onto the plane, as such. You see-Yes, okay! That's perfect! Just like that!-Where was I? Oh, yes, they actually stopped me at security. Things have been a bit tense in the airline industry since that American disaster, you know. Anyway, one of the stewardesses ended up strip searching me, and, well, one thing led to another.*
Dr. Deth sweatdropped. "I see. I take this to mean that you won't be arriving in any kind of timely manner to stop my evil plot, then?"
*Not this time, no. But I-OH! Oh yes!-Look, I really have to call you back! Now is NOT a good time!*
The mad doctor sighed. "Don't bother. Enjoy your vacation."
*Thank you! Tell Maria I said hello!* *Click!*

Maria watched as Dr. Deth closed his cell phone sullenly. "So this means that Mr. Bond isn't coming? Awww..."
"Yes, we're all disappointed," Deth murmured, fuming silently as he fell back into his chair.
His plucky lab assistant perked up. "But on the other hand, now you can complete your plans for world domination unhindered!"
"Bah! What's the point?" Deth mumbled dismissively.
Maria blinked. "Control of the entire planet and the satisfaction and glory of absolute power?"
"There's no satisfaction in ruling the world; taking it over is the fun part! Without the challenge of competent, dangerous, or at least amusingly impotent opposition, fulfilling a lifelong dream is as simple as building a ridiculously powerful doomsday device. That's no way to conquer the planet!"
Maria sighed and scratched her head. "Well, then what are we going to do? It's not like we can just phone in and order opposition! Not for free, anyway. And we already blew the project budget on the RM tower and your killer robot spiders."
Deth chuckled as he got an idea, and flipped open his cell phone again. "Maria, my dear, in any civilized nation, there's ALWAYS an organization willing to waste their time and energy to give you a hard time free of charge. It's called the government." Then he started dialing. "And I know just the branch to call, too... not the most competent bunch, but they don't get much more dangerous..."
__________________________________________________________________________________

"Well, I'm going off to work now!" Junko called as she walked briskly toward the door, hastily applying some lipstick with the aid of a compact mirror. "The Captain called and left a message about mentally analyzing the officer that you said beat you up, so I probably won't have enough time to drop by later and check on you."
Sitting on her couch, and looking stiff a statue, Rayden responded without looking back at the redhead. "I have no intention of staying."
Junko blinked, and halted on her way to the door. "Oh, no, that's okay! You can stick around for a while! It must be rough living by yourself with no income besides what you loot from the corpses of criminals!"
Rayden twitched. "I really do not wish to stay," he said bluntly, not bothering to feign Japanese politeness. Emerging from unconsciousness and then being made to tell his life story to a half-dressed therapist had been most uncomfortable, made all the more so by the therapist's constant playful flirting. He would have left long ago, but Junko had hidden his coat and weapons and he wanted to wait until she was gone before he searched for them.
"Aw, why do you wanna leave?" Junko asked, pouting. "It'll be lonely without a man in the house to keep me company! Can't you stay a little while?"
Rayden finally turned to face her, his eyes cold and emotionless. "You do not strike me as the sort of woman who is wanting for... companionship."
"C'mon, don't be like that!" Junko said teasingly, walking over the super-soldier and patting his head affectionately. "You KNOW you'll always be my favorite, don't you?"
A vein popped up on Rayden's head. "What are you talking about?"
"Pleeeease don't leave, okay?" Junko said, little tears gathering in the corners of her eyes as her lower lip trembled. "If you're good, when I get home I'll give you a treat..." The hand still resting on Rayden's head slid down his face and began to draw circles on his chest.
Rayden twitched again and batted her hand away. "There is no force on this Earth that can keep me here once you are gone. There is much I have to do, and I have no time to waste on your games."
Junko dropped the crying act and thought about that. "I hid your guns really well."
"............ There will be a reckoning for this, I assure you." Rayden's expression, true to form, did nothing to express the level of rage and frustration he was experiencing at that moment.
"Okay! Laters!"
__________________________________________________________________________________

Asuka sighed as Junko finally emerged from the next room. The redhead had a serious, concerned expression on her face, and was holding a clipboard while shaking her head slightly.
"Well?" The Captain asked neutrally. "Is he stable, or what?"
Junko looked downcast. "I... I'm sorry Captain... but it's official. Kyle simply isn't mentally fit for police duty, never mind to be in a position of responsibility."
Asuka's left eye twitched. "I KNOW that, you moron! Your initial psyche report said the same thing! But has he gone crazy?"
Junko blinked. "Oh. Well, in that case, no, he's not. Though he does claim to hear a voice in his head, I have enough experience with schizophrenia and have studied Kyle's condition closely enough to say that it doesn't quite fit the bill."
The blue-haired woman frowned. "What else could it be, then?"
Junko bit her lip pensively. "I'm not sure... really, it smacks of advanced hypnosis techniques. Of course, we have no idea what, precisely, has been done to him, or the extent of the changes."
From his position where he was resting on the couch near the back of the main lobby, Seras sat up slowly. "Yeah... physhically though, he'sh in more than top ssshape. I tell ya, the thingsh I sheen..."
Junko blinked again. "What have you seen?"
"We don't know," Asuka deadpanned, "he drunk himself comatose before I could ask him about the results of his tests, and we're still waiting for him to sober up enough to describe what he found."

To the side of the two women, and out of sight of the inebriated doctor, a window opened quietly, and the barrel of a sniper rifle slowly poked through the closed blinds.
Kyle licked his lips as he angled the rifle toward the mass of blue hair that he could barely make out through the tiny slits between the blinds. Frowning at his inability to get a good look at his target, the inept superhuman reached one hand through the blinds and groped blindly for the plastic rod that would open them, and give him a clear line of sight.
As a rule, when one is groping blindly for ANYTHING, bad things tend to happen.
*Zzzshhnk!* Accidentally grabbing the cord to raise the blinds and tugging hard on it, Kyle let out a startled yelp as his rifle was suddenly yanked upward. *TOOM!*

*Thap!* Asuka didn't even turn as a bullet pierced the ceiling, raining down bits of paint and plaster.
"SNAKE, KNOCK IT OFF!!" She shouted immediately.
"THAT WASN'T ME!!" Was the reply from the second floor. *BWA-KOOOM!!*
Junko and Asuka winced as the entire building shook and groaned from a sudden detonation on the floor above them, and they both turned to look out the nearby window (as its blinds had been raised at some point) as a rain of glass and flaming office furniture pounded that side of the Headquarters lot.
"...... Uh... YEAH, THAT WAS ME!"
The police captain sighed. "C'mon. We can worry about Kyle after Tuko sobers up and tells us what they did to him. In the meantime, we have plenty of other idiots to keep us busy."
Nodding in agreement, the two women headed for the stairway to assess the latest disaster area.

Outside, Kyle grimaced as he pushed the burning desk off of him, and then started to dust the ash off himself and put out the flames that caught on his shirt.
"This isn't working... She's just too clever for me!" Kyle lamented, sighing and letting himself fall down onto his rear.
"GYAH!! Ow ow ow ow ow ow!!" Then he yelped and started jumping around the parking lot after having his rear cheeks jabbed by a carpet of shards of hot glass. Genetically enhanced or no, his butt was still a relatively soft and sensitive region.
After finishing his short dance, the negligible damage had regenerated and chemicals in his brain that hadn't existed until recently had banished all but the memory of pain from his mind. With that minor crisis dispensed with, he was free to go back to his previous line of thought.
"The Captain is just way too smart! I'll never catch her off-guard!" Kyle moaned, crossing his arms over his chest. "And she's so casual about it, too! Every time I try to kill her, she just tells me to stop like I'm some kid misbehaving!"
Kyle looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well, obviously if I can't outsmart her, I'll have to overpower her! That's the only option!"
Clenching one hand into a fist and raising it above his head, Kyle grinned maliciously. "I'll walk right up to her and destroy her up-front and personal! No more sneaky stuff, no more backstabbing, and no more hesitation! Nothing will keep me from crushing her!"
Tycho blinked as he rounded the corner, spying Kyle in some sort of victory pose. "Hey Kyle! Wanna go get a sno-cone?"
"Okay!" The blonde lieutenant turned around and dashed off immediately, his murderous task forgotten.
__________________________________________________________________________________

Alexandra frowned as Yoshi's image on the computer monitor shrugged at her.
*I don't know what to tell you, Alex. The project is on schedule, but it's simply not ready for widespread use yet.*
"I want you to tell my why it isn't ready!" The voluptuous terrorist growled. "Last I saw, you had a functioning combat-ready prototype at your disposal!"
On the screen, Yoshi adjusted his glasses as he shook his head, a pose that Alex absolutely despised. *A functioning prototype? He's still undergoing the final phases of testing, and by all indications, he will prove to be quite NON-functional, which would necessitate a whole other phase to bring the genetic enhancement levels down to an acceptable range. As it is now, we couldn't possibly put our men through the side effects of the mutation.*
Alex twitched. "Since when do you care about the lives of our men?"
*Who says I do?* Yoshi said indignantly, *I care about the outcome of our missions and the results of my work! And let me tell you, the prototype isn't fit to complete a briefing, never mind a mission. The final phases of testing are merely to confirm whether heavy psychological conditioning and manipulation can compensate for the effects.*
Alex let herself fall back into her chair, and crossed her arms under her breasts. "Hmph. So what is this 'testing' that apparently doesn't require your supervision?"
The diminutive scientist looked distracted by something off to the side as he answered her question. *Oh, I sent him to kill the leader of the Department of Abnormal Phenomenae Containment. You know, two birds with one stone and all that.*
"........." Alexandra remained silent for several moments, then cleared her throat softly. "And... did he succeed?"
*Doesn't look like it. On the other hand, he hasn't been locked up yet either. My informant caught a glimpse of him having a sno-cone with one of the other officers.*
"YOU IDIOT!!" Alex screamed, jumping up. "You just put our new weapon back in the hands of the enemy!"
Yoshi blinked. *So? He's been reduced to a semi-coherent, childish vegetable that heeds treasonous commands from the back of his mind. He's barely worth anything to us, and he's merely a bumbling assassin to the enemy, albeit an incredibly tough and powerful one. I don't believe he'll be any threat to you in the future.*
"And what if they dissect him and figure out the secrets of our manipulations?" Alex asked angrily.
*Horribly unlikely. Especially while they're too stupid to realize he's a threat and allow him to live.*
Alexandra scowled. "Never overestimate the moral capacity of the DAPC!"
*Yes, yes, I'll do that. I mean, not do that. Whatever,* Yoshi mumbled off-handedly. *In the meantime though, I have to get back to work.*
"Wait! Yoshi! Don't go yet! We have to-" she stopped talking as the screen went blank, and then slammed a fist onto her armrest in frustration. "Damn that man! Damn him to hell!"
Breathing heavily from the adrenaline that was just begging her to choke the subject of her ire, she turned around and glared at Igov, who was attending the meeting, though he had wisely done so out of arm's reach of his commander.
"Yutchzky, what do you think of all this? If the DAPC has a superhuman under it's command... well, another superhuman..." she amended. He probably hadn't undergone any genetic enhancement, but Ranma certainly ranked among those who could withstand a burst of gunfire and tear apart a boomer bare-handed. "... Then should we not move to enhance our own men as quickly as possible, even with the chance of side-effects?"
".................."
Alex frowned as the Russian general failed to answer. "Yutchzky! Are you listening? Igov?"
Frowning and getting up from her chair, Alex peered closely at Igov's blank expression. Then she reached down and moved one of his hands slightly.
"Hm? What? What happened?" Igov mumbled slowly, suddenly conscious again. Then he looked back and forth, until finally seeing that the display where Yoshi had been talking on was dark. "Did briefing end?"
Alexandra sweatdropped. "Yes, it did. I think you were on 'power save' mode again."
The cyborg frowned. "New 'upgrades' are quite inconvenient. At very least, Igov did not crash again."
Alex stood up straight and frowned. "Have you tried running in 'safe' mode?"
Igov nodded. "Yes. But then weapon arms locked and disabled. Is uncomfortable feeling."
The brunette sighed wearily. "Well, just don't forget your password again like yesterday. I NEVER want to deal with that again. We'll figure out something. In the meantime, I have work to do."
__________________________________________________________________________________

"Totally your fault," a completely charred Ranma said stubbornly, pointing at a much less severely charred Snake.
"And how do you figure that?!" The weapons expert growled. "You distracted me! And I think it was on purpose!"
"Gimme a break!" Ranma shouted back angrily. "How come when I jump up and cling to the ceiling because of a sudden gunshot during a bomb disarming, it's called distracting you, but when you sneak up behind me and clap your hands when I'm disarming a bomb, it's called 'simulating real-world field conditions'?!"
"You were just using that as an excuse!" Snake said defensively, "You would have set your bombs off whether or not I did anything!"
"How do you know?!"
"Because I've never taught you how to disarm a bomb before making you to do a live trial, that's why! You're not trained to do it!"
Ranma crossed his arms over his chest. "And that's why I wanted to sit in on one of your test runs!"

Asuka massaged her head desperately as her subordinates continued to argue angrily. "Why? Why me?"
Junko frowned. "Wait... I'm confused. If Snake was the one tinkering with the bomb, how come Ranma looks like he took the brunt of the blast?"
"Well, where did you THINK I was gonna throw the bomb when I realized I screwed up?" Snake said matter-of-factly.
Ranma frowned. "I was hoping you'd throw it out the window."
"You were closer."
Asuka suddenly slid forward and glared at Snake, who swallowed nervously and stood at attention. "Lieutenant, you have to stop almost killing Saotome. It's gone way too far."
"Please," Snake scoffed, "'gone too far'? He hasn't even lost any limbs or minor organs yet!"
Ranma's face darkened. "Yeah... I was kinda hoping to avoid any chance of that if possible."
"Life isn't any fun if you don't learn to gamble with it!"
Asuka clenched her teeth. "Snake, how many times do you think Saotome can suffer point-blank explosions from small incendiary devices before suffering life-altering or life-ending consequences?"
The DA weapons expert scratched his chin for a moment. "Well, there's only one way to find out!"
"My POINT," the police Captain said as she grabbed Snake by the collar and hauled the larger man down to her height, "is that you seem to be taking Saotome's unreasonably and inexplicably resilient body for granted."
"And a body like THIS," Junko added, squeezing Ranma's rear for emphasis and causing the man to yelp in surprise, "is not to be taken for granted!"
"Thank you Chikiko, but I don't need your help with this," the blue-haired woman deadpanned. Then she refocused her glare on the officer in her iron grasp. "I'm serious Snake; if Ranma gets killed because of you, well... I think we can all say we saw it coming, but still, I will spare NO effort to see that you're locked up forever!"
"Oh, come on!" Snake complained. "You really think I'm going to kill him? The guy's bullet and explosive-proof!"
"I'm not QUITE bullet or explosive-proof," Ranma corrected bitterly. "That hurt like hell."
Snake shrugged. "Well, yeah. It wouldn't be funny otherwise."
*Wham!* The weapons expert yelped as Asuka suddenly hooked her arm around his neck and twisted around, slamming him hard onto the soot-covered floor.
The police captain stood up and dusted her hands off, giving Snake a half-lidded stare. "That looks like it hurt. Did you find it funny?"
"Hilarious," Ranma said happily.
"Very," Junko said, fighting a giggle.
"I have to admit, given the timing of your attack, the irony is undeniable," Snake said from where he was still flattened against the burnt carpet. "I'd say it's pretty funny."
Asuka hung her head and began to leave, too demoralized to even shout or reprimand her subordinates. "Hurry up and get this place cleaned up, okay? I have... things to do."

Junko frowned as she watched her captain trudge down the stairs, then turned that same frown full-force on the two men in front of her. "Now look what you've done! You've upset the Captain!"
Ranma blinked. "Me? What'd I do?!"
"You were laughing when she was trying to make a point!"
"So were you!"
"That's not important!" The redhead insisted, wagging a finger at the pair, "You two have to learn to get along better!"
Snake blinked. "Get along better? We get along fine."
Ranma nodded. "Yeah. I never hold this stuff against him. I know he's crazy. It'd be like staying angry at Kyle because he did something dumb; it's not really fair."
Junko scratched her head. "Well, all these explosions are putting the Captain on edge! You know she just got back from her trip only to find out that Kyle was lobotomized!"
"Lobotomized. Right. Like removing the center of a doughnut," Snake mumbled, getting up and dusting himself off.
"Well, I think you should make an effort to take it easy on her!" Junko lectured. "Especially you, Ranma. You remember what it was like without her, right?"
The pigtailed man grimaced. "I've tried to forget, but yeah. I seem to remember everyone else taking up the slack in almost killing me while Snake was gone. That sucked."
"Err... right. It sucked. Which is why we should be extra careful to show her our appreciation for a while!"
Snake nodded slowly. "Okay... sounds good! What do you suggest?"
"Well, for YOU, I suggest carrying out your bomb disarming trials and test firings in the parking lot," Junko said as she looked thoughtful.
Snake blinked. "But... it's dangerous to do that sort of thing without the proper facility! I could be killed!"
"I find it hard to believe the bombs are much more dangerous outside than in here," Ranma said skeptically.
"Bombs, shmoms. Have you seen the kinds of things Tycho does in the parking lot when he gets bored? I mean, you know those ruts in the asphalt next to the streaks of melted rubber on the corners? Those are from TREADS."
Ranma and Snake shuddered simultaneously while Junko continued.
"Saotome, I think it would be best if you seduced the Captain and began a steamy office romance behind closed doors. You know, just to keep things interesting," Junko smiled brightly at him, and Ranma stared back at her.
"............ Uh, can I trade jobs with Snake? His sounds way less dangerous." Sweat had started to bead on Ranma's forehead, and his nervous smile was in danger of cracking.
"Oh, don't listen to her," Snake said dismissively. "We should just throw her a pizza party or something."
Junko raised an eyebrow as she considered it. "Hmmm... given her training regimen and diet, do you think she eats pizza?"
"Hey, if she doesn't, more for us!" Ranma said happily. "Let's do it!"
Junko slapped her forehead. 'It's a good thing I love men so much, or there's no way I could deal with these guys. I can't imagine what the Captain's medicine cabinet looks like.' "Okay, let's run through this again..."
__________________________________________________________________________________

*Br-r-r-ring!* *Br-r-r-ring!*
Asuka winced at the sudden noise of her office phone blaring at her, and she grit her teeth as she mentally went over the list of recent acts of destruction she might have to explain away to the higher-ups.
Not coming up with anything off the bat, the police captain finally remembered that she had been gone for several days, and that her force had been left largely unsupervised with the entire city at the mercy of their own negligible sense of ethics and duty.
'I hate my life,' she thought as she picked up the phone. "DAPC Headquarters, Captain Takami speaking."
*Ah, the Captain! Very good! This is Dr. Deth.* Said an older voice on the other end, with a barely perceptible English accent tingeing his Japanese.
"............." Asuka remained silent for several moments. "Okay Kyle, I warned you what would happen if you tried prank calling my office again. You are in SO much trouble."
*What? No, it's-* *Click!*
Fuming to herself, Asuka slid in behind her desk and began leafing through her files. "Better make this a whopper of a citation. I swear, that moron never learns! Bad enough he's started taking after Snake and planting explosives all over my things, but this is just-"
*Br-r-r-ing!*
Growling, Asuka snatched up the phone. "Yes?! Who is it?!"
*It's me again. Dr. Deth. This isn't a prank call. Really.*
Asuka rolled her eyes. "Really? This isn't Kyle? All right buddy, let me pop you a quick history question: Tell me, in what year did the War of 1812 occur in America, huh?" She smirked to herself. No matter how many times she used that question against the blond dope, he had never gotten it right. One would've thought he'd eventually look it up, at least.
*Uh... I'm going to say 1812.* She could almost hear the sweatdrop on the other end of the line.
The blue-haired woman sat up seriously. "Okay, this isn't Kyle. So what is this about?"
*I just thought you might like to know about a certain project of mine. You see, I've completed construction of a device called a radiotronic manipulation tower, or RMT for short.*
Asuka nodded slowly, raising an eyebrow. "So... what? Is this one of Snake's buddies giving us a new weapon to test or something?"
*Ha! Hardly! The RMT is a device designed on the principles of Nikolai Tesla's experiments with energy generation and transmission. It allows the remote conversion of electrical energy transmissions into radio waves, which are then absorbed by the RMT for reconversion and redirection at a time and place of my choosing!*
"Uh huh. Right," Asuka mumbled, writing down a few notes on a yellow sticky note. "Turning energy into radio. Got it."
*Needless to say, with the only existing RMT in my possession, once it is activated I will have near-complete control of the energy distribution throughout Japan!* An insane giggle followed the declaration, and Asuka raised an eyebrow.
"Right. And I can only assume that you don't plan on using this power benevolently," she deadpanned.
*You're a sharp one, Captain! I'll use the RMT to take control of all of Japan! And then, once my power in this nation is absolute, I'll build a much larger series of them, and control the ENTIRE WORLD!! Mweh heh heh heh heh! WAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!*
Wincing, Asuka pulled the receiver away from her ear while she waited for the mad doctor to finish laughing.
"Are you done?"
*Yes. So, do you have all that?*
"Yeah. RM Tower, control energy transmissions, world domination," Asuka rattled off. "Quick question: Why are you telling us this when we seem to be in a position to stop you?"
*Oh. Uh... just... you know... bragging. That's all. There's no WAY you or your cadre of rag-tag but battle-hardened officers could possibly stop me before I activate this device at 8 PM tonight!*
"Another question: You said you'd already completed the device. Why are you waiting 'til eight o'clock to turn it on?"
*Pssht! Kssht! What was that? I'm sorry, we must have a bad connection,* the man on the other end said, obviously having made the static noises himself. *Anyway, you couldn't possibly infiltrate my castle stronghold located at 7169 Kaiun Ave, about four hours away from your present location, before my plans were completed, so... you know... don't send a squad down here to interfere or anything. 'Cause it won't do you any good.*
Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Because you've completely secured your castle from all outside threats?"
*What? No, no! Obviously no one could possibly interfere with my brilliant and carefully prepared plans, so I dispense with extensive defenses...... Uh, hey, you know, now that I'm looking at a roadmap, it seems more like five hours to get here if you don't know about this shortcut through-*
"Thank you Dr. Deth, I think that'll be all," the captain said, rolling her eyes.
*Are you sure? I can give you detailed directions. You see, there's this turn that's a little tricky just past-* *Click!*

"Yeesh. What a pain," the blue-haired woman muttered as she looked over the notes, scrubbing her head with her hand. "Now I've gotta send someone out to take down this loser."
Then she raised an eyebrow. "Hmmmm... that gives me an idea..."
__________________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Deth frowned as he heard the woman on the other end hang up, and then rubbed his chin in thought as he looked over the road map unfolded haphazardly over his lap. "Do you think I came off as sounding TOO invincible and unstoppable? I don't want to intimidate them..."
Synthia and Maria sweatdropped below the Doctor's pedestal.
"You did fine, Doctor."
"Yeah, I'm sure they'll be down here to foil you soon!"
Deth nodded slowly. "Yes... but I really didn't know about that longer road... maybe I should activate the device at 9? Then again, they're police officers, so they could probably drive faster than the speed limit..."

Maria turned to her twin, several sweatdrops now adorning her features. "I think the Doctor is trying a little too hard."
Synthia shrugged. "Well, he doesn't want to mess this up. I guess having the usual guy blow him off kinda shook the Doc."
"That wasn't very professional of Mr. 007 at all, taking off on vacation like that!" Maria said disapprovingly, crossing her arms over her considerable chest.
Synthia smirked. "You're just upset because it was your turn to be the dungeon guard and get seduced during the escape attempt."
Maria blushed, but said nothing and continued fuming.

"Maria! Synthia!" Deth finally said as he started refolding the road map. "I have some last-minute tuning for you to do on the castle's interior deathtraps! If we DO get any... 'unexpected' company," the mad doctor flexed his fingers to mark the appropriate words as he spoke, "I want to ensure that there are plenty of unfathomably complex yet inevitably flawed obstacles for them!"
"Right away, Doctor!"
__________________________________________________________________________________

Snake blinked and pointed at himself. "You want me to head an infiltration team into a mad scientist's laboratory?"
"Essentially, yes," Asuka said, smirking. "Though 'team' is a bit of an exaggeration. You'll be taking Saotome with you."
"Me? And him? Alone?" Ranma said, starting to get nervous. "D-Don't we need someone... you know... saner in charge?"
"I don't see why you would. Your only task is to obliterate the superweapon, that's all," the police captain explained, still smiling slightly.
"Not that I'm complaining, but why are you only sending me and Saotome on this mission?" Snake asked suspiciously.
Asuka's smirk grew slightly. "I was waiting for you to ask that." Then she poked the lieutenant in the chest. "Snake, you and Saotome represent the most lethal combat elements in our department. If we go into battle at full force in the future, and you KNOW we will, it is absolutely vital that you two learn to utilize your strengths such that they complement each other, instead of simply getting in each other's way."
"How do we get in each other's way?!" Snake shouted.
"I think she's talking about how I sometimes jump in close to fight hand-to-hand, and you keep shooting blindly into the melee," Ranma explained.
Snake considered that for a moment. "Okay, fine. So sometimes Saotome gets in the way. But I still don't think it justifies a whole training mission just for that."
"ANOTHER reason why I want you to handle this mission, Snake, is that as the commanding officer, you will be responsible for Ranma's safety during the course of the mission," Asuka said neutrally, her smile having faded.
Snake raised an eyebrow. Ranma's eyes bugged out.
"What did I ever do to you?!" The pigtailed man shouted, his face already pale.
"Relax Saotome," Asuka muttered. "Snake, as the commanding officer, you will be held FULLY accountable for any wounds Ranma suffers over the course of the mission."
The weapons expert blinked. "Whoa. Waitaminute. What's this 'accountable' nonsense?"
"After the mission, under the assumption that Saotome makes it back alive, sane, and in good enough health to recount and explain what had happened..."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Ranma murmured.
"...I will take a full recounting of your actions during the mission from him," Asuka explained. "For every instance that you deliberately, directly, or indirectly caused harm to your subordinate, or caused harm through negligence of your responsibility, I will suspend you from duty for one month."
"WHAT?!" Snake gasped, twitching.
"Of course, you DO provide a crucial service in your duties here," Asuka remarked off-handedly. "Your maintenance and organization of the armory and munitions inventory are top-notch..."
"Yes! Service! Crucial! Armory! Notch!" Snake shouted in a panic.
"So obviously, while you're suspended, we'd need to give somebody else control of those functions," Asuka pretended to decide then and there.
"GAH!"
"And if you're suspended for two or more months, well, it'd be easier to just give someone else a promotion and permanently assign new duties rather than just try to have fill-ins for that long. I could always find something else for you do once you got back, like doing computer records or sweeping the halls."
Ranma sweatdropped as Snake fell to his knees, grasping his chest desperately as his body was overcome by violent trembling. His face had gone completely white, and his breathing was labored.
"Sweep... records... no... my... armory... my... precious! No! NO!! Yo-You can't do that!"
Asuka smirked again and leaned over so that she could stare Snake straight in the eyes. "Bottom line Rambo: don't hurt your own guy. It's not complicated."
Turning around sharply, the bluette wagged a finger at Ranma. "Now you two better get going. The entire world is at stake. I guess."

Ranma sweatdropped again as she left. "Even if she says all that, I don't think it's fair to make me go with him."
*Thud!*
The pigtailed man blinked as Snake finally fell over onto the floor, still clutching his chest.
"Snake? Snake! Man down! Man down! Sakura! Get Sakura in here!"
__________________________________________________________________________________

"Still, even if he's not allowed to almost kill you like he normally does, it's still gotta be rough being under Snake's command," Tiro allowed as Junko patted Ranma on the back.
"I don't think it'll be too bad, really," Ranma admitted, "but I still wish the Captain were coming instead."

"Defibrillator charged! Clear!" *BZACK!*
"... No change! Increase charge and try again!"
"What? Yamma, that's not how you check a pulse!"
"I only deal with dead bodies! Now crank up the juice and give 'im another!"

"Even so, it might be better if you got your affairs in order before you get there," Junko said. "Not that you can't handle yourself, but it's best to be prepared."
Tiro frowned as a thought occurred to him. "You ever wonder how Snake got promoted to his current rank in the first place?"

"Take two! Clear!" *B-Z-Z-ZACK!*
Snake gasped as his heart suddenly started beating again, and consciousness struck him like a sledgehammer. "NO!! MY GUNS!! YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM!!"
"Ow! Hey! Leggo!"
"Subject is being belligerent! Can you help us-DEAR GOD, HIS HAND'S GOING FOR THE GUN!! HOLD HIM DOWN!!"
"You're trying to take it! Take my precious! You can't have it! I'll kill you all!"

Ranma shrugged. "I'm guessing he survived enough missions and destroyed enough vital targets that it would have been dumb not to promote him. I mean, when we all got here there were only three officers who had survived and stayed in the DAPC."
"And considering that Kyle actually got promoted HIGHER than he did, well, Snake probably would've been pretty upset if he'd gotten nothing at all."
"Ah. A good point."
"WHY AREN'T YOU PEOPLE HELPING US?!?!" Yamma shouted desperately, holding Snake in a headlock while Seras and Sakura each tried to keep the man's hands from the pistol on his belt.
Ranma winced and then rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay. Stop whining already."
Then he walked up to the struggle and snapped his fingers in front of Snake's face.
"Huh? Wha? Where am I?"
"Snake. Castle. Superweapon. Boom. Now. Okay?" Ranma said seriously as his commanding officer stood up.
"Boom. Good. Car. Go." Snake nodded, and then both men turned and calmly headed toward the garage.

Sakura and Junko sweatdropped as they watched the two combat experts leave.
"You know, I guess they don't make a bad team," Sakura admitted. "Despite how many times Snake has blown him up, they really do get along well."
"I think that's mostly Ranma's background at work," Junko offered. "He's used to having friends that like to hurt him."
That statement seemed very, very wrong to the blonde police officer, and she was about to request further information on the topic, when she noticed that Seras Tuko was leaving to follow Snake and Ranma into the garage.
'Huh? Where's HE going?'
__________________________________________________________________________________

"Listen, you guys... about this mission..."
Ranma and Snake turned in surprise as they were about to get in the car. "Huh? Seras? What's up, man?"
The DA's chief medical officer, who, surprisingly, did not have a bottle in his hand at that moment, scowled as he stared at the gray, unmarked cement floor of the garage interior.
"Deth... he's... well..." Seras' scowl faded. "Try not to take him too seriously, okay?"
Ranma and Snake blinked in tandem.
"Don't take him seriously? He's trying to take over the world!" Ranma protested.
Snake snorted and waved Seras off. "Don't mind the doc. He's just drunk."
"No! I'm not drunk! Listen to me!" The medical officer shouted.
Ranma and Snake both raised an eyebrow at him.
"Uh... well... maybe I'm a LITTLE buzzed... but I'm not drunk! I'm serious, here!" Seras crossed his arms over his chest. "Yes, Deth is trying to take over the world... or says he is... but that's what he does. It's like his job."
"Not much of a job. If you ever do it right, then you're out of work," Ranma mused.
"Well, that's sort of the point," Seras admitted. "You see, this is all a game to him. If you keep that in mind, you'll be fine." Then he rubbed the back of his head. "Also... when you do foil him, and he's making his escape... let him go, all right?"
"Let him escape? As in, pass up the chance to kill somebody? Who do you think you're talking to?!" Snake asked, looking just a bit upset.
Ranma rolled his eyes. "Yeah, okay. We can do that."
"We can not!"
"Dr. Deth helped us take out the big mecha that attacked when me and Kyle were with Core," Ranma explained. "The least we can do is let him live after we screw up his plans."
"That's not the least we can do! I can do way less than that!" Snake insisted.
"Just do it, all right? Please?" Seras asked, with Ranma nodding his consent.
Snake frowned, then threw his hands up in disgust. "Bah! Fine. Have it your way, you pansies." Then he pointed at Ranma. "But in return, you have to let me slaughter all his henchmen without interference or whining!"
"Deth's 'henchmen' consist of a pair of airheaded blonde twins from America. Like, imagine Sakura, but taller," Seras explained.
*Bam!* Snake let his forehead slam against the hood of his car. "Worst. Mission. Ever."
"Oh, I'm sure you'll get to shoot something," Ranma chuckled and slipped into the car. "Let's roll, Lieutenant."
Seras blinked as Snake got into the driver's seat. "So... don't you guys want to know how I know all this, and what my connection to Deth is?"
"Not really. I don't care," Snake said honestly as he buckled up.
The medical officer frowned. "You have to be a BIT curious..."
"Nope. Not at all," Ranma said.
"Well, it's probably best that you know anyway," Seras decided.
"No, seriously, we don't want to hear it."
The perpetually inebriated man sighed. "You see, it's all rooted in my dark and shameful past when I was a..." he trailed off as Ranma finished rolling up the window to block out the noise, and then had to jump away as Snake accelerated and left.

"........." Seras turned around as she heard someone approaching from behind. "Ah! Captain Takami! You know, I-"
"Not interested, Tuko," Asuka said immediately. Though curious as to why the man suddenly started sulking, she continued. "I need to know what you found when you examined Kyle. This Deth thing is a nice distraction, but that's what I'm really worried about here."
"Ooh... yeah... about that..."
__________________________________________________________________________________

Kyle sighed in contentment as he finished his third sno-cone, and crumpled up the moist, worn paper cone before tossing it in a trash receptacle.
"So, what was it like being experimented on in an evil scientist's lab?" Tycho asked, having only just finished his first iced treat.
Kyle shrugged. "Eh, it wasn't so bad. Really, the worst part was simply that I wasted like, what, three days in there? Yeah. I could think of a lot of things I would've rather been doing, you know?"
"What did they do to you in there?"
The blond man frowned. "Rewrote my genetic code, implanted several bio-mechanical glands, and applied several forced mutations."
Tycho raised an eyebrow. "Whoa. That's pretty heavy. So now you're, like, some kind of mutant super freak? That must have been a drag to go through, huh?"
Kyle suddenly looked very solemn. "Well Tycho, to be honest, I felt hungry."
"...... Hungry."
"Yeah. They didn't feed me much in the lab, and these mutations burn calories like nobody's business."
"Fair enough," Tycho offered, leaning back against the wall of the library they were standing next to. "You know, just a thought, but it's the Captain's turn to take Hunter on a feeding walk later today."
This attracted Kyle's interest, and the blond superhuman listened to Tycho's words intently.
"Now, if I was some sort of brainwashed assassin, which of course I'm not, I might do something to take advantage of that, like maybe put live mice in her purse so that Hunter would attack her, or show up during the walk and just throw a steak on her, or even just hang out at a convenient spot where I could snipe her while she's out away from all the other officers."
Kyle slowly raised one eyebrow as he thought about this.
"Of course, as I mentioned, I'm NOT a brainwashed assassin," Tycho went on to say conversationally, "so really, that entire line of thought was both disturbing and annoyingly uncharacteristic of me. So, how about those Giants?"
The driver turned to address his companion directly, and then blinked as he realized Kyle was no longer in sight.
"Kyle? Kyle? Lieutenant? Where'd you go?"
__________________________________________________________________________________

Ranma sighed as he tried to come to grips with what he was hearing. "Snake, I'm not saying that ranged combat isn't a challenging and effective way to fight. I'm just saying that in the sort of urban, close-combat fighting we deal with so often, hand-to-hand combat is just as important, if not more."
"Your argument is inherently flawed," Snake refuted, "in that the art of gunnery extends to close-range fighting with the advent of pistols and shotguns, which can be used effectively to complement, and enhance, your performance in melee. Ever pistol-whipped a guy?"
"No, I've never needed to," Ranma deadpanned, "I can do a lot more damage by kicking them. Guns are a way for people without extensive combat training to fight effectively. They're just a way of making fighting easy."
"I'll concede that they do that, but that's not 'just' what they do. In the hands of a true master, the gun is as elegant and precise a tool of war as those fancy swords you samurai weirdoes like so much."
Ranma considered this. "I would agree to that, but then I wouldn't be living up to the martial artist stereotype of despising guns as the tools of cowards and weaklings, so instead I'll say that you're a barbarian nutcase."
"Thus cashing in on the Japanese stereotype as well," Snake mumbled thoughtfully. "You're pretty good at this debate thing, Saotome."
"Only against idiots and crazy people," Ranma admitted, "but then, those are the kinds of people I usually run into. Hey, what's that up ahead?"
Snake blinked as he noticed an old German car that was parked on the side of the road, its hood propped open in the classic "something's wrong and I sure as hell can't figure it out" position. Sitting on top of the car was a beautiful blonde woman wearing cut-off jeans and a white T-shirt that molded to her bust better than any dry garment should have been able to. The woman smiled as the police cruiser approached her vehicle, and waved an arm to get their attention in the unlikely case she didn't already have it.
As Snake slowed the car on their approach to the woman and her vehicle, he fished a coin from his pocket. "Heads, we call her a tow truck. Tails, we pretend to fix her car and set a bomb instead."
"Must we go through this EVERY time we deal with a motorist?" Ranma deadpanned, massaging his head.
"'Every time'? I don't ALWAYS give people a chance to avoid getting blown up, you know," Snake said haughtily.
Ranma sighed. "Point. Flip your coin."

Synthia smirked as the approaching police cruiser slowly pulled over behind her allegedly wrecked vehicle, and slid off of the car before running a hand through her hair.
'Hmmm... they're pretty cute. Too bad Maria gets sentry duty. I would have liked 'guarding' them.' "Oh, officers! Thank goodness you passed by!"
"Uh huh. Passed by. Sure did," Snake said almost mechanically as he walked right past the blonde woman carrying a large disc-shaped object that didn't quite resemble any standard car part that Synthia could recognize. "Just gimme a few moments, and I'll have your car running like a volcano!" He blinked as he considered his words. "I mean... like lava... coming from a volcano..."
Synthia sweatdropped. "But... you don't know what's wrong with it. How do you know you can fix it? What part is that, anyway?"
"It's a very special part," Snake murmured absently as he leaned over the hood of the car. "After I install it, you won't ever have to worry about maintaining or repairing this engine ever again."
"I hope you have good auto insurance," Ranma muttered as he too walked by to the front end of the vehicle. "And good health insurance."
Suddenly, Synthia grinned and produced a small pistol behind the officers' backs. "I don't think I'm the one who needs to be worried about her health, officers."
Ranma and Snake both turned away from the car hood to look at her, and at the weapon she had aimed at them.
"You're kidding, right?" Snake deadpanned.
"No joke," the blonde said, smirking. "Now boys, we're going for a little walk back to-"
*Thwap!* Faster than her eyes could follow, and much faster than she could ever hope to react to, Ranma's hand lashed out and slapped her handgun out of her grasp, sending it flying over the top of her car and into the brush that covered the edge of the road.
Snake then slowly withdrew his own gun and aimed it at the now-sweating woman.
"Uh... h-hey... now, wait, hold on, stop, slow down, red light, yield!" Her voice took on a slightly hysterical edge as Snake smirked at her, and Ranma simply leaned back onto her car with an unreadable expression on his face. "Let's not be hasty, here! We can talk this out! Haste is uncalled for!"
Snake made a show of switching off the safety, and then pulled back the slide.
"Haste! You're being hasty! Less haste, please!" Synthia shouted, sweat beading all over her pale, trembling face.
"Would you put your hands up, already?" Ranma said irritably, causing the blonde vixen to jump in surprise as she reached for the sky.
Snake then walked up to her and tapped her on the forhead with the muzzle of his sidearm, causing her to wince. "Okay blondie, I assume that you're what passes for a henchman in Dr. Deth's lab?"
"Erm... we prefer 'henchperson'," Synthia said timidly.
"How about 'goon'?" Ranma said, still staring neutrally at her.
"Ha ha ha!" The blonde woman forced a laugh, then nodded. "Goon works. And yes, I am."
"Good." Snake grinned at her. "Get marching, sweetie. You're taking us to him. Shortest distance. But I warn you, any funny business, and... uh..." his smile faded as he trailed off.
"And... what?" She asked nervously.
Ranma shrugged. "We'll probably just ignore you and then casually disarm you again. Anyway, can we get on with this? We ARE on a deadline."
__________________________________________________________________________________

Asuka paced the length of the room as Seras and Junko sat in the middle wordlessly.
"This is bad. This is very... well... quite possibly very bad," the Captain murmured.
Seras sighed. "I'm sorry Captain, but until we find out more about what happened to Kyle Tekai, there's no telling what could happen. I have to recommend a full quarantine."
"That's unusually professional of you," Junko said, raising an eyebrow.
The medical officer frowned. "Yeah, well, I haven't had a shot to drink in almost an hour. I'm pretty close to thinking coherently right now."
"But there's no way to determine the negative aspects of the mutations?" Asuka asked, her face a cold mask of steel will.
"None. For all we know, they could have just boosted his strength and resilience. Or they could have engineered him into a carrier for a mutagen agent. Given the general intent of the Freedom's Angels' agenda, we have to assume he was released into our ranks with malevolent intentions in mind."
"Of course, it's worth noting that given the history of the Freedom's Angels, it's entirely possible his release was just an act of incompetence on their part," Junko said, feeling the need to defend her superior.
"You're SURE there were unknown substances in his brain?" The blue-haired woman asked, her eyes locked on Seras'.
The failed doctor snorted. "There were unknown substances all over his body. But yes, his brain seemed to be contaminated with a chemical compound different from those that had been injected throughout the rest of him. However, all these compounds are completely unique to me; I've never seen anything like them."
"Of course, the FAs have Wraith at their beck and call, and that's their specialty," Asuka murmured. "While your specialty is, what, medical science?"
"Officially. Really, I'm far more skilled in electric engineering, robotics, and brewing," Seras admitted.
Junko frowned. "The chemicals in his brain could account for the hypnosis-like effects I encountered during my examination of him."
"What I want to know is, can we get rid of them?" Asuka asked the two specialists.
Seras frowned and rubbed his chin. "Brain surgery, huh? Well... I could give it a shot. Just crack open his skull and give it a rinse, right?"
"Whatever. I can't imagine he has much to damage," Asuka said flippantly, before she turned around. "Give me a solution by tomorrow that doesn't involve locking Kyle up. Dismissed."

Seras sweatdropped as Asuka walked out of the room, and thus out of earshot. "Doesn't have much to damage? That was a bit cold, don't you think?"
Junko smiled softly. "Hmm. Yes, but that's just how the Captain is. She has to act dark and cynical to avoid showing weakness, but behind all that, she really cares about what happens to the Lieutenant."
Seras considered this. "Well, she did say she wanted a solution that wouldn't involve locking him up. I guess she does care." With that affirmation, the medical officer stood up and stretched. "Whelp, I'm going to go have a brainstorming session with my good friend Jack Daniels. See ya."
Junko sweatdropped, and was about to make a scathing remark about his drinking during such a critical time, when Asuka suddenly poked her head back into the room.
"Oh, and Tuko? No more alcohol for you."
The medical officer blinked. "No what now?"
"No alcohol. Not until this fiasco is done with," Asuka said seriously.
Seras blinked again. "So, you mean, like, no beer?"
"No ALCOHOL," the bluette said firmly. "No beer, no wine, no brandy, no vodka, no tequila, no NOTHING. You are going to stay fully and completely sober until it's all done."
"What is this word 'sober', and why does it fill me with fear and loathing?" the medical officer said, not yet having fully grasped what he was being told.
Asuka growled and stalked over to the college drop-out, hands planted on her hips in a manner that looked surprisingly intimidating (though Tiro often remarked that it was also rather sexy). "I want you 'thinking coherently' for the entire time you're going to be poking sharp steel instruments into the nanoscopic blob that passes for Tekai's brain. So no alcohol until he's back to semi-normal. Is this getting through to you?"
Seras stared at her for a moment, then snorted. "Uh huh. Right. Okay. I'll give it a shot." His tone indicated that his "shot" would be hasty and sloppily given.
"You won't 'give it a shot', you're going to follow through," Asuka insisted. "Because I'm putting Tiro and Junko on a rotation watch over you until tomorrow. If you even TRY to drink, they will be ordered to shoot..."
"Fair enough," Seras said.
"... the bottle you're trying to drink from," the captain finished.
"I would like to withdraw my previous statement; this is totally unfair," the medical officer groused.
"This is how it is," the blue-haired woman said, her eyes narrowing. "Kyle's the most incompetent and braindead person I've ever had to command; I can't lose him to mind-altering drugs, of all things." She turned around and started to head out again. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm taking Hunter for a walk. Chikiko, you have first watch over our budding neurosurgeon."

Once again, the police captain left, and Seras twitched as the realization of his situation slowly dawned on him, bit by bit.
He turned toward Junko. "So, can I-"
"No," the redhead answered immediately, crossing her arms under her breasts. "I care about Kyle too. You're not even getting access to cough syrup until he's cured!"
"Uh oh... this is going to be a long night..."
__________________________________________________________________________________

*Crack!* *Ba-boom!*
"Here we are. That's the castle over there," Synthia said miserably, taking the lead for the two police officers as she pointed to the black spires of Dr. Deth's castle fortress. In the midst of the dark towers the RMT still stood tall, its titanium-forged body gleaming amidst the dirty and poorly maintained stronghold.
Ranma winced and raised his arm to shield his face. "What's with all this wind and thunder? It was sunny like ten minutes ago back near the road." Carrying a large backpack, Ranma had transported most of the gear Snake had wanted to bring on the hike from his car. Naturally, the load consisted of demolitions, ammo, weapons, and a good quantity of beer.
Snake shrugged. "Doesn't matter. It's time for us to take action. Here's the plan:" Snake walked behind Ranma and began to rummage through the pack. "Ranma, you're going to take this experimental plasma-thermite bomb, infiltrate through the front of the castle, and-"
"Before you go any further," Ranma interrupted, "I want to remind you that the Captain said you couldn't hurt me during this mission."
Snake blinked. "Oh. Right. Okay... well, there goes plans A through W. Well, in that case, we could..." He stopped speaking, and frowned. "I forget. Did that 'no hurting you' thing extend to indirect action and negligence?"
"Yes," Ranma said, withdrawing a piece of paper from his pocket. "I made sure to get the whole thing in writing." He may have been one of the strongest people in the world, and have unshakable faith in his abilities, but he was as afraid of dealing with explosives he didn't know how to use as much as the next sane person.
Snake frowned more deeply. "Okay, hold here. I have to think of a new plan."
Synthia sweatdropped, and leaned toward Ranma to whisper in his ear. "Is he always like this?"
Ranma shrugged. "Not really. Usually he'd want to do all the bomb work himself, but we're kind of pressed for time."
"Got it!" Snake snapped his fingers as he took Ranma's backpack off and dropped it on the ground so he could go through it more easily. "Plan lower-case-t-beta! Just follow my lead!" He snapped a shotgun onto his back, and then took up a pulse rifle. "Blondie, you can get us into the castle, right?"
"Uh... hey, Lieutenant, why do we even need to get into the castle?" Ranma asked. "Our objective is to destroy that tower, right? You brought a rocket launcher. We can blow it up from here."
"Nah. We'll infiltrate the castle," Snake said dismissively.
"But why? It's a waste of time! If you don't want to shoot at it, I can launch blasts of pure will from my hands and rip it apart with the strength of my ego. We won't even need to waste a rocket!"
Snake turned on him, looking stern. "And then what, huh?"
Ranma blinked. "And then the world is safe once again, we return home as heroes, and we can get back to focusing on what happened to Kyle when he was kidnapped."
"With a kill count of zero?!" Snake shouted. "Nuh-uh! Not on my watch, Saotome! I'm slightly opposed to shooting largely helpless women, and you already agreed for us that we can't kill the jerk behind this! That means I'm not leaving this hole until the enemy structure has been reduced to a pile of burning rocks! We are entering that castle, we are arming it to blow, and we are going to LEVEL IT. Is that clear?!"
Ranma and Synthia both cringed before the Lieutenant's bloodlust.
The pigtailed man sighed. "All right, fine. As long as you remember that you have to wait until after I get out to detonate the bombs."
"No promises," the weapons expert said neutrally. Then he turned toward Synthia. "All right toots. Front gate: what are we looking at?"
The blonde blinked. "Uh... well... lots of stuff. The front courtyard has a minefield, and the main doorway has machine gun drones hidden in it. Beyond that is the reception hall. The reception primarily consists of lasers."
Snake smirked. "Of course, with you taking the lead, you can turn off the traps for us."
Synthia blinked again. "What? I can't turn off the traps."
"You can't?"
She shook her head. "You can't 'turn off' a minefield. And the gun drones are independently automated with no central control. Some of the traps can be controlled, but only from an interior station."
Ranma shook his head. "Cut to the chase; how do you get into the castle without getting killed by your own traps?"
"Oh, we just use the service entrance!" Synthia said, pointing off to the side of the courtyard.
Ranma and Snake both twitched. From their vantage point they could see an overhang sticking out from the side of the castle, and under it a rickety, half-open screen door. Seeing the door led them to read a sign that was posted off to the side of the courtyard gate, which had an arrow pointing toward the side door along with the message [Service entrance. Authorized personnel only. Do-gooders please use front entrance.]
"Service entrance. Okay, fine. What traps are over there?" Snake asked.
"None. Why would we trap the only safe way in or out?" The blonde woman asked, rolling her eyes. "I mean, we have to get the mail sometime, you know."
"Fair enough. I guess. Sort of." Ranma scratched his head. "Whatever. Can we get on with it?"
*Cha-chak!* Snake cocked his shotgun, then rested it on his shoulder. "Saotome, arm yourself and prepare for battle. Tonight we give Deth the foiling of his life."
"... Make a note: 'foiling' doesn't sound very intimidating."
"Oh, shut up."
__________________________________________________________________________________

*Beep! Beep!* *Click!* Snake turned away from the third explosive charge and quickly slipped behind a large decorative column next to Ranma, who was covering him with pulse rifle at the ready.
"That's three on this wall. If I can place one higher, and then place enough explosives in the basement lab, it should destabilize the castle enough to knock most of it over when it goes off."
"What about the tower?" Ranma asked irritably, wanting to focus on the mission objective rather than simply causing as much damage as possible.
"You worry about the tower. I'll worry about pointless destruction." Then the Lieutenant turned toward their captive, who was staring nervously at the armed plastic explosives. "So is this whole region trap-free? Like, entirely trap-free?"
Synthia bit her lip anxiously. "Well... uh... yes..."
Ranma's eyes narrowed. "Yes... but?"
The blonde woman started to bigsweat as she laughed nervously. "But... there are... uh... sentries."
Snake blinked. "Sentries? But I thought Deth only had two goons?"
"He does," Synthia admitted, "but he also has a squad of killer robot spiders. Which patrol the castle regularly."
"Ah," Ranma muttered, looking up suddenly. "I was wondering what that thing was."
Sweatdropping, Synthia and Snake both looked up to see one of the aforementioned robotic spiders clinging to the ceiling. It was about four feet across taking into account its legspan, with its head segment covered in small, blood-red optical lenses.
The blocky, metal fangs twitched menacingly for a moment, and then the steel arachnid released its hold on the ceiling, folding its legs inward before flipping over completely to land on its feet.

*Wha-chang!* The moment it landed, a hatch atop the thorax popped open, and the intruders were presented with a small gun that had a bulbous ammo feed attached to its rear end.
The strange automaton didn't get to fire it however, as Ranma quickly stepped up and kicked the machine solidly in its head, knocking it back with enough force to smash its back into the wall.
Turning, Ranma raised his rifle as he spotted another one of the mechanical guards emerging from behind a stairway. "Snake, behind you!"
"Keep it busy for a sec!" The weapons expert shouted as Ranma opened fire. "I've gotta change ammo!" Grunting, Snake pulled the lever on his Pancor Jackhammer and let its standard 12 gauge shot spill onto the floor before expertly slipping several rounds of armor-piercing slug shot into its ammo feed.
*Ptang!* *Ting!* The pulse rifle's tiny rounds bounced harmlessly off the robot spider's body as it scurried closer to Ranma, its own weapon emerging from its back.
*Zow!* Ranma dove to the side as a thick, crackling bolt emerged from the robot spider's weapon, and his eyes widened as it suddenly spread out into a net of electrically-charged webbing, managing to catch his legs despite his dodge. *Gzzack!* "Gwah!"
Growling, Snake turned out from behind the column to his back, and took aim at the automaton's sensor-laden skull. *BLAM!!* Bits of metal and glass burst outward as the round punched through the armored skull, and the mechanical beast gave a final, violent shudder before its motor functions ceased permanently.
"Ranma! You okay?" The lieutenant shouted, slipping back behind the column again as he searched the area for more targets.
Ranma grit his teeth as he fought the paralyzing effect of the electric web, kicking the charged net off of his legs. "I'm fine! It's just-WHOA!" He rolled to the side to avoid getting impaled by a sharp metal leg, and then tried to kick himself up to his feet, only to stumble from the effects of the webbing.
Snake noticed the first robot spider trying to spear Ranma's skull, and started to turn his gun on it, when he was suddenly bludgeoned over the head from behind, and fell onto the ground, the room suddenly seeming to spin around him as he was overwhelmed with pain.

Synthia grinned as Snake stumbled to his knees, and once again raised the antique brass vase to land a final concussive blow on the dazed police officer.
Snake, of course, was not planning on going down that easily. Even half-conscious and in the throes of total agony, years of training, natural reflexes, and psychotic impulses allowed the Lieutenant to fall back on the one combat action most familiar to all gunmen raised in the rougher areas of America: blind saturation fire.
"Meep!" Synthia's eyes bugged out as Snake's free arm ripped his sidearm from his belt, and aimed in her general direction.
*Blam!* *Blam!* *Blam!* The blonde henchwoman cried out in surprise as one bullet blasted her vase right out of her hands, and she immediately hit the ground as Snake proceeded to empty his entire clip at her.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please don't kill me!" Synthia shouted, scrambling across the floor as hot lead whipped over her head and punched holes in the wall. Naturally, her cries merely served to enhance Snake's aim as his mind grasped the only indication of a target.
*Blam!* *Blam!* *Click!* Growling as his pistol clip emptied itself, Snake grasped his throbbing head and tried to push himself to his feet so that he could gain his bearings well enough to use his shotgun once more.
*Zow!* *Gzzack!* Then the weapons expert shouted in surprise as an electric web hit him full-on in the chest, and he crumpled to the ground, completely paralyzed.

"Damn bugs!" Ranma shouted, kicking away the first mechanical arachnid as it once again tried to give him a tracheotomy without the benefit of anesthesia.
Finally getting his footing once again, Ranma quickly scanned for the robot spider that had been attacking him, and noted that its gun appeared to have been damaged from being smashed into the wall. Other than that though, the automaton seemed to possess plenty of life to keep fighting.
'Not for long, though,' the pigtailed man decided, gritting his teeth and crossing his arms over his chest. "Mouko takabisha!" The spider halted as its sensors suddenly detected a sudden, impossible emission of kinetic energy focused in a sphere and directed at its body at high velocity. It never detected anything ever again.

Giving a satisfied smile as seeing the mechanical monster smashed to pieces and scattered across the dining hall, Ranma turned to meet his next opponent as it landed on the floor next to him and fired its projectile.
*Zow!* Ready for the attack this time, Ranma somersaulted over the electric web and landed right on top of the extended weapon, crushing it with a flying kick and taking a position on the robot spider that it wasn't equipped to deal with.
*Gzzack!* The pigtailed man turned as he heard Snake shout out in pain, and then growled as he saw yet another robot sentry turn to face him.
*Zow!*
Ranma quickly jumped behind the spider he was perched on, and then slammed his foot down on its bloated metal abdomen, causing its front portion to bounce up and take the webbing full-on in the face.
*Gzzack!* *TZZ-ZA-ZA-ZACK!!* *Brzzzt!* Sparks shot out of the spider's metal casing as its limbs began to spasm wildly, and it soon hit the ground in a twisted, twitching heap, smoke rising from several new holes in its carapace.
*Zow!* *Zow!* This didn't stop the other robot spider from firing, and Ranma weaved back and forth at top speed to avoid getting caught as patches of stunner webs were flung at him.
*Zow!* "Hyah!" Jumping over the last shot, Ranma smashed the last spider's armored head in with his fist, causing the floorboards of the old mansion to splinter and crack underneath his strike.
"Ha! Guns! Who needs 'em?" Ranma cheered, grinning as he pulled his fist free of the shattered bits of metal.
*Clack!* Then he blinked as hatch suddenly opened up on the spider's abdomen, and a small digital counter popped up with the number 3 on it.
*Click!* 2... *Click!* 1... *Beep!*
Ranma's left eye twitched. "That's rarely a good sign..."
*BWA-KOOOM!!!*

Synthia coughed and waved a hand in front of her face to keep the smoke away, slowly getting up to take stock of the situation.
She winced as she saw the gigantic, flaming hole that had been made at the mouth of the dining hall, and sighed as she reached into her cleavage and pulled out a walkie-talkie. "This is Synthia reporting in. We have an explosion in the dining hall, along with the incapacitated intruders. Retrieval and extinguisher units requested."
Switching off the walkie-talkie, the blonde henchwoman sweatdropped as she took a more careful look at the devastation caused. "Wow. I never thought the self-destruct feature would come in handy. We should probably adjust the blast radius though; that was WAY too destructive."
"I beg to differ," Ranma muttered, picking himself up off the ground and scaring the living daylights out of the buxom young woman.
"B-B-B-But how?!" Synthia screeched. "How the hell did you survive that?!"
"Practice," Ranma said in absolute seriousness as he began patting himself down, causing large clouds of black dust to billow off of him and fall to the floor.
After giving himself a quick dusting, Ranma smirked and began to advance on the blonde woman, cracking his knuckles. "Now it's just you and me."
Synthia, still wide-eyed, shook her head wildly.
Ranma frowned. "There's one of those spider robots behind me, isn't there?"
Synthia's expression didn't change as she once again shook her head.
"...... Several spider robots?"
Again her expression remained the same, though this time she nodded.
"Well, crap." *Zow!* *Gzzack!*

Dr. Deth chuckled as he approached the twitching and struggling police officers. Behind him, Maria directed the spider drones as they started spraying the fires with extinguisher modules, and Synthia quickly left to join her twin for fear that Ranma would somehow break free of the webs and attempt revenge upon her.
"So officers, a valiant effort, but I'm afraid all your work has been for naught! You are now in my clutches!"
The mad doctor turned around and raised his arms in the air. "With this victory, my success as conqueror of Earth is assured! In a mere hour, I will activate the radiotronic manipulation tower, and halt all transmission of electricity throughout Japan, converting electrical energy into useless radio waves that will spread throughout space as wasted energy! Once a total lack of energy has utterly broken the populace, only then will I announce my intentions, and force Japan's industry and government to turn over all control to me, or wallow in a primitive and harsh world where basic technology is nothing but a dream, with the inanimate and useless shells of countless devices constant reminders of..." the doctor slowly trailed off in the middle of his rant as a vicious snore erupted from Ranma's nose.
*Boot!* "Ow! What'ya do that for?!" Ranma complained.
"You can't fall asleep! I'm not done telling you about my nefarious plans!" Deth shouted, fuming.
Snake yawned, still conscious despite the shock and boredom, but also completely paralyzed from the neck down. "Look, we don't really care. Whatever you plan to do doesn't change our objective of destroying your stupid machine, right?"
"Besides, once the electric charge wears off, the webbing stays warm. It's actually kind of comfortable," Ranma remarked, wanting to curl right back up and drift off to sleep.
"Could you show a LITTLE interest in protecting the world from total domination, please?" Dr. Deth requested angrily.
Snake rolled his eyes. "If it makes you feel any better, you'll never get away with it."
Deth nodded in satisfaction at the familiar challenge. "Oh, but I already have! And once you're out of the way, there will be nothing to stop me! The radiotronic manipulation-"
"You know, I've been thinking about this since this mission started, and that really is a pretty dumb name for a 'take-over-the-world' machine," Ranma commented.
Dr. Deth blinked. Then he planted his hands on his hips. "Oh really? Well, what would YOU call an impossibly complex and sci-fi-ish electric coil based on the principles of the late eccentric genius Nikolai Tesla?"
The pigtailed man took two seconds to think. "Tesla coil. That way you don't even need an acronym."
"Hey... that's not bad," Synthia admitted.
"Ooh! That's much better than my idea! 'Deth coil' sounded kind of tacky!" Maria said cheerfully.
The mad doctor stared neutrally at the martial artist. "I'll... consider it. Anyway, now to take care of you two!"
Ranma sighed. "So I assume we'll be executed immediately?"
Deth snorted. "Executed? I don't have time for that. No, you'll be placed in my old and poorly-maintained dungeon, and guarded by one of my lonely and easily overpowered young assistants who will hold the only key to your cell!"
Ranma sweatdropped, and remained silent for several moments. "...... Seriously, are you even trying?! I've had girlfriends more evil than you!"
"Silence! Maria, take them to their cell!" The insane doctor demanded, turning away as the aforementioned twin moved to do his bidding. "Now, at last, my dream of world domination will become a reality!"
"Again," Synthia said, snickering slightly.
"Did I shout 'silence'? I'm pretty sure I did."

Ranma and Snake remained silent as two robot spiders dragged them across the floor through the castle halls.
"I think I'm starting to understand what Seras was saying," Snake muttered. "It is kind of hard to take all this seriously."
"I wonder if that evil terrorist lady is into this sort of thing," Ranma mused. It would certainly be a strange circumstance if amongst all the murder and deceit the Freedom's Angel General really just wanted to enjoy the challenge of tangling with opposition.
"I doubt it. Tokima strikes me as the kind of woman with a healthy sense of self-preservation." Snake struggled around a bit in his net so that he could face the woman leading the small convoy. "So... Maria, was it? I don't get it. Are you and that other chick Deth's daughters, or what?"
"We're interns. Why?" Maria asked, looking back at the prisoners as she walked.
Snake sweatdropped. "Interns. Of course."
"Me and Synthia need the money to pay for college courses in the summer. You know how expensive it is living in Japan!" Maria giggled as she opened the door that led to the dungeon. "Now watch your step!"
Snake blinked. "We can't really watch our-STAIRS!! DEAR GOD, NO!! ARRGH!!"
"WAAUGH!! OW! OW! OW!"
__________________________________________________________________________________

Asuka pondered her department's newest predicament as she hung up the phone on the main desk, having just spoken to Tycho. Apparently, in addition to the issue of keeping Seras sober long enough to do anything about Kyle's newest condition, the victim in question had run off on his own.
This in itself was hardly a problem, nor was it a surprise. Kyle was easily the least intelligent and most easily distracted of her forces, and this behavior was not at all out of character for him.
'Actually, none of his behavior has really been out of character,' Asuka thought to herself. 'I guess I'm taking Junko's word for it that he's been changed mentally at all.'
The police captain looked over as she felt something hard and warm rub against her leg, and leaned over slightly to pat Hunter as the zergling started making grumbling noises.
"Okay, okay. We'll be on our way in just a sec. I just have to grab my purse..."

Crouching behind a nearby desk and remaining absolutely silent, Kyle's eyes narrowed as Asuka walked briskly into the women's locker room to get her purse, totally unaware of his presence and the trap that he had set.
Some small part of his brain that actually worked bombarded him with complaints, saying that now would be a perfect time to do a direct confrontation and take the Captain out here and now, like he had decided to do earlier. But this plot had come from Tycho, and if there was one thing he knew about the DAPC's immoral driver, it was that Tycho was slightly smarter than he was.
Of course, he had encountered a slight problem with phase one. He understood the principle behind Tycho's hastily explained plan (which was in itself a small miracle): a mouse placed in a small, enclosed space would panic and agitate Hunter's psychically sensitive instincts, causing him to want to attack the purse, with so much fear coming from such an odd place. Asuka would try to defend her property, and hopefully lose an arm or her head doing so.
The only problem was that he hadn't been able to find a mouse. Luckily, he had located a suitable substitute. Sort of suitable. It was a small animal, after all. Or at least, it looked like an animal.
"AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Hunter jerked his head to the side as a panicked scream erupted from the women's locker room, and the zergling crept toward the area as loud banging noises and shouting continued to come from that room.
"Damn it all! No!" *Bam!* Asuka finally stumbled backward through the double-doors that led to the locker room, holding a long, black worm-like creature that was wrapped around her arm. The creature had an eyeless head full of sharp, jagged teeth, and was currently weaving back and forth to get in position for a good strike that would allow it to burrow into the captain's skull. Asuka, naturally, was determined to complicate this as best she could, and waved the afflicted arm about like a madwoman as she turned around in circles and shouted for help.
Paying attention to where she was going was not a big concern for the blue-haired woman, and her eyes widened as her foot struck a hard, solid object and threw her off-balance and onto the floor.
"Ssssaaa!" The monstrous worm attached to her arm ignored the vertigo of its host's stumbling, and reared its head back for the final, penetrating strike.
*Crunch!* Then its body went slack as Hunter's beak reached up and snapped its head off.

'Huh. Completely unexpected,' Kyle thought as he watched Hunter nudge his mistress, who was putting all available effort toward trying not to hyperventilate. 'Oh well. Time for phase two!'
__________________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Deth chuckled darkly as his chair atop his laboratory column rose up above the humming and beeping machines below. "At last, the time is almost upon us! Synthia! Begin activation of the Tesla coil!"
"Yes, Doctor!" The blonde said enthusiastically, furiously working the buttons and dials on her control console.
Deth stood up and clasped his hands behind his back. "And now-"
*Boom!* A muffled explosion sounded from above, and Deth jerked his head up, as if expecting to see the detonation past the layers of stone and wood. "Synthia, report! Have the prisoners escaped?"
The henchwoman frowned as she rushed to a different console. "Let's see here... what? No. It didn't come from the dungeon..." Shaking her head at the anomaly, Synthia continued to check the security systems.
Deth raised an eyebrow. "Wait... didn't that Snake character arm some bombs in the hall? Maybe they were on a timed fuse?" The more he thought about that prospect, however, the less sense it made. The explosion should have been three times as loud, and the damage would have been felt from the laboratory, easily.
"Oh my God!" Synthia suddenly shouted, looking pale. "The front perimeter has been breached! We have intruders attacking the front gate!"
Dr. Deth scratched his head. "So that was the minefield? Did the DAPC send its other members in?"
"No, Doctor! The attacking forces... they're... attorney commandos!"
The mad scientist remained silent for several moments. "Huh?"
__________________________________________________________________________________

*Braa-aa-aa-aa-aap!*
*Ptang!* *Twang!* Holding up an armored briefcase, the squad leader deflected the oncoming fire from the door-mounted gun drones, growling as his comrades fell around him to the spray of bullets.
"Westwood Studios hereby summons you to a court of law to discuss your balatant copyright violation of WS-held intellectual property! Hyah!" Flinging an arm forward, a wave of red tape whipped outward and wrapped up the two mechanical defense guns, which ground to a halt as the commandos moved forward.
"Breach those doors! Clear those mines! Deliver those summons! Let's move, move, move!"
__________________________________________________________________________________

Asuka held her head as she led Hunter through the alleyways of Tokyo's industrial sector, still feeling a bit on edge after having a brain-eating monster emerge from her purse and try to feed on her.
"Gr-r-r..." Hunter made a deep, vibrating growling sound and lightly scraped at Asuka's leg with his spine-mounted claws. "Lightly" meaning that he merely sliced through her pants and almost tore bleeding gashes in her thigh rather than taking the leg off entirely.
"Ow! Stop that!" Asuka shouted, batting the zergling's claws away. "We're almost there! Calm down, already!"

Peeking around the corner of the building up ahead, Kyle grinned as he saw his target approaching, and then quickly ducked back into cover.
"Hey Mister, why are you holding a steak?"
The blond lieutenant turned and blinked as he saw a young girl standing behind him, looking curiously at the large hunk of meat he carried in one hand. Behind the girl was a large dog, probably of the doberman species, that also had its eyes on the meat with far more carnal intentions.
"Ssh!" Kyle placed a finger vertical over his lips. "Be quiet! This is an assassination!"
The little girl cocked her head to one side. "What's a 'assashisashun'?"
The mutated officer sweatdropped. "No, an 'assassination'. Its the covertly plotted and executed murder of-" Kyle was cut off as the child's dog finally worked up the nerve to make a grab for the meat, and tore most of it from the police officer's grip before jumping back behind his owner.
"HEY!! MY MEAT!! Give that back!" Kyle insisted, shaking a fist angrily at the retreating canine.
"Kyle? There you are!"
The blond officer jumped in surprise at Asuka's voice. "Uh... C-C-Captain! Funny meeting you here when I was lying in wait for you!" He blurted out, not having prepared himself for the possibility of discovery.
Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Waiting for me?" Then she saw that Kyle was holding a scrap of steak meat in one hand, and that the dog hiding behind its owner had the rest of the meat in its mouth. Considering what Kyle was shouting when she arrived... "You brought meat for Hunter? That's actually pretty decent of you!"
The little girl, for the most part, was totally preoccupied by the appearance of a killer alien. "Whoa... your doggy is way bigger than mine!"
The doberman apparently took exception to the comparison, and stepped out from behind the girl, growling at the zergling from around the steak in its maw. "Grrrrr..."
Hunter spotted the dead meat being carried by the live meat that was apparently trying to protect it, and emitted a low hissing sound as he sucked a big batch of air into his lungs. "SCREEE-AAAAAAAAAH!!"
Asuka, Kyle, and the child all winced and covered their ears as Hunter let loose a blood-curdling screech, and the doberman's jaw went completely slack, allowing the steak to tumble out onto the ground.
Whimpering and shaking, the dog then curled up behind the girl as Hunter tromped forward and snapped up the dirtied meat, ripping the tough, raw beef apart and swallowing it completely in two bites.
Asuka shook her head and stepped between the zergling and girl, patting the child on the head. "Why don't you run off and play now? I'm afraid our dog isn't very friendly toward most people. Or other dogs."
The little girl nodded and then waved. "Okay lady, I love you buh-bye!" Then she snatched up her dog's collar and skipped away down the street, apparently oblivious to Hunter's blood-red gaze that was centered on her pet.
After gesturing to the zergling that he was NOT to give chase, Asuka reached behind her and grabbed onto the back of Kyle's jacket as he tried to sneak away. "Oh, no you don't. You're coming with me, Lieutenant." Turning around, she sweatdropped as she realized that Kyle was now holding a sniper rifle over his shoulder. "What do you think you're doing with THAT?"
Kyle blinked. "Sniping. Duh. What ELSE would I do with a sniper rifle?"
"Never mind. You've definitely been hanging around Snake too much." Massaging her forehead, she began to drag her subordinate along with her toward the rendering plant where they fed Hunter. "You're staying with me for now. We can't be having you wander off."
"Impossible," Kyle insisted. "I have a mission to complete."
Asuka cocked her head to one side. "What mission is that?"
Kyle opened his mouth to speak, then hesitated in a remarkable display of minimal forethought. "I'm pretty sure that telling you the details of the mission would compromise it."
"Kyle, I'm the only one who has authority to assign missions to you," Asuka deadpanned as she yanked the larger man in front of her and started shoving him forward.
The blonde man frowned. "I'll check with the voices in my head, but I think they'd disagree."
"Oh yes," the bluette mumbled, "we are DEFINITELY giving that useless scrap of gray matter a good scrubbing. Now march!"
"Awww..."
__________________________________________________________________________________

A slightly bruised Ranma and a badly bruised Snake looked at each other as they heard the muffled explosion outside.
"You didn't set off those bombs, did you?" Ranma asked suspiciously, knowing that the fact that they were still in the castle wouldn't necessarily stop Snake from annihilating it.
"No. You didn't blow anything up by poking it, did you?" Snake asked, knowing full well that Ranma's supposed ability to destroy things with a touch was absolute nonsense, but wanting to make sure nonetheless.
"Nuh-uh." Ranma turned to Maria, who was holding Ranma's pulse rifle at the ready (though she was holding it in such a way that the officers could tell she barely knew what to do with it). "Do you know what that was?"
Maria frowned. "No... I think I should probably go check on it... but should I leave the key here?" The blonde scratched her head. "Dr. Deth didn't go over the procedures for checking on distractions and leaving prisoners unsupervised."
Ranma sweatdropped. "You know what? Forget about it. Let's not make this TOO easy."
Maria shrugged and went back to guarding her prisoners, which mostly involved standing still while facing away from the 8' X 8' rusted iron cage while staring at the bleak, moist dungeon walls, which had been laden with skeletons and excessive grime that Ranma was pretty sure was placed there for atmosphere rather than having accumulated through the course of Deth's activities.
The pigtailed man turned toward his superior. "So, what's the plan?" He whispered.
"First of all, you can stop whispering," Snake muttered, "I really don't think we have to be very clever about this."
Ranma nodded. "Fair enough. Well, I'm not paralyzed anymore, so should I just force open the bars?"
Snake shook his head. "Nah. Provided she knows which end to point at us," he gestured toward the sweatdropping blonde, "she could turn and shoot us before we could actually get out. Maybe you don't mind 10 mm. rounds lodged in your ribcage, but I'm not a fan."
"So we do need an actual plan to get out," Ranma mumbled, rubbing his chin. Then he turned toward Maria. "Hey, what does your boss's enemies usually do to escape from captivity?"
Maria blinked and turned around as she realized that they were asking her for advice. "Uhm... I'm not sure I'm allowed to give you hints..."
"Aw, c'mon, this is our first dungeon escape! Cut us some slack, here!" Snake insisted, frowning.
"Well..." Maria blushed, and tugged on her shirt a bit. "The usual guy always escapes by... seducing the guard." She smiled a bit as both officers raised an eyebrow.
Ranma turned to Snake. "That sounds like a bad idea to me."
"Agreed. Plus it would take too long. I'm sure that there's a perfectly good solution to this problem that just uses violence." Snake picked up the heavy metal tin that their meal had been delivered in (naturally, both Ranma and Snake had been willing to put their escape on hold until after dinner) and smirked, angling it so that he could get a clear throw without hitting the bars of the cage.
Maria frowned. "Am I going to have to actually watch you while I'm guarding you?"
"Great! Now her guard is up! I knew we should have stuck to whispering!" Ranma complained, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Oh, calm down," Snake chided. "We'll get her. I mean, we both know from experience how stupid blondes are."
"Hey!" Maria shouted, turning around and looking hurt. "That's a horrible thing to say! I'll have you know that vicious stereotypes like that are the reason that me and my sister had to take an internship at a mad scientist's lab in the first place! People like you are always judging women by their looks, assuming that chesty blondes are dumb and airheaded! It's cruel, unfair, and ignorant! You should be ashamed!"
Snake looked startled from the outburst, and then rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. "I, uh, I'm sorry. That was really awful of me, and I-OH MY GOD, IT'S ONE OF THE BACKSTREET BOYS!" He shouted suddenly, pointing behind the buxom sentry.
Maria's eyes widened. "Really?! Which one?"
Snake blinked. "Uh... I dunno. Whichever one's your favorite, I guess."
"OMIGOSH!! Kevin?! Where?!" Maria shouted happily, spinning around to look.
*Whang!* Then her world went dark as Snake's meal tray struck her solidly in the back of the head.

"Idiot," Snake grumbled mercilessly. "Let's jam, Saotome."
"You know, I don't know which is worse," Ranma commented as he grabbed two of the cage's iron bars and bent them outward, "that all the horrible things you say are true, or that all the horrible things you do work out for the best."
Snake nodded as he stepped through the cage's new exit. "Yeah, that is a tough question. We'll have time for that later, though. Let's get our gear and save the world."
"Yes sir!"
__________________________________________________________________________________

"Ah hah!" The attorney commando shouted as he burst through the reinforced door leading to Deth's basement laboratory. "Dr. Sigmund G. Deth! You are hereby summoned to a court of law to answer to your blatant copyright infringement of-"
*Zow!* The heavily armed lawyer was suddenly struck by a stunner web as the robot spider guarding the lab fired upon him, blasting him back through the doorway and completely entangling the man.
Sitting in his chair, Dr. Deth frowned. "I really didn't know that they offered minors in infiltration and demolitions to law students."
"Well, it's sort of like how you got your minors in killer robot design and doomsday device engineering along with your doctorate in medicine," Synthia explained. "I suppose it has a lot to do with going to the right school."
"Dr. Sigmund G. Deth! Westwood Studios claims exclusive rights to the intellectual property 'Tesla coil,' and your violation of copyright-" *Zow!* *Zow!*
Not bothering to watch as the second attorney commando went down, Deth turned his chair so he could look down on his assistant. "What's the situation look like out there?"
"The infiltrating forces are being cut down pretty quickly," Synthia answered, "but they've already done significant damage. Much of sectors one and two have been covered in summons and red tape, and the lawyers that were wounded and not killed are using their last bits of strength to sue us for their injuries."
Deth shook his head. "Well, we can't have that. Adjust the spider drones' stunner webs to 'kill'."
"Done and done, doctor!"

*Zow!* *Zow!* The mechanical arachnid that served as the lab's main sentry fired two more shots as the advancing lawyers attempted to climb over their entangled comrades, but the attorney commandos were soon completely blocked off from the lab as their mangled bodies formed a thick wad of cheap suits, electrified wire, and burning flesh.
The robot spider skittered over a grate on the floor as it tried to get a better firing position, in order to deploy enough webs to complicate any extended effort to move the blockade.
*BLAM!!* Deth and Synthia winced as the lone robot spider's thorax suddenly burst upward in a shower of metal armor and electronic components before the automaton sank down on top of the vent, its legs no longer possessing the strength to hold up its body.
After a moment the shattered construct was flipped over onto its back, and Snake emerged from the damaged grate, smoke still coming from the barrel of his shotgun.
"Well well well, it would seem you managed to escape from my dungeon!" Dr. Deth noted calmly, sitting back in his chair atop the centered column. "Apparently I've underestimated you!"
"Underestimated us nothin'," Ranma grumbled as he too emerged from beneath the grating, carrying Maria over his shoulder. "You didn't even take our weapons to a different room! I mean, if we were to leave, you'd probably just stop yourself!"
Synthia sweatdropped as Deth fumed. 'Ouch. Hit the nail on the head.'
"I do admit, your ploy to trick me into a breach of copyright law was more clever than I could have expected from you, officer," Deth smirked at Ranma, "but your plan has only been a minor setback!"
Ranma stared at him for a moment. "Breach on the what, now? What are you talking about? I never had any 'plan' beyond getting in here and smashing your stupid tower."
"Silence, fools! You think you've won?! Nobody can escape Deth!" The mad scientist stood up and laughed as he raised a fist in the air.
"You realize that pun only makes sense in English, right?" Snake said blithely. "There's no way Saotome understood that."
"Would you stop arguing with me?!" the mad doctor shouted, slamming a fist onto his armrest. "Now die!"

*Vrrrm!* On the scaffolding around the Tesla coil, which was mounted at the edge of the lab closest to the exact center of the castle fortress, several mounted miniguns lowered themselves from their housing and swiveled down to aim at the lab's intruders.
A second whirring noise alerted the two police officers to the raising of a large protective wall around the circle of consoles and monitors that surrounded Deth's chair, and within moments the entire control area was locked in a towering column of transparent bullet-proof glass.
"Ha ha ha ha ha! What will you do now, officer? It's going to take more than that puny pop gun of yours to face me! Surrender or meet your doom!"
Ranma sweatdropped. "Wow... that's a lotta guns..." Then he started looking around, shifting the woman on his back slightly. "Uh, hey, is there like, any safe out-of-the-way spot I can drop her off? I don't really want to be weighed down when those things start up."
Snake ignored him. "Hmph. Doctor, in my tenure as a Texan bounty hunter and then a Tokyo police officer, I've adopted two principles that I've learned to adapt to every aspect of my life."
Deth blinked, wondering where the lieutenant was going with this.
Snake raised one finger. "The first one is: There is no problem which cannot be gracefully solved with the proper application of violence!"
Ranma nodded. "I didn't believe it either, but it's true. Really."
Snake raised a second finger. "The second one is: Violence is best applied in the form of liberally placed heavy explosives!"
Dr. Deth raised an eyebrow. "Are you going somewhere with this?"
Without further explanation, Snake calmly removed a detonator from his belt, flipped the frequency designator on the side, and then pressed the button.
*KA-KROOOM!!* The entire laboratory shook as a massive detonation from below threatened to rip the floor apart, and Ranma yelped and jumped forward as flames burst out of the damaged grate behind him.
"Wh-What?! No!" Deth yelled, the lights flickering on and off for a moment due to the shock waves.
*Rrrrrrumble!* Off to the side of the lab, the Tesla coil trembled slightly as its supporting floor crumbled, and then the massive tower sunk into the dungeon area below as the reinforced stone and wood lost the integrity needed to support the device's massive weight.
*Crunch!* *Smash!* The miniguns, and indeed the vast majority of the lab's electric wiring was torn apart as the sinking Tesla coil's extended wires ripped through the scaffolding, bringing down huge bundles of cables and steel atop the sensitive generators and transformers below.
"Wasn't that kind of reckless? That seemed reckless to me," Ranma mumbled, watching as electric cables began to spill over onto the machines scattered across the lab and unleash thick bolts of electricity into the unprotected casing and bare consoles.
*Crackle!* *Blam!* Several devices attached to the ceiling burst as power surges began to run through them, and torrents of sparks began to pour down from above as arcs of energy lashed out from damaged power nodes.
"Damn you! Damn you all! You won't get away with this! I'll have my revenge!" Dr. Deth shouted, shaking a fist at the officers as the machines outside his protective shield began to explode one by one, showering glass and bits of metal about the lab.
Pushing a button on his chair's armrest, the circle of consoles surrounding his personal chair began to rise upward on a hydraulic lift, behind pushed toward the roof through the length of its protective shield.
*Tink!* *Tink!* *Tink!* Deth looked down suddenly as he noticed Ranma tapping on the glass.
"Hey! Could you take her with you? I really don't want to have to carry her out of this!" Ranma shouted, gesturing to the buxom young woman still draped over his back.
"Oh... yes! Thank you!" Dr. Deth adjusted the control platform back down slightly, and a small window opened in front of Ranma, allowing him to stuff the intern inside quickly.
"Until we meet again, fools! Next time, I will destroy you all!" The mad doctor boasted, again shaking his fist at the two police officers as he made his escape through the laboratory ceiling.

*Boom!* *Z-ZAP!* *Gzsht!*
Ranma covered his head as another explosion above him rained bits of flame and shrapnel over his head. "So, now what?! We have to get outta here!"
"Not gonna happen!" Snake groused as he took cover behind some empty generator casing. "The dungeon where we came from is flaming pit of rubble, and our only exit is clogged by dead lawyers!"
"Gimme a break!" *Pow!* *Blam!*
Snake winced as another detonating transformer sent a writhing electric cable lashing about near his feet. "Of course, in a situation like this, I really have no choice but to fall back on my usual principles. Violence and explosions."
"How are explosions going to save us from explosions?!" Ranma shouted, backing toward his superior officer as a falling chunk of steel debris crashed into his previous hiding spot.
"You must trust in the bomb!" Snake shouted, once again withdrawing his detonator. "Love it! Respect it! Believe in it!"
Ranma's eyes widened. "No! Don't!"
__________________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Deth sighed as he watched the east wall of his castle fortress explode outward, throwing huge chunks of stone across the surrounding area, and causing the eastern half of the castle to slowly crumble away without the support of the main wall.
"Impressive placement of explosives. I didn't actually believe that he could cause the surrounding wall to collapse without eliminating the towers," Deth remarked, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his lab coat.
Synthia smiled brightly. "Well, they seem very skilled at that, at least!" Leaning against her side, Maria groaned and rubbed the large, red bump on her head, having only recently regained consciousness.
"Oh well. I've had my fun. What say we go into the city and go out to eat?" Dr. Deth turned away from his collapsing stronghold and opened the side door of his Beemer, inviting Synthia inside.
"Ooh, there's this new Chinese place I've been wanting to try!" Synthia said as she helped Maria inside. "I'm glad we failed to take over the world; it probably would have been months before things settled down enough for them to open again."
Deth laughed. "Yes, yes. Let's look on the bright side. When all your plans lay foiled and your home is in ruins, at least you have your health and your friends. Let's go!"

Long after the car had left the premises, a particularly large pile of rubble started to shake as a blue glow coalesced underneath it.
"Mouko takabisha!" *Kablam!*
Exploding outward in what would hopefully be the last detonation the abused fortress would have to suffer that day, the ki blast rocketed toward the sky as it cleared away the burnt debris that had been blocking its path.
*Gasp!* *Cough!* *Cough!* Ranma flopped down over the edge of the blast crater he had just created, his entire body charred and totally exhausted.
*Cough!* *Hack!* Snake fell forward next to him, in equally bad shape. Though the lieutenant was grinning. "Say it."
*Cough!* "Yeah. Okay. It worked. AGAIN." *Cough!* Then Ranma glared at him. "But I think you're forgetting something important."
Snake stopped to think. "No, I'm pretty sure I set off all the bombs."
Ranma would have smacked his superior upside the head, but quite frankly, didn't have the energy. "Remember what the Captain said would happen I was caught in another bomb blast?"
Snake remained silent for several moments. "You don't think this counts, does it?"
"Of course it counts!" Ranma shouted irritably. "You could have killed us both! Plus, you killed all those guys who assaulted the castle!"
"Who cares? They were only lawyers! Besides, it was the only option!" The lieutenant protested. "And it worked! You can't do this to me, Saotome! Don't tell the Captain about it! Please! I'm begging you!"
"Why shouldn't I?" Ranma groused. "It's about time you had to take the heat for always flying off the handle!"
"Don't! Don't let them take away my precious guns!" Snake shouted desperately, rolling over slightly so that he could grab onto the remains of Ranma's combat armor pleadingly. "I'll do anything! Don't let Asuka know!"
"......... Anything, huh?"

**********************************************************************************

Robotic spiders scrapped: 5 (+ 12 more in the ensuing explosion)
Enemy strongholds leveled: 1
Goons disabled (but not killed): 1
Attorney commandos slaughtered: 21
Assassination plots failed: 4
Deluxe sushi platters Snake had to get Ranma to buy his silence: 43

End Chapter 20