Most of the characters used belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Those that don't either belong to another famous anime creator or me. I am using them without permission purely for non-protfit entertainment. Don't sue me, I don't even get paid to do this.

This is a fanfiction inspired by the works of John Biles, mostly, and some other fic I saw that made up a bunch of "outtakes" from the original anime. I'm doing something like that, but taking it a step up...

Director's Cut
Take 1

**********************************************************************************

"All right people! Move it, let's move it!"
Black Dragon, or BD, as most people called him, was a tall, thin man, with brown hair, glasses, and a fairly unnattractive face. He directed his wretched, underpaid lackeys... er, "employees", around the set, in preparation for filming while his assistant director, Max Nova, gave the camera crews their initial instructions. Max was even taller than he was, and decidingly better looking, with light brown hair with blond streaks and thick, hard muscle hidden beneath a heavy brown trench coat.
BD sighed to himself in preparation. Everything was going perfectly for the filming. True, this was day 1, and the filming hadn't actually begun yet, but why bother with petty details like that? He barely expected to make it this far. He was going to do a complete refilming of the Ranma series, with added special effects and "stuff like that" (quote his expense accountant). Sure, it had been done already with Star Wars, and you couldn't really put special effects into an anime very well, but the producers had been desperate.
So now here he was. All he had to do was get the actors to cooperate and follow the script, and he would be set for life.
A low rumble came from the cloudless sky. He tried desperately to ignore it.

"Max, where are my actors?"
"They're being called to the set, sir. They'll be here any moment."
As if on cue, Akane, Nabiki, and Kasumi walked into the staging room, and went on to the set. Soun appeared a moment later, bawling his eyes out as he walked up to the table prop with a postcard on it.
BD blinked. "What's with him?"
Nabiki shook her head. "He just found out how much your lawyers screwed him over on his contract. Poor Daddy just has no financial sense."
"Ah. Must not run in the family then, considering how much we're paying you."
Nabiki smiled as she walked backstage. "What can I say, I'm a natural."

Nabiki and the others left, and a stagehand signalled the camera as Soun calmed down slightly.

"All right people, listen up. We go in for a shot of Soun, then back off and zoom to the postcard. Soun, when I give the signal, you begin. Got it?"
Soun nodded, and the camera man did as instructed.
Soun let out a long, heartfelt sigh, then spoke. "At last, they're coming. I'll have to tell the girls. Kasumi!"
Kasumi poked her head out of the kitchen. "Yes father?"
"Nabiki!"
Nabiki stepped out of her room and called down the stairs.
"What is it Dad?"
"Akane!"
Silence.
"Where is that girl?"
Akane popped up behind him.
"Right here dad."
"Ah!!"
Soun jumped onto the ceiling and held on, demonstrating excellent mastery of the Saotome ceiling-clinging technique.

BD's voice reverberated throughout the staging area as he yelled through a megaphone. "CUT! Akane, what are you doing? You don't show up until the next scene!"
Akane blinked. "Are you sure?"
BD lowered his head, then raised it again. "Yes I'm sure! Didn't you read the script?"
Akane blushed and looked at her feet. "Well, not really, but I figured I could just ad-lib the parts I don't remember from canon......"
BD shook his head. "No no no... could someone give her a quick script reading?"
A stagehand walked up with a copy, and BD sighed. Max spoke up optomistically.
"Don't worry big guy, we'll get through this, give or take a few tries."
"I hope you're right Max."
Akane finished with the script, and the stagehand took it back, copping a quick feel along the way and scurrying away before she could enact revenge.
He didn't get far enough.
"PERVERT!!!" Akane picked up the back wall of the set (revealing a very surprised Ryoga) and hurled it at the stagehand, sending him flying into the far wall of the room, and crushing his non-animated body like a ripe grape.
Most of the stagehands went wide-eyed. The rest, such as Black Dragon and Max, just blinked.
BD turned toward his assistant. "Get a janitor in here. Oh, and get that guy's employee file and notify his next of kin and everything. Remember, the accident was 'non-work related'."
Max nodded and left. BD turned back to the set. "All right Akane, let's cool it down a bit. You ready to go?"
Akane glared at the rest of the stagehands, as if daring them to try what their companion had tried.
"I'm ready."
"Good. Next scene!"

"Hi-yaa!" With that, another cinder block joined its brothers in the dust pile, at the hands of one Akane Tendo. Nabiki walked up to her from behind, shaking her head.
"Sheesh Akane, no wonder the guys at school all think you're so weird."
Akane glowered at her sister briefly. "So what? Not everyone thinks the world revolves around boys!"
Nabiki turned to the cameras. "Hold on, I have a question."

"Cut! What is it?"
"Why do we use that line? Akane's the most popular girl in school, the guys don't think she's weird."
BD stopped and thought about it. "That's......... that's true, huh? Hmmmmmm. Oh well, I guess you can just make something up then."
Akane glared at BD. "Hey, how come she gets to make up her own lines?"
"She's in the right scene. Besides, we pay her more than twice as much, so I figure she should at least have to be a little creative for it."
Nabiki briefly thought of demanding extra money to make up her own lines, but decided against it.
"All right! Action!"

Nabiki walked up behind Akane, shaking her head. "Sheesh Akane, the way you act, it's a wonder all the guys at school don't think you're some kind of uncute tomboy."
Akane gave a dark glare towards Nabiki, who chuckled. BD gave Nabiki a thumbs up.
Akane's glare turned into a smirk. "Well, at least all the guys aren't too afraid of me to ask me for a date."
Nabiki's chuckle was cut off immediately. If looks could kill, Akane would have been a bloody mess.
"Well, it's a wonder they're not all afraid of you, seeing how you're so VIOLENT and act like a spoiled brat!"
BD tried to intervene. "Um, girls, I think that's enough." He was promptly ignored.
Akane's glare returned full force. "Well, at least I'm not a cold mercenary who only cares about money!"
Nabiki retorted, "Oh yeah? Well at least I can boil water without starting a fire in the kitchen!"
BD tried again. "All right, that's enough, now!"
"You're a manipulative witch!!"
"You're a psychopath who swims like a lead weight and cooks like a Scottish sheepherder with no taste buds!!"
"SHUT UP!!!"

The sonic blast was sufficient to both stop the girls from arguing, and knock down everyone on the way to the stage.
Seeing that he had everyone's attention, BD lowered the volume on his megaphone.
"Start filming after Nabiki's line. Akane, just follow the script, all right?"
Akane grumbled, but nodded.

"So what, not everyone thinks the world revolves around boys!"
Nabiki smirked. "Well, I guess this wouldn't interest you then."
Akane blinked.

"Cut! Good! Now for the street scene! Where's Ranko?"
Max walked up to the director's chair. "She'll be here in a minute. Genma's right there."
BD turned around to note the appearance of a large, bald man with glasses zippering himself up into a giant panda costume.
"Good. We'll also need Ranma out here."
"No problem."
BD turned around to see Ranma and Ranko, the former with his arm around the latter's waist. He nodded his approval.
"Good. Now Ranko, as you're running down the street, and I want to see anger directed toward your father, the panda, okay? He's the cause of your suffering. He's the cause of your misery. Got that?"
"Got it!" was Ranko's enthusiastic reply.
"Good. We also have to get you wet. It's supposed to be raining."
*Splash*
Ranko blushed as a nearby stagehand started making wolf whistles at her, as her breasts were now clearly visible through the thin silk fabric. Ranma glared at him. He didn't stop. Ranma picked up a small piece of a broken camera lying on the ground, and threw it above the lecherous employee. A stage light came down with an audible *squish* as the man underneath was reduced to a puddle of blood.
Ranko smiled shyly at her boyfriend, then walked onto the stage.
"*Sigh* Max, take care of that guy and get a new light, would you?"
"Right away."
Max stared at Ranma for a bit. Ranma shrugged.
"What can I say? I'm the jealous type."
BD rolled his eyes, then turned back to the filming.
"All right! ACTION!"

Ranko ran down the street, soaking wet (and earning very appreciative, though silent, gestures from the various stagehands), being chased by Genma. Suddenly, Ranko turns around.
"Well I still say the whole thing SUCKS!"
Genma throws a punch, and Ranko grabs it, then body-slams the larger creature over her shoulder.
"Choosing my fiancee for me... without even asking!"
Ranko lands a few feet away, then turns back down the street, flicking her pigtail over her shoulder.
"I'm going back to China. So suck on THAT, old man!"
She started to walk away, when Genma gets up, and smashes her over the head with a traffic sign.

"Cut! Good, good! Next scene, Tendo living room!"
Ranko opens her eyes, then knees Genma in the mouth.
"You didn't have to hit me that hard, you know."
Genma retrieved a sign from somewhere behind his back. [Stop whining. You can take it. Be a man!]
Ranko gave Genma a flat stare.
Genma managed to sweatdrop through the panda costume. [Uh, never mind.]
BD spoke up. "All right. Cameras, take an outside shot of the dojo, and then that's the girls' first line! Then scene switches to the family room, got it? ACTION!"

"FIANCEE?!"
Inside the dojo, the mood between the characters varied widely. Akane looked totally distressed. Nabiki was surprised. Kasumi looked slightly less cheerful. Soun looked totally unconcerned and peaceful, like he was just telling his daughters that they would be having nice weather that week.
"Yes, an agreement made before you were born states that Saotome's son must marry one of you, to inherit the dojo and carry on the tradition of the Anything-Goes school."
Akane was angry. "Hey, don't we get a say in who we marry?"
Nabiki was interested. "Is he cute?"
Kasumi was thoughtful. "He'd better be a major hunk, or I won't marry him."
The rest of the family stared at her. Kasumi smiled.

BD sighed and held up his megaphone. "Kasumi, stick to the script."
Kasumi pouted. "Really, you're no fun at all."
"Let's start after Nabiki's comment. ACTION!"

Kasumi looked thoughtful. "I hope he's not younger than me. Younger men are so... young."
Nabiki looked at Soun. "What kind of guy is this Ranma, anyway?"
The three sisters looked at Soun, who in turn stared out the window, into the backyard.
"I don't know."
"You..." Kasumi started.
"Don't..." Akane continued.
"Know?" Nabiki finished.

BD stared for a moment, and then looked at Max, who just shrugged.

"I've never met him."
Just when it seemed that Akane was going to explode, there was a knock on the door.
"Ooh, it must be Ranma!"
Soun and Nabiki rushed to the door to meet the guests. Kasumi got up soon after to follow them. Akane just stood at the table muttering to herself.
"BOYS! How depressing!"
Kasumi and Akane were quite surprised when Nabiki and Soun ran back towards them in a panic.
Nabiki waved her arms around and yelled, "The British are coming! The British are coming!"
Genma, still in the panda outfit, poked his head out from behind the corner, along with a sign.
[We're not British, we're Japanese!]

Nabiki smirked. "Sorry. I've always wanted to do that."
BD sighed. "Whatever. Start running away from Genma again. ACTION!"

Genma walked into view, grunting as Ranko struggled from within his grasp.
"Stop it! You're scaring 'em spitless!"
Kasumi frowned. "Are these your friends, father?"
Soun shook his head frantically.
Nabiki glared at her father. "Oh, so this panda just decided to come over and visit? Happens all the time!"
Genma put down his cargo, and Soun immediately grasped the one possible aspect of this occurence that he could handle.
"Are you...?"
Ranko scratched the back of her head uncomfortably.
"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."
Soun swept her into a crushing hug. "Oh Saotome, at-"*POW!*
Ranko's fist met Soun's face. "Hey, watch the hands, buster!"

"Cut! Ranko, what are you doing?"
"This guy is trying to feel me up!"
Soun looked confused, and then started spouting apologies. "I'm terribly sorry, I meant nothing of the sort."
Ranma called to Ranko from the side of the director. "Take it easy, Ranko! If he tries anything, I'll take care of him later, all right?"
Ranko brightened immediately. "Okay! Sorry Tendo, I got a little carried away."
Soun rubbed his now sore nose. "Um, yes. Of course."
"ACTION!"

"Oh Saotome, at last!" Soun cautiously embraced Ranko, but tried to make it look like a crushing, uncontrolled hug.
Soun blinked, then took a step back, holding Ranko by the shoulders while he inspected her.
Nabiki walked up from the side and took a good long look at Ranko's prominent assets.
"Daddy, he, is a she."
Soun fainted.

"All right, good, good! Next scene, get Soun under some blankets!"
Max looked over the various stagehands. "This is going rather well. Except for the two emplyees we lost, there haven't been any major accidents."
"Mouko Takabisha!" A stagehand that had attempted to cop a feel from Ranko was reduced to dust.
BD looked at the man's remains. "Make that three employees. At least we don't need a janitor this time. Maybe we should've hired women instead."
Max shook his head. "That wouldn't be adviseable. The girls around here get jealous far more easily than the guys do."
BD looked thoughtful for a moment. "Hm. You're right. Oh well. You guys ready?"
The actors took their positions on the stage.
"And... ACTION!"

Soun cried softly, a small waterfall of tears thouroughly soaking the pillow his head laid on.
"But Saotome said he had a son..."
Kasumi looked down at her father, shaking her head. "Poor father. He's so disappointed."
Nabiki looked indignant. "He's disappointed? Some fiancee this is!" Nabiki squeezed Ranko's breasts for emphasis.
Ranko's eyes sort of glazed over, and she moaned quietly. "Ooh, Ranma......"
Everyone stared at her. Hard.
Ranko realized what she had just said, and her face turned cherry. Ranma had also become quite self-conscious all of a sudden.

BD held up his megaphone. "I'm not even gonna ask. Let's do that over. ACTION!"

Ranko looked annoyed. "Could you please stop that?"
Akane gently removed Nabiki's hand from Ranko's chest. "Nabiki, cut that out! She's our guest!"
Akane turned to Ranko and smiled. "Hi! I'm Akane! Want to be friends?"
Ranko stared for a moment, then smiled herself. "Okay!"
"We have a dojo in the back. Would you like to do a little sparring?"
"Sure."
They walked out of the room, and the camera followed.
"You practice kempo, right?"
Ranko paused in her observation of the dojo to reply. "Oh, a little."
Akane took up a stance, and Ranko stood at the other end.
"Don't worry, I'll go easy on you, okay? Here I come!"
Akane threw a punch toward Ranko, which was easily dodged. She leveled a kick at the redhead, and that was also dodged.
Akane took a step back. 'Is she reading my moves?' "All right, this time it's for real!"
Akane charged forward, intent on slamming Ranko through the back wall. Ranko ducked under the blow, tripped up Akane with a leg sweep, and then did a powerful uppercut to complement the manuever.

"Cut! Cut! Ranko, what the hell do you think you're doing?!"
Ranko turned toward BD. "What?"
Max shook his head. "You're just supposed to dodge."
"But she said we were fighting for real!" Ranko whined.
Akane stood up, dazed and holding her head. "Boy, have I got a hangover. Wait, I don't drink........."
BD sagged. "Ranko, you're playing Ranma, and Ranma doesn't hit girls, all right?"
By his side, Ranma nodded in agreement.
"But he hits girls when he's a girl! And right now we're both girls!"
"Yeah, but............ um, that is............ why didn't he fight back?"
Max shrugged. "No clue."
A stagehand, who was helping Akane up (and avoiding any no-go zones, thankfully) spoke up.
"It's probably his sense of honor. Akane's pathetic compared to Ranma, so actually fighting her would be like a normal guy fighting a bratty 5-year old who thinks he's really tough."
Throughout the whole speech, the man didn't notice that Akane was glowing until it was too late.
"Pathetic am I?! Take this!!" Akane's mallet of doom fell, and crushed the man like an egg.
BD looked thoughtful. "Yeah, I think he's right. Scrape what's left of him off the stage. Did you hear all that, Ranko?"
Ranko nodded as Akane got into position.
"Good. ACTION!"

"All right, this time it's for real!" Akane charged forward, but hit only air as Ranko jumped over her, and tapped her on the forehead.
Akane stared for a moment, then chuckled. "Heh, you win. You're really good."
Ranko smiled. "Thanks."
"Um, don't tell anybody I said this, but I'm really glad you're not a guy."
Ranko's smile disappeared. "Why's that?"
"'Cause I'd really hate to lose to a guy!"
Ranko doesn't respond, but her shoulders slump down slightly. Akane leaves for the family room. Ranko just stands there for a bit, then leaves.
On her way out of the dojo, he runs into Kasumi, who's holding a bundle of towels.
"Oh, Ranma, you've just finished working out with Akane, haven't you? Why don't you take a bath?"
Ranko looks at her, then the question seems to register. "No, that's okay. Maybe later."
Kasumi nods and walks off. Ranko stands in the hallway, seemingly contemplating this turn of events. Soon, she turns around and heads upstairs.
"I think I'll take that bath."

BD clapped his hands. "Great job! Good acting, Ranko!"
Ranko beamed from the praise and bowed. "Thank you!"
One of the stagehands got a nosebleed from the exposed cleavage. Fortunately, nobody noticed.
"Okay, next scene, Nabiki walks by and sees Genma, we set?"
Max tapped him on the shoulder. "Not quite, sir." He gestured to where several stagehands were struggling with the obviously stuck zipper of the panda costume.
Genma was wildly waving a sign above his head that said [Help! Get me out of this thing!]
BD sighed. "Max, go assist him, will you?"
Max nodeded, and walked up to the struggling actor. He raised his fist, which was encased in a metal, high-tech looking gauntlet. A little door on the top of the glove opened, and a small metal box popped out. The box glowed for a moment, and then a four foot long purple energy blade shot out of it.
Unfortunately, it beheaded one of the employees in the process.
"Whoops. My bad. Sorry." Max grinned sheepishly, then sliced open the panda costume. He turned around and accidently gouged another stagehand before he remembered to turn the energy blade off.
BD watched, his lips pursed in thought. "Hmmmmmm. We'll have to step up the hiring process to replace those guys. And get another panda suit. We only have one spare."
Genma hurried onto the set, and sat next to Soun.
"All right, ACTION!"

Nabiki walks by a doorway, and stops when she sees her father crying silently before another man she had never seen before. She left the hallway, and saw Kasumi cleaning.
"Hey sis, who's that guy with Daddy?"
Kasumi turned to regard her younger sister. "I haven't the slightest idea."
Akane walked by, wiping her forehead with the sleeve of her gi.
"Oh, Akane, the bath is ready, why don't you go take one?"
Akane nodded. "All right Kasumi."
Akane went up the stairs.

"Alright, bathroom scene! Ranko, you're up!"

Ranko started to undress as the cameras started rolling. Many of the various employees began to drool. They each suddenly felt a chill down their spines, and turned to see Ranma's glare bearing down on the entire room. Those that were able to turn around did so, and those that weren't, such as the camera men, clamped their mouths shut.
Ranko slid into the water, only to get out a moment later.

One of the stagehands turned around and snuck a peek. One ki blast later, and he was reduced to so much dust.
"All right, Ranma, you're in the bath, let's go."
Ranma quickly undressed and stepped into the bath as Ranko toweled herself off, stopping only to give her a peck on the cheek.
"All right, ACTION!"

Ranma sat in the furo, seemingly contemplating something.
"Well, I might as well go out like this."
Ranma stood up. Akane walked in the bathroom. They both stopped and stared at each other.
Akane's face acquired a red tint, and Ranma just shrugged and walked out of the room.
On the way out, he gave her a small pat on the shoulder. "I'm done. Bath's all yours, cutie."

"CUT!!!" A few people standing between BD and the stage fell over from the amplified yell.
"What is it?" Ranma, now clad in a towel, asked as poked his head back into the bathroom.
"What was that? You're supposed to just stand there stunned! You're not supposed to move, you're not supposed to talk, and you're not supposed to blush!!"
Akane seemed to recover her wits. "Er, sorry about that. It's a, you know, reaction..."
Ranma gave Black Dragon a curious expression. "Why, exactly, do I just stand there?"
"You're supposed to be sexually inexperienced! That way there's more tension! You're supposed to act like you haven't even talked to a girl for a couple of years!"
Ranma scratched his head. "But wouldn't that cause me to jump on the first woman I saw?"
"..................... All right, sexually inexperienced and hormonally deficient. Besides, you turn into a girl. Now get back in the tub!"
"Furo," Ranma corrected.
"Don't give me that Japanese terminology! Now let's do it again! And this time no blushing! ACTION!"

Akane walked into the bathroom. They both stopped and stared at each other.
This continued for about a minute......
Akane slowly shut the door, went back into the changing room, got dressed, stepped out of the changing room, and screamed.
Or, she tried to.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-*hack* *cough* *hack*!"

Many people around the stage started laughing as Akane tried to clear her throat. Max retrieved a glass of water and gave it to her, and she readily accepted.
She drank the water, and cleared her throat.
"All right, let's take that again. ACTION!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"
The camera panned down to the rest of the family, who was startled by the sudden shout.
Akane came running down the stairs, and hefted the dining room table.
"Akane, what's wrong?" asked Kasumi in surprise.
"There's a pervert in the bathroom!"
Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Why didn't you just beat him down with your bare fists?"
"Because I was scared, Nabiki!"
"Um, excuse me?"
All the Tendo sisters, plus Soun, who had just recently appeared to see what was wrong, turned their attention toward the pigtailed boy on the stairs, who was currently scratching the back of his head nervously.
"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about all this."

"Cut! All right, next scene!"
A stagehand approached the director. "Um, sir?"
"Yeah?"
"We've got a problem. The main camera is out. We'll have it fixed in a moment, but we'll need to use the extra projector from the warehouse."
BD sighed. He was currently draining his budget faster than he would like, what with all the equipment that would need replacements, plus the hiring costs to replace the deceased stagehands. "Make it so." 'Damn, I've always wanted to say that.'
Ranma looked at the camera men and the smoking hulk of machinery next to them.
"Well, it looks like we won't be filming for a bit."
Kasumi smiled and leaned close to him, running her hand over his leg and squeezing his thigh.
"Maybe later we can get a drink together, what do you say?"
Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Kasumi, you can be such a tramp."
Kasumi giggled.
Ranma smiled. "Well, I would have to ask Ranko if it's okay."
Before he could blink, Ranko was next to Kasumi, glaring at her. "And 'Ranko' would have to say no."
Kasumi pouted and leaned into Ranma. "You really need to learn to share. It's not nice to be selfish."
Ranma just looked away innocently as Kasumi snuggled against him, trying to portray that he had nothing to do with any of this.
Ranko's left eye began to twitch nervously. "I'll show you nice, you little-"
"Done!"
"All right, let's get a move on! Ranko, off the set, please!"
Ranko grumbled a lot, but eventually left the set as Kasumi got off of Ranma and back into character.
"ACTION!"

Genma sighed. "How about we do this again. My name is Saotome Genma, and this is my son-"
"Ranma Saotome," Ranma finished.
Nabiki was curious. "You were that girl and panda from before?"
Genma nodded, his face grim. "Yes, you see, it all happened back in China......"

"All right, run the flashback scene from the original series. Let's go straight to the next scene. Right...... now!"

Nabiki stared. "So you're both cursed?"
Genma adjusted his glasses. "Yes, now how to demonstrate..."
Genma reached out to grab Ranma, but before his hand could close, Ranma punted him outside into the koi pond.

Genma broke the surface of the pond and sputtered. "Hey! I'm supposed to do that to you!"
Ranma smirked. "I know. But that really doesn't make any sense, since I'm supposed to be, and am, the better martial artist of us two."
Genma turned toward the director for support. "He's not following the script!"
BD shrugged. "Oh well. He has a good reason, and I really don't feel like doing that scene over again. Get in your panda suit."
Genma grumbled as he obliged, with Ranma smirking at him the whole time.
"ACTION!"

Genma stumbled in the house, and was about to grab Ranma and toss him, when a stream of hot water poured down on top of his head.

Genma yelped. "Ouch! Hot hot hot!!"
BD yelled at him through the megaphone. "Stop whining and get out of that suit! I'd like to finish this episode before I'm old and gray!"
Genma growled at him, and despite not being in his panda costume, pulled out a sign.
[Shut up! My contract doesn't include having to bow down to some bossy director!]
"Your contract also doesn't include any clauses saying you must survive the shooting of the film. And let me assure you, Max is more than capable of dealing with martial artists."
Max made a muscle gesture, and one of his gauntlets opened up and shot a wave of blue fire into the air. A nearby camera man was reduced to a blackened skeleton. Nobody noticed.
"And, ACTION!"

Soun smiled as he put down the kettle he used to pour the hot water.
"And hot water returns you to normal!"
"It needn't be that hot Tendo!"
Soun walked up behind Ranma and patted him on the back. "Well then, your problem isn't so bad!"
Soun then turned Ranma toward the three Tendo sisters, who each sweatdropped.
Soun gestured to Akane. "This is Akane, she's 16."
Then to Nabiki. "This is Nabiki, she's 17."
And finally to Kasumi. "This is Kasumi, she's 19."
Akane found herself being pushed forward by Kasumi and Nabiki. "Oh, he wants Akane!" "Yeah, definitely!"
Akane was about to retort, when Ranma beat her to it. "Nah, I think I like Kasumi better."
Everyone blinked.
Kasumi blinked again, then shrugged. *Glomp* "Okay!"

*Bam* *bam* *bam* *bam*
The employees had their attention caught between watching BD slam his head against a stage light, or watching Ranko stalk up to Kasumi, who had attached herself to Ranma.
"Hey, get off of my Ranma!"
Ranma wrapped his arms around Kasumi, and gave Ranko a friendly grin. "Hey, chill out Ranko, we're not getting serious or anything. It's all in good fun, right Kasumi?"
"Right!" Kasumi smiled brightly as she snuck a hand under Ranma's clothes.
Ranko failed to notice, and just fumed silently.
Ranma sighed and got up, which disappointed Kasumi greatly. He quickly embraced Ranko, who started blushing profusely.
"Ranko, you know that no matter how many other chicks are dying to get into my pants, you'll always be my number one girl." He planted a long, passionate kiss on her lips.
This was soon noticed by a number of other parties.
Shampoo, Ukyo, Kodachi, Azuza, Ms. Hinako's adult form, and young Cologne all bursted into the room. Upon seeing Ranma and Ranko kissing, they immediately began to descend on the pair.
There was a loud *crash!* as many of the males of the series, including Kuno, Ryoga, Mousse, Toma, Ryu, Tarou, and Happosai all came out of a brand new hole in the far wall of the studio. Upon seeing Ranma and Ranko kissing, they all immediately began to descend on the pair.
Ranma and Ranko were quick to react, and soon the group lynching had turned into an all-out free-for-all, with the only sounds besides the incredible destruction being the occasional cry of a dying studio employee unfortunate enough to get caught in the fray. Surprisingly, or maybe not, all the non-martial artists managed to simply walk out of the middle of the battle unscathed.
BD would've cried, but being a rather rational man, just decided to go home instead.
"Tell me, Max? Are they still filming?"
Max looked over to the main camera, just as the camera man was struck by a poorly aimed blade throw, and fell to his knees.
"Um, the camera's still recording, if that's what you mean."
BD got off his director's chair and walked past Max, right before a stray energy blast reduced the piece of furniture to atoms. He retrieved his coat from a hook on the wall, right before the wall was blown to pieces, and walked out of the smoking hole that used to hold a doorway, his assistant director trailing close behind.
"Good. I'm leaving. Get the tape, and send it in for editing. Use footage from the original Ranma show or something. And if any of the hiring agents survive, tell them they're fired."
Black Dragon left. Max nodded, and turned back toward the studio right before the walls holding up the roof gave out, and the ceiling collapsed in on itself.
'Sheesh,' Max thought, 'and this is just day 1.'

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Author's notes:
How'd you like it? Send C&C to revcoll@peoplepc.com
You may wonder what I was doing back there. Well, I basically made the actors just like the characters they were supposed to play, except no curses (hence Ranko and the panda suit) and I also removed some character's key personality traits. In Ranma's case, the actor lacks his fear of intimacy and general libido control, making him into the kind of playboy everyone in the series thinks Ranma to be. In Kasumi's case, she lacks the indominatable innocence that she's always displayed. If I continue this series, more characters like that will be displayed, though I could actually just make this a one-shot. Hmmmmmm.
If any entry-level studio employees are reading this, no I do not have anything against you. I just like watching (or reading) a bunch of nameless, unimportant extras die.
What possessed me to write this? Well, I am the Lord of Chaos after all. It's not like I hear voices in my head and do what they say, or anything at all related in any way to anything like that.......................................

Black Dragon