"Today we're lucky not only because we're featuring another main character, but also because this character isn't a complete idiot! May I present Miss Yukari Sendo!"

Yukari nodded modestly from where she sat behind Shizuka, her hands folded calmly in her lap.

"So tell us, Miss Sendo, what do you think Mister Saotome really is?" Shizuka asked, her voice taking on a hushed tone to try to amplify the drama of the question."

Yukari frowned deeply as her eyes closed in concentration. "This is a question that I've researched considerably, Miss Nekonome. Even more so since I discovered how great and wonderful Saotome truly is."

Her eyes opened as her expression turned more determined. "One of the primary mistakes that others make when judging his species is looking entirely to his physical traits while dismissing his mental ones. Many of Saotome's opponents - and I'm ashamed to include myself amongst their number - dismiss him as a clueless brute, and that's where their error lies. I know very well that under Saotome's simple exterior of casual superiority lies a lethal cunning that ensures that anyone powerful enough to survive his martial prowess will fall just as certainly as those that are not. Saotome's mind is a steel trap, just as his body is a steel weapon."

Shizuka blinked, slightly overwhelmed by the analysis. "Oh... and... his species?"

Yukari nodded sharply. "My current theory suggests he is a devil. Amazing physical prowess combined with a predator's instincts which are further refined by a deceptive and devious intellect. In addition, it would explain his resistance to fire damage."

Shizuka nodded slowly. "Hmm, yes, that does make sense! Well then, until next time..." the homeroom teacher hesitated, and then turned back toward Yukari. "Quick question: if you revere Ranma so much, why don't you believe him when he says he's human?"

"Devils are notorious liars," Yukari said grimly, nodding her head as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Ah. Well then, on with the show!"


Black Dragon Productions proudly presents
a Ranma and Rosario Plus Vampire crossover

Disclaimer:

Key: Writing/Emphasis, Sounds, 'Thoughts', "Speech", (Comments that you can freely ignore)

Big Human on Campus
Chapter 6
Fighting Trolls is Hard

"Hmph. So here it is," mumbled an arrogant, high-pitched voice as a short figure draped in robes stepped out of the only bus that ever crossed the barrier between Tokyo and Youkai Academy, "the institution that deigns to educate me. What rubbish."

As the bus engine rumbled noisily, the driver stepped out behind the figure, smiling around his ever-present pipe. "Don't be so GRAVE, sonny! You've been given a second chance, haven't you? There are some who would KILL for this kind of opportunity!" The driver blew out a thick ring of smoke, and then said in a far more somber tone of voice, "If they weren't dead already, that is."

The cloaked figure glance upward at the man behind it. "You're an exceptionally irritating person. Would it trouble anyone important if you were to die in horrible agony?"

The bus driver wagged a finger as he clicked his tongue. "Now, now, sonny; you're here to learn to get along with people, aren't you? You won't have a GHOST of chance at this rate!"

Snorting contemptuously, the cloaked individual turned away and started walking toward the school. "The knowledge that I may have to deal with people like you without destroying them... rankles. But no matter." The shadowy hood turned back toward the bus. "You're sure Saotome is here?"

"DEAD certain!" the bus driver said enthusiastically, tipping his hat. "You have a good time, now! It's going to be a DREADFULLY long semester for you!" Cackling madly, the driver stepped back onto his bus as the doors slid shut, leaving the figure alone as it began the long walk toward Youkai Academy.

"Okay, I'd really like you to explain this to me," Kurumu said to Ranma as they and Tsukune waited in the lunch line with their trays. "How is it that Yukari went from hating you to worshiping you in an afternoon? Ever since that curse thing blew over, she hasn't left you alone!"

Ranma shrugged as he served himself some yakisoba. "I dunno. Maybe she just realized how awesome I am all of a sudden. Does it really matter?" Ranma had a hard time figuring out girls when they were human, his own age, and beholden to relatively simple emotional concepts such as love and hate. Putting his rather stunted sense of empathy toward figuring out Yukari seemed an exercise in futility.

"I'd be a little concerned having someone with those kinds of mood swings hanging off of me all the time," the succubus mumbled, "but I suppose I'm just curious. The way she's been treating you is just bizarre."

"I don't think it's just the last fight," said Tsukune suddenly. "If you think about it, ever since Ranma turned her little campaign against him into a prank war, she seemed unusually animated, you know? I think she was pretty excited to have someone challenge her."

Kurumu raised an eyebrow as he piled some seaweed salad on her tray. "You think so? The way Moka complained, you'd think the damn witch was being tortured."

Tsukune nodded. "Moka was being overprotective; even Yukari admitted that much. But I think she started seeing Ranma as more of a rival than an enemy, even if she herself didn't realize it. And then, once Ranma brushed off such a dangerous curse, I suppose she was just so impressed that her respect for him as a rival evolved into idol worship."

Ranma frowned. "So... she just realized how awesome I am. Isn't that what I said?" the pigtailed boy asked as he finished getting his food and left the lunch line.

Tsukune sweatdropped as Kurumu suddenly nuzzled him. "That's my Tsukune!" the succubus purred. "You really do understand a woman's heart!"

"Erm... thanks, I suppose," Tsukune said bashfully as they followed after Ranma. Granted, he WAS far more empathetic than Ranma or Kurumu, but he thought that was more because they were so self-centered rather than owing to any particular sensitivity on his part. Not that he would say that to them, of course.


"Salutations!" Yukari said cheerfully as she spotted the trio approaching their usual table, where she was already waiting with Moka.

"What's up, squirt?" Ranma said as he reached the table first, setting down his tray with a nice big gap between him and the two younger girls. Just because Yukari now considered him some sort of God made flesh didn't mean that he suddenly had to be polite after all, though it was obvious that his insulting nicknames for her held a certain amount of affection nowadays.

Tsukune and Kurumu were about to take their seats when Moka yelped and then suddenly and unwillingly slid across the length of the bench, stopping right before she crashed into Ranma. A moment later Yukari dashed behind them all to take the other seat flanking Ranma, beaming at him brilliantly as she put down her bento box.

Kurumu and Tsukune stared awkwardly at the new seating arrangement for a moment before Tsukune sat down next to Moka with Kurumu sitting next to him, all of them grasping for something to say, but coming up short.

"So Senpai, I've been thinking," Yukari said as she broke apart her chopsticks, her tone being very firm and professional.

"Senpai? Aren't we in the same grade?" Ranma asked between mouthfuls of his lunch. Granted, they shouldn't have been in the same grade, but given that Yukari was probably years ahead of him academically anyway he wasn't about to start touting his accomplishments at Furinkan. Senpai was usually reserved for upperclassmen.

"A mere technicality!" the young witch insisted, nodding to herself. "To even suggest that someone like me is on the same level as you is an unforgivable insult!"

The others at the table sweatdropped at the self-deprecation, but no one said a word. Most of them preferred it over Yukari's former arrogance, after all.

"Of course, if you don't like 'Senpai', may I refer to you as 'Master'?" Yukari asked, flushing a bit as she stared down at the table.

"Senpai is fine," Ranma deadpanned. "Anyway, you were gonna say something?"

"Yes. I was just wondering why it is that Moka drinks Aono's blood but not yours," Yukari asked bluntly.

Moka, who had been drinking a tomato juice to tide herself over until she could get some "alone time" with Tsukune's jugular, suddenly did a spit-take, spewing the rich red liquid all over and generally looking like she was having a brain hemorrhage.

Tsukune winced at the question, feeling his chest tighten suddenly even as he waited curiously for the answer.

Ranma seemed to consider the query seriously even as Moka coughed to try and clear the juice from her throat. "Well, if you're asking me... I mean, whatever she feels about drinking my blood doesn't really matter to me, because I wouldn't let her," he explained bluntly. "Personally, I don't see how Tsukune puts up with being her personal bento box. It just seems cruel to me. Probably isn't safe, either. Couldn't you get an infection that way?"

Moka glared harshly at the pigtailed boy as she finally cleared her windpipe. "I'll have you know that it's perfectly safe! And since Yukari brought it up, I wouldn't drink YOUR blood if you and I were the last humanoids on Earth!"

"Is that supposed to be an insult? Because it's actually really comforting," Ranma said to the angry vampiress.

Yukari cleared her throat before Moka could come up with a rebuttal. "Why don't you consider drinking Senpai's blood?" she said nonchalantly, as if she was discussing something of absolutely no importance. "A vampire's power waxes and wanes with the nutrients they take in just like any other creature, right?"

"Uh..." Moka hesitated, not liking where this was going.

"I'm sure that Ranma's blood contains FAR more in the way of nutrients and vitamins than Aono's," Yukari continued between mouthfuls of her own lunch, "to say nothing of the superior diffusion of spiritual energies!"

Moka desperately groped for a rebuttal as she watched Tsukune's face darken. She was saved from the trouble by Ranma, however.

"Could we NOT talk about me getting my blood sucked while I'm trying to eat?" the pigtailed boy demanded, looking annoyed. "Like I already said, no matter what Moka wants, I 'aint letting her eat me!"

Moka promptly turned her nose up. "Hmph! As if I'd even consider it when I have someone like Tsukune around!"

Tsukune's expression brightened quite a bit at the admission, though the younger human had been quietly eating his lunch the entire time.

Kurumu also watched the exchange in silence, her expression unreadable as she digested the conversation. "So, Yukari," she said suddenly, "I'll just come out and ask it: are you in love with Ranma now, or what?"

Bump! The table suddenly shook as something hit the underside, and Kurumu blinked in surprise as she caught sight of an unfamiliar girl with purple hair scurrying out from under the table and practically diving into the throngs of other students. 'Who the hell was that?'

Ranma twitched badly at Kurumu's question, greatly fearing the answer. Given his trouble with girls in the past, he was really hoping to go through Youkai Academy without picking up any new suitors at all, even if he himself admitted that the prospect was ridiculous. Having a clearly pre-pubescent girl clamoring for him was not going to help the accusations of perversion he expected when he finally returned home.

To his surprise and relief, however, Yukari put his fears to rest. "Don't be absurd," the young witch said firmly. "What I feel for Senpai transcends your understanding of crude sexual urges and simple physical attraction."

"Uh... huh," Kurumu mumbled, deciding to ignore the stranger to focus on Yukari's answer. "That doesn't exactly sound like a 'no' to me." Tsukune and Moka also paid rapt attention, both of them wanting to know the answer but not having the gall to ask themselves.

Yukari sighed in that way that adults did when children failed to grasp complex concepts. "I suppose if I HAD to boil it down to an explanation you could understand, it would be that Senpai is simply too much man for someone like me to handle."

Ranma twitched again as the others' eyes bugged out at the surprising explanation.

"Love is, ultimately, an expression of emotional incentives to select the most appropriate mate to produce the best possible offspring," Yukari lectured as she dabbed at the corner of her mouth with a napkin. "To that end, I can say with absolute certainty that me and Senpai are not compatible in the least. My physical inadequacy as compared to his unparalleled strength make me an inferior selection."

"Um... yeah, sure, let's go with that," Ranma said, not really understanding the explanation but getting the distinct feeling that he had just been subjected to one of the most flattering rejections ever.

Tsukune frowned. "But... if that's really what you think love is, then why are you in love with Moka?" he asked, quite certain that their pairing would be far more unlikely to produce good offspring... or any at all, for that matter.

Yukari's eyes narrowed. "I'll have you know that what I feel for Moka does NOT transcend crude sexual urges or simple physical attraction." She leaned forward so she could look past Ranma to gaze lovingly at the vampiress. "Not one bit."

Ranma stood up from his barren lunch tray and stretched. "Well, it's almost time for class to start again. And then we've got club activities tonight."

"Don't remind me," Tsukune mumbled bitterly. "We don't even have a decoy for this time in case we need to escape again."

Kurumu shrugged helplessly. "Sorry, I don't really remember what it looked like, and I don't know what it was about that stress ball that might have caused Professor Jadeite to flip out."

"I'm sure you guys'll be fine," Ranma said, turning to pat Yukari on the head. "All right runt, listen up: since I'm not going to be there to do everything myself, it's up to you to keep these guys alive, got it? Tsukune attracts trouble like a magnet attracts iron, Moka is useless in every way, and Kurumu can only handle so much on her own. I'm counting on you to see them through this, all right?"

As Moka's chopsticks snapped in her tightening fist, Yukari beamed up at the pigtailed boy, saluting him like a superior officer. "Yes, Senpai! You can rely on me!"

"Good! See you guys later!" Ranma said as he walked toward the exit, waving to his friends on his way out.


As Tsukune started piling up the trays and empty plates on the table, Moka laid a hand on his arm, causing him to freeze.

"Tsukune... I'm not... really useless, am I?" Moka asked nervously, staring up into the human boy's eyes with a doubtful expression on his face.

"Wh-What? No! No, of course not!" Tsukune said firmly, shaking his head. "That was just Ranma being Ranma."

"Actually," Kurumu butted in, "we should just get this out in the open. Moka? For a vampire, you're pretty damn useless."

Moka flinched. "What do you mean?"

"I'm just saying, the vampire is supposed to be an immortal, indestructible powerhouse, the strongest of all monsters. You don't exactly fit that profile," Kurumu said bluntly. Moka wilted immediately and started fingering her rosario nervously.

Clang! Kurumu winced as a wash bin slammed into her head from above, and she then turned a heated glare at Yukari, who was staring at the succubus with disdain.

"That's enough out of you," Yukari said firmly, slapping her witch's wand into the palm of her free hand like a disciplinarian's tool. "Moka is clearly a far more refined and enlightened manner of vampire; there's no reason at all to encourage violent behavior."

"I'm not saying she should change," Kurumu mumbled as she rubbed her head. "But she could help out every once in a while when we're fighting for our lives, at least."

"That's what we keep you around for," Yukari said harshly, sniffing haughtily as she turned around. "Anyway, I have class now. I'll see you all later for the Exploration Club. Farewell Moka, my love!"


As Yukari left and Moka wandered off after her, sulking, Kurumu turned toward Tsukune as the human boy returned the dirty lunch trays to the kitchen. "Hey, Tsukune, I just had a thought, and wanted to run it by you."

"Hm?" Tsukune gave the succubus his attention. "What's up?"

"I was just wondering... did it seem to you that Yukari was trying to set up Ranma and Moka?" Kurumu asked, rubbing her chin.

Tsukune looked uncomfortable about the question, but quickly recovered. "Nah, it can't be."

"It didn't seem that way to you? That talk about Moka drinking Ranma's blood didn't set off any red flags?" Kurumu pressed.

Tsukune shook his head firmly. "Yukari is in love with Moka. I don't know why, but she is, and she's not shy about admitting it. And since she says she's not after Ranma, why would she set Ranma and Moka up together? I'll bet she just wanted to have an excuse to eat lunch with Ranma and Moka alone, or maybe she really was concerned about Moka having a more nutritious diet."

Kurumu sighed. "Oh, Tsukune, so naive... but then, that innocence is one of the many things I love about you so!"

The human boy chuckled nervously as he pushed past the succubus, eager to end the conversation. "Well, you can think whatever you want about it, but I think it's just you. Anyway, I'm going to class now."

"Of course," Kurumu said, her smile widening into a grin. "See you later, my beloved!"

"All right people, gather 'round and listen up!" Riza Wildman shouted as she glared around the room at the members of the fight club. "This is how things're going to work around here: for the first few weeks, we train! You're going to learn some forms, push your bodies to some new limits, and learn how best to use your monster powers to assist in combat! After a couple good workouts, we'll start to stake out some territory! Eventually our goal is to have at least half the school within the control of the fight club's members!" the redhead said, grinning fiercely.

Ranma raised an eyebrow. 'Hm? That doesn't quite sound right... wait...'

"You mean the fight club doesn't have any territory right now?" Ranma asked, gathering the crowd's attention. "You said that your club tangles with the nastiest groups on campus, right? What happened to all the ground you covered last year?"

"For that matter, how come it's only freshmen in this club?" Another student asked, scratching his head. "Did this club just start up this year or something?"

"Not at all," Riza said, waving her hand before planting her fists on her hips. "I'm proud to say that the fight club had a roster of twenty members that survived to the end of last year, and we managed to secure a full third of the campus for ourselves, taking most of the territory from the monstrels and a good chunk of the classrooms that the Enforcers patrolled regularly."

Then the redhead cleared her throat. "As it so happens, the upperclassmen in the club... disappeared over the break."

"Disappeared?" Ranma asked.

"You mean they were killed?" Kouma Gamaroshi asked grimly, crossing his arms over his chest. People 'disappeared' without leaving any remains or evidence with unusual frequency around Youkai Academy, but that was mostly because many kinds of monsters tended to eat what they killed.

Riza snorted. "Don't make it sound like they lost fairly; they were ambushed and assassinated. Students tend not to keep in touch with each other outside campus, so its hard to watch each others' backs," she reasoned, seeming not to notice as several of the club's new members started to sweat or grow pale.

Then she smiled. "But that's fine! We'll start with a blank slate and conquer this place all over again!"

"F-F-Fine? How is getting hunted down and butchered fine?" demanded one student nervously. "I didn't sign up for this!"

"Actually, I think we did," said another, smaller student as he looked over the club application form. "It says explicitly in the disclaimer that the club is not responsible for its members being murdered in revenge."

"Oh, come on! Nobody reads those things!" another student insisted angrily.

Ranma watched as the club quickly split into two groups that started arguing with each other: those that didn't like these new revelations and wanted to back out, and those that either found the challenge of an impending assassination exciting or simply accepted the threat with grim determination.

"You can't seriously tell me you joined the fight club expecting things were going to be nice and easy! Where's your pride as a monster?"

"An ambush is different from a fight! If they were going to fight fair..."

"What kind of babies are you guys? You think you can expect all your battles to be handed to you clean and even?"

"You guys are idiots! If you wanna die so badly, go ahead! But count me out!"

Ranma was considering whether he should just stay quiet or cast his lot in with the students supporting the club when Riza suddenly threw a fist back into the wall behind her.

WHAM! The entire room shook slightly as plaster, wood, and even the concrete behind it crumpled under her fist, and the students of the club quickly gave the faculty attendant their full attention.

"This will conclude your first test," Riza said calmly as she tore her hand from the hole in the wall. "Staring near-certain death in the face and pushing forward is the very foundation of being a warrior. If some of you think to turn tail and run now, in the face of scary rumors, how would you fare when an actual enemy stands before us?" she scoffed, sneering. "When the power of your foe threatens to overwhelm you; when your comrades lie broken and dying, do you really think you'll have what it takes to stand fast and attack?"

Several of the students winced; mostly those that were considering leaving, but Riza's imagery had even impacted a few of the more enthusiastic students.

"By all means, if you think you can't cut it, go," the redhead demanded, waving toward the exit. "For those of you that remain: if you fear, we will hammer that fear out of you. If you falter, we will push you forward. And if you die..."

She hesitated on the last point. "Well, actually, if you die then we just give a pretentious speech about how noble and honorable you were before dumping you in a shallow grave and sending your folks a sympathy card. But know that you will not be forgotten! ... For a few weeks, at least."

"I'm sure it's the thought that counts," Ranma deadpanned as several of the more cowardly students and even one of the members who had sided against them stiffly filed out the room. There were a few that had been ready to leave that seemed to have changed their minds, though, no doubt bolstered by Riza's speech about turning them into warriors.


In the end, a mere twelve members remained in the fight club by the time that Riza officially started exercises. She didn't look terribly happy about it, but seemed intent on pushing forward. "All right, you losers! Seeing as how you were all too stupid to jump ship when you had the opportunity, kiss your pampered, pansy-ass pacifistic school life goodbye!"

Ranma snorted. If his school life thus far could be considered pampered and pacifistic, then the fight club would be a real riot.

"Now I'm gonna explain how this is gonna work!" Riza continued loudly. "Most monsters are naturally territorial and suspicious of anyone else, except possibly others of their own kind! Well, get ready to break some cultural barriers, because that doesn't fly in the fight club!" She glared around the room, looking for any signs of resistance. "Frankly, I don't give a damn whether you respect each other, like each other, or even care about each other, but you WILL guide each other, help each other, and protect each other! The fight club isn't some name to flash around to push yourself to the top and get the class runt to do you favors; it is a fraternity of warriors that come together as one! You will learn to fight in pairs, and then in teams, and finally as a pack! Then we will STEAMROLL this campus, you hear me?"

There were many whoops and cheers from the remaining students, and Riza finally allowed a small smile to cross her face. "All right, then. Let's form pairs! You, the shrimpy poison guy! You'll be with Zapper over here! Claws, you're tough and fast, but kind of clumsy, so you can pair with the snake chick..."

As Riza started putting together pairs, Kouma the hellhound closed his eyes in anticipation. "Not Saotome. Not Saotome. Not Saotome. Not Saotome," he repeated under his breath like a mantra as Riza worked through the first four pairs and then made eye contact with him.

"Eyebrows, you keep mumbling 'Saotome' over and over, so fine, you and Human can pair up," the redhead said, shrugging.

"Son of a BITCH!" the hellhound shouted, slamming a foot into the floor.

Another student chuckled. "Strictly speaking, aren't you the son of a bitch, Mister Hellhound?"

Flames burst around Kouma's hand as he stared murderously at the one who had mocked him, but those flames went out quickly when his wrist was suddenly seized.

"Whoa, cool it Mutt," Ranma said as he held the other boy's wrist firmly. "Don't waste all your energy on him. You're gonna need it if you want to keep up with me."

"Stop calling me 'Mutt'," Kouma growled, slowly turning to face the pigtailed boy.

"Fine, 'Eyebrows' it is, then," Ranma said, shrugging as he adopted Riza's nickname for the hellhound. "Your bushy brows are more obvious than the dog thing, anyway."

Kouma continued growling, but resisted making further violence upon those that surrounded him. Truth be told, if people insisted on mocking him, he much preferred that they mock his looks rather than his species.

"All right, now that you have your partners, I want to see some low-level sparring!" Riza demanded, crossing her arms under her breasts. "You're to get a feel for your partner's combat style, and you're to do it without hurting each other! I don't want any of you morons showing off, you hear?"


Ranma smirked as he gave Kouma some space. "Well, I think we already have a pretty good idea of what we're each capable of, but whatever. You ready?"

The hellhound just growled deep in his throat, irritated that he got stuck with Ranma as a partner. There wasn't much to be done about it though, and Kouma did have an interest in getting stronger, so after taking a few moments to swallow his pride he took up a boxer's stance.

Bam! Before any sparring could begin however, the door to the classroom suddenly burst open, swinging wide and then slamming into the adjacent wall.

The entire fight club stopped to gawk at the new interruption as it stepped heedlessly into the room. It was cloaked from head to toe in rather fine, ornate Chinese robes, obscuring the body and face, but the figure was quite short.

"Ah. So it's true. You are-" Thud!

The figure was interrupted as the door swung back away from the wall, causing a body that had been crushed between the two to fall onto the floor, dazed.

Everyone in the room, the cloaked person included, watched in utter confusion as a girl with mussy purple hair got to her feet and then staggered out the exit, all the while holding a large sheet of fabric with a pattern that matched the room's wallpaper.

The cloaked figure turned away from the bizarre but irrelevant sight, and once again faced the students within the classroom. "Ah... where was I?"

"I believe you were about to apologize for interrupting my club's activities, and then go away," Riza said.

"Oh, right," the figure mumbled, bowing, "I'm very sor-wait, that's not it at all!"

Standing up straight once more, the figure promptly pointed toward Ranma. "Hello Saotome. Surprised to see me?"

Ranma frowned. "Maybe. Gimme a sec to place the voice," he mumbled as he rubbed his chin. 'Kinda high pitched, like a kid. A boy? Probably. Hmmm...'

Finally, he nodded. "I'm gonna guess you're either one of the losers back in Nerima under the influence of those nutty age-bending shrooms..." he sighed, "or you're Saffron."


To be honest, none of the members of the fight club were terribly surprised or impressed when the figure finally swept aside the cloak, revealing his body. It was a boy that seemed a deal younger than them that had cold, piercing eyes and a strange hairstyle with his long, parted bangs a bright pink and the rest of his hair charcoal black. He was wearing the school's uniform under the robes, but also had on a strange circlet that seemed to be two pairs of wings stacked on top of what appeared to be a tiny egg.

"Surprised to see me?" the Phoenix king asked, his mouth curling into a sneer.

"Not really, no." Ranma promptly turned back toward Kouma. "So you're partial to boxing, eh? I guess it suits you. You do any-" his question was interrupted as a small fireball streaked by his head to explode on the wall.

"You dare ignore me?" Saffron demanded, enraged. For that matter, most of the rest of the class was ignoring him too, going about their exercises without a bit of interest in the Phoenix king's origins or what he was doing here. Unthinkable!

"Hey! You, the shrimp! Knock off the fireworks!" Riza growled as she stomped up to the front where Saffron was glaring at Ranma and Kouma. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

Saffron turned to stare disdainfully at the redhead. "I am Lord Saffron, king of Phoenix Mountain and ruler of its people. Who are you to speak to me, wench?" Kouma growled in his throat at the boy's disrespect, but refrained from saying anything.

Riza's eyebrow twitched. "I'm Riza Wildman, administrator of this classroom and organizer of the members of my club here," she said irritably. "And for the moment, you're not on 'Phoenix Mountain', you're in 'Room 218'. So I don't care if you're a king or whatever; YOU answer to ME, got it short stuff?"

Saffron snorted as he barely managed to stifle a laugh. "Really Saotome, you always seem to find the most troublesome women. Isn't it annoying, being around females that don't know their place?"

Ranma was very proud of his fight against Saffron, even if it had been one of the most harrowing experiences of his life that had nearly cost him his fiancee's life and had, in fact, cost him his enrollment in Furinkan. Saffron was a creature unto a god, nearly indestructible and with power immeasurably greater than Ranma's own, and yet with ingenuity and will, he had actually managed to defeat the Chinese king.

It was for this reason that he was of somewhat mixed feelings as he watched said king get smacked off his feet like a bowling pin before being thrown through the nearest wall to fall into a crumpled mess in the hall on the other side.

"Human," Riza said through clenched teeth as she dusted off her hands, "find out what he wants and see if you can't 'convince' him to never come here again."

"Okay, sure," Ranma said, sighing.

"Eyebrows, that'll leave you without a partner until he takes care of that idiot, won't it?" the redhead asked.

Kouma brightened immediately. If Ranma was leaving, then maybe he could join another group. Or better yet, maybe Riza herself would be willing to-

"Why don't you go help Ranma get rid of the jackass, then?" Riza said, not noticing as the hellhound wilted. "Let me know if you need to dispose of any bodies."

"Yes, Miss Wildman," Kouma said despondently, trudging out of the room behind the pigtailed boy.


"Urgh! Guh!" Saffron struggled as his shattered arm regenerated, trying to push the chunks of wall and twisted rebar off of himself.

"So how's it feel to have a girl throw you through a wall?" Ranma asked as he knelt behind the Phoenix king. "It's been so long since I've seen Akane, I've practically forgotten."

"That... That insolent little-" Saffron began to snarl before Ranma suddenly grabbed part of the rebar that was holding him down and snapped it off.

"Let's leave the insolent little ones alone for now," the pigtailed boy deadpanned, "it's drafty enough around here without more holes in the building. So what's up, bird-brain? Why are you here?"

Kouma stood above Ranma, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring down at the newcomer with eyes that promised hot death if he was uncooperative.

Saffron struggled to stand up, his obviously broken leg shifting back into place even as the two teenagers waited for an answer.

"I suspect I'm here for the same reason you are, Saotome," Saffron said gruffly, staring angrily at the rips and bloody tears in his uniform which would not regenerate like mere flesh. "I assume you too were dragged here against your will after our little... scuffle in China."

Ranma snorted at the idea of that battle being a mere "scuffle". "Nah, I came more or less willingly. Though I did get that spiel about being a 'threat to humanity' or whatever. Now that I think about it, it doesn't surprise me that they were out to get you too."

Kouma, who mostly had no idea what the pair were talking about, gulped slightly at hearing that Ranma and Saffron were considered threats to humanity. 'There's no way this bratty kid and the cocky jerk could be THAT strong... right?'

Ranma frowned. "So, wait, you were brought here against your will? How's that work?"

Saffron snorted. "Tell me Saotome, have you ever heard of the Hell Kings?"

The pigtailed boy shook his head.

"What little I know of them is mostly fable, passed down from my people's ancient lore," Saffron begin somberly as he sat down in the hallway. "I was fortunate enough not to actually MEET one of the dread priests until just a week ago."

"So what are they?" Kouma demanded, quite uninterested in the whole story but wanting to conclude the conversation so that he could go back to his club activities.

"They're a coven of strange and mysterious clerics, or so the stories say," Saffron mumbled. "It's said that they usually work behind the scenes to maintain order and balance in this world, and possess magic powerful enough to dwarf even my own."

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "Well, seeing how you met one of these chumps, izzat true?"

Saffron's eyes hardened. "It would seem so... although I did not have access to my adult form and my full power - thanks to SOMEONE throwing a murderous tantrum at the time of my ascension - I still held considerable strength and had the might of all of Phoenix Mountain at my fingertips. Still, I was helpless before the man who appeared at Phoenix Mountain to ask what had happened to all the academy brochures they had sent me."

The Phoenix king growled as he stared at his small, untaloned hands. "The Hell King put a seal on me," he explained, pointing to the egg on his circlet, "and said it would only be removed once I had completed my classes at Youkai Academy. The seal permanently fixes my power and my apparent age to what you see before you, and locks this... 'human disguise' in place."

"I was wondering about the lack of wings," Ranma mumbled. "Still, even with that, kinda seems to me that you coulda kept living in Phoenix Mountain. You spent plenty of time in kid form, right?"

Saffron snorted. "I certainly would have chosen that path... but with the seal in place, it would seem that every assassin in China suddenly thinks I am easy pickings. Musk, Amazon, Maoist... there have even been attempts from my own people to slay me! I am here to avoid the killers as much as to finally release my true power."

Ranma blinked. "Whoa, wait, do you still come back to life when killed?"

"WHAT?" Kouma suddenly shouted, his eyes wide. "Resurrection? Are you serious?"

Saffron ignored the ignorant hellhound. "I do. In fact, the only advantage of the seal is that when I am reborn, I am birthed not as a mere infant but rather the pre-pubescent shell you see before you. I am as immortal as ever." He scowled. "Still, the sheer NUMBER of rebirths I've suffered since the sealing is troubling, to say nothing of how unpleasant the actual process is. To top it off, some of the assassins were getting... creative... in their attempts to banish me permanently."

Ranma didn't really understand that, but felt that he was better off not asking for details. "So here you are, huh? That's a tough break."

"Indeed, it has been quite troublesome," Saffron agreed grimly. "Though I must say, I'm extremely pleased to see you, Saotome."

The pigtailed boy blinked, not expecting that at all. Saffron wanted to see him? The man who had beaten and killed him? "What? You wanted to talk to me or something?" Then his eyes hardened. "Or did you wanna have a rematch?"

Saffron laughed bitterly. "I'd hardly think of challenging you again with my current power, Saotome. You have nothing to fear. I'm simply glad to see that you are, in fact, a monster."

Kouma raised an eyebrow as a vein popped up on Ranma's head.

"Well, not so much 'glad' as 'relieved'," Saffron continued, oblivious to Ranma's darkening expression, "the thought that I had actually lost to a human was inconceivable! I was so shamed by the humiliation that I almost pined for true death to end my misery!" He sighed as his lips curled into a calm smile. "But to hear that you share the blood of youkai explains everything. I knew there was no way I could have lost to a mere human. I find myself wondering what, exactly, you are, though."

Saffron looked up at Ranma as he made the query, and noted with some confusion that the pigtailed boy was staring down at him with dark, expressionless eyes. "Saotome?"

"So... when you die... you're reborn just like this? No complications?" Ranma deadpanned.

"Uh... that's right," the Phoenix king answered hesitantly. "Why do you ask?"

"Come on, come on, put your back into it!" Riza growled as she shoved one of her trainees forward. "Attack decisively! You're not fast enough or SMART enough to probe his defenses, so such light attacks are useless!"

Then the redhead turned to point at the pair fighting in the far corner. "Zapper, you have to-"

"EEEEEYAAARGH!! GWAH! AUGH!! Glrkhlhaaaugh..."

The entire class froze as a sudden scream of agony came from outside their practice room, being perfectly audible thanks to the hole in the wall. After a few seconds, however, the screams weakened and then ceased.

A few seconds after that, Ranma and Kouma finally re-entered the classroom, the latter looking nervous and the former with a considerable amount of blood splattered all over his arms and clothes.

"I got rid of him," Ranma said, his voice emotionless thanks to the Soul of Ice.

"Ah. So, you need to get rid of a body after all?" Riza asked.

"No, he'll get better," the pigtailed boy responded, a tinge of regret in his voice.

"Are you sure?" Kouma asked, his voice quaking slightly. "You ripped out his..."

The hellhound's words died on his tongue as Ranma slowly turned his dead, icy gaze toward him.

"Uh... why don't we start that sparring?" Kouma asked, deciding that he much preferred the arrogant, annoying Ranma to the cold, deadly one.

"Yes," Ranma said as he started cracking his knuckles. "Let's."

"Ah, yes. This is it after all. The war golem Morticullus," Jadeite said cheerfully as he flipped through an old book.

CRASH!

"Constructed in ancient times by the Earth's last remaining goblin tribes, it was to be the last shining symbol of their culture and military might," he continued.

SLAM! Rrrrrrumble...

"Surely it would have been, except that the first human wizard that came upon it figured out its simple control runes before the construct could close to melee range."

Crunch! WHAM!

Jadeite licked his finger before turning the page. "It's said that after that incident, the golem became a shining symbol of the idiocy and self-destructive nature of the goblins, and was the butt of jokes for centuries after it was buried."

"Would you stop reading and HELP me?" Kurumu screamed as she flew wildly through the massive cavern, sweat dripping from her brow.

Swiping clumsily at her was a twenty-foot tall humanoid suit of armor that moved on its own accord as it tried to crush the succubus as best it could. Its helmet, rather than having eye slits, was a solid piece of spiked metal with a large gemstone set in the middle, resembling an eye.

Jadeite glared up at the bluette in annoyance. "Do calm down. Panicking will serve no purpose."

"Easy for you to say when you're down there READING while this thing tries to kill me!" Kurumu shouted, looking back and forth for somewhere to hide.

The dark general went back to his book. "It says here that the war golem was imprisoned by the wizards that took control of it because they reasoned that any half-decent magic user could probably command the construct and turn it against its masters. What does that tell you?"

"Gah! Now it's throwing things!" Kurumu screamed, landing roughly on the ground as a piece of stone pillar barely flew over her head to smash into the wall behind her.

"Incorrect. Pay closer attention," Jadeite said scornfully. "If this account is true, it should be a simple matter to take control of the golem ourselves. If some half-wit human could do it, surely it should be no challenge for students of your caliber, right?"

Kurumu grit her teeth as she flew away from another hurled boulder. "I only have enchantment magic! And even I can't seduce a golem! Sendo, you do it!"

Morticullus was about to charge Kurumu again when a small rock bounced off of its leg.

Immediately registering the impact as an attack and deciding that the origin of the "assault" took priority over the hapless succubus, the war golem turned and fixed its magical eye on a small, unobtrusive looking boy that was glaring up at it from the ground below.

"Hey, why don't you pick on-" Tsukune managed to get out before five tons of iron boot smashed into him from above.

"Tsu-Tsu-Tsukune!" Kurumu gasped, her face paling as she watched the very ground shake from the impact of the golem's stomp.

"What's wrong?" Tsukune asked from below her, causing the succubus to do a double-take in confusion. "Are you all right, Kurumu?"

Morticullus whirled around to see the new Tsukune below its previous target, and promptly broke off the base of a broken pillar before hurling it across the room.

CRUNCH! The pillar was ground to rubble as it impacted the wall, and Tsukune's form vanished utterly before the massive impact.

"Yoo hoo! Mister Goblin Bot! Over here!" Tsukune waved from atop a mound of collapsed debris.


Hiding behind some obscuring rubble, Tsukune waved as Yukari stood behind him, projecting the human boy's image into the illusions that were now driving the war golem into a rage.

"I don't know how much longer I can keep this up!" Yukari said through clenched teeth. "It's not that hard a spell, but eventually that thing is going to bring down this whole cave on us if we can't stop it!"

"What about what Professor Jadeite said?" Moka asked nervously. "Can't we take control of it somehow?"

"Yes, that should take priority," Jadeite himself said, floating over the collapsed terrain and landing next to Moka. "The control runes should tell you how to control Morticullus. If necessary, the winged girl can act as a decoy again so you won't have to maintain the illusions."

Taking a moment to glare at Jadeite for not having even remembered his club members' names, Yukari stared hard at the glowing green patterns that covered the war golem's chest and shoulders. "I can't read that! It's in Goblin!"

"Of course it's in Goblin. They're the ones who built it," Jadeite scoffed. "You can't read Goblin?"

"No! Nobody reads Goblin! Not even goblins read Goblin anymore! It's a dead language!" Yukari shouted as she went back to focusing on illusory decoys.

Jadeite frowned as he rubbed his chin. "Huh. I had not anticipated this. Back in the academies on Earth during the reign of the Moon Kingdom, most people took primitive tribal dialects to fulfill their foreign language class requirement because they were much easier than learning any useful languages. I suppose such customs might change over the passage of the millennia."

As Tsukune and Moka facepalmed over the professor's stupidity, Kurumu suddenly shouted to them. "Tsukune, look out!"

"Don't worry Kurumu!" Tsukune shouted back, unable to actually see the succubus because of the debris and scattered clouds of dust. "That's not really-"

CRASH! The words died in Tsukune's throat as a massive steel arm broke through the rubble piled high to the side of them, sending bits of stone and masonry flying over their heads.

"Oh. That's what you meant," Tsukune squeaked as Morticullus loomed above them.

"Hmph. Well, this was a failure," Jadeite mumbled as he closed the old book and summoned a portal behind him. "If any of you survive, I'll see you next week," the dark general said, teleporting to safety and closing the magical exit before any of his students could follow.


'So this is how it all ends,' Tsukune thought as the war golem made a fist and drove it straight down toward him, 'squashed by a giant living suit of armor.' His life flashed before his eyes, but Tsukune quickly got bored of watching the mental records of his painfully monotonous life and simply waited for the killing blow to land.

It never did. Tsukune stared blankly at the fist of Morticullus as it hovered just inches from his face, bits of dust and gravel falling from between the battered iron fingers all around him.

"Wh-What? It stopped! Thank goodness!" Moka cried, grabbing Tsukune and trying to pull him away.

"Wait!" the human boy said suddenly. "Back off for a moment!" Moka looked confused and hesitant, but she let go of him and moved away.

Tsukune stared up at the war golem curiously. 'I think I get it. The last people that commanded this thing were human, so it won't hurt humans, huh?' Inwardly, he marveled at how easy he now found it to shrug off being almost crushed to a paste. 'I must be getting used to this school after all.'

"Tsukune? Is it dead, or what?" Kurumu asked, landing on a brazier a ways away from the rest of the group.

"No, I don't think so," Tsukune replied. Then, as he stared up into the gleaming jewel that made up its eye, he got an idea. "Morticullus! Step back!"

The girls' eyes bugged out at the massive construct promptly did as instructed, standing up straight and then taking one step back before stopping.

"You can command that thing?" Yukari shouted in shock. "How? Why?"

"It's... uh... my monster power, that's all!" Tsukune said awkwardly, fishing for an explanation that didn't involve revealing his humanity. He himself was surprised that the giant construct would take orders from literally ANY human that gave them, but judging from Jadeite's earlier history lesson that was precisely the irony of the device.

"What? What kind of monster are you?" Yukari demanded hotly.

Tsukune chuckled nervously. "Sorry, it's against the rules to tell you..."

"What I want to know is why you didn't do that earlier!" Kurumu asked, crossing her arms under her breasts.

"Well, actually, I didn't think I could do it at all," Tsukune said honestly, shrugging. "I'm just as surprised as you guys."

"Okay, so... now that we have the golem under control, what are we going to do with it?" Yukari asked, giving Tsukune suspicious glances.

"No WAY can we hand it over to Professor Jadeite," Kurumu snapped angrily. "He actually took off and left us here to fight a gigantic creature we had no hope of defeating!"

"Isn't that exactly what we did to him last time?" Moka asked.

"But he doesn't know that!" Kurumu protested. "Besides, he deserved it! I say we make the golem smash him!"

Tsukune winced. "Even if that worked, it would probably wreck half the school in the process."

Moka shook her head. "Tsukune's right. We should destroy it."

"Destroy it?" Tsukune asked, finding Moka's suggestion as unlikely as Kurumu's. "How are we supposed to do that? Does Morticullus come with a self-destruct button?"

Ding! The teenagers jumped in surprise at the noise that came from the war golem standing next to them, and all of them turned to see an unfamiliar symbol in the middle of the jewel on its face.

Ding! The same sound rang out once again, and the symbol changed, although this one made no more sense to them than the first.

Ding! Another sound, another unrecognizable symbol.

"What's it doing?" Moka asked nervously.

"As long as it doesn't start swinging at us again, who cares?" Kurumu muttered, shrugging.

Ding!

Yukari frowned. "It almost seems like... a countdown?"

Ding!

Ranma squinted his eyes as he watched a distant pillar of light erupt from deep within the wasteland beyond the school, ascending to the heavens amidst a cloud of dust and ash.

"Huh. Wonder what that was?" he mumbled to himself as he turned away from the window. He had seen the sudden detonation entirely by chance, being on his way back to the dorms.

Before being interrupted he had been considering Saffron's arrival and what it might mean for his remaining time at Youkai Academy.

His eventual conclusion was that it meant absolutely nothing; aside from their one, Earth-shaking fight that had prompted their enrollment at Youkai Academy, Ranma had nothing to do with the Phoenix king, and with Saffron weakened and sealed he posed little threat anyway.

Still, it rankled him to dismiss Saffron so easily. More than the immortal king himself, there was the matter of the Hell Kings that had sealed him. Would they have visited the Tendo household if Ranma hadn't agreed to enroll at Youkai voluntarily? What was their scheme in all this?

Ostensibly the mysterious priests were upholding some sort of balance and worked for peaceful ends, but Ranma didn't buy that. Someone who could march into Phoenix Mountain, slap Saffron with ancient magic, and then stroll out unscathed had goals beyond making sure Saffron got special classes in not killing people. In Ranma's experience, nobody with that kind of power was ever benign, and even if they were only enforcing their will upon others in the interests of humanity, there were problems with that, too.

'Well, if they're really all that important and powerful, it's probably just a matter of time before they kidnap Akane for some reason. I guess I'll meet them then.' He didn't know why ancient priests of order might possibly want his fiancee, but that was just the way these things worked.


His musings halted as he noticed Kana ahead of him in the hall, walking in the same direction he was.

"Kana! Yo! Wait up!" He shouted out, startling the girl slightly as she turned around to see him.

Ranma quickly made up the distance, weaving around the few other students that were wandering the halls at this time of day. "Hey, how ya doing? It's been a while since we last got the chance to talk!"

Kana flushed and lowered her head, her eyes nervously flitting about at the other people around them. "......"

"Yeah, I guess I'm with Tsukune and his girls pretty often, but that doesn't mean you can't hang out with us, you know," Ranma insisted, leaning in closer so that he could hear the girl. "They've forgiven you for that hypnosis thing, you know. They won't cause any trouble."

As Kana began walking side-by-side with Ranma, she thought over his words and frowned. "........."

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, pretty much. Moka and Kurumu are all over him, even if Moka's kind of coy about it. Why?"

Kana's expression was... not quite disgusted, but she definitely found the prospect unpleasant. "......"

"What do they see in him?" Ranma repeated, straightening. "Well, I guess you'd have to ask them, but Tsukune's got plenty of good points," the pigtailed boy insisted, wagging a finger. "He's a really nice guy, for one. And besides that, he's... well, he's really good at sympathizing with people, and... uh... he's polite..." Ranma frowned. "Okay, so he's mostly just got the nice guy thing going for him, but that counts for a lot. Especially around here, what with half the student body out to eat the other half."

Kana nodded reluctantly, having to agree. She still couldn't really fathom how two girls as beautiful as Moka and Kurumu ended up latching onto the least remarkable specimen in the freshman class though, especially when Ranma was around. Not that she was complaining, of course. "........."

"Oh, right! I do owe you a favor, don't I?" Ranma asked, nodding. "What can I-"

His head snapped up suddenly as his eyes narrowed. "Actually, I think I'll need a rain check on that. Somebody wants to play."


Ranma stopped in his tracks as he turned his head to the side, catching sight of his target leaning casually against the opposite side of the hall, pumping a barbel.

The man giving off waves of aggressive energy grinned, staring down at the pigtailed boy. "Ah, you're a sharp one, aren't you? You caught me right away. Heh!"

As Ranma sized up the fellow, his expression darkened somewhat. "I'm actually feeling pretty stupid for not noticing you earlier," he mumbled, "you're frickin' huge."

The young man leaning against the wall was over six feet tall with a massive frame bulging with muscle, mostly concentrated in his arms and shoulders. His bleached blond hair was slicked back over his head, and an enormous chin dominated his facial features.

"So spit it out; what terrible crime have I committed this time?" Ranma asked, warding Kana back as he approached the giant. "Or are you not with those Enforcer chumps? I don't remember seeing you before."

"Naw, I'm not an Enforcer. Name's Rikishi, but you can call me Chopper. Wrestling team."

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "So what's your beef with me?"

"'Aint got no beef," Chopper said, his lips stretching into a wide grin as he crossed the width of the hall toward the pigtailed boy. "I just heard some stories, is all."

He let the barbel fall from his slack fingers onto the floor. Crack! It promptly embedded itself into the tile, and Kana gulped loudly as she backed up against the wall behind Ranma.

"You see, rumor has it that there's this hotshot freshman that's been causing a ruckus amongst the rabble, so to speak," Chopper said, bracing one arm against a row of lockers next to Ranma as he leered down at the pigtailed boy. "Gettin' in all kinds of fights with the low-level troublemakers and throwing his weight around."

"What's your point?" Ranma asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't mean to rush you, but I was kind of heading somewhere, and you're holding me up."

A chuckle emerged from deep within Chopper's throat. "Well, that kind of thing normally doesn't amount to much around here, but then I heard that this same kid was apparently the new star of Wildman's fight club. And, well, that's a pedigree worth lookin' at."

"I'm still waiting for that point," Ranma murmured.

"Here's your point," Chopper said amiably before calmly swinging his arms toward the lockers in a lazy backhand.

CRUNCH! The steel containers crumpled like tin foil under Chopper's knuckles, and the enormous blond man grinned as the sound of twisting metal filled the hall.

"This is about you and me, Saotome. Rumors are gettin' outta hand, sayin' you're indestructible and nonsense like that," Chopper said, licking his lips in anticipation of violence. "So it looks like it's up to me to put you in your place. You tell me when and where, and-"

At that point in Chopper's tirade, one of the damaged locker doors popped off of its hinges and collapsed onto the floor, followed a moment later by a purple haired girl who tumbled out into the hall amongst a pile of books and scrap paper.

Chopper blinked as the unfamiliar student crawled between his legs and then dashed away behind him without saying a word.

"The hell? Who was that?" he mumbled.

"Oh, that's just... what was her name? Mizore, I think it was. She's been stalking me all day," Ranma explained, shrugging as if it was of no real consequence. "Anyway, if you're just looking for a fight to prove how good you are, I accept," he said, smiling. "I'd take you on now, but me and Kana were just on our way-"

Ranma stopped talking as Kana suddenly tapped him on the shoulder, and when he turned to look, he noticed that her one visible eye was cold and serious. "Eh? What's wrong?"

"........." the siren whispered.

"Oh. Uh... okay, I guess I'll see you later, then," Ranma mumbled as Kana walked quickly down the hall, passing by Chopper without giving the wrestler so much as a glance.


"Heh. Sorry to interrupt your little date," Chopper sneered as he started cracking his knuckles, "but really, guys like us should be training, not skirt chasing."

Ranma caught himself smiling a bit, having appreciated the sentiment. "You got that right. So where is this happening?"

"Roof?" Chopper asked, jabbing a thumb behind him.

Ranma smiled as he gestured toward the stairs. "Ladies first."

Mizore Shirayuki panted heavily as she leaned against the door to the gym, her hand over her chest and her breath coming out in heavy, misty clouds of chilled air.

Not so much from having been caught sneaking around Ranma again as much as from being trapped in a locker that had almost imploded with her inside.

'Ranma is surrounded by many... violent people,' she decided after giving it some thought. She had heard that the pigtailed boy was a fighter and had taken to the unruly halls of Youkai Academy with gusto, but she didn't imagine it would be so easy to get caught in the line of fire.

After catching her breath she stood up and considered where to pick up the trail next. 'Maybe I should wait at his dorm? If I remember right, he rooms with that other one... Ao-something... maybe I can-'

"Hello there," a voice boomed from behind Mizore, causing her to jump in fright.

After whirling about in a panic, she was thoroughly surprised to see a girl just a bit shorter than she was standing in the middle of the hall, hands crossed over her chest and a bemused expression on her face. Her long hair was purple, if a much darker shade than Mizore's own, and crested her head in such a way as to hide one half of her face before spilling over her shoulder.

"Huh? Who are you?" Mizore said suspiciously, her eyes narrowing. 'Did that voice come from her? It sounded so deep and powerful...'

Kana snorted as she ran a hand through her hair, fixing Mizore with a disdainful stare. "There's no need for introductions. I intend to make this short and to the point: stop following Ranma around. All right?"

"Hmmm?" Mizore's eyes gleamed even as the local temperature dropped several degrees. "And who do you think you are... telling me what to do?" she asked, slouching slightly as she glared down at Kana.

The siren girl stood her ground, though she was wary of the sudden fall in temperature; somehow she doubted it was just a reflection of the mood. "I'm not going to try and stake Ranma as mine or anything of the sort," Kana said, "but following him around like a creep is going to get you hurt, understand?"

"And who's going to hurt me?" Mizore mumbled, taking a step forward. The moment she put her foot down a thick layer of ice covered the floor around her shoe before rapidly spreading outward, the frost quickly creeping toward Kana's own feet.

The siren was unimpressed. "KNOCK IT OFF."

Crack! The ice patch promptly shattered, and Mizore took a step back as she felt an uncomfortable tremor run through her body.

Kana glared harshly at the taller girl through her visible eye, and then turned around sharply. "I'm done here. You can ignore my warning if you want, but don't expect to get away with it."

"Why in such a hurry?" Mizore said, her voice husky as clouds of mist seeped out from between her lips with every breath, "you show up out of nowhere to threaten me, and then just want to walk away?"

Kana stopped as her eyes narrowed. "I'm letting you off EASY, weirdo. I didn't come here to fight. This time."

"Well, what if I told you I have no plans to leave Ranma alone?" Mizore said, rolling her lollipop around in her mouth as she gazed expressionlessly at the shorter girl. "What are you going to do about it?"

Kana's expression became more heated as the tension in the air rose, presenting a stark contrast to Mizore's cold, lazy expression. The only thing that kept her from taking up the invitation to attack was that she didn't know Mizore's true form; obviously the taller girl was some sort of ice elemental or frost creature, and Kana could shatter ice crystals easily. On the other hand, they were inside and within arms' reach of each other, and if Mizore was any more capable a fighter than she was that would put the siren at a fatal disadvantage.

Still, the thought of wiping that dead expression off the other girl's face with a sonic blast was SO tempting...

Crash! Both girls flinched from a sudden loud noise originating from far above, and both felt much of the tension melt away as the walls shook slightly.

"Hmph. Looks like Ranma and that brute are at it already," Kana said, turning around again and walking away. "I've said my piece. Good night."

Mizore snorted at the siren's back, though inwardly she was rather relieved things hadn't come to blows; she didn't fancy herself a fighter, even if she was a fairly powerful monster. "Whatever. I'm sure I'll see you around, shorty."

Just as Mizore and Kana were engaged in simmering conflict below, Ranma had his own conflict at the top of the school. And although his was notable for being far less heated and emotional, there was no small irony in the level of violence involved.

Crunch! Concrete buckled underfoot as Chopper slammed a leg down, narrowly missing the pigtailed boy as Ranma darted through the larger boy's defenses.

"C'mon, you gotta be faster than that!" Ranma taunted as he bounced away behind the wrestler, "I thought you were gonna teach me a lesson! Unless the lesson is 'everyone here is just as slow and weak as that loser Saizo'."

Chopper reacted quite warmly to the jibes, his lips curling into a smile as he shifted around. "Just warmin' up, chump! You 'aint seen nothing yet!"

Ranma darted in while his opponent was taunting, and was fairly surprised when Chopper managed to block his first few jabs before being struck by a kick that scythed around his defenses. A retaliatory haymaker sent Ranma bouncing backward, skidding to a stop as his foe continued to advance.

'Now that I look at him, he actually has a decent guard,' Ranma noted as he observed the wrestler carefully. 'He's not just depending on his natural power to see him through; this guy actually knows how to fight.'

Ranma ducked under a left hook, and then launched his own series of punches that all ended up slamming into Chopper's iron-hard forearm before the wrestler brought his other arm down onto toward the agile human's head.

Crunch! The surface of the roof cracked badly under the power of Chopper's attack, although Ranma himself once again hopped back to avoid the impact completely.

"Tch! Hard to hit, 'aintcha? Just like a damn gnat," the wrestler complained as he shook his hand to get rid of the bits of cement sticking to his knuckles.

"Okay, so what now?" Ranma asked, standing just out of Chopper's reach with his hands in his pockets. "Like things are now, I'm gonna win. You haven't hit me once, and I've pretty much been playing with ya."

Chopper chuckled deeply, the sound degenerating into a rumbling growl deep in his throat. "All right, all right, I getcha," the wrestler said as his body started expanding. "Enough playing around... let's do this for real."

Chopper's skin hardened and took on a tough, rock-like texture even as his body continued growing, and spines began poking out of his head and the back of his neck as his teeth started lengthening into sharpened tusks.

Within seconds, Chopper's body was about twice its previous size with arms roughly the size of a man by themselves and fists like wrecking balls.

"You ready for this, Saotome?" Chopper snarled, his voice a constant, rumbling growl. "Bring it on!"

With an ecstatic roar, the troll swung forward.

"Hi everyone! It's time again for the monster encyclopedia segment!" Shizuka Nekonome said brightly. "Today the topic is, of course, trolls!"

The homeroom teacher turned to the blackboard, pointing to a drawing of Europe. "Native to northern Europe, trolls are a tough, headstrong, tribal species. Most of them can be found in Norway, and it's said that ancient viking warriors would sometimes hunt them for sport in order to test their martial prowess."

Shizuka moved on to a silhouette of Chopper that had arrows pointing to the hands that connected to the word "pain". "Trolls are unsophisticated but brutal warrior giants that love to fight. They don't have much in the way of culture or intellect, but there are few better monsters for wading into a battlefield. The stupidity of trolls is a very common stereotype, and although we here at Youkai Academy frown upon such prejudice, that stereotype exists for a reason. In fact, out of his entire tribe, Chopper was the only one to pass the entrance exam, which very nearly makes him a genius by trollish standards."

The next section of the blackboard had a sophisticated drawing of an organic cell structure, and was done in a crisp, precise drawing style that made it clear that it was not produced by Miss Nekonome. "The trolls' other claim to fame - and a much more positive one - is their ability to regenerate. A troll can heal a wound in a matter of moments, even if the wound causes critical damage to major organs. Lost limbs regrow and reach full strength within a day, and even a troll that has been, for all intents and purposes, killed will usually recover, sometimes before their opponent has even caught their breath. There are even records of trolls being hacked to pieces, only to regrow entire bodies from the stump of their necks!"

Shizuka shook her head. "If one wants to hurt a troll permanently, or at least permanently enough to win, one has to either inflict a truly massive amount of damage at once, or keep the wound from healing naturally. Fire and acid are the most popular methods, but ice and poison will also impede the growth of healthy flesh. Alternatively, you can just stick a weapon in them and leave it in to keep the wound from closing, although being unarmed against an angry troll is probably a worse situation. So, as usual, fire is the answer. Bye-bye!"

"Whoa!" Ranma jumped back as Chopper's claws grazed the surface of the roof, tearing through the cement and leaving a series of shallow scars behind.

The troll immediately followed up with a straight punch with his other arm, and even as it passed by harmlessly Ranma was impressed by the air pressure surrounding it from the sheer force behind his fist.

"Still too slow!" Ranma shouted as he leapt past Chopper's guard, slamming a foot into the troll's chin before rearing his arms back. "Kachuu tenshin amaguriken!" the martial artist shouted, his arms becoming a blur as he hammered hundreds of punches into Chopper’s torso.

The massive monster staggered backward from the hail of attacks, and Ranma grinned as he hopped backward before a clumsy punch could tag him.

That grin faded somewhat as he watched the troll catch his breath, and it vanished outright as he watched the numerous bruises shrink and the hammered flesh rise back to its previous healthy state.

"Hm, not too shabby," Chopper admitted, mildly impressed that he hadn't managed to even touch the pigtailed boy yet, "but you can't take me down with that much power. Don't tell me all you're good at is running away..."

"It is kind of what my school of martial arts specializes in," Ranma admitted, rubbing the back of his head. "Well, that and mid-air combat. But you don't look like much of a jumper to me."

"Too bad for you," Chopper said curtly before throwing a wide backhand at the martial artist. Ranma hopped back in time to avoid that blow, but even then was nearly knocked off his feet by the rush of air following the troll's attack.

'Okay, so his body's too tough for me to beat into submission. Fine. Let's try attack strategy number two: aim for the head.'

Ranma promptly launched himself into a jump kick, and Chopper managed to shield his face with an arm to block the attack.

Using the troll's arm as a springboard, Ranma launched himself up even further into the air, positioning himself strategically as he reached the apex of his jump.

Chopper, trying to keep a bead on his opponent as best he could, raised his head to look, but then promptly shut his eyes from the glare of the sun that briefly silhouetted Ranma's form.

As gravity finally regained control of the defiant martial artist, Ranma began to spin around in the air, holding his arms out as his revolutions became faster and faster until he resembled a giant red and black top.

KRAKOOM! Due to being briefly blinded, Chopper didn't see the attack coming until Ranma's foot slammed into him like a meteor, striking his forehead with enough force to knock him off his feet before drilling his head directly into the surface of the roof. Much of that surface buckled under the impact and the tremorous force that followed it, surrounding the troll's spasming body with a web of deep cracks.

Ranma promptly lost his balance as he stopped spinning around, being too dizzy to keep himself falling flat on his face right next to Chopper.

"Whoa... that... that was kinda fun," Ranma admitted, his head spinning. "Kinda hard on the legs, though."

Staggering to his feet, the pigtailed boy shook his head to clear it, and then turned toward Chopper's prone, unmoving body.

"Well, you were pretty tough, but I was better," Ranma said solemnly, dusting off his hands.

His mock respect faded as Chopper's hand suddenly rose up and wrapped tightly around his legs, immobilizing him.

"This... is not going according to plan," Ranma noted warily as Chopper slowly pushed himself out of the cement crater with his free hand.

The troll's face had been mangled, smashed, and bloodied by the ferocious attack, and Ranma watched in grim fascination as bones shifted back into their proper places, swollen flesh receded, and patches of dried blood broke away like bits of errant dirt.

"That's just unfair," Ranma noted as the pressure around his lower torso increased considerably.

"Now..." Chopper mumbled, his fully regenerated face stretching into a satisfied smile, "I gotcha."

"Meep." Ranma whimpered slightly as the troll lifted him up into the air, and he grit his teeth against the pain as he was slammed into the surface of the roof hard enough to leave a fresh crater next to the larger one he had made with Chopper's body.

"Upsy-daisy!" the troll cheered as he flung the stunned pigtailed boy into the air high above him.

Then, after giving his meaty knuckles a slobbery kiss, he wound back his arm as Ranma came plummeting back down to the roof.

WHAM!! Ranma's dazed body was hit dead-on by the troll's massive fist, sending the pigtailed boy flying across the length of the roof. CRASH!

First the building's air conditioning unit was demolished as Ranma's body tore through it, shearing the flimsy construct in two and sending the shattered remains flying to the side. He then bounced once onto the surface of the roof, kicking up a burst of broken cement from the brief impact, before slamming into and through the steel fence that encircled the rooftop.

"Haw haw haw!" Chopper guffawed loudly, his voice receding into the distance as Ranma plummeted helplessly to the ground.

Silence reigned as Tsukune, Moka, Kurumu and Yukari trudged back to Youkai Academy from their exploration club "activity". That which needed to be said had been said. That which did not need to be said nobody wished to hear.

The ultimate results of the expedition were quite obvious, judging by the disarray of its members. All were badly scorched and thickly covered with dirt and dust.

Their uniforms were badly damaged, Kurumu's to the point of indecency; the few strips of skirt that remained were hardly enough to conceal her panties, but it was obviously the upper portion of her outfit that had suffered the most, judging by how she was hugging her arms over her chest to avoid exposing all.

Tsukune certainly would have offered her a shirt or coat if his own had been up to the task; all that remained of his school jacket was the collar, and very little of his shirt remained past his shoulders.

Yukari and Moka had gotten off easier, as Yukari had managed to use her magic to form a barrier from the assorted rubble - naturally she had elected to protect herself and Moka rather than stretch herself trying to save everyone - but both were still in poor shape, and definitely had no clothes of their own to spare.

"We're almost to the campus, guys," Tsukune said, his breath heavy. "Kurumu, uh... do you want me to, like, bring you back some clothes or something?"

"Thanks, but it's fine," the succubus muttered, glancing around irritably at the dry, leafless trees that made up the forest surrounding Youkai Academy. "It's times like these when I think that this place could use some real greenery. A bunch of leaves would be handy right now."

She shook her head as her wings sprouted. "Whatever. I'll just fly back to my room. I want to wake up and start pretending the last hour was just a bad dream as soon as poss-"

Wham! Just as the succubus was starting to lift off the ground a red and black blur slammed into her like a missile, sending the sultry teenager plowing into the dirt as the other exploration club members stared in shock.


"K-Kurumu! Kurumu, are you all right?" Tsukune cried, rushing up to the pair of twitching bodies.

After a few moments he recognized the makeshift projectile as well, and his eyes bugged out even further. "Ranma? What happened to you? Speak to me!"

"Wh-Where did he COME from?" Moka asked, aghast at the suddenly impact. Yukari frowned as her eyes turned toward the nearest school building.

Kurumu, for her part, groaned painfully as she tried to get up, only realizing belatedly that there was something fairly heavy on top of her. "What the... Ranma? Izzat you?" the succubus slurred as she fought to remain conscious.

"So... much... pain..." Ranma mumbled weakly, his entire body throbbing, but functional. Thanks in no small part to Kurumu breaking his fall, no doubt. He even had the dubious fortune of landing his face right between her breasts, giving that region a great deal of extra padding.

Kurumu growled in frustration and she sat up, shoving the martial artist off of her. "All right, NOW what the hell is going on?"

Ranma grunted as he fought against the vertigo of his sudden descent combined with the agony resulting from the heavy impacts. "Personal fight... don't worry, I've got this..."

"Ranma, you need medical attention!" Tsukune shouted, rushing to help his roommate up off the ground.

"Hey, what am I, chopped liver?" Kurumu snapped from where she herself was pulling herself up.

Ranma wobbled slightly, as he leaned against Tsukune. "Yeah... medical attention. I'll get right on that... right after I beat this guy up."

Moka raised an eyebrow. "What guy?"

Thwoom! The vampiress was suddenly forced to hold down her skirt as a shock wave came from behind her, no doubt originating from the gigantic troll that had just dropped four stories onto the ground.

"Oh," Moka squeaked, turning to look up at the muscle-bound creature. "Him."

"Yo. Don't mean to be rude," Chopper said as he stared down at the pink-haired girl, "but you're in my way. MOVE."

As the vampiress rapidly did as she was told, Kurumu clicked her tongue. "SO useless..."

Chopper promptly started forward, although he halted when Tsukune suddenly stood in front of him, holding his arms out.

"Stop it! This fight is over!" the human declared boldly, glaring up at the hulking troll.

Ranma blinked. "What? Whoa, wait! If this fight is over, that means I lose! That 'aint happening!"

Chopper chuckled darkly. "I dunno, buddy. The shrimp might be right. You don't look so hot. I won't hold it against ya if you wanna give up and try again later. Just means I'm better'n you, is all."

Tsukune whimpered as he immediately saw Ranma's aura emerge. "Ranma, please, be reasonable!"

"Now isn't the time for reason! I have a fight to win!" Ranma declared, ducking around Tsukune and darting for Chopper.


The troll obviously hadn't expected Ranma to still be so mobile after taking his earlier attack, and was caught completely off guard as Ranma smashed a knee into his chin and then used his head as a springboard to jump up behind him.

"Mouka takabisha!" Ranma shouted, blasting chopper in the back with a sphere of confidence-powered ki and sending the wrestler to his knees.

As Ranma landed, however, Chopper was already standing back up and cracking his neck, having shrugged off the assault.

"Huh, so you got energy blasts, too. Neat trick," Chopper mumbled. "They don't sting for long, though."

'This is ridiculous! How can I cause enough damage to knock this guy out?' Ranma thought. He could try a sustained assault, but he had no reason to believe that would fare any better, and it would leave him open to being grabbed again. The pigtailed boy had no illusions of staying on his feet if he fell into the wrestler's clutches once more.

"Senpai! Use fire! It will stop his body from regenerating!" Yukari shouted out suddenly, attracting the attention of both combatants.

"What? Fire?" Ranma asked in confusion.

"Tch!" Chopper clicked his tongue.

"Fire! Weren't you paying attention during the monster encyclopedia segment?" the young witch demanded.

"...... The what?" Ranma asked, shaking his head. "No, wait, forget that, how am I supposed to use fire? I don't have an attack like that!"

Yukari blinked. "Really? Aren't you a devil?"

"I'M A HUMAN, DAMN IT!" Ranma shouted back at his young admirer.

Chopper snorted. "Yeah, sure. It's fine by me to obey school rules, but you're not gonna get away with taking me so lightly."

"I'm not taking you lightly! I'm not a monster!" Ranma shouted, stomping his foot on the ground. "I swear to God, I'll break your legs and-"

Suddenly, his eyes widened. 'Wait, that's it!'


Chopper shrugged and lurched forward. "Break 'em if you want. They'll be good as new before dinner. But seriously buddy, you put up a pretty good fight. It was fun, but now it's time for you to sleep for a while."

'Gotta get this just right,' Ranma thought, focusing as Chopper reared back his right arm while guarding with his left.

Just like before, Ranma slipped around the troll's massive punch and moved into his guard. Rather than launching an attack, however, he instead grabbed Chopper's blocking arm and then leapt up, pulling the hand with him as he landed on the troll's shoulder.

'And one, and two, and PULL!' Bracing himself against his foe's neck, Ranma wrenched Chopper's arm up while twisting at the same moment, and nearly everyone present winced at the sickening crack that resulted.

Dropping the limp appendage, Ranma barely managed to push off of Chopper's back before his other hand reached for him, almost catching the pigtailed boy's leg.

'Okay, that's one down,' Ranma thought, his heart pounding as he noted how close he had been to getting grabbed again.


"Wait! Stop! Time out!" Tsukune suddenly shouted, causing both fighters to freeze.

"What now? I'm winning!" Ranma complained as he turned to face his roommate.

"It's not that, it's just," Tsukune cleared his throat and then held out his hand. "Can Kurumu borrow your shirt?"

Ranma blinked, and then glanced over at the succubus to confirm that, yes, she was in fact completely topless.

"Don't know how I missed that," the pigtailed boy mumbled as he stripped off the red Chinese shirt and tossed it to the smaller human. "Here ya go."

"Thank you!" Kurumu cried gratefully as Tsukune handed her the garment. Really, she probably should have just gone back to her room by now, but found the fight far more interesting than her modesty.


Ranma patted down his undershirt before turning back to Chopper, and was quite satisfied to see the troll casting annoyed and fearful glances as his limp left arm. "Something wrong, Chopper?"

The wrestler snorted. "You're only makin' this harder on yourself, Saotome. If you'd stop bouncing around like a damn flea, then we could make this nice and quick."

The pigtailed boy smirked. "Oh, don't worry. This won't take much longer."

In response, Chopper went on the offensive once more, his left arm swinging uselessly about behind his body as he jabbed at his foe.

Ranma was amused to see that the troll was now using small, measured attacks now, rather than the full-power, wall-shattering punches he had been throwing since the beginning. 'I do need a bigger opening, though. Let's try this.'

Sliding across the ground to one side, Ranma suddenly stumbled, his defense opening.

"Gotcha!" Chopper snarled, once again fully extending himself as attacked at full power.

Ranma's eyes gleamed as his opponent fell for the feint, and the pigtailed boy jumped over the haymaker before grabbing onto the wrestler's elbow.

"And that makes TWO!" Ranma shouted, lashing backward with a kick to Chopper's shoulder while twisting his arm at the same time. Another painful cracking noise followed, and Ranma hopped off of the disabled limb to land in a crouch.


"Phew! That was rough, but it's over. I win," Ranma said, planting his fists on his hips as Chopper stared at him dumbly.

"What? The hell you did! I just..." he growled as his arms swung limply at his sides. "Hey! How come they 'aint regenerating? What did you do?"

"Yeah, I figured breaking bones wouldn't stop you for long, so I did the next best thing," Ranma explained, crossing his arms over his chest, "I dislocated your shoulders. Dislocated bones don't heal naturally like a fracture does."

The trolls eyes were wide as he gaped. "But... I... I can't..."

"A wrestler without the use of his arms can't fight. I win," Ranma said seriously. "Now you should probably see Miss Madaraki. She can fix up something like a dislocation easily."

"Guh!" Chopper grimaced as he stepped back. "Oi, don't think this is over, Saotome! When round two starts, you won't get off so easy!"

Ranma chuckled happily. "I'll be waiting, Chopper! Any time, any place!"


"Yahoo!" Yukari cheered suddenly, startling Moka, who was right next to her. "Senpai won! I knew he could do it!"

"Of course I won," Ranma said haughtily as he watched Chopper stagger off toward the school building, "Ranma Saotome never loses."

"So what was that all about, anyway?" Moka asked, looking worried. "Why were you two fighting?"

Ranma gave her an odd look. "Why? Because we felt like it."

"What?" the vampiress asked, not comprehending.

"Well, technically I guess HE felt like it, and I didn't have anything better to do," the pigtailed boy corrected. "But we didn't really have a reason."

"That's... That's barbaric!" Moka complained, causing Kurumu to roll her eyes.

Ranma shrugged. "I guess. It's nice to fight every once in a while without worrying about getting shipped off to China or one of my friends being killed, though." Then he frowned. "By the way, could someone help me get back to my room? I guess the adrenaline wore off or something, 'cause I can't move my legs any more."

Naturally Tsukune was up to the task, and he took one of the older boy's arms over his shoulders before waving to the girls. "Thanks for your help today! I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Good night," came the chorus of replies, each one varying considerably in enthusiasm as the group finally parted ways.


Ranma and Tsukune, who lagged behind Moka and Kurumu (who was flying) as they headed toward their dorm building, made their way in silence for a fairly long time before Ranma finally spoke.

"By the way... uh... I don't wanna get all mushy or anything, but thanks a lot for helping me out when I'm injured," the pigtailed boy said awkwardly. "There was that time the other day when I was cursed, too. I appreciate it."

"Well, of course! You're helping me out all the time!" Tsukune said, smiling. "Besides, we're friends, aren't we?"

"Heh. Yeah, I guess so," Ranma said, marveling at the simple concept. He had experienced all sorts of trouble and frustrations while at Youkai Academy, but one thing he could get used to was being surrounded by people who weren't constantly out to take advantage of him. He'd be the first to complain that most monsters were short-sighted idiots, but he found a refreshing honesty in their simple, straight-forward barbarism. Besides that, Ranma wasn't sure if he had every had a friend so plainly benevolent as Tsukune; the people he considered friends before coming to Youkai Academy had mostly been limited to Ryoga, Ukyou, and Akane, and putting aside that one of the three ostensibly sought to kill him, his relationship with any of them was the farthest thing from stable.

It was about at this point that Ranma glanced down at the younger boy holding him up and noted, with some alarm, that Tsukune only looked slightly less injured that he did. "So what happened to you guys, anyway?"

"Ancient ruins. Giant golem. Explosion," Tsukune listed succinctly.

"Dang. Hate it when that happens," Ranma said, nodding solemnly. "Jadeite abandon you again?"

"I'd say it's been a tough week for everyone," Tsukune deadpanned.

Within the school building, in the uppermost levels of the complex, a waiting room sat empty outside the offices of the Enforcers. The room was excellently furnished and decorated, with fine plush chairs, a well-stocked water cooler, and several posters that boasted pictures of a sadistic-looking man with long white hair along such motivational statements as "No justice without bloodshed" and "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary security get to live," with the second quote being incorrectly attributed to Benjamin Franklin.

The closest thing to a living creature that occupied the room was a grainy stone statue that stooped over a waiting table stocked with numerous pristine magazines, its great, bat-like wings folded tightly behind it.

It was no coincidence that there were no students waiting to offer complaints and submit investigations to the Enforcers, and it was certainly not due to there being complete, uninterrupted peace among the students of Youkai Academy. One of the first things freshmen learned upon entering the school was that the strong regularly preyed upon the weak, as was natural among most monster societies, and there was nothing to be done but avoid attention or try to fight back. However, once the freshmen learned that there was actually a group dedicated to the enforcement of peace and order on campus, the next lesson (after they recovered from the incredulous shock) was invariably to avoid ever having contact with that group, ever, even if one had a completely legitimate problem for which they sought redress.

Of course there were those that decided to try anyway, going to the Enforcers and pleading their cases either because they still had a few sparks of naive hope or because they simply had no other options. Most promptly had their innocent hopes crushed, although there were an unlucky few that suddenly found themselves arrested for various outrageous crimes (mostly involving directing anger at the Enforcers' utter uselessness). This cemented the Enforcers' reputations as individuals whom one never approached for help, and as a consequence freed up their schedules enormously.

So it was only after completing her fifty-second game of Internet Checkers that Keito finally emerged from her office to peek into the waiting room.

"Tch! You're still here," she said irritably as she fixed her eyes on the statue, which itself began trembling.

Crack! Crunch! Pebbles and flakes of rock rained onto the floor as Haruo broke out of his stone form, and the gargoyle glared briefly at Keito before stretching.

"FINALLY. You had me waiting so long I fell asleep!" the junior enforcer growled before his form began to shrink, taking on the human disguise that was required of all students.

"I was waiting for you to leave," Keito said unapologetically. "But since you've proven more stubborn than I expected, I suppose I'll hear you out for a little bit." She turned around and headed back into her office, beckoning with her finger. "Come."

Haruo winced, and hesitantly followed. He, like most of the Enforcers, absolutely hated being in Keito's office, regardless of how he felt about Keito herself. It had the unmistakable trappings of a predator's lair, and Keito herself was creepy enough to exacerbate the tension horribly.

Nonetheless, he steeled himself and stepped through the door, his eyes scanning from one end of the room to the other. Great, sweeping cobwebs stretched all over the interior, running into and wrapping around each other in ways that made it hard to tell if a given space was clear, obstructed, or subject to a few stray strands that would collapse a section of webbing around an unwary visitor. Funnel webs hung from the ceiling in support of heavy web cocoons wrapped around... well, Haruo had no idea what was in the disgusting things, but the way they glistened suggested that the webbing was wet and relatively fresh, and the way they twitched every once in a while suggested...

Haruo shuddered as Keito walked up behind her desk, seeming to move through the folds of webbing as if they weren't even there. She then took a seat upon a particularly thick web that had been inclined at an angle perfect for sitting, and then crossed her arms under her breasts.

"All right, spit it out. What can big sis do for you today?" Keito asked, her tone turning playful now that they were on her turf.

"I want to know why nobody's said anything about my earlier proposal," Haruo said, trying to keep his voice firm in the face of the dread that threatened to overwhelm him.

"Ah, you mean that pointless rant about hunting down Saotome and destroying him?" Keito asked, raising an eyebrow. "What of it?"

Haruo's teeth clenched. "'What of it'? I made it very clear that Saotome is a direct threat to the authority and reputation of the Enforcers! When are we going to move out to finish him?"

Keito snorted. "When Kuyo decides that he gives a damn," she said bluntly, invoking the name of the Head Enforcer. "Until Saotome catches Kuyo's attention, nobody's going to pretend that they care about your little grudge."

"Well, what does it take to get Kuyo's attention, then?" Haruo demanded, slamming his hands down onto Keito's desk. "This little bastard has already attacked me twice, and DISMEMBERED one of the faculty!"

"Even WE aren't going to try and tell someone not to hurt Professor Richard," Keito deadpanned. "The Enforcers will gladly support anyone's decision to cripple him, even if in violation of school rules."

"Not the point!" Haruo shouted. "Saotome's actions show a blatant and violent disregard for our authority! Are you really going to let him get away with defying us like that?" He tried to draw himself back, but then realized with some annoyance and a bit of fear that his hands were tangled in the webbing that covered Keito's desk, sticking them to the surface.

Keito rolled her eyes as she leaned back. "From what I can tell, this isn't about Saotome defying the Enforcers, it's about Saotome defying YOU."

"It's the same thing!" Haruo insisted, tugging at his arms in frustration to loosen the sticky threads wrapped around his fingers. "If he'll stand against me, what's to stop him from defying you? Or even Kuyo himself, for that matter? We have to stand together!"

Keito was quite amused at seeing her visitor struggle against her web, but kept her voice apathetic. "You know as well as I do that the Enforcers' solidarity only extends as far as Kuyo's power does. And on that note, I'd like to remind you that when you first started complaining I DID help you, only for you to completely waste my time."

Haruo gulped as he finally disentangled his hands. "I'm sorry! I still don't know how I got Saotome's room wrong! But this is serious! Why won't anybody take action?"

Keito groaned as she rubbed his head. "You imbecile... do I really need to spell it out for you?" Upon seeing Haruo's confused expression, she continued. "Tell me, if you think Saotome needs to be removed, why don't you do it yourself?"

"I already tried that!" Haruo complained heatedly. "I almost got the bastard, too! But... well..."

"He beat you," Keito finished. "I don't care about the details, but those were the end results. You're no match for Saotome. You know this, and he knows this. And the other Enforcers know this too. So why, then, would they stick their necks out to destroy Saotome when Kuyo doesn't even know the fool's name?"

Haruo's eyes narrowed. "So that's it, huh? You're just afraid."

Thwip! Haruo tried to let out a surprised gasp as a disc of webbing suddenly smacked into face, but suddenly found that his lips had been sealed shut.

"There. Maybe that will take the edge off that obnoxious mouth of yours," Keito mumbled, idly wiping a single white thread from the corner of her mouth. "As I already mentioned, I already tried to help you, but we failed because you're an idiot. I'm not afraid of Saotome, but I AM afraid of wasting my precious leisure time because I let some granite-headed dolt lead me around by the feelers."

Taking a moment to relish Haruo's silently enraged expression, she then continued. "In essence, though, you're right: Ranma Saotome is too strong to beat easily, so naturally, your peers and underlings don't wish to fight him if they can avoid it. And, as previously noted, they can avoid ever having to bother with him so long as Kuyo doesn't want to bother with him. So ultimately, until he pisses off the top brass, you're not going to get enough support to take him down directly."

Then Keito smiled, and Haruo felt mind-numbing terror crawl up his spine. "However... there are other ways to deal with a resilient foe. Do you want Big Sis Keito to give you a hint?"

Actually, there was nothing Haruo wanted more at that moment than to retreat from that office and hide under a rock, but he recognized that if Keito didn't let him out herself then he'd probably get tripped up on some of the webbing and be trapped there forever. Reluctantly, he nodded.

Keito's grin widened, and Haruo gulped as sharp, tusk-like mandibles poked out from behind her cheeks. "Strong enemies tend to have crippling weaknesses... loners have no one to rely on when they're vulnerable. Tyrants can be easily overwhelmed when their subjects are united against them. And noble ones are the worst, really. They'll sacrifice themselves in an instant to save someone too weak to be worth saving. Ring any bells?"

"Hmph rhgm hmp," Haruo responded, his mouth still covered.

"Sure, whatever." Keito's fangs retreated as her grin vanished. "That's all the time Big Sis has for you today. I don't want to hear the name Saotome again unless it's either from Kuyo or listed in the school newspaper's obituaries. Understood?"

Haruo nodded. 'Our school newspaper has obituaries? Actually, come to think of it, I haven't seen an issue this semester... wonder why.'

"You may go now," Keito said, idly reaching for a clump of webbing behind her head and giving it a slow tug.

The door to the office promptly creaked open as the cobwebs around its frame and doorknob tightened, and Haruo stumbled out gratefully as the sheets of webbing parted to allow him passage.

Keito watched him leave, her cold, indifferent expression hiding a small spark of pride deep within her. 'It's rather satisfying to see the young ones grow up like this, trading the sword for the poisoned dagger and learning the art of treachery,' she thought to herself. 'I hope Saotome doesn't torture him before he kills him.'

Note: Hey, both the characters introduced in this chapter were from the anime involved! I think I might be breaking this OC addiction!

End Chapter 6

Big Human on Campus: Extra!

"Blast that Saotome! So his victory over me was not enough, then?" Saffron growled as he stalked through the main yard of Youkai Academy, his hands clenched into fists. It was fairly late in the afternoon, so there were few students about, and the grim pall that perpetually hung over Youkai was giving way to night.

"So even here, he seeks to humiliate me? Hmph! The fiend! And to think, I had thought to forgive him for his transgressions of the past!"

A more rational observer might have reasoned that the cause of such forgiveness may have had less to do with Saffron's nature and much more to do with the fact that Ranma was a familiar face with a relatively strong moral grounding amongst a sea of potentially murderous strangers, but as it was the Phoenix king wasn't about to admit to something so outrageous.

Finding a cluster of granite boulders piled high on the edge of the paved area, Saffron took a seat before opening up his orientation pamphlet, allowing his thoughts to simmer silently as he tried to locate his new residence.

"No doubt the hovel I'll be placed in will be no better than that enjoyed by Saotome and the rest of the rabble," he murmured in disgust, not really noticing as a pair of figures approached him with obviously angry intent.

"Hey, small fry!" shouted a rough voice from above, and a frustrated groan escaped from Saffron's lips as he raised his head to make eye contact with the speaker.

It turned out to be the rough-looking fellow with the bushy eyebrows that had been following Ranma earlier, along with another boy that Saffron could barely recall seeing briefly when he had stepped into the fight club.

"Whatever you want, make it quick," the Phoenix king said negligently as he looked back down at the pamphlet. "I don't have time for the prattling of fools."

The two boys' faced twisted into angry snarls, and Kouma's eyes flashed an angry red. "LOOK AT ME when I'm talking to you, runt!" the hellhound shouted, black smoke seeping from between his clenched teeth. When Saffron sighed and once again made eye contact, Kouma's eyes narrowed. "You have a lot of nerve treating Miss Wildman like that, scumbag."

Saffron raised an eyebrow. "Wildman? Who is that?"

"That's the name of the redhead that decked you through the wall," the second boy said, chuckling slightly.

Saffron grimaced as he stood up. "I see. Putting aside that she defended her honor quite well on her own, do YOU truly think to condemn MY actions? It seems she's not the only one who does not know her place."

Kouma's dark expression shifted further into the "murderous" range. "Don't think that just because Saotome says you resurrect that we won't kill you anyway," he spat, his hands starting to glow a furious orange. "If it doesn't take the first time, we can always try again. And again. And again." The other boy chuckled slightly as he raised a fist, small spines poking out from between his knuckles.

"Hmph. It's true what my advisers told me. The lower races truly are full of lambs to be slaughtered," Saffron mumbled absently as he tucked away the pamphlet.

Fwoom! As soon as the fragile, flammable paper was out of the way, Saffron's hands lit ablaze, and the Phoenix king smirked smugly at the shocked expressions on the boys' faces.

"Come then, fools. I shall open the door to oblivion for you," Saffron intoned even as the students harassing him paled.

"W-We'll take care of this later!" Kouma said in a panic, backing away slowly even as his companion turned tail and ran. "Don't think this is over!" the hellhound followed suit a moment later, instinctively falling onto his hands and dashing away on all fours.


Saffron snorted, slightly surprised that the pair had fled so easily. "I suppose that merely being stupid doesn't entirely preclude the instincts of self-preservation," the Phoenix king mumbled as he sat back down.

Whump! Or at least, he tried to sit back down. At some point during the scuffle the rock he had been sitting on had apparently vanished, and Saffron promptly fell flat on his back.

It was then that he noticed the... thing that had been standing behind him. It was hard to tell from Saffron's current perspective of staring straight up into the creature's wiggling fangs, each like a sickle dripping with poisonous juices, exactly what the thing was, but a few more seconds of observation yielded plenty of clues. Glancing all around him, he took note of eight thick, scythe-tipped legs, each one covered in a mottled gray carapace that had done well in resembling innocent granite boulders. Stretching his neck to look further down the creature's body revealed a small, pinched body segment to which all the legs were connected, and beyond that was a massive, swollen rear section tipped with a spike at the end.

"I should have stayed in China," Saffron mumbled miserably as the gigantic spider's hungry fangs descended upon him.