The nekomata gestured next to her, where several large machines were crammed next to each other in their effort to maintain the life of what appeared to be a large, shriveled black husk.

"Today we'll be asking the opinion of the nameless victim that dropped out of the exploration club before its first expedition! He's not in the best of shape thanks to serious skeletal trauma and..."

Shizuka stopped speaking and looked over a clipboard that had been left on top of a pulse monitor. "And... sixth degree burns? There are sixth degree burns?"

"It's a rare state of injury when a flame actually scorches the ambient life energy that sustains the body beyond the physical veil," calmly explained Fran Madaraki as she wheeled another machine up next to the iron lung that the brutalized student was kept in. "Medical science has yet to provide a treatment for supraphysical psychimmolation, or 'soul scorching' as it's known in laymen's terms, but I've contacted several priests for possible alternative medicine solutions."

The reanimated blonde started attaching electrodes to what Shizuka was barely able to identify as the victim's head. "And what's this, now?"

"This device will translate the necessary nervous impulses that would normally allow for speech and translate them into writing for the convenience of communication," Fran said with a smile as she activated the machine. "I have other burn patients to treat now."

With a gentle bow, the school nurse turned on her heel and walked off, leaving the remains of the student alone with the doubtful-looking teacher.

"Well, let's give it a try," Shizuka said, tapping the machine. "After your encounter with Ranma, what's your guess as to his species?"

The husk twitched and writhed slightly, and a whirring noise came from the communications device as a strip of paper started printing.

Shizuka took the paper and read it aloud. "More painkillers, please."

She frowned at the burn patient. "Come on, now. That had NOTHING to do with Ranma."

The printer started up again, and Shizuka read it as it came out. "If I never see that bastard again, it'll be too soon. I swear that freak must be a werewolf."

The nekomata brightened. "Ah! A werewolf! Why's that?"

She waited for more of the student's thoughts to print out before speaking again. "Bastard's fast. Too fast. But what's more is that he's apparently pretty protective of his friends. You don't see a lot of that, but it's a common attitude among werewolves."

Shizuka nodded solemnly. "Ah, yes. A surprisingly thoughtful answer, whatever-your-name-is."

The printer started spitting out more paper, but Shizuka had already turned away, ignoring the device and the injured monster attached to it.

"Another session of guessing Ranma's species comes to a close! See you next time!"


Black Dragon Productions proudly presents
a Ranma and Rosario Plus Vampire crossover

Disclaimer: Yeah, I've got nothing.

Key: Writing/Emphasis, Sounds, 'Thoughts', "Speech", (Comments that you can freely ignore)

Big Human on Campus
Chapter 4
Pranks a Lot

"I'm still not quite clear on how this happened..." Jadeite mumbled to himself.

Kurumu whistled innocently to herself as she rocked back and forth on her heels, trying desperately to hide a victorious smile. Moka and Yukari were on the left of the succubus, the latter clamped firmly onto the former, with Tsukune and Ranma at the front of the group that had come to visit the professor.

As for the Dark General himself, he had bandages wrapped around his chest, but otherwise looked quite pristine and seemed perfectly lucid for a man that had suffered six hours of mostly experimental surgery and veritable cocktail of medical drugs and toxin reactants.

Tsukune chuckled weakly as he tried to avoid eye contact with the patient. "We're not really sure either... I mean, the exploration was over and we all headed back-"

"Just like you told us!" Kurumu added quickly.

"Yes, just like you told us," Tsukune lied, "we got back to school, and then the next day, we hear you're in the infirmary suffering from an icicle lodged in your chest and severe poisoning. We're just... uh... glad you're okay."

The last line was obviously false, but if Jadeite noticed he certainly didn't care.

"Fair enough. Except that I'm not in the infirmary." Jadeite's eyes narrowed. "Would someone care to explain why I'm being treated in the gym storage locker?" Indeed, the Dark General was currently resting upon a stack of gym mats with a trio of pulse monitors stacked upon a cage full of basketballs.

"Dunno about that," Ranma mumbled, scratching the back of his head. He wasn't really involved in this incident directly, but had come along as moral support (and physical back-up) for Tsukune's sake. "I heard the medical wing had a fire or something, and any rooms that survived are probably being used by the people hurt in the fire. Lousy timing, that's for sure."

Jadeite's face darkened appropriately as the members of his club stared at him knowingly. "I see... I... I suppose it can't be helped, then."

"Professor Jadeite? We were wondering if, perhaps, it was possible for us to switch out of your club now, since... well... you won't be in any shape to host our activities soon," Moka asked carefully.

The Dark General snorted. "Don't be absurd. I'll be fully recovered soon enough. Wounds such as these can't-"

He was suddenly interrupted by a constant, high-pitched beep as one of monitors next to him flatlined, causing Jadeite to seize up as pain flared in his chest.

"Wh-What's wrong? Is he dying?" Tsukune asked in a panic, not knowing what to do.

"Cross your fingers, girls," Kurumu whispered before suiting actions to words.

Ranma, for his part, stared at the monitors in confusion until the door opened a few seconds later, admitting Fran Madaraki into the room.


"Remain calm, please. The professor is in very little actual danger," Fran said in an almost disinterested voice to the students as she stepped up to the stack of gym mats, missing the disappointed expression on Kurumu's face and the mildly guilty one on Moka's. "He's been suffering periodic heart failure ever since the surgery, and I've already compensated appropriately." She snapped her fingers over her head, and after a moment one of the hulking nurse's assistants appeared carrying a pair of defibrillator paddles.

"Yeah, about that..." Ranma mumbled. "Why does the prof have three heart monitors?"

Ranma couldn't be considered an expert or even a novice when it came to medicine, but over his lifetime he had been hooked up to and put through enough of the machines common to modern hospitals to the point that he could recognize most of them after a few seconds' observation, even allowing for differences in models and leaps in technology. From what he could tell, Jadeite was hooked up to three machines that all did the same thing, and yet were giving different readings.

Fran smiled gently as she took the paddles from her assistant and started rubbing them together. "Professor Jadeite has a monitor for each heart, that's all. Clear."

Bvrt! The students all shared a confused glance as the nurse pressed the paddles onto one side of the Dark General's chest.

"You're saying you put two hearts in him?" Tsukune asked. He supposed it was possible that the man had three hearts to start with, but somehow it seemed unlikely to him.

Fran nodded slightly upon seeing the first of the three monitors stabilize, and then turned toward the curious students. "Technically, I put three hearts in Professor Jadeite. The one he had was unusable after being punctured by a spinning forty-two millimeter icicle spike, to say nothing of the concentrations of necrotic toxins that built up within the organ previous to the critical injury." She handed the paddles back to her assistant, who wordlessly took the device out of the room. "The additional circulatory centers were necessary after the venom spread completely throughout Professor Jadeite's body. Even after heavy doses of anti-agents, many parts of his body are still experiencing sudden, uneven swelling and putting sudden pressure on major arteries. The additional muscle power added to the blood pressure ensures that the blood flow remains healthy at all times without putting too much stress on any one heart."

Most of the students there were either too impressed or weirded out to come up with an immediate response, but not Ranma.

"You're telling me you wasted three perfectly good human hearts on this jerk?" the pigtailed boy asked, ignoring the glare he got from the teacher in question.

"Oh, no, I didn't use human hearts," Fran responded promptly. "As you said, they're far too valuable to be used so carelessly. I used a few spare organs harvested from some test primates in the science club."

"You used monkey hearts?" Tsukune asked, looking a bit disgusted. "Are those as good as human hearts?"

Fran shrugged. "Eh."

Jadeite would have certainly inflicted a great deal of magical havoc then and there if he weren't teetering on the edge of cardiac arrest, but in his current state it was difficult enough trying not to show his relief that none of his club members were vindictive (or sensible) enough to finish him off while he was still weak. "Nurse, you needn't go into further details about my current condition. I'm sure it's quite enough that my students know I'm still alive and well."

"Yeah, sure," Ranma said unconvincingly. "Also, I just wanted to make sure me and the runt are clear to skip Demon Hunter class this week." Yukari's eyes narrowed at the form of address, but she was far more interested in a free period than she was in defending her bodily proportions and thus remained quiet.

Jadeite snorted. "I will not be able to lecture, but you are to attend class and inform the rest of the students that you are all to read chapters mmmrph mmff hrm!" the Dark General's directions gave way to incoherent mumbling as Ranma crammed a handful of cotton balls in his mouth.

"What was that, Prof? Sounded like you said 'free study period'," Ranma lied, his unconcerned gaze meeting Jadeite's dark glare unflinchingly. "I'll let everyone else know. You just rest up, okay?"

"Mister Saotome, please don't waste our medical supplies," Fran said disapprovingly. "We lost a considerable portion of our inventory in the fire, and large orders are difficult to get delivered here," she chided. She didn't remove the cotton, though.

"Okay, sorry about that," the pigtailed boy offered before turning toward the others. "You guys ready to go?"

Several silent nods greeted the question, and Ranma led the small party out of the room, Kurumu clinging to Tsukune behind him and Yukari clinging to Moka at the rear.


"I hope for your sake they've rebuilt enough of the infirmary by the time Professor Jadeite recovers," Yukari piped up as they wandered far enough away from the gym. "Assuming there's enough left of you for the nurse to stitch back together, that is."

"You DO seem a little quick to provoke the teachers, Ranma," Moka added. "I won't say they don't deserve it, but... well, are you looking to start a fight?"

The pigtailed boy snorted. "You've got it wrong. Guys like Jadeite and Saizo... I know their kind. They're bullies, is all. They target the weak, but won't touch anybody who might be stronger than they are. Standing up to them is the way to prevent a fight."

"The dangerous point of your reasoning is the underlying assumption that you're stronger than Jadeite," Yukari noted with obvious skepticism.

Ranma snorted and crossed his arms over his chest. "I can take that clown any day. Heck, I'd be happy to. Teach him to push my friends around and drag them into trap-infested ruins..."

"Well, there's no point in dwelling on it, is there?" Tsukune asked, wanting to get off the topic. Hearing Ranma talk about standing up to the overpowered psychotics they called teachers only reminded him how utterly helpless he was before the likes of someone like Jadeite. "We have some time before class, do you guys feel like eating?"

"Always!" Ranma cheered.

"Come on, Moka!" Yukari said as she started to tug the vampiress aside. "Let's go eat somewhere else!"

Moka cringed as she looked over at Tsukune, Ranma, and Kurumu; the first looking disenheartened, the second looking apathetic, and the third looking rather smug. "Yukari, why don't we eat with the others? It's more fun with more people!"

Yukari shook her head forcefully. "Forget it! You don't need those morons! Come with me!"

Moka gave Tsukune a distressed look, but as much as the boy wanted to pry Yukari off of the vampiress, all he could do was shrug; Yukari wouldn't listen to him at all, and he didn't want to risk offending Moka by trying to get rid of the magical pest that had clamped onto her like a barnacle.

Ranma, however, had no compunctions, and after a good ten seconds of indecision, a vein popped up on his head. "What are we waiting for? Let's go already!" He slapped a hand onto Tsukune's shoulder - opposite the arm Kurumu was holding - and started pushing the pair to the lunch room.

"Hey! Don't be so pushy!" Moka complained as she finally made her decision and followed the others, much to Yukari's annoyance.

"I'm not bein' pushy," Ranma shot back over his shoulder, "you can eat where you want, but I 'aint gonna wait for you and the shrimp."

"Why are you always so rude?" the vampiress demanded, her temper starting to show. Not that she had much in the way of temper, but if there was one person who could bring it out it was Ranma.

Yukari snorted, eager to answer that question and belittle the unworthy parasites that Moka had mercifully accepted as friends. "You shouldn't expect anything better from a clueless barbarian like him."

Ranma snorted right back, accepting the preteen's unspoken challenge. "Then I guess I have an excuse, at least. What's yours, Miss Honor Student?"

Yukari's eye twitched before she cleared her throat. "It's not my fault! I happen to have a crippling allergic reaction to idiots."

Kurumu rolled her eyes as the witch and the martial artist locked glares, their fight intensifying. She would have gladly left with Tsukune and eaten with him alone, but it seemed that both he and Moka were getting quite anxious about the confrontation.

"H-Hey, Ranma, come on, let's just go. It's not worth it," Tsukune said meekly from behind the pigtailed boy.

"Yukari, calm down, please," Moka fairly begged, thoroughly regretting her earlier remark. Yukari seemed to pick up on her annoyance like a dog defending its owner, and seemed set on straightening out the older of the two humans.

"I really can't fathom you at all," Yukari spat, staring almost straight upward into Ranma's eyes. "How a violent dolt like yourself could be accepted into Moka's glorious presence and not weep in gratitude astounds me."

"I'm just as confused as to how a midget like you gets to class without getting stepped on," Ranma snapped back, his arms crossed over his chest.

"You think you can get away with underestimating me?" the pre-teen demanded, pointing up at the pigtailed boy. "You'd best apologize while you still can, you ape!"

"And what're you gonna do, pipsqueak?" Ranma asked, smirking, "turn me into a newt?"

"I wouldn't waste such an expensive curse on the likes of you," Yukari snapped, backing away a step. "However, your continued harassment of my beloved Moka ends TODAY!"

Ranma raised an eyebrow as Yukari rummaged about under her cape for a moment.

"Behold the key to your defeat!" she shouted as she took out a pink rod with a jeweled heart on the end. "The witch's HEY!"

Yukari's enraged shout came as a result of Ranma nimbly plucking the rod out of her hand and then holding it up out of the girl's reach as he inspected it. "Ugh. How can a witch carry around something this girly? I thought you were supposed to be spooky and wise and stuff."

"Give that back, you gorilla!" Yukari growled as she started hopping up and down for her item.

"No way," Ranma said, his eyes narrowing. He knew from experience not to let little girls come at him with harmless-looking objects if he could help it. Miss Hinako had at least managed to teach him THAT, if little else.

"I'm serious! Give it!" Yukari howled, hopping up and down around the pigtailed boy as he held it up above his head.

"Ranma, stop being so mean! She's just a child!" Moka said disapprovingly.

"She's not 'just a child,' she's a witch!" Ranma scoffed. "Who knows what she'll do if you let her run wild?"

Yukari tensed up at Ranma's words, and then she grit her teeth. "I said... Give. It. BACK!" she punctuated her demand with a swift kick to Ranma's shins, which apparently surprised the martial artist such that he didn't even attempt to dodge.

Not that it was necessary. Ranma sweatdropped as Yukari bounced on one leg, grimacing in pain as she held her damaged foot.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! You creep! Ow! Ow! OW!"

"RANMA!" Moka almost snarled, causing the pigtailed man to flinch from the sudden change in tone. Moka had been annoyed and disgusted with him before, but this was the first time she actually seemed angry. "How dare you!"

"How dare I what?" Ranma asked, his voice wavering slightly. "She kicked me!" The defective assault had even hurt slightly, though Ranma didn't bother to say so. He doubted he was going to get any sympathy out of the vampiress, no matter what Yukari did to him.

Moka immediately snatched the witch's wand from Ranma's hand and then leaned down in front of Yukari, who looked like she was trying to hold back tears. "There, there... are you okay? You didn't sprain anything, did you?"

Ranma's face flushed as he stood rooted to the spot behind the two girls, his rational mind trying desperately to hold back a surging tide of guilt. 'Man, this is like P-chan all over again. What, just because she's small and cute makes it okay to attack me? It wasn't my fault! I mean, maybe the name calling... well, it wasn't like... I mean, she's the one who...' Then the pigtailed boy sighed. 'Oh, why do I even bother?'

"I'm sorry," Ranma said suddenly, straightening and then bowing before the girls who suddenly gave him their full attention. "I didn't mean to... well... I went too far, and that's that," he mumbled as he kept his eyes staring downward.

Moka sat speechless for a moment, her emotions warring within her. To be sure, she was still angry at Ranma's treatment of a little girl, no matter what she tried to do to him, but on the other hand, he seemed genuinely remorseful in apologizing for his crude behavior. It was her policy not to forgive bullying, but then, Ranma wasn't really a bully, was he?

It wasn't a particularly deep mental conundrum, but it was distracting enough that she was surprised to find that Yukari's wand had vanished from her grasp.

Ranma, for his part, finally straightened and then turned around, intent on leaving immediately. He could admit fault in a situation where it wasn't his own - it was a skill one acquired quickly when living with the Tendos - but if Moka was seriously going to get on his case for defending himself so passively, then he'd rather avoid the irritating couple entirely.

'Huh. That's weird. When did Tsukune and Kurumu take off?' the pigtailed boy wondered. Not that he blamed them for departing such a childish and awkward confrontation. 'Wait, what's that noise?'

Clang! Ranma winced as something large, flat, and metal landed on his head, and he cracked an eye open as the object slid off of his skull and dropped noisily onto the floor.

"A... wash bin?" he asked, perplexed. He was in the middle of the hall; there was nothing above him but solid ceiling. Where did something like that come from?

Whap! He winced again as he felt something hard smack him on the back of his neck, and then whirled around to grab the weapon before his assailant could retract it properly.

He was surprised and considerably annoyed when he found himself holding a broom. A broom that wasn't being held by anyone else, and quivered in his hand like it was trying to get free.

After seeing this, he wasn't very surprised at all once he saw Yukari standing well outside of lunging range, pointing her stupid-looking wand at him.

"You think I'll forgive you so easily?" Yukari said, glaring at the martial artist as she swept her wand about with a flourish.

"When you get right down to it, no, I didn't really think so," Ranma grumbled.

"Hi everyone! Welcome to another installment of the monster encyclopedia!" Shizuka Nekonome said happily as she stood in front of a chalkboard. "Today we're going to discuss witches!"

She pointed to a chalk outline of a cloaked figure with a sharply pointed hat. "Witches aren't real monsters, but tend to associate equally with monsters and humans. This is possible only thanks to their magical powers, which allow them to defend themselves against monsters, and their being biologically identical to humans, which allows them to blend in without all the hassle that most monsters have to deal with."

Shizuka's smile drooped into a frown. "While witches can pass for either monsters or humans when they need to, as a result they suffer from some discrimination on both sides. Some monsters think of them as uppity humans who don't know their place, and treat them accordingly. On the human side, whenever a witch doesn't hide her powers she runs the risk of being attacked by religious fanatics or frightened locals."

She then pointed at another chalk drawing of a witch tied to a post above a fire with X's for eyes. "Really though, discrimination among humans is rather rare nowadays, as people are far less superstitious and the laws far less concerned with magic powers than it is with the lynch mobs themselves. Although much is made of the witch trials way back when, such things are almost unheard of nowadays. Besides, most of the people that were killed in witch hunts were humans anyway. Any half-decent witch could evade a bunch of humans easily, and even the ones who weren't half-decent could usually find a way out of those stupid witch tests. Feh."

Shizuka moved to the next picture on the board, which was a pentagram with a lightning bolt drawn in the middle. "Witches are exclusively magic-users, of course, and they specialize in curses. While the witch usually has a quicker spell on hand for when she gets cornered, their real strength lies in more complex magics than your standard goodness-gracious great-balls-o-fire. A skilled witch can utterly destroy an enemy she's never met with no more than a name, a photo, five minutes and a seemingly random collection of amphibian organs. They also have a number of other skills, ranging from potion brewing to magical beast husbandry, which at least makes them one of the more entrepreneurial monsters around, if nothing else."

Shizuka shook her head. "Of course, it's not recommended that you get into conflicts with any monsters, but witches can be particularly cruel and vindictive in their grudges, and can carry out their revenge with impunity, depending on the witch's individual magic skill. If you do manage to offend one, it's recommended that you take offensive action immediately, ideally to strip the witch of its magical item, which is the source of its power. Whatever you do, DON'T fall for any stupid sympathy ploys or hold back because your opponent is a beautiful woman or a child or anything like that. Doing so can be FATAL, and it's not like the prejudiced, spiteful wenches deserve any of the fairness or sympathy they're always demanding while turning helpless victims into lizards and such. Don't hold back!"

The cat-like teacher smiled and bowed. "And now we return the conflict already in progress."

Ranma licked his dry lips as he took note of all the objects rising into the air around him. 'Okay. Two buckets at five o'clock, three more brooms in front, and I think the locker next to me is about to lift off. This is totally doable. She isn't a real threa-'

Clang! His train of thought was viciously derailed as another metal wash bin descended onto his head. "Ow! Where the hell do those things keep coming from?" he shouted irritably as the other floating objects all converged on him at once. "Hey! Stop!"

Whang! Whap! Thwack!

"Ow! Knock it off!"

Ranma managed to leap out from underneath the blanket of pain just before a much heavier bucket floated upward and upended a great deal of water, barely missing its target.

"Cut it out, you brat!" the pigtailed boy shouted as he began a full retreat, dashing down the hall.

"You won't get away from me!" Yukari shouted, giving chase as a veritable army of brooms, buckets, chairs, and a few other random objects floated, careened, or haphazardly bounced down the corridor after her victim.

Moka remained behind as the pair dashed down the hall, her expression carefully neutral. 'That... didn't quite go as I had expected. I hope I did the right thing...'

In the lunch room, the mood surrounding Kurumu and Tsukune was rather glum despite the former's persistent attempts to cheer up the latter. Kurumu had snuck the both of them away from the confrontation when she'd gotten the chance, seeing a crucial opportunity to eat alone with the boy, but it seemed his mind was firmly set on Moka's behavior earlier.

"I don't know what to do about her anymore," Tsukune groused, poking at some hamburger steak half-heartedly. "It doesn't bother me if Moka has friends that don't like me, but Yukari just goes way too far!"

Kurumu shrugged as she swallowed a mouthful of noodles. "She's a witch all right, through and through. Petty and spiteful as they come."

A less tactful person might have mentioned that Yukari's name-calling and vindictive protectiveness hardly seemed any more petty and spiteful than Kurumu's attempts to seduce him to get at Moka, but Tsukune held his tongue.

"What do you mean by that? Is there something special about witches?" Tsukune asked, turning away from his food.

"Witches are very unpopular among monsters," Kurumu explained solemnly. "Because witches are so similar to humans, they suffer a lot of prejudice and some monsters treat them like outcasts. It's no wonder she latched on to Moka like that; I seriously doubt she has any other friends on campus."

Tsukune felt a bit guilty at hearing that, but the explanation hardly compensated for the abuse that the preteen witch heaped upon him and Ranma.

"Personally, I'm surprised Sendo is still alive and in one piece," Kurumu admitted after another bite of her food. "I heard she loves pranks and tricks, and she's quick to make enemies. Her childish attitude combined with being brilliant makes her come off as annoying, too. I mean, besides being a witch, going out of your way to irritate people is a good way to get ventilated."

Tsukune was silent for a few seconds before he scratched his head. "So... how do you know that people are really prejudiced against her if she has an irritating personality and makes lots of enemies?"

Kurumu sweatdropped. "That's... uh... a good point," she admitted. "I guess Sendo doesn't really have the excuse of being a witch if people don't like her. But anyway, since Moka actually accepts her, it's only natural that the little brat is going to get so protective. You might want to give up on spending time with Moka or she could do something you'll regret." The succubus tried her best to make the suggestion sound serious and unbiased, but she couldn't help the smirk that crossed her face.

Tsukune frowned. "Like what? Witch or not, she's still a little girl. What could she do to me besides yell insults?"

CRASH! "Whoa! Hey! You're gonna put someone's eye out or something!" Bam!

Tsukune and Kurumu whirled to face the entrance to the cafeteria - along with everybody else there - as the disastrous noises came closer and closer.

"Yipes!" Ranma leapt into the cafeteria as a fire hose darted under his feet while twisting about like a snake, trying to ensnare the nimble martial artist to make him a more convenient target. "Hey, people might need that! What if the nurse's office has another fire?" He complained as he landed on one of the lunch tables, startling a group of boys that were eating there.

Yukari burst in the room a moment later, flanked on either side by floating fire extinguishers. "There's nowhere left to run!"

Ranma glanced down at the table he was standing on. 'Huh. Bento, bento, soda, salad, knife, bento, soda, knife, perfect.'

With a quick snap of his ankle, both dinner knives were sent up into the air, and Ranma snatched them up just as Yukari aimed the extinguishers and started to send them forward.

Twang! Ptang! SHPYOOOOOOOO! Yukari yelped as a pair of knives penetrated the necks of the fire extinguishers, causing jets of foam to burst forth and send both of her weapons rocketing backward back into the hall.

"Ha! That all you got?" Ranma boasted, making sure to keep an eye out above him for any more mysterious wash bins.

Yukari took a moment to pat the extinguisher dust off of her cape, and then almost casually flicked her wand in Ranma's direction.

Splack! Splut! Goosh! Ranma's victorious expression vanished as the three lunch trays at his feet suddenly jumped up onto him, mashing their contents against his torso and face.


"Ha ha! How do you like that?" Yukari crowed, her expression widening into a grin. "Mess with me, and I'll... uh... I'll..."

The young witch trailed off nervously as she saw the three students sitting around Ranma stand up and turn toward her, their expressions grim. The martial artist himself hadn't moved, still busy berating himself mentally for letting his guard down and being humiliated like this.

"Hey, Sendo, what do you think you're doing?" the largest of the trio growled as he cracked his knuckles.

"People are trying to EAT here, and you just barge in and start making a mess," said the second as he glared down at the pre-teen.

"And now you've gone and ruined our meals," snapped the last, a nervous tic in his eye. "So, how are you going to pay us back for this? Will it be money, or are we just gonna have to take it out of your hide?"

Yukari's courage began to seep away as she glanced around and realized that she had left Moka far behind. "G-Get real! I'm not paying for anything!"

"Oh, you're gonna pay all right," the largest boy said, stepping forward with his hands clenched into fists.

The boy stopped short, however, as he felt someone grab onto his shoulder.

"Hey, hey, that's enough," Ranma said, idly wiping some teriyaki chicken off of his nose. "This is between me an' her. You stay out of it."

The trio hesitated, shooting each other uncertain looks. Beating up Yukari Sendo was one thing; she was an irritation to everyone who knew her and much less dangerous than most of her peers. Ranma Saotome was a much different story; his reputation for having wiped the floor with a few of the seedier punks around campus and standing up to some of the nastier teachers had earned him a great deal of respect among the monsters, and nobody wanted to start a fight with him unless they were absolutely committed to his defeat. Hardly the sort of person you attacked for causing a mess in the cafeteria.

"Now hold on a minute," the larger boy said, his expression calming as he turned to face the pigtailed boy, "this may not be any of our business, but what about our lunches? You can't tell me we should just let her get away with that?" Of course he was careful to imply that it was Yukari who was totally at fault here. Always better to side with the winning team in a conflict.

Ranma frowned as he considered the argument, admitting to himself that it had merit. Still... "Hey, is this yours?" he asked suddenly, pointing to a croquette that was stuck to his shoulder.

The other student raised an eyebrow, but nodded.

Ranma promptly took the croquette off his shoulder and then crammed it in the boy's mouth.

Looking quite satisfied as the boy started hacking and coughing painfully, Ranma turned slightly to face the other two victims of Yukari's prank. "You guys want your food back too?"

They shook their heads rapidly, and then took their friend by the arms to drag him off to someone who knew the Heimlich maneuver.


Yukari frowned as Ranma turned back to her, still trying to wipe away all the food and gunk that had been smeared all over him. "Wh-What? Do you expect me to th-thank you or something?"

"Of course not. Why would I expect something silly like that?" Ranma grumbled. "Whatever. Are you satisfied now? You've ruined an outfit, messed up my day, and even managed to piss off three other guys that had nothing to do with this. You should quit while you're ahead, I think."

The preteen witch scowled and pointed her wand at Ranma in defiance. "Don't think you can get off so easily! Your treatment of Moka deserves way more than just that!"

Ranma sweatdropped. "It does? Why?" All he ever did to the vampiress was a few verbal jabs, and he didn't even put much effort into them; really, considering how harmless and good-natured Moka was, what was the point?

"Such angelic perfection as Moka is blighted by the presence of a clueless brute like you!" Yukari declared, planting her free hand on her hip. "Listen here, Saotome! From now on, and until you leave Moka be for good, you are my enemy! Do you understand?"

"What, now you're going to try and kill me for real?" Ranma asked, looking even more annoyed. Just his luck he'd make an enemy out of someone he couldn't hit for fear of massive guilt.

Yukari blanched, her eyes going wide as she reconsidered her words. "Well, uh, I d-didn't mean it quite like THAT," she admitted nervously. After a moment she regained her nerve and shook her head. "Don't worry! I'll make sure you live to regret your actions!" She declared, pointing at the pigtailed boy menacingly before turning on her heel and dashing out of the cafeteria.

Ranma scoffed at the young witch's back before taking a long look at his clothes, still smeared with food. Then he made a disgusted face and left for the exit himself, doubtless to go wash and change.


Tsukune's cheek twitched as he watched his roommate leave the room, the pigtailed boy having apparently failed to notice his friends. "You're absolutely right," he said to Kurumu, "how HAS she survived this long?" Hanging off of Moka and irritating her friends incessantly was one thing, but picking a fight with Ranma was...

Well, it wasn't necessarily deadly, as Tsukune had faith that Ranma would only do something drastic to an enemy if they really deserved it, but deliberately targeting and then declaring open hostilities against someone like Ranma, who excelled at violence and never shrank from trouble, seemed like an extremely un-genius-like thing to do.

"Huh. I wonder what she has in mind," Kurumu mumbled, her thoughts mirroring Tsukune's. The difference was that she didn't have as much faith as he did that Ranma would stay lenient and forgiving forever. Very few monsters were. "I mean, I've always heard of witches doing very high-level stuff, turning people into little animals, causing their targets to age decades in a few days, things like that."

Tsukune tried to imagine a horrifying death curse coming from Yukari's bejeweled, heart-shaped scepter, and almost bit his tongue to keep from laughing. "I should talk to Moka and see if she can nip this in the bud. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want Yukari starting a blood feud in her name."

Kurumu snorted. "Yeah, good luck with that. Moka might as well be that brat's real mother for how she acts. If any of us so much as lift a finger against her, she goes ballistic, but the twerp has free reign against us."

"I'm sure if I talk to her, she'll come around," Tsukune said, sounding far more optimistic than he felt. "I'm sure the last thing she wants is Yukari and Ranma at each other's throats."

Mid-afternoon saw a distinctly annoyed and freshly bathed Ranma entering his government class several minutes early.

He rarely came early to his classes, as he actually had friends here at Youkai who he'd rather spend time with rather than catch up on sleep, but he didn't particularly feel like seeking out Tsukune at the moment. Tsukune was probably with Moka, or at least near enough to her that Yukari wouldn't be far behind. While he had little fear of Yukari's silly campaign against him, he didn't feel like seeing the irritating witch again so soon.

Most of his peers seemed to follow the same principle about punctuality, because the room was nearly empty as Ranma took his seat and fumed silently to himself.

'Yukari doesn't bother me nearly as much as Moka does,' he admitted, crossing his arms over his chest as he thought over the recent encounter. 'I can handle anything that brat throws at me. But having Miss Fangs shout me down like that is humiliating, and I don't want to get a reputation for picking on kids or anything. It's like P-chan all over again. Well, really, it's worse. I never had a problem with slugging Ryoga in the chops if he got annoying.'

It did occur to him that such a reputation didn't have the stigma attached to it among monsters that it did with humans, but that hardly made a difference. Ranma Saotome was a paragon of manhood, a martial artist of impeccable skills and morals, not some punk who beat up women and children for calling him names!

His concerns slipped away from him as he noticed someone familiar enter the room, and the pigtailed boy leaned back and grinned as Kana approached her desk. "Hey Kana! Thanks again for helping me out yesterday. I think the training went great."

Kana immediately ducked her head, intensely aware of the other people in the room. "I'm still not... sure about that. I never really... see cats around here," she whispered, taking her seat behind the pigtailed boy and leaning close to him.

Ranma shrugged. "Well, there must be some of the dirty things hanging around campus. Or else where did all that training bait come from?"


Across the room, a gloomy-looking girl sighed as she rested her head on the table. "It's been more than twenty-four hours! I just know that something's happened to Mikael, I can feel it!"

"Well, being that he's your familiar, yeah, you should be able to feel it if he's hurt or something," another girl replied. "But you can just summon him back to life, right? No matter what happened to him?"

"Yeah, but it's such a pain," the first girl mumbled, "and I never get the ritual absolutely perfect, so Mikael always whines that his fur is the wrong color, or that he's nearsighted, or something dumb like that. Frankly, it serves the pipsqueak right if he wanders off into somewhere dangerous."

"Animals are like that sometimes," said a rather burly boy sitting behind the girls. "Heck, I don't have lunch today because it got out of my dorm window and wandered off sometime last night. Little furballs can be pretty damn clever when they wanna be."

"You bring a live lunch?" the gloomy girl asked, looking disgusted.

"What can I say? I like my meat rare."


Kana shrugged, admitting to herself that she had no idea where the cats had come from if they weren't strays.

"By the way, I forgot to ask," Ranma said suddenly, switching topics, "but which club did you end up joining? I got into the fight club, while Tsukune and the girls ended up in some treasure hunting group headed by Jadeite," he explained.

"Ah..." the siren cringed considerably, making Ranma wonder if the matter was a sore point, for some reason. "I got into... uh... the music club," she admitted.

"Oh! Well, sure, that'd make sense, right?" Ranma said, grinning. "You've got a great voice, so of course you'd make a perfect singer!"

Kana winced, which was not lost of the pigtailed boy. "I... uh... I work the... stage lighting..."

Ranma was silent for several seconds. "...... Huh?"

"I... have wings," Kana explained timidly, "and I'm light... so I can get into... the scaffolding easily. It's not very sturdy... and most of the other club members... are pretty heavy, so..."

"But you're a siren! Why wouldn't they have you sing?" Ranma protested.

Kana glanced around at the other students in the room meaningfully, looking miserable.

"OH. Right. Your voice seizes up. Yeah. That could do it," Ranma mumbled lamely as he scratched the back of his head. If he'd thought about it, the problem was quite obvious; even if Kana got used to the people in the club to the point that she could speak and sing normally, performing in front of an audience, which the music club did regularly, would have been an exercise in failure and humiliation.

"Well... uh... maybe you could... er... learn to play an instrument! Yeah!" Ranma said, trying to cheer the girl up.

"Hmph. I could... just voice the sound of most... guitar notes perfectly... if I could speak normally," she groused. It was true, too. Kana's rendition of "Stairway to Heaven," one of her favorite songs to sing in the shower, was so faithful and complete that her neighbor had been completely perplexed when Kana insisted that she had no stereo for her to borrow.

Really, the conversation made Ranma wonder why the siren had chosen a club in which she had an interest but could only manage half-hearted participation, but Kana obviously felt bad enough about the state of affairs without him sticking his foot in his mouth.

Thus, he was more relieved than annoyed when the Dark Liege suddenly stormed in the room clutching a piece of paper in one hand and looking like she had murder on her mind.


"Mister Saotome!" the buxom demoness barked, crossing her arms under her breasts as soon as she reached the desk at the head of the room. "Get up here!"

Ranma raised an eyebrow at the command, to say nothing of the Dark Liege's unusual tone. Still, he couldn't find a reason not to obey, so he got up from his desk and strolled up to the front of the classroom, looking as unconcerned as possible. 'Better to get whatever she wants done with now, before class starts. Less people to get caught up in it.'

"Do you know what this is?" the Dark Liege asked, holding up the scrap of paper as her two normal eyes narrowed and the third one in her forehead... squinted or something. It was hard to tell, really.

Ranma glanced at the folded piece of paper. "I'd say it's a good start to a paper airplane. What's this about?"

"Ha ha," the demoness laughed with a notable lack of humor. "Allow me to read you this fascinating article: 'Dear Liege, I have in my possession five lovely jewels that I understand are very valuable to you. One might even say you'd sell your soul for them'," at this point the third eye in the woman's forehead glowed furiously, forcing Ranma and everybody else in the classroom to avert their gaze briefly. "'I would be happy to exchange these very important jewels in exchange for certain favors only a woman of your calibre could provide. Simply meet me alone behind the main dorms after class today. I'm sure we can work out a hot bargain. Sincerely, Saotome Ranma'."

The classroom was absolutely silent as the Dark Liege negligently flipped the note onto the surface of the desk, staring down at the pigtailed boy in front of her. Ranma was frozen in place, his body and expression absolutely still, as if he was hoping that the demoness would overlook him if he did his best impression of a mannequin.

"Tell me, Saotome," the Dark Liege drawled, leaning closer to the paralyzed teenager, "who did you piss off that actually had the gall to steal my soul shards?"

Ranma promptly snapped out of his stunned state as his condition improved one step to merely being confused out of his mind. "Huh?"

"You didn't write this letter, did you?" the Dark Liege asked, picking up the note and holding it up.

"Nope," Ranma said immediately and honestly. For one thing, he hadn't known how important the jewels were before just now. For another, he didn't have any reason to blackmail the Dark Liege. He had only taken the gems because he'd assumed that he'd eventually end up having to save some helpless girl from the woman's clutches and fight a titanic battle in some doomed castle on some rotten island or something. He just thought it'd be nice to actually plan ahead and have a few trump cards handy for once.

The Dark Liege snorted. "Of course. I could tell immediately that it was a forgery when I realized that the text was actually halfway legible," she explained, frowning at the piece of paper. "As I've seen your handwriting before, the writer would have had to go much further in trying to copy you. Breaking all of his or her fingers first might have at least made it plausible."

Ranma might have protested the unnecessarily harsh criticism of his handwriting, but was too busy watching the tail end of his life flashing before his eyes. He was right at the part where he fought Saffron, and it was way too cool to pay much attention to the insanely powerful woman in front of him.

"Furthermore, the innuendo is just NOT you," the Dark Liege said condescendingly as she sat sideways on her desk, showing off an amazing amount of leg and causing a few of the male students that were now filing into the room to stagger and then fall over like a row of dominoes. "Frankly, with all the reaction I get from you, I doubt you'd know what to do with me if you had me."

Ranma's mind snapped back to attention as his annoyance at the situation overwhelmed his sense of self-preservation. "I know exactly what I'd do. It involves your mouth..."

The Dark Liege raised an eyebrow.

"... and a strip of duct tape," Ranma finished.

The Dark Liege's eyebrow dropped. "I don't know what's worse: your handwriting or your taste in women," she sighed, crumpling up the paper and tossing it into the trash bin.

"Yeah, it's weird. I just have this thing for girls who don't have huge, creepy eyes lodged in their foreheads," Ranma deadpanned. "Really. Drives me NUTS."

"Noted. Thank you Mister Saotome, now go away," the Dark Liege groused, waving the insolent teenager back to his seat. She had thought the boy might at least have some lead as to who had stolen the all-important jewels that, with great irony, held her soul for safe-keeping, but Ranma obviously didn't have a clue what all this was about. After all, if someone had framed him for such a crime and he knew who it was, he would have obviously leapt at the chance to redirect her anger at its rightful target.

Ranma, who was himself mentally stunned by how smoothly he had just gotten away with potential murder, bowed to the teacher in the most sarcastic manner he could manage. "As you wish, your Dark Highness." Without another word, and ignoring the heated glare on his back that felt like it actually WAS slowly burning holes in him, he walked back to his seat.


"Well, that went pretty well, actually," he mumbled to himself as he sat down.

Naturally, he could only think of one person at Youkai Academy who would both want to cause him harm and had the brains to do so in a manner more subtle than a rampaging boar. He had no proof that Yukari was the culprit, of course, but frankly he wouldn't have bothered naming her if he did. Besides the fact that turning the Dark Liege on her would have been, in a twisted sort of way, pinning his crime on the young witch, Ranma was curious and a bit concerned as to whether Yukari actually knew he had the soul shards, was making a guess, or had just heard about the theft and decided to take a blind swing at him.

His contemplation was interrupted as he felt something tap his shoulder, and he turned around to see Kana staring at him with a decidedly intense expression, her face flushed.

"Uh... j-just curious, but..." the siren's choked whisper trailed off for a moment. "What do you think... of girls with wings?" the pigtailed boy's apparent dislike of extra eyes had gotten her wondering what other body parts he might have found unpleasant. It was rare, but on occasion monsters DID take interest in the appearance of their partner's actual body, rather than their arbitrary human form.

"Wings are cool," Ranma said without hesitation, giving absolutely no thought to any possible meaning behind her question. "I like wings." Really, who wouldn't like wings? Besides the obvious advantage of being able to finally ditch the tiresome and inefficient traditional method of travel - hopping across other people's roofs - for full flight, the very thought of what he could do with that sort of mid-air force control made his head spin.

Kana beamed beatifically at the comment, not caring that the pigtailed boy had drifted off into oblivious thought as class finally began.

"Gah! Ranma! They're back!"

Ranma twitched slightly as he laid in bed, still wrapped snugly underneath his blanket. "Wa's back, 'kune?" he mumbled, not willing to crack his eyes open just yet.

Tsukune, who was wearing only his pants and a few splatters of toothpaste foam around his mouth, came rushing out of the bathroom in a panic. "The spiders! There's a huge tarantula behind the toilet!"

Ranma was silent for several seconds before he rolled over lazily. "Oh. Him. Yeah, don' worry. He's jus' there ta kill roaches. Harmless." While Ranma's original aim was to eliminate and/or scare off every feline and feline-like creature within one hundred kilometers to keep the wretched things away from him, it soon became obvious that the spiders couldn't sustain themselves on cats alone. Also, there were other pests around that needed to be removed. Other than the spiders themselves, that is.

Besides, some of the bugs that got in the dorms were only a few evolutionary degrees from felines anyway. Put a tail and some cat ears on one of the larger roaches, and Ranma would've been sent screaming.

Tsukune looked fearfully into the bathroom. "Its fangs are like thumbtacks!" he protested.

Ranma groaned as he pushed himself up off his pillow. "All right, all right, I'm up." Really, it was about time for him to get up anyway, but he'd found it harder and harder to rouse himself without anyone to either splash him with cold water, throw him out the window, or scream death threats at the top of their lungs. "Here Guile. C'mere, boy!"

Ranma snapped his fingers a few times, and Tsukune scrambled backward as the teapot-sized arachnid scurried out of the bathroom and started crawling up onto Ranma's bed.

"You've... trained them?" the younger boy asked incredulously.

"Yeah, it was actually pretty easy," Ranma mumbled before he yawned, idly petting the tarantula as it crawled over his bedsheets.

Tsukune was more than a little creeped out by the prospect, but after a few seconds his rationalization engine - which had been upgraded considerably since attending a school for monsters and befriending a vampire - put his fears to rest. After all, even in the human world, people kept large spiders as pets; why not here? "Oh. Well... okay, then. So all of the ones inside won't attack people?"

"Most of them," Ranma replied as he started to get dressed. "But hey, don't worry about it. They're SPIDERS. They're more afraid of you than you are of them!"

Tsukune looked at the tarantula squatting on Ranma's pillow. "Really?"

"Well... no. Not you, personally You're about as scary as a butterfly," Ranma admitted as he buttoned his shirt. "But you are much bigger than them, and that counts for a lot."

"Okay, fine. Are there any more spiders in the bathroom?" Tsukune asked, sighing. As important as it was to learn about the new, highly poisonous pets that were now infesting his dorm room, he really just wanted to finish washing up.

Ranma stretched his arms out for a moment as he yawned again, and then snapped his fingers once more. "Chun-li! Vega! Come!" The medicine cabinet in the bathroom rattled for a moment before it cracked open, and numerous long, hairy legs spilled out before a pair of huge black arachnids scurried out into the dorm proper.

It was a testament to Tsukune's willpower and trust in his friend that he was actually willing to enter the bathroom. Either that, or he simply wanted to put a locked door between himself and the trio of fanged horrors scuttling around the bedroom.


Ranma was sleepily making a breakfast of toast and tea when there was a knock on the door, and he frowned as he reluctantly moved away from his food to answer it.

He was expecting it to be Moka or Kurumu at the door, probably to escort Tsukune to class, but was surprised to see some fellow he had never seen before standing outside his door and looking extremely cross. He was wearing a uniform, but it was completely different from Youkai's school uniform, resembling a well-pressed black military officer's jacket with a cloth band on his left arm. Other than that the fellow was fairly unremarkable, being slightly shorter than Ranma, having slicked-back black hair, and emanating an almost delusional air of authority about him.

"Hello?" Ranma asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you Ranma Saotome?" the stranger asked, frowning derisively. From what he had heard, Saotome was supposed to be some kind of monstrous super-warrior that could crush trolls like insects without dropping his human form. The boy before him seemed athletic but sluggish, and lacked the fierce, piercing eyes of a true warrior.

The boy before him also had an alarmingly large spider resting on his shoulder, but that hardly counted for much.

Ranma nodded. "Yeah, that's me. What's up?"

The stranger straightened. "My name is Haruo Keisu, of the Youkai Academy Protection Committee, also known as the Enforcers. I expect you've heard of me."

Ranma shook his head. "Nope. Doesn't ring a bell."

Haruo's eyes narrowed. "The Protection Committee is the source of order in the midst of the chaos of Youkai Academy, Saotome. You may think of us as Youkai Academy's standing army, and the peaceful life of the students here is thanks to our efforts alone."

The pigtailed boy blinked. So far Youkai seemed to him to be about as peaceful and orderly as a soccer riot. "So, wait, you guys are like police officers?"

Haruo raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I suppose you could say-"

"Perfect! This is great!" Ranma said, suddenly looking quite pleased. "I had no idea we had anything like that! Listen, I need to talk to you about a few of my teachers. Especially my physical science teacher, Richard, he keeps killing-"

The Enforcer promptly cut him off. "I'm not interested in hearing any of your baseless accusations against our teaching staff, or looking at any so-called 'proof'. I'm here about a much more important matter: you destroyed my window last night!"

Ranma's pleasant surprise rapidly drained away. "What." he said flatly.

Haruo took a note out of his pocket and brandished it before the pigtailed boy. "This morning, I found my window shattered and your note, which apologized for the incident and gave me a way to find you."

Ranma snatched the note out of the Enforcer's hands and quickly confirmed it as the same vaguely-readable scrawl that had served as an imitation of his handwriting to the Dark Liege. "This wasn't me," he said irritably.

Haruo snorted. "Yes, I'm sure you regret leaving your information now that you know who you're dealing with, but it's far too late to hide, now." His eyes narrowed into a glare. "At the very least, you've tried to be straightforward in redeeming this heinous act of vandalism, but-"

"Can I borrow a pen, please?" Ranma said suddenly, holding out his hand.

Haruo promptly took a writing implement from his breast pocket and handed it to the martial artist. "As I was saying, honesty can only redeem so much. You will replace what you have damaged, and then you will be punished for your carelessness to the full extent of the-"

"Thanks," Ranma said suddenly as he handed the pen back, along with the note.

Haruo took both items, and then noticed that something new was written on the note in katakana big enough that it managed to be easily readable despite the crude and clumsy handwriting. "What's this? 'Meow'?"

In an instant, the spider on Ranma's shoulder tensed up and then leapt straight onto Haruo's face, wrapping its legs tightly around the Enforcer's head as it ruthlessly attacked its prey.

"AAAAAAAUGH!! WAAAAH!! GET IT OFF!! GET IT OFF!! GYAAAAAAAAAH!!"

Ranma watched impassively as the other student dashed through the halls, flailing his arms wildly as he screamed in terror.

After a few seconds, however, he heard the teapot whistling, so he went back into the dorm room and shut the door behind him.

"So how many of those spiders have you trained?" Tsukune asked as he and Ranma walked to class together.

"I got to ten before I ran out of Street Fighter names. I only played the second one," Ranma admitted, shrugging his shoulders. "Maybe I could try using King of Fighters characters, but I never actually beat any of those games."

Tsukune cringed. "You mean there are ten of those things crawling around our room?"

"Naw, most of 'em stay outside," Ranma assured the younger boy. "I know they bother you, so I only let the really obedient ones stay in the room. There are only four in there."

"Oh..." Tsukune felt extremely relieved, as much by Ranma's thinking of his feelings as by the relatively small number of arachnids. "Wait, I only saw three, though. Where was the other one?"

Ranma frowned as he thought over that question. "Did you feel anything funny in your shoes when you put them on this morning?"

"No," Tsukune responded, trying to suppress a growing sense of alarm.

"Then don't worry about it," Ranma insisted, "although I would definitely shake out all your clothes before you put 'em on from here on out."

Tsukune's face darkened as they approached homeroom, but he perked up once he saw Moka coming from down the hall. "Ranma, I'll see in you in class later, all right? I need to have a talk with Moka about Yukari."

Ranma raised an eyebrow as the younger boy took off, wondering what Tsukune had to talk about that involved the irritating witch. Maybe he was just annoyed with all the constant name-calling?

It didn't occur to Ranma at all that Tsukune might try to intervene for his sake. People never stuck their neck out for him, at least not without ulterior motives, and frankly the pigtailed boy would have been struck dumb if he'd known that Tsukune would risk upsetting Moka to try and protect him from her irritating and vindictive tag-along.

Shrugging, the pigtailed boy continued on to the classroom, feeling more and more nervous as the prospect of spending another class with Miss Nekonome loomed closer. 'Man, I wish I could bring one of my spiders with me.'


"Moka! Wait up!" Tsukune was quite gratified to see that Yukari was nowhere in sight at the moment, and quickly rushed up to the vampiress to stand in her path.

"Tsukune! Good morning!" Moka said, smiling. She was quite happy to see Tsukune, as they'd hardly spent any time together yesterday after the fiasco between Yukari and Ranma. "How have you been?"

"Oh, not too bad, I guess," Tsukune said quickly, pushing the pleasantries aside for the moment. "Moka, listen, we need to talk about Yukari."

Moka's mood promptly dipped, and her shoulders slumped. Yukari was the LAST thing Moka wanted to discuss right now. For some reason the preteen witch had actually been giving her some personal space recently, and since Yukari didn't get along with her other friends, she had been looking forward to spending time with Tsukune without dwelling on the reason why spending time with Tsukune had become a rarity.

"Can't we talk about something else? Have you heard that there are cats disappearing all around campus?" Moka tried, turning her smile up a few notches to "encourage" the human boy to avoid uncomfortable topics.

Tsukune was quite determined, however. "No, we can't. We need to do something NOW, or someone's going to get hurt. Moka, did you know that Yukari declared some kind on feud with Ranma yesterday?"

Moka crossed her arms over her chest as her smile wilted. "If Ranma didn't antagonize her, then she wouldn't bother him."

"If Ranma didn't antagonize her, she'd probably start targeting ME or something," Tsukune said seriously. "Look, I'm not asking you to stop being friends with her or anything, but you're the ONLY one she cares about. If you just stand there smiling while she insults us or whacks Ranma with mops, you're telling her that sort of thing is okay!"

"I don't think there's anything wrong with a girl standing up for herself or her friends," Moka said firmly.

Tsukune fought down a surge of incredulous frustration. 'Okay, just stay calm. Try to look at this from her point of view: Ranma is a really aggressive person, and Yukari seems to be doing everything she's doing for Moka's benefit. I probably can't convince her that Yukari is the bad guy, here.'

"Moka, try to understand that it's not just Ranma I'm worried about," Tsukune said carefully. "He can take care of himself better than any of us. But I'm afraid Yukari is going to take this way too far. In the cafeteria she nearly got herself pummeled by a bunch of students after she used their food as projectiles. You see, this isn't just about her quarrel with Ranma; if she doesn't reign herself in, then she's going to get hurt. And what's worse, she might actually deserve it."

Moka took a step back, looking quite alarmed and upset. "What are you saying? She's just a child!"

"I'm saying that everyone could avoid a lot of trouble and potential injury if you at least made it clear you don't approve of attacks on your friends," Tsukune said with a bit more heat. "I mean, I don't like being called a loser, but I think everyone could live with it as long as wash tubs aren't falling from the sky. But as long as you keep quiet, she's going to take that as permission to do whatever she wants!"

"You're totally overreacting," Moka insisted hotly, stepping past Tsukune as she headed toward the classroom. "Yukari is just a little girl acting out. As long as Ranma doesn't lose his temper and do something he'll regret, she'll get bored and it will all work out."

Tsukune grit his teeth as the vampiress walked away from him, and reached out to grab her arm. "Moka, wait! I'm not-"

"HEY! SENDO! GET OUT HERE!"

Both Moka and Tsukune flinched at the sound of Ranma's shout, and they both adopted expressions of pure dread before they raced off toward the classroom.

Several minutes earlier...

Ranma's hand shot up over his head as he moved through the doorway, catching the dusty eraser that had been placed on the partially-open door.

Frowning at the eraser as he moved through the classroom, Ranma reached his seat, and then quietly picked up the thumbtack that had been placed, pointy-side up, on his chair.

He spared only a second to glance over the rest of his desk before he sat down, the other students watching him closely.

"Hey, uh, Saotome," mumbled the girl that sat behind him, leaning forward. "Just so you know, the traps were-"

"It's all right," Ranma mumbled back, rolling his eyes. "I know all about the traps. Don't worry about it."

The girl blinked, and then shrugged. "Oh, okay. I wouldn't open your desk if I were you, though."

Ranma frowned, and then rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he considered his peer's warning.

And then, of course, he opened up his desk.

Fssssss! Immediately the fuse of a some kind of small prank bomb placed among his books lit aflame, rapidly burning down toward its calamitous conclusion.

Ranma calmly licked his thumb and forefinger and then squeezed the end of the fuse, putting it out with a sizzling hiss.

Taking out the small bomb, he then put it on top of his desk, arranging it next to the eraser and the thumbtack.

Then he stood up and took a deep breath.

"HEY! SENDO! GET OUT HERE!" the pigtailed boy roared, causing several other students to flinch back.


After a few seconds, a short and irritated figure dropped down from outside onto the window sill.

"Huh. So I see you've evaded my traps so far," Yukari sniffed disdainfully.

Ranma's stare was curiously devoid of any anger or even irritation as he turned to face the preteen witch. "Traps? You call these traps?" He asked, gesturing to the items on his desk.

Yukari blink-blinked.

"I've gotta admit, when you said earlier that you were gonna go all-out against me, I was actually a little bit worried," Ranma continued. "I've had real bad experiences with curses and magic, so I figured an actual witch could do a lot of damage if she had the chance."

Then he gestured to the articles on his desk. "But this? This is insulting. This is something I'd expect from a brat half your age. Or maybe someone twenty times your age. The point is, this is pathetic, and I'm not gonna stand for it anymore."

Yukari was caught between utter confusion and indignation. "Wh-What? What do you mean? Don't think that this is all I'm capable of!"

"Oh, it better not be," Ranma shot back, "because now it's ON. I'll teach you a thing or two!"

Much of Yukari's indignation had by now melted fully into confusion. "Wait, what?"

"I'll show you what a REAL prankster can do," Ranma declared, his mouth twisting into a vicious grin. "Then maybe you'll realize exactly who you're dealing with, here."

"...... Huh?" Yukari asked dumbly. She hadn't considered this at all. She knew what to do if Ranma had gotten angry, if he had ignored her, or if, hopefully, he had decided that never coming within twenty meters of Moka ever again was an exciting new lifestyle choice. But this sort of retaliation...

Quite honestly, she didn't know what to make of it. Why would an idiot fist fighter like Ranma sink to her level, and engage in a sort of conflict where she, a genius, had an enormous advantage?

'Well, he IS an idiot. That counts for a lot, I guess.' Yukari shook her head. "Whatever. I have better things to do than argue with an ape like you."

Without another word, the young witch turned and leapt out the window, leaving Ranma to snort in annoyance and sit back down.

Moka promptly backed away from the doorway where she and Tsukune had been watching the confrontation, and then pulled Tsukune to face her. "Tsukune, you have to stop him!"

Tsukune's expression promptly went from exasperated to icy. "Excuse me?"

Moka looked frantic as she took the boy by the shoulders. "You heard him! He's going to... going to... DO something to her!"

"He said he was going to prank her," Tsukune deadpanned, "and while I admit that Ranma seems intent on making this mess ten times worse, it doesn't sound like the sort of thing to start panicking about."

"What? What if he hurts her?" Moka insisted.

It must be said, in the interest of fairness, that Tsukune made a herculean effort to care about the well-being of the little magical girl that seemed hell-bent on terrorizing his best friend for no reason. As a good citizen and a gentleman, he was strongly opposed to violence or ill-treatment of women, and he gathered up every scrap of those sentiments before he dared to make his delicately composed reply.

"Hurts her how much?" he asked in all seriousness. It was not his finest moment.

"Tsukune!" Moka shouted, scandalized.

"Wait, let me take that back," the human mumbled as he scratched the back of his head. "Okay, look: Ranma isn't the type that would really hurt a little girl even if..." he trailed off just before he added the words 'they deserved it'. "Even if... they treated him really, really badly. Yukari might get humiliated, but Ranma won't hurt her."

Moka shook her head. "I'm not sure I trust him that far."

"Well, why the heck NOT?" Tsukune snapped, causing the vampiress to start in surprise at the tone. "Moka, I'd probably be dead by now if it weren't for Ranma! He's put himself in harm's way for both of us, and never asked for anything in return! Don't you think HE deserves a little consideration too?"

"I'm not sure he does," the vampiress snapped back, her own tone heating up to match Tsukune's. "Ranma loves to fight! What makes you think he was doing any of that for our sakes? And what makes you think he'll never raise a hand against Yukari?"

Tsukune grit his teeth as his frustration started to boil over. "Maybe if Yukari didn't work so hard to EARN a beating, then that wouldn't be a prob-"

"Good morning!" Shizuka Nekonome said suddenly, smiling as she rounded the corner and saw two of her students talking outside the classroom.

The homeroom teacher was slightly worried when neither of the teenagers greeted her back, but instead stood silently in front of the door, glaring at each other furiously. "Is... something the matter?"

"It's not a big deal," Tsukune said, his tone carrying enough acid to melt steel, "I'll be going to my seat now."

Moka watched the human boy stalk back into the classroom, and then turned to give her homeroom teacher a rather pathetic, withered smile. "We're fine, Miss Nekonome. Don't mind us," she insisted.

Shizuka couldn't help but notice that the young woman seemed to have a white-knuckled death grip on her book bag, to say nothing of the vein throbbing on the side of her head. "Ah... okay. Are you... going to go inside?"

"No, not yet," Moka said pleasantly, the vein still pulsing, "if I go in now, I may end up throwing my desk at someone. Please, go ahead."

'He's going to teach me a thing or two? Him? That pigtailed, overmuscled baboon? Ha!' Yukari thought to herself as she strode toward her Dealing With Demon Hunters classroom, her wand in her hand. Not that she had the class today, but there were materials in her desk she needed.

'Well, I don't know what freak explosion of brain cells prompted that moronic challenge, but it couldn't be better for me!'

Naturally Yukari's primary concern when targeting Ranma Saotome for her campaign of misery was that the big lug would get mad, track her down, and then break her like a toothpick. This was why she had so far mainly relied on misleading other people, or setting traps she could watch from a safe distance or not at all. In a pinch she could rely on Moka to protect her from harm, but Yukari didn't want to trouble her beloved by putting the vampiress in Ranma's warpath.

Of course, if Ranma really was intent on fighting this battle on her level, for whatever stupid reason, then victory was already hers; she would unleash Hell upon the pigtailed boy, and not only would she grind away his will, but she would humiliate him at the same time by thwarting his own stupid tricks!

'I wonder what he can actually do, anyway,' the young witch mused as she entered the empty classroom, idly noting the words "Class canceled," scrawled messily across the chalkboard. 'He might not be as smart as I am, but I still haven't managed to pin down his species... that's the one area in which he has an advantage and can surprise me.'

Nodding to herself thoughtfully, Yukari opened her desk.

PWOOF! The young witch gasped as she was instantly consumed in a cloud of white powder, and she windmilled her arms in a panic as her vision was completely obscured. "Gah!" Clunk! Striking her foot on her chair, Yukari promptly tripped and fell to the ground, coughing violently.

"Wh-What is this?" the witch demanded as she waved her hand about to dispel the obscuring cloud. The white powder had a dull, grainy smell that was somehow familiar, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it...

"Kuonji-style okinomiyaki flour bomb," came a familiar voice from the classroom entrance. "Let that be a lesson to you: if you're gonna rig a bomb to someone's desk, make sure it goes off right after they open it."

Yukari blinked, and then rubbed at her eyes until they were relatively clear.

Once she confirmed that, yes, it WAS Ranma Saotome leaning against the doorway and looking quite smug, the young witch calmly pushed herself to her feet and patted down her uniform.

After that, she took off her hat and beat it against the adjacent chair to get the loose flour off, and then took off her cape and shook it out to clean it.

Ranma watched with undisguised interest as the preteen dusted herself off, his hands in his pockets.

Once she was clean enough that she looked like she had merely baked a cake rather than looking like she'd been used as an ingredient, Yukari gathered her dignity and walked straight up to the pigtailed boy at the entrance, her head held high (quite high, actually, given that she had to crane her neck to make eye contact).

"Of course, you realize," the young witch said calmly, "this means war."

"Your move, pipsqueak," Ranma said, turning around and heading down the hall.

"My move... yes... you won't beat me, Saotome..." Yukari mumbled to herself as possibilities raced through her mind. "Heh heh heh... Ha ha ha! MUAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAA!!"

"Ranma! There you are!" Kurumu said happily as she peeked into the classroom, spotting the pigtailed boy in the middle of some sort of martial arts routine.

Classes were over for the day, so all the classrooms had either been left empty or were being used for club activities. As both Ranma and Kurumu's club meetings had been canceled due to various injuries, that left them with spare time and empty space.

Ranma had moved the desks and chairs into a ring, and had been doing a kata that emphasized speed combined with more powerful, less precise blows. "Hi Kurumu. What's up?" he asked without turning toward the succubus and continuing in his movements.

"I wanted to ask you if you knew what was going on with Tsukune and Moka recently," the bluette asked eagerly. "Did something happen? The atmosphere between those two could almost give someone frostbite!"

Ranma frowned as he launched a powerful open-palm strike, causing the air to snap audibly and some of the furniture in front of him to tremble from the shock wave. "Did something happen? Well, I know that they had some kind of 'talk' before homeroom today. From what I can tell it didn't go very well, because they started shouting at each other right before Miss Nekonome showed up." The pigtailed boy allowed a brief shudder at the memory of his adorably feline homeroom teacher. "I don't know any of the details, but I think they were talking about Yukari."

Kurumu beamed. "I knew it! Tsukune told me that nothing was wrong, but he's finally starting to see the light! How can you love someone who'll treat a brat like that better than her boyfriend? This is great!"

"Is it?" Ranma asked doubtfully as he swung his leg up, launching a trio of kicks that could have ultimately knocked down a telephone pole. Had a skilled martial artist been watching, though, they would have noted that the kicks seemed aimed at points that were far too high to be effective against someone of normal height.

"I mean, Moka's not perfect, but I can kinda see where she's coming from with this," the pigtailed boy admitted, "if there was some lonely little girl who declared ME some kind of God made flesh and I was her only friend in the world, I might act the same way."

"You're far too understanding," the succubus said as she wagged her finger. "But this isn't really about Moka and Yukari; this is about Moka and Tsukune. If Moka's let the runt come between them, then it won't be long before Tsukune washes his hands of the bloodsucker completely."

Ranma sighed and finally dropped his exercises. "Yeah, well, I don't think that's a good thing. They were really close before, and it's really a shame if they let Yukari pry them apart so easily." Walking over to Kurumu, he dropped into the chair next to her, his hands on his knees.

Kurumu snorted. "It just goes to show that she's not good enough for Tsukune. I would never let my friends treat him that way."

The pigtailed boy rolled his eyes. "Well, sure, you can say that much, but part of what he likes about Moka is that gentle, motherly attitude, you know?" Ranma pointed out as he reached out with his hand and grabbed Kurumu's right breast.

Kurumu opened her mouth to reply... and then closed her mouth wordlessly before her gaze dropped to her chest where she was being fondled.

Ranma, for his part, blinked in surprise, and then started bigsweating. "Uh... that's... erm... huh..." he gulped as the succubus made eye contact again, her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Would you believe that I have NO idea how that got there?"

Kurumu took a deep breath, which Ranma couldn't help but notice caused her breast to swell pleasantly within his hand. "In retrospect, probably," she admitted. "But for now..." her nails started lengthening as she held up her hands, her eyes glowing slightly in anger.

Ranma tried to flee, or at least remove his hand from the girl's chest, but found his arms and legs unresponsive, like a puppet being controlled by invisible strings. "Hey! Wait! I'm sorry! Stop! GWAH!"


Hiding outside under the windowsill enjoying the noise of the scuffle, Yukari chuckled darkly as she held the tiny straw voodoo doll embellished with a black pigtail, making sure its limbs were pinched between her fingers.

"Ow! Ow! I swear, it's not me! Augh! Not the face!" Ranma cried.

"Don't worry about it! A little more and I'll forgive you completely!" Kurumu growled.

Yukari waited about ten more seconds for the beating to subside, and then giggled when she heard the sound of Ranma hit the floor with a groan.

She promptly popped up before the window, a victorious grin stretched across her face. "Ha! You wanted to see something special, did you Ranma?"

Kurumu blanched as she saw the witch appear outside the window, and she clenched her teeth once she saw the doll the preteen was holding. "Hey! That was you!"

Ranma coughed from where he laid on the floor in a slowly expanding puddle of blood, his clothes shredded and deep gashes decorating his upper body. "I told you..."

The young witch ignored the succubus, casually tossing the voodoo doll atop the injured martial artist. "Underestimate me at your own peril, cretin! There's plenty more where that came from!" she declared as she turned and raced away.


"That little brat!" Kurumu shouted, her hand gripped into a fist. "How dare she violate me like that! She won't..."

The succubus trailed off as Ranma lurched to his feet, the voodoo doll held tightly in his hand and blood dripping from the slashes over his face, arms, and chest.

"Oh! Ranma, I'm so sorry! I didn't-"

"Don't worry about it," Ranma said, cutting her off as he staggered out the door. "Gotta go. It's my move now."

Kurumu blinked, surprised and confused. "Your move? What?"

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Moka asked as Yukari snuggled her arm tightly. "Just so you know, if Ranma does ANYTHING to you, you can tell me, okay? I'll set him straight, even if Tsukune won't."

Yukari glanced up at the vampiress's disapproving frown, and her current state of glee bumped up further into near-euphoria. Not only had she taken Ranma down a peg, but apparently her conflict had unexpectedly driven a wedge between the object of her affections and that object's underwhelming tag-along. With the only serious competitor for Moka's time out of the way, life was grand!

"Don't concern yourself with that hubristic primate," Yukari said as she slipped into genius-speak. "The whole point of my campaign is to keep his stupidity from bothering you, after all!"

"Oh. Well... it's certainly worked," Moka admitted. Not that she really had a problem with Ranma "bothering" her, but it had now been more than a day since they'd even spoken to each other. "I'm still worried that you might provoke him, though."

"And as I said: don't worry! I can handle that senseless brute with ease!" the young witch insisted, giving Moka a tight squeeze as they approached her room. "Nonetheless, thank you for escorting me! Have an exquisite evening!"

Hopping away from the vampiress, Yukari cheerfully swung open the door to her dorm room, and was somewhat surprised to find that the light was on inside.

The rest of her surprise was thoroughly booked by the sight of dozens of glossy black eyes staring at her quietly, unperturbed by her entrance.

Yukari's cheer drained from her expression at a rate comparable to the blood draining from her face as she looked over the many large, hairy, big, befanged, huge spiders that seemed to have taken up residence in her room, many of which were quite massive.

Oh, sure, none of them held a candle to the spider monster that the exploration club had run into on their first trip, but as arachnids went she was fairly certain some of the ones present could have subdued and eaten her without the assistance of lethal venoms. Which she was sure they had anyway, given her initial survey of the land around the dorms and the wildlife that was usually found there.

Without speaking a word, Yukari stiffly stepped backward into the hallway and then gently closed the door behind her.

"Moka?"

The vampiress, who had almost turned the corner at the end of the hall, stopped in her tracks and turned around. "Yes? What is it?"

"C-Circumstances have arisen that m-make my room unsuitable for h-habitation. C-Can I sleep with you?"

Had the request been made normally, Moka would have definitely drawn the line there and then. As tolerant as she was of Yukari's clinginess and her habit of groping Moka's breasts whenever it pleased her, she was well aware of the witch's ultimate intentions toward her and wasn't quite ready to make that concession for the sake of their burgeoning friendship.

One glance at the glassy-eyed and trembling Yukari, however, and her resistance shattered like glass. "Of course you can sleep with me! Is something wrong with your room?"

"J-Just a minor s-s-setback," Yukari stuttered, her eye starting to twitch as she latched back onto Moka. "One that can be r-rectified with a broom and some Raid. A lot of Raid. Maybe with a fire hose..."

"All right, I'll see you in class!" Tsukune called behind him as he stepped through the doorway into the dorm hall, ready to start a brand new day of monstrous education.

His rather pleasant attitude was necessarily tempered when he realized that Moka was standing outside in the middle of the hall, her arms crossed over her chest. "Oh. Moka. Hi," he said somewhat frostily, guessing that the vampiress wasn't here to make up with him.

"Tsukune, this needs to stop," Moka said, launching straight to the heart of the matter. "If we don't end this fight between Ranma and Yukari, someone's going to get hurt."

"Wow, deja'vu," Tsukune mumbled, rubbing his head as if perplexed. "Didn't we have this EXACT conversation before? Only it was ME who said we should do something about it?"

Moka groaned slightly at the reminder. "Well, if that's how you feel, then let's stop them! You can do it, right? Ranma will listen to you!"

Tsukune rubbed his chin for a few seconds. "Nah."

Then the human turned and headed down the hall, whistling merrily to himself.

Moka spent a few moments stunned, but soon recovered and raced after him. "Wait! What are you talking about? Why not?"

Tsukune shrugged, not turning toward the vampiress. "I was worried about Ranma at first, but he doesn't seem too bothered by the whole thing," he admitted. "Well... there's also the peace of mind that comes from knowing that the spiders nesting in your room are spending the night someplace else, but that's incidental."

Moka looked quite upset at this, so Tsukune added, "Of course, you could always just ask Yukari to stop. I'm sure Ranma wouldn't antagonize someone who wasn't bothering him."

Moka scowled. "It's not that easy, you know. Yukari doesn't want to stop."

Tsukune halted. "What?"

"I told her that all this trouble really wasn't worth it, and that Ranma might do something really dangerous if they kept fighting. She wasn't convinced," Moka said pensively. "I think she's treating this like some sort of game."

Tsukune frowned at that, but eventually shrugged once more. "Well, if you can't reign in Yukari, I don't know how you expect me to stop Ranma. Besides, maybe we're worrying too much about this."

"What do you mean?" Moka asked as she moved to walk alongside the human boy.

"I mean that they... I don't know... seem really into this spat, somehow," Tsukune mumbled. "I think they're less worried about spiting each other rather than outdoing each other."

Moka looked unconvinced. "That doesn't exactly make me feel better..."

Surely the pair would have continued their discussion, but Tsukune suddenly veered out of the way as he saw several rather angry-looking people in strange black uniforms march up the stairs, looking as if they would happily trample anything that got in their way.

Moka followed suit, and the vampiress stared in confusion as the group stomped by. "Were those students?" she asked nervously. They looked too young to be staff or faculty, but they weren't wearing the normal uniforms.

Tsukune scratched his head. "Those bands on their arms said 'Protection Committee'."

"There's a Protection Committee? What do they do?" Moka asked skeptically.

"Not much, as far as I can tell," Tsukune said, turning back around. "C'mon, let's go to class. It doesn't have anything to do with us."

"All right."

Ranma hummed pleasantly to himself as he scrubbed himself clean in the shower, calculating his next move in his head.

'If I can get the spiders out of Yukari's room before homeroom is over, then I can still arrive soon enough that I won't get marked completely absent.' Not that he would have spent any time in the presence of his terrifyingly feline homeroom instructor at all if he could help it, but he did have a minimum attendance to keep up.

'What should I do next? Maybe I could replace her wand with a prop? Maybe even something that lights up and makes noise, so she thinks there's something wrong with it.'

Had any of his instructors, save Richard, been privy to his thoughts, each one of them would have commented that if Ranma put half the planning and effort he had put into this prank war into his studies, then his grades wouldn't be a problem.

Professor Richard, on the other hand, would have simply recommended fire.

'Wonder what she's gonna come at me with. After the spider thing it'll probably be an attack on the dorms, in some way. I hope it doesn't affect Tsukune too. No way he deserves-'

It was about at this point that the water temperature spontaneously dropped about ninety degrees in the space of a second, causing Ranma's eyes to bug out from the combination of flesh-piercing cold and the unexpected shift in gender. "GAAAH!!"

Yukari cackled to herself as she finished activating the cold charm that had been fixed to the hot water pipe leading up to the floor of the dorms that Ranma and Tsukune inhabited. A moment later a loud shout came from the expected room, causing another round of chortling.

"My point once again," Yukari crowed as she crept stealthily out of the utility closet. "Your move, Saotome!"

He may have surprised her with his resourcefulness so far, but it was only a matter of time until he ran out of ideas. When pitted against the numerous possibilities offered by magic, combined with her own superb intellect, the poor sap stood no chance.

'It was kind of weird, though,' the young witch thought as she headed toward the stairs, 'that almost sounded like a girl's scream.'

"Ok-k-kay. N-Not a b-b-bad move," Ranma mumbled to herself as she shivered badly, reaching for her towel.

Looking back at the tub, the shower head now sported a long, thick icicle that hung down almost to the floor of the tub, slowly dripping icy water into the drain.

"Maybe I could get a wand replica that gives little electric shocks. Or shoots out confetti when she tries to use it. I'll have to ask around," the pigtailed girl mused as she dried herself off rapidly, warming enough to stop shaking.


Once Ranma got out of the bathroom she started getting dressed, but had only put on her boxers and undershirt before she heard someone banging on the door with their fist.

"Just a minute!" Ranma said as she slipped on her pants.

WHAM! The door suddenly collapsed as whoever was outside kicked it in, and Ranma blinked as several people stormed into the room angrily.

There were three boys and one girl, all wearing the same black uniform that vaguely reminded Ranma of military uniforms and armbands that identified them as members of the Protection Committee.

'Protection Committee? Oh! That's right!' Once she recalled yesterday's encounter she promptly recognized one of the boys as Haruo, the one who had been misguided by Yukari. It wasn't easy to tell, what with the bandages around much of his face and the considerable swelling, but it was definitely him. 'Huh. Is this about yesterday, or is the runt trying a double-whammy?'

Haruo scowled as he looked around the dorm room, largely ignoring the redhead until he was fairly certain there was no one else around. "You!" he demanded. "Where's Ranma Saotome?"

Ranma blinked, and then cocked her head to one side as she started her airhead routine. "Ranma... Ranma... you know... I'm not sure I know who that is!"

The girl crossed her arms over her chest, looking impatient. "Haruo, do you have the wrong room?"

"N-No! He was here, I know it!" Haruo insisted.

"Just because he was here doesn't mean this is his room," one of the other boys noted, the both of them openly admiring Ranma's cleavage.

"Whatever!" Haruo growled, taking out a piece of paper and holding it up in front of Ranma. "You see this? This is an order officiating the removal of all spiders from the premises! Those pets of Saotome's are a threat to the health and well-being of the students, as evidenced when one of them attacked me! They are all to be removed at once!"

"That's removed, not harmed," said the girl, who Ranma noted had slight bags under her eyes and long, silky black hair. "Right, Haruo?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say Keito," the male Enforcer mumbled, clearly annoyed by the mandate. "So where are they?"

"Ah!"

Keito and Haruo, who hadn't been paying particular attention to the pigtailed girl in the middle of the room, turned to see that the redhead was now shaking, her eyes wide with terror.

"You... You mean... there are SPIDERS in here?" Ranma squeaked, tears leaking out of the corner of her eyes as she bunched up her hands under her chin.

Very slowly, Keito and the two unnamed Enforcers turned toward Haruo, who blanched. "W-Wait! You mean you didn't see them? That's impossible! Those things were huge! Bigger than a man's head!"

"Oh!" Ranma promptly collapsed backward in her best impression of a faint, and conveniently landed on her bed.

"I... I mean... just because she didn't see..." Haruo stumbled over his words as Keito glanced around, her expression tightening. "They were here! I swear it!"

"Well, they're not here now," Keito snapped. "I would be able to sense them if they were."

"What? But Keito-"

Shwip! With a flick of her fingers, Haruo's mouth was suddenly covered with a patch of sticky threads, and Keito snorted as she walked out of the room.

"Really Haruo, if you're going to waste our time like this, you can work out your stupid grudges by yourself. Don't drag us into it." The raven-haired woman shoved him out of the way, quickly followed by the two nameless grunts as she exited the room. "Now come along! We have REAL work to do!"

"Mmphragmm!"

"Don't you dare talk back to me!"


Ranma waited until the sounds of bickering faded into the distance, and then cracked one eye open.

"Man, if THOSE morons are the ones in charge of law and order around here, it's no wonder the place has gone to hell in a handbasket."

In addition to being petty, it now seemed apparent that they were also incompetent; a cursory inspection of the room or an understanding of the dorm housing plan would have revealed that it was obviously boys that lived there, which would make one wonder what a random girl was doing in the room. A little more searching would have located Ranma's clothes, and a lot of searching would have revealed the webbing of the numerous spiders that were conveniently absent during the intrusion.

"Well, I'm pretty sure Yukari had nothing to do with that; not nearly clever enough," Ranma decided as she picked up the door and wedged it back into place. Then she plugged in the portable stove that she used to heat water.

"Hmmm... I wonder if I could get instant Jusenkyou water packets sent here?" Ranma wondered aloud, smiling wickedly. "After all, Ranma Saotome doesn't lose!"

Note: Haruo Keisu is a character of my own creation, to supplement the painfully short supply of actual Enforcers that are characterized in the manga. Keito is from canon.

End Chapter 4

Big Human on Campus: Extra!

"Dear Kamiya. I haven't been at Youkai Academy for long, but I've already run into many of the difficulties that you mentioned when you originally opposed my attending this school."

Kana spoke aloud as she wrote, her script flowing as elegantly and smoothly as her voice as she composed a letter next to her bed.

"As you had imagined, my... problems with my voice have made school difficult. I'm unable to participate in class properly, tend to be ignored by most, and there are some who I've heard mock my speech. I joined a club I have a great deal of interest in, but as I haven't gotten used to the other members yet, I can barely communicate with them, and they seem to find me more of an annoyance than a help."

She sighed wistfully as she re-read the last sentence.

"It hasn't been too hard, however. I haven't been subjected to bullying and the instructors here seem understanding of my weakness... or perhaps they simply don't care how well I learn their lessons. Either way, the path ahead is not impossible, and I intend to continue trying my best at this school."

A small smile alighted on her face as she started the next paragraph.

"One matter in which my speech hasn't crippled me overmuch is in making friends. I can't claim to have many, but there's one..." the siren halted at this, wondering how much she should reveal about the only real friend she'd made since her enrollment. "One individual who has gone through a great deal of trouble to help me, and we've become rather close. I am not popular, but even this slightly lonely life, I believe, is better than the isolation that I left."

Kana's expression grew more determined as she wrapped up her missive.

"Despite my difficulties, I want to stay here and learn what they have to teach. You say that humans and monsters cannot peacefully coexist, and that may be true; even here, learning to act like humans and live peacefully among them, I see a great deal of hatred for them. Monsters are taught to obey their lessons out of fear for the humans in the outside world, and many of them resent it. But it seems to me that cooperation among us monsters toward overthrowing humans is even more far-fetched; human inferiority is the only matter upon which monsters can agree, and in all other things we find ourselves consumed with more personal hatreds. It is this and much more that I've come to witness while at Youkai Academy, and I wish to continue experiencing what this place has to offer."

Nodding sharply, the siren decided on her final lines.

"My dearest brother, someday I will return to you, I promise. Love, your dearest sister, Kana."


Smiling softly, Kana read over her message before turning toward the window to gaze outside at the gloomy cloud cover that was always present around Youkai. Except that she couldn't, because an enormous spider with a mottled gray carapace was clinging to the wall around her window, completely obscuring her room's view with the chitinous underside of its massive thorax.

Kana frowned in the direction of the beast, and then sucked in a deep breath.

"Sssssweeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" The high-vibration whistle shook her dorm's window as it reverberated through the walls, and the huge spider monster bristled before it suddenly scrambled away up the building, its senses severely agitated by the noise.

After taking a moment to appreciate the frankly unpleasant view from outside her window, Kana turned back toward her letter.

"P.S. There's a rather severe spider infestation here at Youkai. It doesn't bother my friend, but frankly I think it's getting a bit out of hand. I'm definitely going to invest in some bug spray."

Her letter complete, the siren took it up and folded it before placing it in a colored envelope, ready for delivery.