This is yet another page dedicated to things that would proably
never be heard by our favorite anime titles. If you have any ideas please
e-mail it to firstname.lastname@example.org Re:
Things you would never hear in Neon Gesis Evangelion.
Attention all patrons:
Just wanted to let you know that on August 9th, I will be retiring this page which means if you would like to post something, please do it by then.
1. Asuka: And that's the bottom line, 'cause
Asuka Langley Soryouu said so!
2. Shinji: Do you smell what Shinji Ikari's
3. Shinji: E
4. Shinji: You get to burning...
5. Shinji: Eva 02 I choose you!
Um, would you mind giving me by pokeball back?
6. Wufei: So let me get this straight, your
enemies are angels?
Shinji: Um yeah.
Wufei: You are so lucky to get to
fight an enemy like that...
7. Rei: The hills are alive, with the sound of
8. Rei & Asuka: It's the hard knock life for
us, it's the hard knock life for us...
9. Misato and Kaji are sitting on a dock by a lake
Misato: Um Kaji, I've been
thinking about everything you've done for me and I just wanted to say... I LOVE
Kaji: You're not getting my
10.Asuka: (To Wufei) So, you think women are weak huh?
11.Asuka: (To Shinji) So you think that since your
daddy owns the company...
12. Shinji: Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna
(If you don't get this one,
then you proably don't have the Evangelion VOX CD)
13. Rei: It all returns to nothing, I just keep
tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down...
(All true fans should get
14. Moved to the bottom of the page
15. Gendo: (Singing) I'm super thanks for asking,
all things considered I couldn't be better I must say, I'm super thanks for
asking, Everything is super when you're- don't you think I look good in this
16. Shinji: (To Gendo) You have me almost kill my
best friend and you wonder why I'm pissed?
17: Shinji: Doesn't this stupid train ever stop?
18. Moved to the bottom of the page
19. Shinji: Um Misato, will you marry me?
20. Misato: Oh Shinji, this is the happiest day
of my life!
21. Ritsuko: Oh no! Eva 01 is breaking out
of it's purple and green bindings!
Barney: I love you,
you love me...
Barney) AHHHHHH!!!! GET ME OUT OF THIS THING!
Barney: Aw don't
worry little friend; we're going to bond together!
(Shinji's body dilutes with
(Now there's a fate
worse than death...)
22. Moved to the bottom of the page
23. Moved to the bottom of the page
24. Rei and Zero (Candidate for Goddes) together...
25. A crossover between Evangelion and Angelic layer
(where scale versions of the Evas firght the angel dolls)
26. Several years after the series...
Misato: Shinji, I'm pregnant.
Older Shinji: Oh, so why are you telling me this?
Misato whispers into his ear.
Older Shinji: Oh yeah...
27. Shinji is surfing through the net when
he finds a yaoi...
Kaworu and I... Oh God!
Hey Shinji- mumph!
Shinji is in
liplock with Asuka.
There! Let's see them write that!
28. Eva fan: Now that I've seen the
series about a thousand times, I think I'll go watch Lain!
29. Eva fan: Now that I've seen the
series about a thousand times, I think I'll go watch Perfect Blue!
30. Shinji: (To Misato) C'mon honey,
you can do it! Now push!
31. I don't remember the exact words but
here it goes...
They say this Shinji's a bad mother-
Watch your mouth!
But I'm talking about Shinji...
I can dig it...
32. Shiji and Misato are sleeping in the
Hey Misato can we do it again?
What? No I'm tired...
Oh all right.
later in Gendo's bedroom the phone rings...
Someone makes loud farting noises followed by some snickering.
(A relationship between Shinji and Misato. It seems so
wrong but it's just so right)
33. Shinji allowing himself to be
34. Shinji allowing himself to be
35. Shinji: Dad, I really gotta
Yes what is it.
Are you wearing pants behind that desk?
Misato is in the
36. Asuka: You break, you
37.Gendo: What Happened?
Ritsuko: Someone set us up the bomb... We get signal...
Ritsuko: Mainscreen turn on.
Gendo: It's you
Cats: How are you Gentlemen? All your base are belong to us... You are on your way to destruction.
Gendo: What you say?
Cats: You have no chance to survive, make your time... Ha, ha, ha...
Gendo had his hands folded up looking like he always does...
38.Shinji: (Singing) I come so far, and tried hard, but in the end it dosen't really matter...
I've had to fall to lose it all, in the end it dosen't really matter...
39.Gendo is in the office when he picks up the phone
Gendo: Hello? Oh Dr. J. What? Oh okay.
Gendo gets up and walks out of his office and goes to the clone room.
Reaching the clone room all the Rei look at him at the same time.
Gendo: It's okay I won't need you today.
Gendo then looks at another tank filled with yellow liquid and all the clone Heeros look at him at the same time.
1. Asuka: Hey Shinji, cmere! I gotcha a present! Its a nice
2. Rei: What's this? I'm....HAPPY! YIPEE!!!!
3. Shinji: Asuka, I tried to peek at you in the shower again.
I'll stand still so you can beat the snot outta me.
4. Shinji: Father! I love you! I want to be just like you!
5. Asuka: Misato, here, have another beer. You're really fun
when you're plastered!
6. Rei: I dont like emotions. *shoots Shinji and Asuka*
7. Asuka (inside Unit-02): I think I'll sit this one out,
guys. That Angel's way too strong for me.
8. Rei and Heero Yuy dating.
9. Rei and anyone dating.
10. Asuka being nice to Shinji (although a few of Misato's
beers might make that one happen...)
1. Rei: C'mon everybody! Let's have a sex orgy!
^_^ ^_^ ^_^
2. Shinji: Happy...birthDAY Mister
3. Asuka: Shinji, I just love you *so* much. You're
just like a brother to me. *squeeze squeeze*
4. Shinji: Just wild beat, communication...ame ni,
5. Rei: Let's leave NERV and forget about the Angels
& Evas.....we'll all stay home and have orgies until we croak!
6. Misato: Know what? I don't like beer that much
1) Gendo: Bite me.
2) Ritsuko: This angel has "Made in China" stamped
on the back. He-he. He-he-he.
3) Shinji: If anyone needs me, I'll be in Fraggle Rock.
4) Asuka: Rei, there's only one way to settle our
differences. Sock puppet fight!
5) Rei: Shut up you stupid, stupid Nazi slut.
6) Toji: 'Tis but a scratch...
7) Fuyutski: I don't wanna do this anymore, I'm bored.
8) Shinji: In MY reality, there is no Japan.
9) Misato: Shinji, you've been bad! Now drop them pants
and get over my knee!
10) Shinji *rubbing his ass*: That bitch whupped my ass!
11) Ritsuko: And after the spankng...the oral sex...
12) All: The oral sex! The oral sex!
13) Misato: I'm going to stand here in a gratuitiously sexy
outfit and say non sexy things.
14) Karowu: Who's you're daddy?!
15) Misato: Today was a total waste of makeup.
16) Shinji: You - off my planet.
Random Fangirl Walks in: MOVE THE BEERCAN!! MOVE
BEERCAN!!!!! (Misato moves the beercan) ...
1)"That's it! I'm going back to Canada!"
2)"Oh, I get it."
3)"Angels are a good source of protien."
4)"There's only one solution; kill Shinji."
5)"Wait! This angel has a jelly center...LETS
6) Everyone breaks out into song. "I'm a
lumberjack and I'm okay! I sleep
all night and I work all day!"
7) "Mr. Bush, that Unit 4 you sent us really
1. Shinji: *seeing Asuka in the shower naked* OMG
2. Rei: Hey Asuka nice ass *wink*
3. Misato: Koji, I'm sorry but I'm...I'm...a
4. Gendo: Look a slide! Weeee!
5. Rei: I'm really a man you know...
6. Gendo: Shinji...your gonna have a brother
7. Gendo: I love you shinji!!!!!!
8. Shinji: Beer me!
9. Asuka: No Koji I don't want to have sex with you.
10. Rei: Know what...I like the angels *blows up Shinji
and Asuka while they're in the EVA's*
1. Shinji: (to Misato) Can I have Pen-Pen?
2. Gendo: (in a booming voice) Shinji!! I am your FATHER!!
3. Rei: (singing) Lean on me!
Asuka: (pops up) When you're not stro-ong!
Toji: I'll be your frie-end!
Gendo: I'll help you, carry o-o-on..!
4. Misato: 3, 2, 1, 0! Happy new year!!! (everyone sweatdrops)
err...I mean, blow that angel up!!!
5. Misato: Oh no! Rei's been hurt! Quick! Get Unit-00 back in
(after a while, you hear and
"evacuate" alarm ring)
Ritsuko: (to Misato) Great! You let the
Angel IN!! Not Rei!!
6. Misato: Dummy vapourized!
Ritsuko: But...THAT WAS SHINJI!!!
Misato: (smirks) My point exactly...
(if you don't get this one, it's from Volume 3 of the manga
7. Shinji: (singing to an angel (note: you have to know/have
song to understand this next line)) Girl you're my angel, you're
my dar-ling a-ngel...
8. Rei hanging out in a night club.
9. Asuka: (dancing around Shinji) Hey Shinji you're so fine!
You're so fine, you blow my mind! Hey Shinji! Hey! Hey! Hey Shinji!
10. Misato: If at first you don't succeed, Drink a Yebisu!
From Andrew A. MacLellan
Please note: the first one should be sung to the tune or YMCA
by the Village People.
1. All: IT'S FUN TO WORK WITHIN N-E-R-V! IT'S FUN TO WORK
WITHIN N-E-R-V-E! They have everything...for Evas to enjoy. You can hang out
with all the boys....
2. Newscaster: There will be a slight traffic delay
northbound, watch out for the Sea Of Durok that suddenly appeared in the middle
of the road.
3. Maya: That's it! You either have to be a slut or a freak
to get any attention around here!
4. Asuka: Heil Gendo!
5. SELEE black rectangle things: You think HAL figured out
where we came from yet?
From Angel 17
1. Rei: Hey Shinji, wanna kiss me?
2. Kaworu/Shinji/Toji: HELLOOOOOOO NURSE!
3. Misato: Hello, My name's Misato - and I'm an alchaolic.
4. Shinji: 180 seconds of power left... I'm takin' this place
5. Toji: Wait 'till they get a load of me.
6. Askua: I want to be nice to people.
7. Kaworu: Would you like fries with that?
8. Rei: And now, angel, I open a giant can of whoop ass on
9. Toji: Hey Rei...how about a date?
10. Shinji: I see dead people.
11: Askua: heh heh FIRE! heh cool.
12. Kaworu: (singing) Movies, Movies, new hit movies, when I
want movies I want to see Starz.
13. Misato: Oh my god, they killed Kaji!
Askua: You bastard!
14. Toji: Tis but a flesh wound!
15. Gendo: Run away!
16. Shinji: Advanced technology..sheesh..this thing doesn't
even have a cup holder!
17. Hikari: But I wanted to be the fourth child!
18. Gendo: We need a vacation - all of us.
19. Misato: Shinji... come to me...
20. Toji: I need a drink.
21. Kendsuke: I was just trying to have some fun before
I die! (Episode III when he and Toji sneak out of the shelter to watch the Angel
22. Kendsuke: I never really wanted to be an EVA pilot.
23. Askua: Ignore me
24. "You know, if we had two more EVA pilots..it
could be just like the Seven Samurai.."
25. "Someone get some duct tape."
26. Shinji: That's not your business, Old Man.
27. Rei: Kiss my ass
28. "So what do we do if Unit 01 mistakes us for
29. Shinji: What did the angel taste like? Chicken, of
30. Askua: Shall I break out my leterhosen? (sp)
31. Toji: So, am I still an EVA pilot?
32. Kaworu: Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to
33. Gendo:It's high time I went into thearpy.
34. Misato: I can't hide my feelings any longer - I
love you, Commander Ikari.
35. Shinji: just shut up. shut up and die.
36. Shinji: I mustn't kill them. I mustn't kill them.
37. Rei: Why the hell aren't these entry plugs equipted
with seat belts?
38. Askua: It's not only the first true Evangelion -
its a BMW!
39. Toji: Big deal - Unit 03 was a Lincoln.
40. Rei: And I'm stuck in a lousy Mazda.
41. Kaworu: Forget the human race - I'm causing Third
42. Kaworu: I am supposed to merge with THIS??
43. Rei Clones: (singing) I think I'm a clone
now..another one of me is always hanging around..
44. Kaworu: KISS MY AT-FIELD!
45. Hikari: I came to see Shinji, Askua - not you.
46. Askua: Toji and Wondergirl? Why, that makes perfect
47. Toji: Apparently, I'm the only one around here
without any hangups about my mother!
48. Rei: Welcome - to the real world.
49. Aboa: I am the last remaining air-guitarist.
50. Shinji: And we make it look SO easy!
51. Shinji: Can YOU play an instrument, Askua?
52. Rei: I see I need to replace the deadbolt on that
53. Hikari: Okay, I'll be honest. It's not his
sensative side I see. It's his butt.
54. Rei: This is... funny. ~laughs~
55. Gendo: Yes. A large pizza with extra cheese and
56. Kaji: Did you remember your silencer?
57. Askua: Gee, Misato this tastes great!
58. Misato: I'm out of beer.
59. Shinji: Got Ramen?
60. Toji: If I had only known... I'd never have done
61. Toji: It's not so bad.
62. Askua: I love you! I love everyone!
63. Aboa: Not goin' to work today. Got a gig with
someone named Priss.
64. Maya: Do you think I should change my hairstyle?
65. Rei: That's not your businness, stupid bitch.
67. Mokoto: An angel... NO! It's a giant spider!
68. Fuyitski: Now I am the one in charge.
69. Kaworu: I knew I should have taken Unit 1 instead..
70. Kendsuke: I'm not impressed.
71. 2-A Teacher: Today, instead of second impact... I
shall tell you how I survived first impact..
72. Ritziko: Actually, I have no idea what I am doing.
73. Shinji: Does this thing have a radio?
74. Gendo: Shinji, we need to have a man to man talk.
75. Misato: Askua, do you know how much you piss Shinji
76. Rei: Are you my brother?
77. Kaworu: I'm a better angel than you are!
78. Rei: I am not an angel. I am a demon.
79. Toji: Misato, one little kiss, and all this pain
will go away from me.
80. Shinji: Father, I'd like you to meet my wife,
1. Shinji: Kamehameha
2. Kaoru : Holy S***
3. Rei: Hey Misato, toss me a beer
1. Shinji: "Y'know what? I'm NOT sorry. Go
2. Rei: "Ahhh, shazbot."
3. Asuka: "Beats me."
4. Tohji: "Wait a minute, this isn't my sister's
hospital room...sorry for bothering you, little girl."
5. Kensuke: "Y'know, this isn't really THAT
6. Hikari: "I have something interesting to
7. Misato: "None for me, thanks, I'm
8. Ritsuko: "The chances of success are actually
9. Kahji: "Help, help, get me out of this
10. Makoto: "I was actually fired years ago, but I just
like to hang around."
11. Shigeru: "Look, contrary to popular belief, long
hair does not equal fag!"
12. Maya: "Hey, the others were right...there really IS
something stuck up my ass. Tee hee, how embarrassing."
13. Gendou: "Wait a minute...Lilith, the Kabalah, the
Tree of Life...good lord! Spike Lee was right! The Jews ARE behind
(No offence to all my Jewesh friends personally I think both
Gendo and Spike Lee need therapy -Editor)
14. Fuyutsuki: "Y'know, I have a FIRST name, too."
15. Keel: "Yeah, yeah, okay, Ikari, we get the point. It
was a BIG Angel, okay? Can we speed this up, please?"
16. Lilith: "Heh heh...no, I'm not Adam, but I get that
17. Kaworu: "Look, stop with the fan mail, okay? I was
in ONE goddamn episode!"
18. Pen-Pen: "I do not speak because I have nothing to
19. Hidekai Anno: "No, that scene didn't have any hidden
meaning... I just thought it'd look kinda neat to see Misato's ass in the
20. Eva viewer: "Ohhh...NOW I get it."
From Sailor Usagi
1. Shinji: "Bite me, old man!"
2. Shinji: "Hmmm...time to go shopping
for that Father's Day gift!"
3. Gendo: "You are the weakest
4. Gendo: "Shinji, I'm proud to call
you my son."
5. Gendo: *sings* "To all the girls
I've loved before..."
6. Asuka: "Shinji, your Synchro Ratio
increased? Way to go!"
7. Asuka: "My Eva's not that
8. Asuka: "Does this plugsuit make me
9. Asuka: "Rei's all right?
Thank goodness! I was so worried!"
10. Asuka : "You'll kill yourself if Commander Ikari
orders you to do so!"
Rei: "As IF!!! You
must be trippin'!"
11. Rei: "Group hug!"
12. Rei: "Back off bitch!"
13. Rei: "You're right Shinji, your father *IS* a
14. Touji: "Ikari, I apologize for punching you
twice. Please, hit me back!"
Shinji: "All right!
It's payback time!"
1. Asuka:(singing the tune of Nirvana's Smells like
Teen Spirit)I found it hard, so hard to find, a weapon other then the prog
knife,and yet i still seemed to kick butt, but angel fighting was just too much,
then that angel left my mind in a mess, which got me mentally depressed...
(guitar) Here we are know! Angel fighters! Come on and, bring your lighters!
Underpaid and Overratted! YEA!!...
2.Rei: Hey, does anyone ever wonder why Gendo's glasses are
3.Misato: What? oh... Well... Hey you pilots! Get over here!
A Devil is attacking Tokyo 3!
4.Rei:(to Asuka) Hello Clarisse...
5.Shinji:Gendo, I want to buy pot from you.
6.Misato: Alright! Listen up! An angel is attacking in the
form of a little white rabbit!
Pilots: Run away! Run away! (Courtesy to Monty Python)
7. Asuka: Come on and bring your ammo! Shinji: What have you
got to lose! Misato: We'll get all liquored up! Rei: And shoot at anything that
8. Father Son relationship lady: Come on Gendo! Say the those
three magical words to your son!
Gendo: You Suck!.. oh.. Wait... that's two words...
You Really Suck!
Lady: Uh... now you try Shinji!
Shinji: Run Away! Run Away!
9. Asuka: Waaaa! I want my mommy!
Shinji: Well I do to! You don't see me whinning about it!
(That's a strange thought...)
10.Rei: (on the phone) WWWWAAASSSSSSSSSUUUUP!
1.Kaworu: (toShinji) What I'm saying is... I LOVE ASUKA!! I WANNA DATE
Shinji: No WAY!! ASUKA IS MINE!!
2.Asuka:(to the tune of "Oops, I Did It Again!") Oops... I did it
again, I blew up the angel...
4.Rei: I'm a little teapot, short and stout...
5.Kaworu: (wearing leather and holding a whip)Oh Shinji!
Shinji: Meep! Kaworu?!
Asuka: What the heck is going on?!
Altered Theme Song (Sung to the tune of Speed Racer)
Here he comes, Shinji Ikari
And does he have issues!
Assigned by Gendo Ikari
The man in charge of Nerv Headquarters.
He'll take on all of the Angels until there are none
Pilotind the Evangelion Unin 01!
Which, every now and then,
Seems to give him problems.
But with the help of Asuka
And Rei, he will win.
Go, Ikari! Go, Ikari!
Go, Shinji Ikari!
He resides with his guardian Misato Katsuragi
And is put through the Project known as Instumentality,
Where he finds happiness ahead!
Smile, Ikari! Smile, Ikari!
Smile, Shinji Ikari!
1.Gendo (to Shinji when he first entered Nerv): Shinji...welcome to my underground la-ir! (then puts his right pinky vertically by his bared teeth.)
2. Shinji (sees Gendo with outstretched arms): What?
Gendo: Can I have a hug?
Shinji: You've abandoned me for three years and now you expect me to embrace you? I hate you! (You know the rest.)
1. Rei (to Shinji): Oh when you walk by every night, talking sweet and looking fine, I get kind of hectic inside. Baby, I'm so into you... (Mariah Carey, everyone)
2. Kaji (to Misato): I'm a man without conviction, I'm a man who doesn't know how to sell a contradiction, you string along, you string along. Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon, you come and go, you come and go. Lovin' would be easy if your colors were like my dreams, red gold and green, red gold and green. Every day is like survival, you're my lover not my rival...every day is like survival, you're my lover not my rival...karma karma karma karma karma chameleon, you come and go...
3. Kaji: Shinji, can I buy you a drink?
Shinji: *tears* Oh, Kaji! I've been waiting for you to say that to me for so long!
(we've all seen volume 9, right?)
4. Rei: I am not your doll...oh, wait, yes I am. Sorry about that, sir.
5. Gendo: Instrumentality? What's that?
6. Kaji: Hey, it turns out cigarettes are bad for you!
7. Makoto: I don't actually love Misato. I'm only nice to her because I'm hoping she'll tell the Commander that I deserve a promotion.
8. Rei: Hi, I'm Lina Inverse! (Hayashibara-sama is the best seiyuu ever!)
9. Rei (to Gendo): Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye...
10. PenPen: I can see up Asuka's skirt! Take that, Toji!
11. Kensuke: The few. The proud. The Navy.
12. Gendo: Actually, Shinji, I'm a clone of your mother.
13. Ritsuko: It's not really LCL, it's just orange-colored liquid Jello.
14. Kaworu: I'm in chains... (any swing dancers out there?)
15. Shinji: Screw the EVA program. My reality doesn't include Angels.
16. Toji: And how many people out there wanna kick some ass?
Kensuke: I do, I do!
17. Hikari: Who wears short shorts?
Asuka: I wear short shorts!
18. Kaji: I'm not just working for NERV, SEELE, and the Japanese government, I work for the Angels, too!
19. Lilith: I don't feel like joining with the lilim and causing the Third Impact. Who wants to go bar hopping?
20. Everyone: It was an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini, that she wore for the first time today...GOODNIGHT, TOKYO-3!!!!!
1. Misato: (In a pre-Asuka episode) Boy, Shinji! If you think I make you feel bad, Asuka is gonna give you some hell!
Shinji: And who or exactly is this...Asuka?
Misato: Umm, err, uhh--hey look Shinji, PenPen's counting!
2.Asuka: SHINJI, YOU EEEIDIOT!!!
3.Shinji: (singing)I'm sad, because I'm happy... I'm happy, because I'm mad... And I'm mad, 'cause it sounds sappy To be happy when you're sad.
4. Shinji: I'm ready for the Instrumentality Project! I brought along my cello! Let's jam!
5. Shinji: (to an Angel) You scratched my Eva! DATSSIT!!
6. Rei: Don't ever call me...doll! Shinji: Er, okay dol--I mean, Rei!
7. Misato: I wonder how did Eva Unit 01 wound up in that shape? And I'm not talking about after it was attacked by the Angel! (Personally, I like Eva Unit 01 just the way it is.)
8. Shinji: (In first confrontation with the Angel) ARE YOU FOR REAL?!!!
9. Shinji: My father...what a grouch!
10. Shinji: (At the end of episode #26) Thank you... Thank you all! Hideaki Anno: Cut!! (Sheds a tear) That was beautiful!
And now for something I'd like to call...
Gotta' be an angel
Similar to our web page "This is all Ranma's Fault!"
section of the page is where people can post entries on who can qualify to be an
1. The stranger the personality, the more likely it's going to get posted
And now on with the show...
Dewey from "Malcom in the Middle"... (-Espectra)
Mimi from "The Drew Cary Show"...
Jack from "Will and Grace"....
Red (The dad) from "That Seventies Show"...
Anyone from Dateline...
The Microsoft Ofice Assistant (espesially the little
Rumi from "Perfect Blue"...
Joey from "Friends"...
The Energizer Bunny...
A flame critic...
Phoebe from "Friends"...
Kramer from "Seinfield"...
The father from "Titus"...
The Stay Puff Marshmallow Man...
Jar-Jar Binks from "Star Wars" Episode 1... (-a_clapton)
Bill Gates... (-HumanCountDown0)
Tom Green... (-Andrew A. MacLellan)
Chibi-Usa/Sailor... (-angel 17)
Any Zord used by any Power Rangers...
The Power Rangers...
The Olson Twins...
Smithers, from the Simpsons... (-chlcunha)
Ra, from Stargate (-Firefly)