Disclaimer: The song "White Flag" is by Dido

    Her words were like a slap in the face.
    An unforgiveable denouncement of what we shared.
    I want to be angry with her. I want to hate her, and never think of her again.
    He tells me I should move on; that someone who would put the public opinion before my heart doesn't deserve me. I know he's right.
    I wish I could hate her.
    But I can't.

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
I'll tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?


    ~One month ago~

    The sunlight found a crack in the thick bedroom curtains, danced its way mischieviously across the carpet, and made a line across the bed, illuminating the two faces on the pillow. The shorter of the two squirmed, nose wrinkling at the sudden light just behind her eyelids. Slowly the veil of sleep slipped away, and she lifted a heavy arm, blocking the light with her hand and opening her eyes lethargically.
    Time as a soldier had conditioned her body, and she was fully awake in moments. She propped herself up on an elbow and snagged the clock by the large four-poster bed. She'd beat the alarm again; ten minutes until six. Switching off the alarm to prevent it from blaring and disturbing the peaceful morning, she rolled onto her other side with a sigh, studying the slumbering figure beside her.
    A small smile tugged at her lips as she reached out to play with a lock of wheat-colored hair. Violet eyes skimmed the youthful face beside her own: cupid lips parted slightly, gold eyelashes brushing smooth cheeks, one slender hand thrown above her head, the position causing one small breast to peek out from under the thick blankets. Hilde lifted the hair to her mouth in a silent kiss, smile widening when the other girl shifted, murmuring in her sleep. Releasing the hair, she slid her arm under the blankets to splay her calloused hand against a warm, flat belly. She leaned forward and laid a quick kiss on one closed eyelid, causing her lover's face to wrinkle. She laughed quietly, leaning back as lashes fluttered, revealing sleepy blue eyes.
    "Wake up, sleepy head," she teased. "Your servants will be here in about ten minutes to make sure you're up."
    "Mmph." A pale arm curved to cover the still-sleepy face. "Jus' a few more... minutes.." Hilde chuckled. Relena Peacecraft was not a morning person.
    "Come on, Relena." She pat the belly firmly, earning a grunt of displeasure. "Or do you want your servants to catch you in bed with another woman?"
    That woke her up. Relena gave a huff of annoyance and pushed herself into a sitting position, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She focused on her lover, sprawled lazily beside her, an impish grin on her face as she traced her fingers in a small circle around the Minister's bellybutton. A slight frown creased her brow. "Why are you still here?" she admonished quietly.
    Hilde's smile faded, and she removed her hand. "I fell asleep," she admitted with a shrug. "Relax, no one knows I came here."
    Relena slid out of the bed, reaching for her robe. "You shouldn't be so careless. One day you won't wake up in time, and you'll get caught."
    "We'll get caught, you mean," Hilde corrected, sitting up and wrapping her arms around her legs. She watched as her lover tightened the sash on her robe and padded over to her closet to pick out the day's outfit. "You worry too much."
    "I just wish you would be more cautious," Relena said, digging through the dresses, back still turned to the bed. "Perhaps you have the luxury of sleeping with whomever you like, but I don't have the same liberties."
    Hilde took a deep breath to calm her stirring temper. This was an old argument, from the day she'd first seduced the headstrong politician. She hadn't taken it too seriously at first; until she'd realized that Relena meant what she was saying. Hilde had relented, being careful to keep the whole thing under wraps. She acted professional and aloof with the other woman in public; it was only in private, hidden by the darkness of night, that she could display her emotions freely. And that was only after Relena had made absolutely sure there was no way they would be disturbed, and only on the condition that Hilde was gone before the morning servants came in.
    Because she was right, Hilde reminded herself firmly. She couldn't be selfish about this; Relena had a right to be cautious. Hilde was just a member of Relena's security, and had the right to put her sexuality on display. But every eye was on Relena. She was their ray of hope, their figurehead. What would people think if they knew their pristine princess was fooling around with a female on her staff? It had the potential to destroy her politically, and even if Hilde resented it, she wasn't about to do that to her lover.
    As she watched the other woman quickly dress, she wondered for the umpteenth time just what kind of commitment Relena had to this whole secret affair. She was passionate enough when the lights went out, but how did she really feel? As a lover, Hilde understood how Relena ticked on some levels, but only Heero Yuy seemed to know Relena the best. They weren't even sleeping together, and he knew her better than Hilde ever would. It was a fact Hilde had come to accept, though even now the truth stung.
    She threw the covers aside and retrieved her clothes from the floor. The two women dressed in silence, eyes on the clock. Just a few more minutes alone, and then the parody would begin. Relena would be the esteemed Prime Minister, and Hilde would be just another security guard, interested only in protecting her employer.
    She finished tying her shoes and came up behind her lover, placing a hand on the other girl's shoulder.
    Relena turned, gazing at her solemnly, and Hilde leaned in to banish the serious expression with a deep kiss. A hand on her chest stopped her short. She gazed into resolute blue eyes; Relena shook her head once. "You'd better go," she murmured. "Annette and Maria will be here any moment."
    "Should I be jealous?" Hilde murmured, testing the strength of the hand and leaning forward a bit more.
    Relena's hand was firm, and she swayed back out of reach, frowning. She was not in the mood for teasing. She was no longer the woman Hilde had made love to just last night. She was Relena Peacecraft, Prime Minister, hope of the people. And the change was absolute.
    Hilde gave a snort of annoyance, but didn't step away. "Not even a goodbye kiss?" she demanded quietly. "Give me that much, at least, Relena. Or should I be your whore, performing her services in secret and creeping away without a backwards look?"
    Relena's eyes flashed at the sharp words, and her jaw tightened. She took offense to the implications, but her eyes softened just a little. Perhaps she did regret it, in some way, Hilde relented. But that didn't keep it from hurting when Relena kept her out like this. She leaned forward again, stubbornly, and this time the hand on her chest was limp, and she captured the open mouth before her in a soft, lingering kiss. She lifted a hand to bury it in sun-kissed locks, tilting the other woman's head to a better angle. She would never tire of this-- the taste of Relena, the softness of her lips, the way she allowed Hilde to direct the kiss, but would not be totally dominated.
    She really did love this stubborn mule of a woman, and the knowledge caused her heart to hurt and lift at the same time.
    There was the barest hint of a knock on the door, and then it was swinging open. Annette, one of the morning servants, bustled in, calling cheerfully, "Ohayo, Relena-sama. Did you sleep--"
    The moment she heard Annette's voice, Relena gasped against Hilde's mouth and shoved her hard. Hilde stumbled back, caught off guard, and followed her lover's wide-eyed stare to the doorway.
    Annette stood frozen just inside the room, mouth open in shock, eyes wide as dinner plates. Just over her shoulder, Maria, the other servant, was lifting a hand to cover her mouth and stifle the startled shriek.
    Hilde's heart hammered in her ears, and she looked quickly to her lover. Relena seemed frozen, eyes locked on the servants, face pale.
    Fuck.
    Snatching her gun and holster from the desk, she made her quick exit via the window, not looking back.

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be


    Hilde cornered Relena that afternoon in the garden. She sent the guard trailing the Minister on an imaginary errand and hurried down the path after her lover, seizing her by the arm.
    "Relena-"
    The Minister came to a dead halt. Her arm was stiff in Hilde's light grasp, and she kept her head averted, staring stonily at a tree. "Let go of me, please," she murmured.
    "Relena.. I'm sorry," Hilde said quickly, obediently releasing the arm. "I didn't know... I.."
    Relena closed her eyes, taking a deep, calming breath. "I talked to them," she said, voice cool and distant. "They've agreed not to mention anything."
    "Thank god," Hilde said, breath coming out in a rush of relief. "Then it's all right."
    Relena finally turned to look at her, mouth a tight line. "No, it's not all right, Hilde," she said in a quiet, intense voice. "We're lucky it was them and not someone else. And even though they said they would keep it to themselves, there's no guarantee that they'll keep their word. Or let something slip. And there's no guarantee that something like that won't happen again."
    "It won't," Hilde said quickly. "We'll be more careful. We can lock the door at night--"
    "Hilde, stop it," Relena said fiercely, raising her fists slightly in a gesture of frustration. "Don't you get it? We can't keep doing this. It's too big of a risk."
    Hilde took a step back, frowning. Inside, her heart began to beat faster in sudden fear. "What are you saying?"
    "I'm saying... I'm saying it's over," Relena said, unable to hold the other woman's gaze any longer. "Whatever this was, it's over now."
    "Masaka.." Hilde shook her head sharply. "You don't mean that, Relena. Come on, we know to be more careful now. I'll be more careful."
    "There's nothing more to discuss," Relena interrupted crisply, turning her back. "I'll be locking my window at night, so don't get any silly ideas about trying to convince me otherwise. My decision is final."
    Hilde fought to get words past the sudden block in her throat. "Don't say that," she said hoarsely, fists trembling at her sides. "And don't go making 'final decisions' without me having my say. This is about both of us. It isn't just about you-- I care about you, you know that.."
    Relena's voice was harsh, and a little louder than she'd perhaps intended. "If you care about me so much, then you'll do this. You'll stay away. I don't want to have to fire you just to make sure you keep your distance. Don't destroy everything I've worked so hard for just because you have an itch you can't scratch."
    Hilde took in a sharp breath. Her lover might as well have slapped her. Her words stung like a bullet, and she blinked fiercely when her eyes suddenly began to sting. Hurt quickly twisted into anger. "How dare you say that to me," she said fiercely.
    Relena didn't turn around, though her shoulders went stiff. "Don't make this any harder than it already is--"
    "Harder?" Hilde repeated scornfully. "Is this hard for you, Relena? Or have you been waiting for this moment? Waiting for the chance to throw me aside like unwanted garbage. Eager to destroy the blemish on your perfect record, banish the whore from your bed--"
    Relena spun around, arm swinging. Hilde ducked and snatched the hand from the air, yanking her startled lover close until they were pressed tight against each other. She glared into wide blue eyes, speaking through gritted teeth in an attempt to keep her voice from breaking. "You don't have to worry about firing me, Miss Peacecraft. I'll save you the trouble. I quit." She threw the hand away and spun on her heel, marching off.
    She longed to look back, to catch one last glimpse... To see if Relena's eyes were shattered like her own, or if they were the same serene, holier-than-though eyes that she turned on the rest of her people. But she was afraid of what she might see.
    She didn't look back.

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense


    "Fuck."
    Hilde didn't look up at the soft utterance, absorbed in the jelly donut in hand.
    Duo's sigh was loud and sympathetic. "Damn, I'm sorry, Hil. I know you were pretty attached to her holy highness."
    "Don't call her that," Hilde muttered absently.
    "Sorry." He slurped at his coffee. "But you shoulda known it would never work."
    Hilde finally lifted her eyes to look at the one man she had told her secret, chin in her hand. "...I guess so," she admitted softly. "I just didn't want to believe it."
    "Anyway, whatever the reasons, that was a pretty shitty way to break things up," Duo said with a small frown, picking donut crumbs from the front of his black tanktop. "I never knew she had it in her to be such a cold bitch."
    "I'd appreciate it if you'd stop bad-mouthing her in front of me," Hilde said tersely. "I think she said those things to make sure I'd never come back."
    "Maybe." Duo flicked a crumb aside and leaned back in his chair, eyes darting around as he took in the activity of the other coffee shop patrons. "But it was still pretty cold-hearted."
    Hilde straightened in her chair, eyes narrowing. "Duo, I didn't come to you to talk about this so you could sit there and preach about what a bitch you think Relena is. I'm the one who got hurt here, not you."
    Duo focused on her, eyes wide in innocense. "C'mon, that's the job of the best buddy! After a break-up, it's unwritten law that friends are supposed to hate the ex."
    Hilde forced back a smile and shook her head reprovingly. "I don't hate her, Duo. I can't. So please stop."
    Duo propped his elbows on the table and cocked his head at her, eyebrows arching inquisitively. His braid slipped over one shoulder to pool in his lap. "Listen, hon... anyone that puts the opinion of others before your feelings doesn't deserve you. They're not good for you, and they probably didn't invest as much into the relationship as you did. That's not an opinion, that's fact."
    Hilde lowered her eyes to stare blindly at her untouched donut, swallowing past a lump in her throat. "I know that," she murmured. "I keep trying to tell myself that, but... I still can't hate her. And I keep wishing I could fix things. Make them go back to the way they were."
    "'The way they were' meant making your life a secret," Duo reminded her sternly. "You shouldn't have to do that to yourself. Not for anyone. Anyone who asks you to do so is a jerk."
    "You can afford to say that," Hilde pointed out dryly. "Yuy doesn't give a shit what anybody thinks about him, and neither do you. And you're not in any positions of power; no one really gives a damn if you two are banging each other."
    "What an unromantic way to put it," Duo sniffed, giving her a look of mock indignation.
    "But Relena's the Prime Minister," Hilde said, placing her hands on the table and meeting his gaze. "She has a reason for being so.."
    "Paranoid?"
    "I was going to say cautious," Hilde said primly.
    "Same thing." Duo's eyes dropped to the table as he began to pick at a sugar cube with his fingernail. "Look, I hate to be cliche and all, but you'll get over it. People do. Everyone gets their heart broken at least once. It's how you grow up. It makes you stronger. And at least now you know what you're willing to put on the line."
    "What?" Hilde blinked.
    "The next time you think of being with someone..." Amethyst eyes flashed at her through dark lashes, "you'll know not to make the same mistakes. You'll know better than to give up your personal wants and freedom. Ne?"
    Hilde turned her gaze away, staring with unseeing eyes at people passing in the street.
    Duo watched her for a moment out of the corner of his eye before rising abruptly to his feet. Hilde looked up at him, startled at the sudden movement. He yawned hugely, stretching his arms over his head. "Well, sorry I have to eat and run, but I'm supposed to meet Heero in ten minutes. He's a little anal about punctuality."
    Hilde nodded silently.
    Duo paused as he came up to her chair, and clasped her shoulder in a quick, reassuring squeeze. The smile he offered her was a softer version of his normal cocky grin, and there was real sympathy in his eyes. "Don't expect to get over it overnight, kiddo. But think about what I said, yeah?"
    Hilde made herself nod, eyes wandering back to the window. "Un.."

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be


    Duo was right. She didn't get over it overnight.
    She found herself lying awake at night, thinking of how she could have avoided the incident that had caused Relena to break things off. She would awaken, hand moving to the other side of the bed and wondering where the other warm body was. She started sleeping with a body pillow. Duo tried to convince her to look for another woman, but she turned down his offers politely but firmly. She still needed time to heal.
    Time to forget.
    But Duo had never been a patient man, and he didn't take well to being pushed away. Despite her arguments and refusal to quicken her recovery, he began forcing her out of her somber mood. He used threats, blackmail, and wheedling to slowly coax her from the house and took her to clubs, parties, and get-togethers. She dug in her heels at first, refusing to enjoy herself. But it was hard to be in Duo's company and not laugh at his antics or be affected by his relaxed manner. He even began to help her search for a new job.
    She was beginning to hope that maybe he was right, that she could get over her lover.
    Then Relena Peacecraft walked into her life once more.

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....


    Hilde was laughing freely for the first time in weeks, strolling down the main street with her friend as they shared an ice cream cone and he told her about Heero Yuy's latest fuck-up in the social department of day-to-day life.
    "I mean jeeesus, you'd think he'd finally have a handle on the whole thing," Duo exlaimed, throwing his arms up in the air. "Three years with yours truly doing a service for mankind and humanizing the robot that is Heero Yuy, and he still thinks pulling a gun on someone is an acceptable way of solving an argument. Man, you shoulda seen the guy's face. I thought he was gonna shit his pants..." he trailed off, smile faltering and arms lowering.
    Hilde saw the fleeting wince on his face and followed his gaze. "What are you loo-"
    "Ah-hah!" Duo's hand on her shoulder spun her around so she was facing a shop. "They have it in stock," he crowed, pointing at the movie posters displayed in the window. "It's finally out. Did you see this in the theater? I took Heero to see it; nearly had to drag him by the arm, you know Heero, not exactly the movie going type, but hey, he didn't say too many derogatory things after it was over, so I guess that means he liked--"
    Duo's sudden cheerful babbling instantly put her on her guard. She craned her neck, trying to look down the street again, but Duo's shoulder was blocking her view. She glared up at him. "Nice try, Duo. What are you hiding from me?"
    "What do you mean?" Duo asked, eyes big and trustworthy. "So did you see this in the theater? Hey, I know, let's rent it. I think I've got some popcorn at home, we can have a movie night.."
    Hilde twisted out of his grasp and side-stepped him, looking up and down the street.
    There was a large crowd gathered down the street, a mass of people holding signs and listening raptly to a speaker on a makeshift-stage.
    "What's all that about?" Hilde murmured in vague interest. A frown tugged at her mouth, suspicion churning in her gut. If Duo hadn't wanted her to see, then... She started off at a walk, and ended up in a dead run. Duo ran after her, shouting for her to leave it be.
    She ignored him, stopping when she got to the assembled crowd and standing on tiptoe. She wasn't tall enough to see who the speaker was, and the voice was unfamiliar to her. She began pushing her way through the packed observers, mumbling apologies.
    "...so please give her your attention and an open mind," the man on stage was finishing. "Ladies and Gentlemen, your Prime Minister, Relena Peacecraft."
    Applause exploded in the air, but Hilde barely heard it. Her heart had done a flying leap and was drumming in her ears as she wriggled past one of the front men and stared in numb shock up at the young woman on stage.
    Relena bowed courteously, and when she lifted her head, her face wore that same expression of kind serenity that her people recognized so well. She murmured thanks for the warm welcome and stepped up to the podium, adjusting the mic slightly so that she could speak into it. At the bottom of the stage, her security guards stood stiffly at attention, eyes scanning the crowd for any hints of danger. Hilde quickly backed up a little to avoid the questing eyes. These were the men and women she'd worked alongside with as a guard for Relena. She didn't want one of them to spot her and look for her afterwards. She wasn't ready to answer the awkward questions they would most likely have. She'd explained her sudden disappearance from the ranks to no one.
    "I am pleased to be here today to talk to all of you," Relena began in her strong, confident voice. "I wanted to thank you all personally for the contribution you made to the restoration of this city's..." her eyes, scanning the crowd, fell by chance on Hilde, and her voice trailed off. Hilde stared back up at her, fighting to keep her face expressionless. There was a flicker in Relena's eyes, a crack in the motherly mask she wore now. Whatever it was-- pain? surprise? anger? all of the above? --it was gone in the next instant. She cleared her throat delicately to make up for the momentary pause and continued smoothly. "Excuse me. Of this city's streets and buildings, previously so horribly ravaged by the artillery of war."
    Hilde nearly jumped out of her skin when a hand clasped her upper arm. She turned to look up at Duo's grim face.
    "C'mon, Hil," he murmured. "Don't make things harder for yourself. Let's go."
    Hilde nodded mutely and allowed him to guide her through the crowd. Once they were back on the main street, however, she planted her feet firmly and pulled her arm free. Duo turned to look at her, frowning.
    "I need to talk to her," Hilde said quickly before he could read her intentions in her eyes and admonish her. "One last time. We parted on such bad terms before..." she closed her eyes, swallowing past the lump in her throat. "Please, Duo, I need to ask her something. Can we do this some other time?"
    Duo was silent for so long, she wondered if he was going to answer at all. Finally he sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets and shrugging in defeat. "Hey, it's a free country. Relena made sure of that. If you think you have to do this, go ahead. But.." he held up a finger, face stern. "We're still watching the movie tonight, got it?"
    Hilde smiled weakly up at him. "Aa. I'll be there."
    "Come by anytime tonight," Duo offered, waving as he turned away. "Ja, chibi."
    "Chibi," Hilde snorted, then gave a little sigh and rubbed her forehead. Her heart was still pounding. Would she even be able to get close enough to Relena? She might-- the guards all knew her. But even if she did, would she have the courage to talk to Relena? Would she be able to speak without getting angry again, or without breaking down?
    She'd thought she'd finally been getting over it, that she'd forgotten about the other woman. Yet one look at her, one word from that mouth, and she'd gone through it all over again. The hurt, the betrayal, the regret. The memories of a soft mouth against hers, the silky feel of that hair against her neck and shoulders, the feel of velvet skin under her fingertips...
    Hilde positioned herself by the nearest lamp post and waited for the speech to be over with.

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be


    She cornered one of the guards she'd been on relatively good terms with and managed to convince him to let her speak with Relena for five minutes in privacy.
    She found the Prime Minister standing by her limo, finishing up a conversation on her cell phone. As she hung up and turned to get into her car, she spotted Hilde standing there and drew in a quick breath of surprise. After a slight hesitation, she shut the car door and turned a carefully composed mask of calm and polite inquiry on the other woman. "Hilde," she greeted quietly.
    "Relena." Hilde walked closer and leaned back against the car, gazing down the street towards where the crowd was dispersing. "Quite a speech."
    "Thank you," Relena said politely, clasping her hands and turning her own gaze on the people. "I didn't know you lived around here."
    "Just shopping with a friend," Hilde said, still not feeling quite brave enough to look into those blue eyes. "Look, I wanted to talk to you about before..."
    She saw Relena stiffen a little out of the corner of her eye.
    "I'm not here to try and convince you to take me back," Hilde said, suddenly weary. She turned her head slightly to look at her. "But I hate that we parted on such bad terms. I think we both said things we didn't really mean."
    Relena was silent for a moment, still refusing to look at her. Finally she lowered her gaze to the street, giving a tiny nod. "I apologize for the things I said," she murmured. "I know they came across as harsh and heartless. I was upset, and I didn't think before speaking. And I thought maybe.."
    "Maybe I would hate you for what you said, and you'd never see me again, right?" Hilde guessed, tilting her head back to gaze up at the sky, mouth grim. "That's a low blow for someone like you, Relena."
    "It worked, didn't it?" Relena pointed out in a whisper.
    Hilde pressed her lips together tight before answering. "I don't hate you, Relena," she said quietly. "I can't hate you, even if I want to. So in that respect, you failed." She took a deep breath and forced the next words out. "I have to know, though. I have to know what you really think about me. Was I just a casual fuck to you?"
    "Hilde," Relena started to protest in a small voice.
    "You can be honest with me, Relena. We aren't together anymore. I just need to know."
    "..."
    Hilde pushed herself away from the car and turned to face the other woman fully. "It wasn't just a fuck to me, Relena," she said bluntly. "I don't think you'll ever really understand it, or believe it, but I think I loved you. But you never once let me know how you really felt. And if you cared for me.. even just a little... I can't believe that you would do that to me. Toss me aside because of what other people think."
    Relena closed her eyes. "Please don't."
    "Do you miss me, Relena?" Hilde demanded harshly, her throat suddenly threatening to close up. "Do you think about me at all?"
    Relena didn't speak for awhile. She turned away and stared blindly down the road, her back to Hilde. Hilde waited, then made a noise of disgust in her throat when no answer was forthcoming. She pushed herself away from the car and stuffed her hands in her pockets, turning to leave.
    "I am a politician." Relena's soft words gave her pause, and she looked back at the other woman. "I have to be neutral about things, I have to have to be diplomatic. I can't let my emotions rule me as they once did when I was younger. I have to serve the people. Their needs come first. Even before my own. Sometimes I feel like a robot, and I wonder if this is how Heero felt. If he, too, denied things he wanted in the line of his duty. It's become a habit, to push people away, to keep them out... it makes people forget. Sometimes it makes me forget. And I say and do things that hurt those close to me."
    Hilde stared at the rigid back. "Forget what?" she asked quietly.
    Relena hesitated, then turned slightly to face her. Her eyes were wet, and her expression was twisted in pain. "I may be a politician and a leader for the people, but I'm still a woman. Yes. I think about you, Hilde. All the time." She swallowed hard. "But that doesn't change anything. Whatever you offered me before... I can't accept it."
    Hilde drew in a shuddering breath, fighting to maintain her composure. "You live in a cage, Relena," she whispered. "No one can live like that."
    Relena shook her head slowly. "It's a cage I made for myself. I'm the one who locked it. You can't save me from it, Hilde. I don't think I want to be saved. This is the path I chose. I'm sorry you had to learn it the hard way."
    Hilde bit her lip fiercely and looked away.
    "Relena-sama..." one of her guards jogged up, glancing curiously towards Hilde. "It's time to go."
    "Hai," she murmured, composing herself quickly. Her face melted back into serenity. She turned to Hilde and made a small bow. "Hilde. Goodbye."
    Hilde refused to look at her. She stepped aside as the other woman opened the door and slid into her limo. The driver appeared from behind a building, tossing his cigarette aside hastily and hurrying over to the driver's side door.
    Hilde started to walk away, then turned abruptly and rapped on Relena's tinted window.
    After a moment, it slid down halfway, and Relena looked out at her with a perfect expression of neutral politeness.
    Hilde ignored the sting in her eyes and offered a cheeky grin. "Look me up, princess," she murmured, "when you need to be saved."
    Relena stared back at her, surprise flickering in her eyes. The slightest hint of a smile touched the corner of her lips. "Take care, Hilde," she responded quietly.
    Hilde straightened. "Goodbye, Relena."
    She stepped back, watching the car as it pulled away and drove out of sight. She closed her eyes and tilted her head to force the tears back inside, taking a deep, trembling breath.
    "Yes... Goodbye."

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be


Owari


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Author's Notes: wheee~ yuri XD I'd been wanting to use this song in a fic for awhile, just had no plot bunnies to go with it. Okay, so there wasn't much of an actual 'plot' in here, but.. >_o; And yeah, it was kinda sappy, but they're not guys, they're chicks, and sap should be expected XD;
This fic was just something I had to write; it reflects a lot of things that trouble me. Being gay is hard enough, but being gay in the military, when the disapproving eyes of your superiors are on you all the time, forcing you to be something you're not... it makes everything hard. I just hope maybe some woman reads this and it helps her just a little bit. Life sucks, being in the closet sucks. But one day you get to open the closet door, and someone will be waiting for you, ne? ^_^
Ja
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