lupinewraith

Betrayal and Belief
 
 
 

Lina: (Singing) Welcome to our lives, there's no turning back! (1)

Zel: (singing) I want to break free, I want to break free! I can't get used to living this life, living this life, living this life ... I have to break free! (2)

Xel: (singing) Sweet Dreams are made of this (sighs happily) (3)

Zel: (singing ... well, you've got the idea by now!) Some of them want to ABUSE you! (3)

Xel: Yeah, but some of them want to be abused by you! (3)

Gourry: Is this the real life? Or is this just fantasy? (4)

Amelia: What are you people talking about?????

Author: Um ...

Xel: Wouldn't it be nice to live together, Zel? (5)

Zel: No!

Xel: There's no stopping me! (6)

Zel: I've got to run away! (7)

Author: Well, if you ask me, love is all around, so let the feeling grow! (8)

Zel: No way!!!!!! Somebody rescue me! (9)

Xel: But I want you in my arms! (9)

Author: Right, enough of my weird song lines thing. This fourth part was really hard to write. I did one draft and wasn't happy with it so I went back and rewrote a lot of it. I hope it's better the second time! Please E-mail me and let me know if it is! lupinewraith@hotmail.com.

Everybody Wants to Rule the World' by Tears for Fears
I Want to Break Free' by Queen
Sweet Dreams' by The Eurythmics
Bohemian Rhapsody' also by Queen
Wouldn't It Be Nice' by the Beach Boys
Don't Stop Me Now' by Queen again!
Tainted Love' by Soft Cell
Love is All Around' by Wet Wet Wet
Rescue Me' by Fontella Bass

Xellas was wrenched back to reality, her eyes flying open. She growled.

"What are you doing, my servant?" She hissed. Silence reigned over her throne room. Then she smiled. "Finally, you have chosen your weakness."
 
 

Zelgadis slowly awakened. Everything in his mind was hazy. He couldn't quite remember where he was or what had happened. While his memories came floating back he snuggled closer into his soft pillow.

"I remember a battle with wolves," he thought. "getting sealed in a chamber, then going to sleep on ..." his face turned bright red as he leaped up. "Xelloss?!?!?"

"So, you're awake!"

"I... well" Zelgadis stumbled for something to say. "Why was I sleeping on Xelloss?" he thought desperately, trying to deny the thought that something had happened between them in the night.

"Did you enjoy sleeping with me?" Xelloss said, mockingly. Zelgadis blushed furiously. Xelloss continued.

"Good, then we should go and save Miss Amelia. She must be wondering where we are."

"Amelia!" Zelgadis shouted, remembering what had happened to her. "How could I have forgotten her?" he thought. "She could be dead and I'm standing here talking about sleeping with Xelloss!" His face turned a brighter red than ever after this last thought.

Xelloss smiled. Zelgadis was so cute when he blushed! And it looked like Zelgadis hadn't even thought of Amelia before he mentioned her. But did that mean anything? He didn't know. Inside of him a wall had broken down. He knew that Zelgadis would never care for him, but he dreaded hearing that the chimera loved the young girl. They would be miserable together. He could still force Zelgadis to love him of course, but that would be a tainted love. Zelgadis wouldn't have the independent beauty that he had now. All he could ever possess would be a servile body. "I don't want that," he thought. "I would rather he killed me now than I did that to him." He tried to lock all this tightly inside his mind. He was determined not to talk to the chimera about what had happened during the night, and certainly not about his feelings. Xelloss wasn't sure how much Zelgadis remembered, but he hoped it was as little as possible.

Zelgadis stared at the wall, concentrating hard. Something in his mind was trying to resurface, but he wasn't sure what. He was certain that in the night an important change had occurred, but he couldn't remember what. Damn it! Why couldn't he remember? While he was lost in thought he heard a large explosion behind him. Xelloss had blasted a hole in the wall.

"Shall we leave?" the grinning priest inquired.

"Your powers! They're back!" Zelgadis said, stating the obvious.

"How observant," Xelloss said, sarcastically. Zelgadis blushed again. "Why am I blushing?" he thought. "Since when has what Xellos thought of me mattered?"

They left the room and entered into a large chamber, presumably the one they had fought in the night before. Now light flooded in from above. There was no roof, and like the other room they had been in, it appeared not to have had a roof for a very long time.

"How could it have been so dark?" Zelgadis wondered aloud. Xelloss just peered into the recesses of the room, apparently looking for something, although there was nothing there. The room was totally empty, apart from pieces of rags and bones. "What are you looking for, Xelloss?" Zelgadis asked, the Mazuko's attitude worried him.

"Nothing." Xelloss said, he knew that it was long gone.

As they crossed the floor, Zelgadis ran the battle over in his head, trying to find clues to what had happened to him in the night. However, he fixated on the beginning. "Xelloss kissed me again!" he thought, then blushed. "What is wrong with me today? First I protect Xelloss from the wolves, then I go to sleep on him, now I blush whenever I think of him! I just need to find Amelia and get out of here!"

Xelloss closely observed his companion, who looked sullen and pensive. He wanted to ask what the nightmare had been about, but the words stuck in his throat. He felt almost afraid in case Zelgadis had heard what he had said, even though he'd been asleep.

"I'm afraid?" he thought. "I don't get afraid! I'm a Mazuko. But then again, I don't cry either, and I don't tell people ..." he trailed off, and his eyes traveled longingly to the chimera. "Whatever he dreamt, it was extremely powerful, and he may still be in danger from it."

Zelgadis glanced at the priest. Xelloss' eyes were open, glowing violet in the dim light of the passageway they had entered. Their deep expression drew his mind away from Amelia. Xelloss turned to look at him, and as they momentarily caught each other's gaze, a strange thrill ran through his body. He quickly averted his head, pretending to look over his shoulder to see if anyone was following.

"Why is the Mazuko looking at me like that?" He thought. "What happened last night? I think I'm going crazy! Why doesn't he just speak to me? Why doesn't he say something? I need to be rational. Why did I protect him from the stones? Do I ... I didn't want him to be hurt. But he can't be hurt! I know that! So it was stupid ... Damn it Xelloss! I hurt myself for you! I won't do that again ..." But he knew it wasn't true. If he was back in the darkened room, rocks falling from above, he knew he would do exactly the same thing. And now he was wounded! His arm ... Wait!

"You healed me." He commented abruptly.

"Huh?" Xelloss said, breaking out of a daydream he had been rather enjoying.

"My wounds, they're gone."

"Yes, I healed you in the night."

"Xelloss ..." Zelgadis looked at the ground. "What happened last night?" he said quickly, blushing a deep rouge. Xelloss paused. What did that mean? Didn't Zelgadis remember anything? Was he playing some sort of game, trying to get Xelloss to admit to ...

"Well, I took advantage of you, naturally." Lies were always the best answer.

"You what?!?!?" Zelgadis whipped round to face him. Xelloss started to dreamily drift off in thought. "XELLOSS!!!!" Oh, Zelgadis was shouting at him, he'd better reply.

"Oh, yes, it was a lot of fun." He said.

"Ra tilt!" Xelloss teleported away. He materialized after the spell had dissipated.

"Really, Mr. Zelgadis, you are far too serious." Zelgadis blinked. Something in what Xelloss had just said felt wrong, and it hurt him. Xelloss could see the chimera was genuinely upset now. He almost regretted making fun of him ...

"Just shut up Xelloss," Zelgadis said. "Why do you always lie about everything?" He stalked off ahead of the priest. "Mr. Zelgadis," he thought. "That's it! Xelloss is still calling me that!" He vaguely remembered last night hearing him say just Zelgadis ... "We'd better go and find the others and save Amelia," he said with a sigh.
 
 
 
 

Lina and Gourry were lost. Completely lost. They had been travelling through passageways and rooms for almost two days, but they had still not found anything that resembled a monster, or Amelia. Lina's anger had long since burnt out.

"We have to find Amelia," she thought. "We can't give up until we know if she's ... I can't think that way! She has to be alive. Maybe Zel and Xellos have already found her and are looking for us now. If only this place wasn't such a maze!"

"Lina! I'm hungry!" Gourry complained.

"We have to be careful with our rations, Gourry!" Lina retorted. "We don't know where we're going or when we'll get there."

"Why don't you just levitate up so you can see from above?" Gourry asked.

"Because ... I ..." Lina was stumped. Once again Gourry had pointed out the obvious solution she had missed. "Levitation!" Gourry sat down on the ground to wait.

Hours later, Lina landed on the ground again.

"Wake up!" she shouted at the sleeping swordsman. Gourry jumped, and opened his eyes.

"So, do you know where we're going next?" he asked hopefully.

"It's no use. I can't get above these walls! They must be enchanted." Lina told him. "I went up for ages, and I never got near the top!"

"I'm hungry," Gourry replied.

"This is no time to think of your stomach," Lina said, while hers growled loudly.
 
 
 
 

All was quiet except for the sound of their footfalls. Zelgadis couldn't remember anything that had happened after the stone had hit him on the head. Xelloss longed to explain what had happened, but didn't dare to remind the chimera of the truth. They were travelling down dark corridors that seemed to have no end. Zelgadis wasn't sure how long they had been walking, but it seemed like forever. He wanted to talk to Xelloss, but every time he turned round to speak to the Mazuko, he lost his nerve. Xelloss, meanwhile, wanted to talk to his master to find out what was going on, but she wasn't responding to any of his calls. That worried him.

"Xellas-sama," he called mentally again. "This is important! Why won't you answer me?" His pace slightly outstripped the tired chimera's, which gave Zelgadis the chance to observe him without being seen. He watched Xelloss' back, tracing the lines of his cloak as it flowed behind him.

Xelloss gave up trying to contact the Beastmaster. Depressing silence closed in on him. He wanted to hear the chimera's voice, but Zelgadis didn't seem to be in the mood to talk. He was afraid of what might be said if he spoke, but he couldn't stand the silence.

Suddenly it was broken by an explosion of stones and fire behind him. Zelgadis flew backwards as a spell blasted a hole in the corridor's wall. As the smoke cleared they could see a figure standing in the room the hole revealed. Xelloss quickly materialized in front of the opening as another spell came hurtling towards Zelgadis. When the magic had harmlessly bounced off his shield, he floated through the hole. Zelgadis got up and followed Xelloss. He could see a tall figure against the far wall. It seemed like a woman, but was extraordinarily tall, and mostly lost in shadows.

"What are you doing here, Xelloss?" it asked.

"Oh, just paying you a visit."

"You dare to violate my domain with pitiful humans? I hope you realize what I will do to them."

"What have you done to Amelia?" Zelgadis shouted.

"The young girl? She has been ... taken care of."

"Where is she, Zanokou?" Xelloss asked quietly. A light appeared in the far corner, in which Zelgadis could see a small body, clothed in white, curled up on the floor.

"Amelia!" he shouted and ran towards her.

"Stop or I will kill her!" Zanokou commanded. Zelgadis halted.

"She is not your concern, Zanokou," Xelloss said, never letting his eyes leave the shadowy form.

"I think you are mistaken Xelloss. She was given to me. A present for a faithful servant." Zelgadis could hear a hint of sarcasm directed towards Xelloss from the monster.

"You know you are no match for me," Xelloss replied.

"But I am far more powerful than your friend." A bolt shot towards Zelgadis, which he just managed to dodge.

"Dil Brand!" he cast, the moment his feet touched the ground. Something flashed across his mind, a red light, cold snow, mist ... He shook his head. What was he remembering?

Xelloss saw a fireball racing towards Zelgadis. The chimera didn't seem to have noticed.

"Zelgadis!" he shouted.

"Zelgadis ..." he heard Xelloss call. Then he remembered. The pain came flooding back, the image of Rezo, torturing his body ... Xelloss, blackening his mind ... He clutched his head and fell to his knees.

"What have you done to him?" Xelloss shouted, teleporting in front of the chimera and taking the fireball full on, not even flinching.

"Me? I didn't do anything." Zanokou replied. "You have someone else to blame for this, although I doubt she would take it too kindly if you complained."

"Xellas," Xelloss whispered. Behind him Zelgadis collapsed on the floor. Xelloss shielded them both, then turned round to help the chimera, but Zelgadis was gone. He whipped back round to glare at Zanokou. "Don't think I won't be back. If you harm his friends, I will make you pay." Then he disappeared.
 
 
 
 

Zelgadis opened his eyes. Blearily he saw a woman approaching him, long blonde hair cascading down her shoulders. She roughly lifted his head and poured some liquid down his throat. He tried to cough it back up, but she made him swallow it. He lost consciousness again.
 
 

He was drifting on the edge of waking. He could hear voices, but he wasn't sure if they were real or imaginary

"Why have you done this, Beastmaster?" That sounded like Xelloss, or was that just who he wanted it to be? He didn't know

"Xelloss," he whispered weakly.

"I might ask you the same. What are you doing Xelloss? You are becoming weak. I got rid of the girl, I took away his powers and I injured him. Why didn't you torture him?"

"I thought it would interfere with our plans. I am very thankful for all the trouble you took, but Lina and the others wouldn't ever have trusted me again if I had hurt him."

"Don't lie to me Xelloss. Don't you think I know what goes on in your head?" Xelloss was silent.

"Just tell me the truth." The other voice continued. "What is your relationship with the chimera?" Zelgadis fell back into a deep sleep.

He knew he was drugged, but that was all he could comprehend. Sounds crept into his darkened world again.

"Where is he? What have you done with him?" Xelloss sounded angry.

"More than you had the guts to do. You are supposed to be a Mazuko. I didn't expect to have to torture him myself."

"What did you do to him?"

"I played with his dreams."

"You used me, didn't you? You came through the mind link."

"You were so close to him, it was too easy."

"Then why did you stop?"

"I didn't. You did."

"I ..." Silence again.
 
 

Later ...

"I didn't expect his mind to be so strong."

"He is a very powerful creature."

"You sound as if you admire him, my servant." Silence from Xelloss again. "I thought it would just disturb his sleep, and give me some amusement. My entertainment for the evening was taken away when you declined to perform. He has some wonderful hatred inside of him, which I unlocked. How insecure he is! His mind didn't need much help from me to devour his soul. He seemed to be on the path to self-destruction, far beyond the reach of help. Then the process stopped and he regained the light. I believe I have you to blame for that. What did you do, Xelloss?"
 
 

"Do you still obey me?"

"Of course."

"Then go and do what I command you to."

"No."

"Xelloss, you are being very stupid."

"I can't do this for you."

"Then pay the price."
 
 

Screams. Zelgadis was almost sure they weren't his screams. They sounded like they were outside his mind. Darkness was all that he could feel. At least the dreams were gone. He couldn't think. He couldn't understand what he had heard. He couldn't grasp what was happening. Blackness overtook him once more.
 
 

There was somebody near him, he could feel it. They were moving towards him. Was he chained? He couldn't move. They were taking away the chains, but it seemed to be a great effort for them. He fell to the floor. They carried him to somewhere soft. It was too much effort to open his eyes.
 
 

He knew it was later. Was he alone?

"Xelloss ..." he pleaded softly. A warm, gloved hand brushed his face.

"I'm here."

"Don't leave me." Pain. Intense agony in his stomach. His head pounded. What poison had he drunk? The room was swimming before his eyes. He rolled over and vomited. Was Xelloss leaving? "No ..." He reached out and held onto the priest. Xelloss moved closer. The chimera's grip was amazingly strong for someone in his condition.

"I will never leave you." The priest replied. For the second time he watched the chimera balance on the edge of death.
 
 

Finally Zelgadis was safe. Xelloss let his mind relax.

"Damn you, Xellas," the priest thought. How could she have done this? He cradled the sick chimera in his arms. Zelgadis was shivering, even though the room was warm. He clung to Xelloss tightly, shaking and moaning. "Xellas, if you're in his mind, get out," Xelloss warned.

Zelgadis lay quietly. The drug was wearing off, but he felt so weak. Like all the strength had been sucked from his body and left him empty. He opened his eyes. He was alone. The room was so dark he could barely see the end of the bed, but he knew he was alone. He started crying softly. His mind, still suffering from the fever, started thinking.

"I'll always be alone. Xelloss could never care for me, he's beautiful. I'm hideous," he thought. "I want to die!" He said out loud.

"You almost did," a voice beside him said. With a great effort, he rolled over.

"You left me."

"I had to."

"Why?"

"That is a secret."

"Are you ever serious?" Zelgadis asked. Xelloss considered this.

"Yes."

"What happened to me?"

"Demon's fire. A very powerful poison. She really wanted to finish you off."

"Who?"

"My master."

"Why?"

"She's a Mazuko. We do that."

"You don't."

"I have."

Zelgadis was exhausted. He couldn't manage any more conversation. He moved closer to Xelloss and lay against the Mazuko's body.

As his mind cleared he started to think. "I can't forget that Xelloss is a monster. He may not be harming me, but he still harms others. Evil doesn't love, it destroys. Things haven't changed between us," he thought, as he moved closer to the Mazuko's warmth, and drifted off to sleep.
 
 

Xelloss was scared. He had disobeyed his master. He'd never done that, not for anyone, not even himself. Now she was angry. Luckily, Mazuko enjoy being angry, but it still scared him. He knew she would never seriously hurt him, but Zelgadis ... Had she meant to kill him with that poison?

"I can't protect him from everything she does. She underestimated how strong he was when she drugged him, but if she really wants to kill him, she can. She's already been in his dreams, and she used me to do that. I'm hurting him. When my obsession with him passes, it will be better for us both." However, a feeling inside of him was stirring that he had never felt before. He didn't even know he was capable of it.

"Zelgadis,' he said, gently shaking the sleeping chimera. He didn't want to move, with Zelgadis pressed so closely against him, but he knew it was time they left.

"Mmm ..."

"We're going back now."

"What? Wait ..." But it was too late.

They were standing back in a stone room. Dizzily Zelgadis turned around.

"There you two are! Have you found Amelia yet?"

"Huh?" Oh, it was Lina and Gourry.

"Yes, we saw her." Xelloss replied.

"I'm starving! We ate all our supplies hours ago!" Gourry added.

"Where was she?" Lina asked.

"I don't quite remember. Somewhere back there," Xelloss pointed vaguely.

"And you just left her? Zel!"

"I ..." Finally his vision cleared. "Zanokou is a very powerful monster, Lina."

"You mean you two together couldn't handle her?" Lina said, sarcastically.

"You said we had to leave her to you," Xelloss pointed out.

"But Amelia is alive?'

"I don't know," Zelgadis answered.

"Well, lead me to her!" Lina said, annoyed at Zel and Xelloss for being so uninformative, but she was also worried. Zelgadis looked unusually pale, and was swaying where he stood. "What's wrong with Zelgadis?" she thought.

They set off again, but as Zelgadis took his first few steps he had to hold onto Xelloss for support. Twice he almost fell to the ground, but Xelloss caught him both times.

"Are you ok, Zel?" Lina asked.

"I just ... ate some weird plant. I thought it was an edible herb," Zelgadis lied. "Why didn't I just tell Lina the truth?" he thought.

"So you don't have any food left either?" Lina said, something about Zelgadis' voice struck her as funny.

"Uh, yeah I do, actually," Zelgadis said, pulling out some food. Lina and Gourry immediately fell upon it. Between mouthfuls Lina asked:

"Why were you eating strange plants if you had food?"

"Um ..."

"Oh my, this looks interesting," Xelloss interjected. Lina and Gourry finished eating and looked up.

"It's just a door," Lina pointed out. "We've been through a lot of them."

"So lets go through this one," suggested Gourry. Lina shrugged and followed the swordsman. She decided to leave Zelgadis alone for the moment.

When night came, the swordsman and the sorceress fell to sleep immediately, tired out by their fruitless day of searching. Zelgadis pulled Xelloss to a place he hoped was out of earshot.

"Xelloss, what's going on?" he asked.

"That is a secret!"

"Don't give me that! Why is your master attacking me?"

"I can't tell you that." Xelloss looked almost worried. "I can't let him know what's going on," he thought. "It will only make things worse, and put him in even more danger. If he doesn't remember then he'll stay safe. I don't want to have to defy Xellas again."

"I thought he would tell me this," Zelgadis thought. "It seems like he ... I don't know! After all the odd things that have happened between us, I deserve an explanation! I know he's Xelloss, but he's been ... different these last few days ...."

"Why can't you tell me?" he asked out loud.

"It's a secret!"

"What can you tell me?"

"That you should be careful. I can't always protect you, and you are in a monster's home."

"Protect me? I don't need protecting! And you don't have to remind me I'm in danger. I'm always in danger!"

"Which makes you careless."

"Why do you even care?"

"That is a secret!"

"Stop taunting me!" Zelgadis said, then thought: "What did I expect? Xelloss would just explain everything to me? He's a Mazuko. He got me poisoned and somehow he's connected to my nightmares. Why do I even bother talking to him? I mustn't let myself get drawn in by him! It's all a trick. I'm not even sure if what I remember is real!"

"Are you done asking questions?" Xelloss asked, fervently hoping that the answer would be yes. He needed to stop Zelgadis remembering. If he could only divert the chimera's mind from the past until it was clouded by the passage of time, then maybe Xellas wouldn't ...

"Why are you protecting me?" Zelgadis interrupted the priest's thoughts.

"That's what friends do!"

"I thought I told you, you're not my friend." Zelgadis said quickly, almost shocking himself with the response. "But he isn't my friend!" he told himself, "so why does it bother me to say it?"

Xelloss felt the words cut into him. He wished the chimera hadn't said them.

"Who is your friend then, Zelgadis?" He asked, then realized the mistake he had made. Zelgadis looked at him with questioning eyes.

"He called me Zelgadis!" He thought. "Like in the dream ... Was it a dream? Please let it have been real! ... No! I mustn't let myself ... He's evil and he would just as soon kill me, or any of us ... I don't care about him!" Zelgadis thought.

"Amelia is my friend, that's why I'm going to find her." Zelgadis said.

"But you had the chance to save her and you didn't take it." Xelloss was annoyed. He didn't want Zelgadis to talk about the shrine maiden.

"I couldn't! You were there, you know that!"

"What makes her your friend?"

"I ... she ... she's loyal, and trustworthy and she ... cares for me." Zelgadis replied.

"But I care for you!" Xelloss thought. "Can't you see that? Stop hurting me like this!"

"They're things you wouldn't understand, Mazuko." Zelgadis added, trying to convince himself of it. It had looked like Xelloss was going to say something. Zelgadis wanted him to, wanted to be interrupted, to be told ...

"You are Mazuko too, don't forget that," Xelloss snapped. He was getting angry. After all he had done for Zelgadis, all he felt for him ...

"Not for long! Soon I will have no connection with you, or your race," Zelgadis said.

"I mean so little to you ..."

"You mean nothing to me!" Zelgadis shouted.

"Why didn't I just let you die?" Xelloss hissed. Zelgadis winced. He tried not to show how much it hurt. Xelloss wished he hadn't said it, but he couldn't take it back.

"Why didn't you?" Zelgadis asked.

"It's not part of the plan," Xelloss lied.

"I thought your master wanted me dead. You're her slave, surely killing me would have been fun! You don't care about me! You don't care about any of us! Why don't you just let us all die?"

"Damn it Zelgadis! Don't tempt me!" But Zelgadis was past caring.

"All you care about is yourself. You just want to hurt me! You tried to rape me, you tortured me in my dreams, and almost killed me with poison!"

"I saved you!"

"Why should I believe that? Why should I believe the words of a Mazuko? Your words!"

"It was my master that tried to kill you."

"But you serve her!"

"Why are you doing this? Do you think I can't feel anything? Don't you think I cared when you were dying in my arms? Don't you think I wanted more than anything to save you? To take away your pain? I've given up everything for you! I disobeyed my master, I risked my life and I did it all for you! I didn't ask anything in return, and you can't even understand that."

"You're lying ... You have to be lying!" Zelgadis was more confused than ever. Had Xelloss just said ... Had he really ... Then he remembered fully. He remembered the part of the dream that had been locked away, hidden from his mind. Xelloss' voice telling him ...

Xellas, back in her domain, felt the barriers breaking.

"The chimera remembers," she told her servant.

"Don't do this, you can't take him from me!" Xelloss pleaded.

"You're weak, but you are mine. You will always be bound to me. Soon his blood will be all you have to remember him by."

"Zelgadis ..."
 
 
 

End of Part Four