Chichiri was excercising every last one of the body- and emotion-controlling techniques he'd learned at Taiitsu-kun's hand to keep from continualy stuttering and blushing like a love-sick teenager. The look in Tasuki's amber eyes...

He shook his head firmly, forcing himself to concentrate on his so-far-fruitless search for a city map. *Save those thoughts for later,* he scolded himself. *Much later. Preferably never.* But his long-denied hormones were inclined to disagree with him, providing images of the beautiful female Tasuki - and more than a few of the bishounen MALE Tasuki - for him to contemplate every time he closed his eyes.

The frustration of his quest wasn't helping any, either. Hinansho didn't appear to have EVER had a map made of it, accurate or otherwise. The city was such a den of thieves and cutthroats that nobody wanted the streets labeled and recorded - that would make it more difficult to hide one's operations from what few law-keeping forces existed. Chichiri actually startled himself by swearing under his breath as yet another shopkeeper eyed him distrustfully and shook her head.

*At least if I'm out here searching, I'm not trapped in a small room with HER,* he thought wearily. That was a VERY good thing, given his recent behaviour towards his best friend. Every moment he spent with the altered Tasuki brought more and more of the emotions he least wanted to feel.

*Even if I WASN'T betraying Kouran's memory, I'm STILL just letting myself in for heartache,* the miserable thought occured to him. *One way or another, Tasuki will end up back in his own body sooner or later. He HAS to - he'll never stay sane in that body. And even if, for some bizzar reason, he wasn't completely repulsed at the idea of making love as a female - to ME, of all people - what exactly am I planning to do when he reverts back to being male?*

He determinedly ignored his imagination's eager response of just what two males might do together. *Nuriko wouldn't have hesitated a second, I'm sure - but I just don't work that way. And neither does Tasuki - he'd probably never speak to me again if he knew I was even thinking about it!*

*So what was that look in her eyes earlier?* That small, insidious corner of his mind whispered.

*He - SHE'S been through a lot,* Chichiri stated firmly. *I've seen this before - a female, badly violated, will turn to her rescuer for reassurance. Often, their bodies will instinctively seek proof that not ALL sex is brutal and violent. I've helped Taiitsu-kun secretly aide enough battered women to know that.*

His conflict, if not resolved, at least abated, he turned back to the inn. Night had begun to fall, as all around him the oil lamps were lit, and he didn't want to be caught outside after dark. Not that being forced into close proximity with Tasuki was any less dangerous, just in a very different way.

That set the pattern for the next few days, as Chichiri spent his waking hours roaming about the city in search of SOME kind of aide for pinpointing the sorceress's location. He didn't know what Tasuki did all day, but he suspected she stayed cooped up in their room. After what she'd been through, he rather thought he'd have done the same - even the so called 'respectable' men who frequented the inn during the day were as likely to 'mistake' her for one of the available serving girls and carry her off to be raped, protests or no. And in this city, no one would even look twice at her calls for help.

Chichiri made sure to return before dark, and they would spend their evenings in the common room, eating the dinner the inn provided and sipping sake. Chichiri deliberately avoided letting a serious conversation start between them, and Tasuki seemed to accept this with weary resignation, drawing into herself for company.

That acceptance was challenged, however, on the night of the third day. Tasuki had gulped her sake with a singularly determined look on her face, as if looking for the false courage alcohol could provide. She said nothing to Chichiri however, though she watched him so closely it made him nervous. When she finally suggested they return to their room, he was just as happy, hoping to get to sleep quickly and avoid having to think about her for another few hours.

She had no intention of letting him get away that easily, however, and the moment the door was closed behind him, she rounded on him in fury.

"What's the big idea, Chichiri?" She demanded, her sweet soprano, for once,  not slurred in the least by the sake she'd drunk. "Ya've been fucking avoiding me for DAYS! Did I do somethin' ta piss ya off, or WHAT?"

Chichiri laughed nervously, sweating behind his mask. "Of course not, Tasuki-ku... uh, Tasuki no da. I've just been concentrating on finding..."

"Don't gimme that shit!" She exclaimed, taking a step towards him and backing him into the wall. "You've been BROODING, is what you've been doin', and it's drivin' me crazy! Why won't ya TALK to me? You've been acting like ya'd rather I didn't exist!"

Chichiri stammered, but couldn't manage to complete a thought, let alone a sentance. *I can't let her know... Suzaku, if he found out... he'd kill me... SHE'D kill me...*

Tasuki's face suddenly crumpled, and she turned away, her shoulders shaking. "I KNEW it," she exclaimed in disgust. She brought her hands up to cover her face, muffling her words. "Ya hate me. Ya can't stand ta even LOOK at me like this. GODS..." She threw herself down on her bed, curled up facing away from him, and the tremors in her body told him she was fighting to surppress sobs.

"After what they all did ta me, I can't blame ya. I hate myself, why shouldn't you? I can't even FIGHT worth a damn anymore! I'm nothing but a ruined piece of goods..."

Abruptly what she was saying penetrated the fog around Chichiri's mind, and he was horrified to realize how she had interrpreted his avoidance. *She thinks because she was raped, and couldn't stop them, that I look down on her... that it was somehow HER fault... Suzaku! What have I done? I've taken care of sexually abused females before this, I KNOW they tend to blame themselves! But because it was TASUKI, I didn't think he'd... she'd... feel that way...*

He found himself hovering over the side of her bed, uncertain how to fix the mess he'd created. *I have to let her know that I don't think she's any less valuable because of what happened to her.* He reached out and gingerly laid a hand on her shoulder. She tensed, but made no move to throw him off, which he took as a good sign.

"Tasuki... that's not why I've been avoiding you. Please believe me. That has NOTHING to do with it!" He sank down onto the mattress, removing his mask and gently caressing her shoulder. She turned a bit to face him, and the sight of the tear tracks on her face bit into him with a near-physical pain. *This is my fault. I made her cry.*

"Then what DOES it have to do with? Why won't ya even LOOK at me, never mind TALK to me?" She demanded, her voice husky with more tears.

Chichiri hesitated. *This is it... the moment of truth. She may hate me... but no matter what, our friendship will never be the same.* "I... I've been avoiding you because... because..." He swallowed hard, then plunged ahead, his face painfully red. "Because I'm attracted to you, and I've been trying to avoid dealing with it." There, he'd said it. It was out, and now it was up to Tasuki to make what he... she... would of it.

Tasuki appeared to be too shocked to make much of anything of it, her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide. Chichiri turned his face away in shame. "I know, I shouldn't be thinking of you like that. But..." He shook his head, unable to find the words to express his feelings. He closed his eyes, unable to look at her face for fear of seeing her disgust and rejection.

A feather light touch carressed his cheek, and he started, opening his eyes. She had sat up, and was touching him softly, her face lit with wonder. "Really? You really are? Chiri, I..." she swallowed what looked like a sob, and bowed her head, seeming suddenly fascinated with the pattern on the coverlet. "I'm... attracted to you, too." she admitted, her voice low. Chichiri blinked in surprise, but before he could answer, she looked up again, her face determined. "An' it's not a new thing. I've been attracted to ya for a long, long time." She watched his face carefully, as she deliberately added, "As a guy, Chichiri."

Now it was Chichiri's turn to be too shocked to think properly. Tasuki was... like that? And... he liked... him? "But... why?" He blurted out, unable to manage anything more coherent.

Tasuki seemed to understand. "I... For all I used ta tease Nuriko, I've always been like that. Hell, you know I hate girls!" She gave a slightly fanged grin. "Nuriko knew it, too, which is why he put up with it. Well, if you can call smashing me inta a wall all the time 'puttin' up with it'. And... as ta why I like you... well, hell, Chichiri, yer my best friend! You know everythin' about me... more than Kouji, even. And... and yer damn sexy, too." She blushed harder and looked down again as she made the last statement.

Chichiri's thoughts were roiling about in his mind, so quickly he was having trouble latching onto any one thought. *All this time... and he never told me, never said anything... well, of course not, baka, he probably thought you'd hate him... is this the real reason he left?...I had no idea... now what?*

Gently, he tipped her chin forward, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Tasuki... I... I've never thought about another guy that way..." Tasuki started to interrupt, but Chichiri hushed her with one finger on her lips. "I've never thought about another guy that way... until recently," he added, seeing Tasuki's eyes widen in surprise. "It was seeing you as a female that first got me started thinking this way - but it hasn't been JUST your female form I've been thinking of," he admitted shyly.

"What... are you... planning to do about it?" Tasuki whispered, her golden eyes fixed on his.

"I think... maybe..." Chichiri said, puzzling it out for himself even as he spoke. "Maybe... I'll just go with it... and see where it takes us." With that, he crossed the slight distance between them, and brought his lips to hers.
 
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