Brad sighed angrily, loosening his black tie, and opened the door to the Schwarz ho-

Argh! Dammit! Rrrggghh.... asshole disclaimers... umm... Kay. This beautiful POS- err... POW was co-written with my home-girl Pyrochan. She's a good writer. Go read her stuff now or suffer at the wrath of G-

Farf: you better not say God *twitch*

Makoto: Ano... the wrath of... Gouda cheese. Yes... so anyway...

Disclaimer: Schu's tight ass belongs to ©Brad Crawford, and Brad's cock © Schuldich, and both of the people in general including Brad's sexy tie are © Koyasu Takehito. You lucky bastard. *clears throat*

AN: umm... blurby blurb, send Pyrochan money so she can get a scanner and show you all what brad and schu did. :D trust me, it's worth it. *blushes* There's a little asterisk where the writer changes.

Schu: How the fuck did you get a shot of this?!

Makoto: And without FURTHER ADOOO...

Warning: This fiction features nc-83 (XD) sex between two adult men. If you do not like the thought of one man putting his-

Brad: GET ON WITH IT.

Makoto: Eto... yes- on WITH THE STORY!!

Midsummer night's scheme

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brad sighed angrily, loosening his tie, his immaculate white coat slung over one arm as he opened the door to the Schwarz Household. Nagi was sitting at the small kitchen table, mutely eating toast. He barely cast a glance at Brad when he came in, slamming the door. Heat was simmering through the kitchen from his entrance.

Nagi looked up at the gaijin. "Bad day?"

Brad glared, letting out a huff of breath from his nose, his eyes narrowed. Today had not been a good day. "First off, that foolish idiot thinks that he is perfectly capable of leaving the car to pick up a morning coffee without me is wise. If only he'd LISTENED!"

In punctuation with his outrageous outburst, Brad slammed a drawer shut, the utensils clattering inside. (Don't even start correcting me about chopsticks and bullshit, this is an American we're talking about. WE NEED OUR SPORKS!)

Nagi looked at him out of the corner of his eye. "Did he get killed yet?"

Brad growled. "No."

He spun away from the counter, Nagi quietly sipping a coffee, his laptop resting in front of him, the keyboard clicking away of "its" own accord.

Brad peered over his shoulder, holding an immaculately white mug of coffee in his hand. "What are you doing?"

Nagi smiled wryly. "Plotting his death."

Brad rolled his eyes. "It won't work, no matter how you try to perfect it." he said all-knowingly, walking away from the young boy. He took a few sips of the bitter liquid, made a face, and tossed it down the drain. "Where's Schuldich?"

Nagi shrugged, not really caring. "Probably masturbating in your work room again."

Brad twitched one eye. "It's a damn good thing you're lying."

Nagi turned to look at him with unmoving eyes. "How do you know?"

Brad smirked. "Because I foresee that my desk is perfectly spotless." He moved upstairs, loosening his tie all the way, and unbuttoning the top of his shirt.

~Bradley..~ murmured a soft but nasally voice in his mind.

~What the hell do you want? You better not have ejaculated in my bed again.~

~Of course not, mein liebe. But I KNOW how it gets you off when I do.~

Brad shook his head, and stormed into his bedroom, his eyes widening at the sight. Schuldich was lying fully naked, stretched out on the bed, covered in dozens of black shiny feathers.

"Hi Braddy." he murmured in a soft purr.

Brad's eyes narrowed. His erection must not win, it must not win, it must- Schuldich soon had pulled Brad down onto the bed, grinning much like a shark would before he kissed Brad's mouth.

~Awww... did mein liebe have a hard day at work?~

Brad narrowed his eyes at the terribly horny German. ~You're a pervert.~

There was a few moments of silence before Schuldich began to laugh. ~On the contrary, I didn't even MEAN it in that sense.~ He scanned his eyes down the American's body, his grin growing wider. ~Obviously you would think I meant it that way.~

"Oh my God. we have enough tape, right?"

"Yeah yeah, just hurry up and set us up the camera, okay?"

"Dude, if we actually get all of this on tape, we can sell the tapes for profit. Then we'll be able to hire assassins to kill the bodyguards of Miki Shinichirou and Koyasu Takehito!"

"We could just ask your little fuck buddy Yohji to do it."

"He's been all whiney lately, he'd expect some kind of funky yuri fan service in return."

"Ick."

Brad had Schuldich's wirey arms grasped tightly in his hands, and Schu didn't mind a bit, sinking with him down onto the black silky bed. (*)Schuldich leaned forward, sucking gently on Brad's neck, eliciting a soft moan from the American. Brad shifted his body, sitting up and started to unbutton the rest of his shirt. Schuldich's hands clasped over Brad's as he helped take off the garment. He ran his hands over Brad's flawless white skin, leaning forward to take one of Brad's squishy cinnamon-colored male nipples(#@) in his mouth. He loosened the belt on Brad's pants and unbuttoned them, kissing down to Brad's waistline. Brad ran his fingers through Schuldich's silky hair, his fingertips running across Schuldich's back. The German pulled the pants off the older man and straddled him, smirking at Brad.

"What are you doing?" Brad asked.

Schuldich grumbled, "I never get to be seme."

"Who are you to complain?"

"...Shut up Brad, and grab out the lubricant from under the pillow."

Brad reached his hand under the pillow, his hand searching for the small tube. Gun, no. Money, no. Yaoi doujinshi...

"What's this?"

"Nothin'."

"BradXYohji... what the hell?"

"Ehehehe."

"Didn't I tell you to stop reading this stuff?"

"I don't read it," Schuldich corrected, kanji never being his strong point, "I just look at the pictures. And damn, are they detailed."

Brad tossed the doujinshi aside, and finally found the lubricant. "Get off me."

Schuldich pouted, and reluctantly climbed off, grabbing the lubricant from Brad's grasp. "H-hey--"

Schuldich smirked, squeezing the lubricant onto his hand, and briskly rubbed his palms together. He placed his hands over the swelling skin of Brad's cock, rubbing it on liberally. Such action made Brad moan a bit, before he pushed the German back onto the bed. Schuldich grasped Brad's shoulders as the American thrust in.

(*)"Ja, Brad! Mein Gott! Push it harder!" Brad drew out, Schuldich whimpering until he moved himself back in, thrusting rhythmically.

Nagi rolled his eyes at a particularly loud moan, and stood up, going to Farfarello, who was sitting in the living room, a frozen knife, a knife- sicle if you will, held firmly in between scarred lips.

"Oi. Let's go to the park and leave those nymphomaniacs(^v) alone. I'll find you a nice squirrel."

Farf stood up, wrapped in his straight jacket, Nagi using his mind to turn off the Irish channel. As they left, Farfarello indifferent to the loud moaning, they failed to notice a video camera outside of Brad's bedroom window...

Meanwhile, Brad had Schuldich pinned down by the shoulders, driving inwards with all his might, the German flailing his lithe body, flaming hair tossing with his head as he chanted louder and louder.

"Ja... ja... ja... JA! OH BRAD!" He bucked his hips wildly, Brad beginning to thrust harder, driving against Schuldich's g-spot. Sweat was making his hair fly in wet clumps about his face, rolling down his back and neck as he panted with his movements. Their bodies sped up the tempo of their metronomical(#) movements rapidly. "Nngh... mein liebe..." Schuldich gave a violent tremble and a high-pitched moan of Brad as he came, warmth spreading over Brad's abdomen as he broke as well, pausing in his ministrations.

"Holy SHIT!"

"And we have it on tape!"

"Kick ASS! We're gonna make so much money off of this.. we should give some to our stars!"

"Ah they're rich enough.."

"True.. But DAMN."

"Heh heh heh."(*)

Brad pulled out, rolling on his back next to Schuldich. He grabbed the German in an embrace, holding him close as the two tried to catch their breaths. Schuldich closed his eyes, relaxing against Brad's body.

"I love you."

"Mm, I love you too." They laid there in silence for awhile.

"Schuldich?"

"Hm?"

"Do you.see a camera outside our window?"

"Camera?"

"Like a video camera?"

"If it's Farf and Nagi out there trying to blackmail us again, I'm gonna kill them."

"I don't think it is." Schuldich turned his head to look out the window, his eyes widening slightly. "...Kritiker hentais..."

"I think they know we're here." Pyrochan said.

"And why is that?" Makoto asked.

"Because Brad looks very, very pissed off."

"Bad sex?"

"He's glaring at us." The two fan girls swooned, "Damn, he looks sexy when he's pissed."

"Whatchoo talkin' bout, foo! He ALLLLways damn sexy!" Ghetto Aya frowned, crossing his arms. "Now yall buy something' or get yo Yaoi-lovin ass outta my store!"

Makoto raised an eyebrow. "What the hell?"

From inside the house, there was an ear-splitting scream. "FANGIRLS!!!!!!!!"

~OwArI, biatch!~ Mk: soooo what didja think? Like the sudden special guest ghetto aya? I'm so sorry, it was supposed to be serious but it slowly turned erotic and funny. Whoa... a comedy porn. o.O

(#) Metronomical is officially a word. Why? Because Mako-chan says so, dammit.
(#@) Why yes they are... the description of Brad's nipples ©Makoto Kudou. Steal and I will sic my little fuck buddy upon you.
(^v) nymphomaniac, n: 1. A person who is infatuated or obsessed with sexual activities.