Jokes Page
For those of you who love to laugh, I have decided to create a paged dedicated to funny stories and jokes. Please keep in mind that some of these stories/jokes may contain some provocative language, so please if you are under the age of 10, ask your parents before reading. Those of you who are above 10 years of age probably already heard such language in school or on television. Two Elderly Women Two elderly women from a retirement center in Arkansas were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Mary Bell, I'm 73 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Mary Bell says, "Hell, I feel just like a new-born baby." "Really!? Like a baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just shit my pants." Moods of a Woman An angel of truth and a dream of fiction, A woman is a bundle of contradiction, She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, But will tackle a stranger alone in the house. Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose, She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose, She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk, She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk, At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad, She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad. Bathroom Humor I am barely sitting down when I hear a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?" I'm not the type to start a conversation or fraternize in men's rooms at a rest stop but, I don't know what got into me, so I answer, somewhat embarrassedly: "Not bad!" And the other guy says: "So what's up with you?" What a question? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "I'm like you, just traveling east!" Then I hear the guy say nervously... "LISTEN!!! I'll have to call you back, there's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions, bye!" Dog and a Hoe I Found Nemo! Hanging Baskets A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a see through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You got let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes. The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting here with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate... The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweet. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets." Happy Gardening!! Two Drunk Blondes These two blondes went out for a night on the town, drank way too much and got just totally hammered. At the end of the evening they decided to take a short cut through a cow pasture after being unable to find a ride home. Once they started walking through this pasture they became lost. So they split up to try and find the road home. One of the blondes doubled back only to stumble upon the other blonde, flat on her back, sucking on and playing with a cow's udder. Her friend screamed, "What are you doing?!" The other blonde replied, "Shut up! With all these guys here, someone will drive us home!!" "I Am In Charge" All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen". "I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go." "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes." "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal." All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss. The Moral of the story? The asshole is usually in charge. Bitchology When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch. When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch. When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch. Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch. The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be. I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that! So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed. And if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it !!!! B = Babe I = In T = Total C = Control of H = Herself B = Beautiful I = Intelligent T = Talented C = Charming H = Hell of a Woman A man notices a blonde sucking on the bottom of a Coke can. Curious, he asks her what she's doing. "Duh! It says for best taste drink by date on the bottom!" One day a blonde finds out from her friend that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out to the mall and buys a gun. After that she goes to her boyfriend's house. She busts down the door and points the gun at her head. Her boyfriend, alarmed, screams, "What are you doing?" She replies, "Shut up! You're next! A blonde was walking down a road, when this guy came along. The blonde was carrying a big bag. The guy said, "What are you carrying?" She replied, "Chickens." The guy goes, "Cool. if I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?" The blonde giggles and goes, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them!" Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging a few beers when they see a road block ahead with police checking for drunk drivers. The blonde in the passenger seat starts to panic and the driver tells her to calm down and do what she does. She then proceeds to quickly chug the last of the beer in her hand, peel the label off, stick the bottle under the seat and stick the label to her forehead. The second blonde follows along. When they arrive at the road block, the officer looks in and is quite surprised by this spectacle. He says, " Hello ladies. By any chance have you two been drinking tonight?" They respond: "Why no officer, you see, we're on the patch!"' Submit your funny stories/jokes! Email Animedynasty at adynastyz@yahoo.com your best funny stories/jokes and see them posted on this page! NOTE: Whatever you submit will be credited to you, Animedynasty will not misuse or manipulate your submits in any way. THANK YOU!
Two Elderly Women
Moods of a Woman
Bathroom Humor
Dog and a Hoe
I Found Nemo!
Hanging Baskets
Two Drunk Blondes
"I Am In Charge"
Bitchology