Some of life's little questions without good answers

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These are some questions that don't really have good answers. Some of them also show the weirdness and complexity of the English language. I have collected these from several different sites and people.

If Jimmy cracks corn and nobody cares, then why does he do it and why do we have a song about him?
Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?
Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else make a sound?
If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
Why is it that rain drops and snow falls?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest of them have to drown too?
Why doesn't a chicken's egg taste like chicken? Everything else does!
Why is it that cargo is transported by a ship while a shipment is transported by car?
Why is it that you play at a recital and recite at a play?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
What's the opposite of opposite?
What's another word for synonym? For that matter, what's another word for thesaurus?
Does a one-legged duck swim in circles?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do?
How can a house be burning up and burning down at the same time?
Why can Goofy stand on two legs while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
What do you call a male ballerina?
Why do we call it "getting your dog fixed" when afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Why are there self-help groups?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his walkman?
If a cow laughed, woulld milk come out of her nose?
Does anybody ever vanish with a trace?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did we go back to?
How is it possible to have a "civil" war?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold, how cold is it going to be?
Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
If inert is to be stationary, what is ert?
How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?
If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
Can I be arrested for running into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?
Why do we have hot water heaters? Isn't hot water already hot?
What do sheep count when they can't sleep?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat and, for that matter, what is mechanism?
If you bear a child, why do you have a cow?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell mnemonic?
Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?
Why is it, whenever you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Would a fly without wings be considered a walk?
Why is the word abbreviate so long?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
If a case of the clap spreads, is it then considered a case of the applause?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Do fish get cramps after eating?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a trains stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and then cold as hell the next day?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
Could someone become addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?
Did the early settlers ever go on camping trips?
How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?
How many people thought of the Post-It Note before it was invented, but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why are they called "stairs" inside but "steps" outside?
Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money for all those Acme products, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Why is it that when a person tells you there are over a billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
Why do you get on a bus and a train, but get into a car?
I know you can be overwhelmed and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?
Why is the Alphabet Song and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" the same tune?
Why did you just sing that to be sure? :)
Why do Donald Duck and Porky Pig wear towels when they come out of the shower when they usually don't even wear pants?
If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
Is there a Dr. Salt?
When vultures are on their deathbeds, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why are lemon-flavored drinks made up mostly of artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbit's foot?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Why aren't there bullet-proof pants?
How can "overlook" and "oversee" be opposites, while "quite a lot" and "quite a few" are alike?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
If you have an open mind, would your brain fall out?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
If a woman can be a meter maid, can a man be a meter butler?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, or a lemon called a yellow?
If a dog sweats through its tongue, why does it still have armpits?
If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar, should you believe him?
Aren't all generalizations false?
Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
How do you know when yogurt goes bad?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
How do they get deer to cross at those road signs?
What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?
What happened to the first 6 Ups?
What happened to Preparations A though G?
If you take a shower, where do you put it?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
Shouldn't it be some things in moderation?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
Is soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a scum?
If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
If someone had a mid-life crisis while playing hide-and-seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?
If you can read the marking on the product, isn't that end already up?
If you are cross-eyed and dyslexic, can you read correctly?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they really have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If psychics were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first? Why do they have to ask for your name, anyway?
If you have a psychic friend, should you even try to plan a surprise birthday party for them?
If a funeral procession is at night, do people have to drive with their lights off?
If you're travelling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
Why can women have a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, a pair of earrings, and a pair of panties, but not a pair of bras?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream and on bottled water?
What is a free gift? I thought all gifts were free.
What is the speed of dark?
Why is it called a TV set when you only get one?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do you never hear about gruntled employees?
Why do different places advertise for live bands? What does a dead band sound like?
When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Won't they all eventually stop?
What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?
When people lose weight, where does it go?
Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?
Why do stores sell pound cakes that only weigh 12 ounces?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does it wonder why you're sitting there staring at carpeting?
When sign makers go on strike, what would they write on their picket signs?
Who tows the tow trucks when they break down?
How do the people who run snow plows get to work when the weather is bad?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?
Why are cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?
Why aren't there any artist's materials in a drawing room?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why didn't Luke Skywalker tell Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the Force?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why is there an eject button on the VCR's remote control? You have to get up to get the tape!
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed when they are going to look up there anyway?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but they don't point to their crotch when asking for the restroom?
Why is there a light in the refrigerator and not in the freezer?
Who was the first person who looked at a chicken and decided to eat the next thing that came out of it's butt?
Who was the first person to look at a cow, squeeze those dangly things and drink whatever came out?
Why is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box just to start a campfire?
Can you cry underwater?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but its only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
Once you're dead, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON the TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for the President and fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Can blind people see their dreams?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why is it that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
When you dial a wrong telephone number, why is that number never busy?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?
Does that screwdriver really belong to Phillip?
Do pilots take crash-courses?