Signs you're not nanny material...
Your "license" is from the Nevada State Athletic Commission
Your bedtime story to the kids consists of telling them that the Sandman will rip their faces off if they don't go right to sleep
Your solution to every problem: your homemade "Kiddie Nunchuck"
Your only experience with children involves the baby doll dress and Shirley Temple wig the escort agency made you wear
"Spoonful of sugar" may work for Mary Poppins, but nothing beats a shot of Nyquil and leather restraints for *real* child control
Your brilliant new idea: Garbage bag cinched at baby's waist = 10-day diaper!
You're Super-cali-fragil-istic-expi-ali-psycho
Burping the baby involves a sixer of Bud and a Beefy Tostada
"Hey!
Simon didn't say 'Breathe'!!"
