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Four or five months ago, I am not afraid to say, could probably count as one of the deepest depressions I have ever found myself in. I was stressed out, having problems with communicating civilly with my family, and I started developing some expectations of myself that were far beyond the reach of any human being. I started to have problems (I still do, admittedly) with handling guilt and doing things that I deemed "selfish" like asking friends or teachers for help with schoolwork, or talking to people about my problems. There was even a short period that I can remember where I had sunk so low into a depression that I couldn't even bring myself to pray like I always had before, and it felt like the happy carefree person I had been was slowly dying inside of me.

Needless to say, I was not doing so well. Christmas and New Years were both terrible. February rolled around and I found myself crying at night about people I feel had wronged, or just because I always felt so low and depressed and...need I say, hopeless. It was even a struggle for me to haul my hide over to my friend's 16th birthday party, afraid I'd mess it up somehow, but I'm glad I did. There was a girl there that both my friend and I had met through a Bible study group at school, who ended up talking to me about her faith and her life once everyone else ended up going to sleep. I think without her, I would never have pulled myself out of the hole I had dug for myself, because one of the things she told me was "When the Romans turned from Him, God punished them by staying out of their lives."

This stayed in my mind for the net couple weeks, until one day I found myself lying on my bed crying (I can't even remember why I was upset in the first place anymore), but not just shedding tears, but calling out to Him, "Lord, please help me, I need You in my life!" I started praying again and asking God for strength and the courage to finally bring myself to talk to someone about my problems.

God answered my prayers by bringing me first to my dad, who was gracious enough to spend several hous of his time talking to me and spending time with me. Then He brought me to my friend Vincent, who gave me a hug (hugs are the medicine of the soul) and was just...there to talk to me when I needed it most. Bit by bit He's given me the courage to talk to other people who are important to me; my friends, both online and IRL and my mom though that really didn't go as well as I had hoped it would.

What's the point of all this, you're probably asking yourself. My point is that God can take any suffering you're experiencing, turn it inside out, and use it to bring you closer to Him if only you ask Him. He is never too busy, and He never feels like you're asking too much or burdening Him with your prayers. He was the one who said "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

I know the scars of what I've been through the last few months will stay with me for a while, don't get me wrong, it takes time for things like this to get better, but God is healing me slowly. I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel, and knowing that is comforting.

I'm sorry to anyone I hurt or burdened on those days when I was upset. Please do forgive me.