Bernese Mountain Dogs - Fun Stuff
"They Call Me Mellow Yellow"
by Piber "the Appenzeller"Allen
proudly owned by Lisa Allen
I am on a late afternoon walk with my mistress. She is a "Lisa." At least, that is how other humans refer to her. We make our way, at leisure, down Central Avenue, in our hometown. Attached to my collar is the Flintstones leash, her pride and joy, but a source of terrible embarrassment to me, especially when we visit the local training center and other dogs can see it; well, that plus that she dresses for a blizzard until mid-August. And, people think we "have it easy." But, I digress. There appears to be nothing unusual happening in the neighborhood but, as an Appenzeller, I am always alert for the strange and unexpected. Rumors are circulating that somebody in our county is breeding raptors. Well, live and let live, I say. As is typical at this time of the year, with cold weather appoaching, many yards sport piles of logs to bring inside and burn for warmth. Our neighborhood is no different in this regard and I pay little attention to them. Some logs are piled quite high in heaps taller than my human.
Suddenly, it appears as though the sun itself falls onto a pile of logs near me. A few of them, soon to be used for kindling, fall to the ground. Lordy be, I have never seen anything like this and it does not bode well for the town, for sure! Reacting on instinct, I pull my mistress, "Lisa," closer to the woodpile to investigate and no, it is not the sun but, rather, a huge yellow bird-like creature! Although part of its body is covered with feathers, there is a heavy row of scales, which appear to be growing even as I look, down its back and its feet bear claws at least a foot long. Its open and polluted mouth reveals the teeth of a hungry shark and its beak is rotten and sharp. My mission is clear as day. I must protect the humans, dull as this species can be, from the yellow menace! I am well-prepared for the job, as dogs of my breed have been known to tame the wildest bulls! Good Heavens! Day has once again become dark as night! When the light of day returns, the big bird's mate is by his side! By the size of the teeth of these creatures and their bloody mouths, I know that I am faced with a new and most dangerous type of carnivore! While other dogs might think only of escape, emptying bowel and bladder in the process, my breed, always, stands ready for duty! Our bunch even has a motto, "The Few, The Proud, The Appenzellers!"
Growling, I leap into the air and the large avian-like creatures are not expecting this, allowing me to quickly seize the advantage. It is clear that they are witty but my intelligence surpasses that of every known creature on Earth! I lunge, I bite, I lunge, I bite, lunge, bite, lunge, bite, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I have done the necessary damage, now, to the big one's feet and he screams with rage and pain. Taking advantage once more, I grab a wing and shake it madly. The female, its mate, appears to be in a stupor or perhaps the battles in this species are fought by the male. Knowing that he is worn but not defeated, I remain ready, making plans. The injured, but far from defeated, birdysaurus bends its thick and rubbery neck, which must be at least eight feet long, to grab me but, who does he think that he is dealing with! I grab his beak in my mouth and chomp hard on it. His eyes bulge in their sockets. When I release him, it is clear that he realizes who is victor and roughly nudging the female, the pair takes flight causing, once again, day to become night as their body size blocks the sun.
A motorcycle loudly and annoyingly sputters, stunning me and I become newly aware. I am still at the side of my mistress, the "Lisa," as we proceed to the local letter drop and she guides me with that silly Flintstones leash. Does she not know that wearing pictures of Pebbles does not do those of my stature and ranking justice? We have crossed the street and I am in front of a stand with real estate signs on both sides of it and two yellow balloons attached to it. Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Drawing the entire town's attention,
I bark, I jump and nip, jump and nip, over and over and over, until there is one less errant balloon to foul the great blue skies! No medal necessary, though certainly earned!
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