Thanks to the many suggestions, i'm still open to them though (there are always more boyfriends to dump, you know . . .). Before i start, the aim is to remain friends with this guy (although i'll understand if he never talks to me again, given the content of some of these excuses) and also to leave him intact and hopefully not too traumatised.
The nice one:
Your a really nice person but i just don't have the time for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship right now. This weekend, for example - I've got sooo much work and family commitments I can't get out of. I mean . . . It'd be great to keep you as a friend . . .
The innocent one
This weekend? . . . oh, no, sorry i can't i'm going on a date with [such and such] --> spend rest of conversation talking about this great guy and acting like a friend untill he gets bored and never rings again.
The Actual one:
Hey, [place guys name here]. I don't ER, UM want to ER go out with you anymore, but UM your nice. (hang up totally humiliated)
The most effective one (note: this one was NOT my suggestion. I';m just putting it in to be fair to my sister, who suggested this method. and yes, I DO have my suspicions about the alien.):
I'm Gay. (+ in the proper terminology: "i just thought i should let you know I'm a lesbian") then you could, if he's still on the other end, relate your experience with him assisting in your making this decision.
The truth:
No. (don't be this mean)
The "whot du yu mean yu dedn't nu ar wos Irish" Excuse
Arr, Froiday? oin going buck to me hormlund Fridee, Foreveer. I worn't be buck. Dornt croi. corm on nuw, yuull fond soomone ulse. Pleese dornt croi. Ar carn not 'elp bein oirish. Its nort me fault. Boi! [Hang up violently] -(Thanks Anoma. Maybe if i have enough Whisky i'll be able to pull that one off)
The semi-effective one that's hard to proove (and a personal favourite)
This weekend? --> sorry, i'm moving to Columbia on friday (or some other very convenient or life ending process that is happening before this weekend)
On the phone:his sister talks in backround. You take advantage of this well presented oppotunity.
Oh. my. god! [guys name], how could you?!! messing about with another girl while i am on the phone to you. Oh the pain! Oh, [guys name], i trusted you, and you betray me like this.
(sob, sniff etc) then you calm down, and in a deep heavy voice "who is she? tell me who she is! (rev up chainsaw in backround) I NEED TO KNOW. (hand up. job complete. (stop revving chainsaw now, Kapok.)
