"Finally after going through all the itty bitty details, I'm done!" shouted Wufei triumphantly as he scanned the piece of paper which he had written his supposedly 'Super-duper Tragic Love Story Secret Plan' with a pleased grin.
*Author's note: Since this story and especially Wufei is getting more OOC by the minute, please make sure to stick a giant sweatdrop on your head and draw dark-blue lines beneath your eyes and to make sure bit of your hair sticks out like electrocuted hair.. I am going to do the same once I've finished writing this crap..*
OK, everybody is probably wondering what Wufei's super-duper plan is so the writer will show what he wrote (and because she has no ideas on what to write anymore..):
Wufei's Super-duper Tragic Love Story Secret Plan:
1. Kidnap Duo and Quatre and give them sedatives. Next, undress them and put them on the bed in Quatre's room and spread them all over each other.
2. Call Heero and Trowa, show them the sleeping bakas and tell them that Duo and Quatre were having 'fun' and watch the fireworks fly.
3. Lock myself in room and laugh like a maniac.
4. Celebrate by singing and dancing to Chumbawamba's 'I Get Knocked Down'.
The END of Super-duper Tragic Love Story Secret Plan.
"Hmm. Pretty clever plan if I do say so myself," said Wufei proudly.
At this point, the readers and even the writer sweatdrops.
The other Gboys were in a middle of their own secret meeting in the um, basement, planning to bring the erm, dishonourable Chang Wufei to justice.
"Oooh! I got a great idea!!" said Duo excitedly. "We wait till he gets out of his room while we wait outside with those big sacks of potatoes in Q's pantry. Then when he gets out BAM!! We clobber him to death. Shinigami will rule!!"
"That seems sort of cruel, doesn't it?" asked Quatre nervously. "I mean, we aren't going to beat him to death, right?"
"You're right. We should torture him first before he dies," said Duo thoughtfully as he chewed at the end of his chestnut braid. "We should whip him, beat him, and then tickle him to death!"
"No no no!! I didn't say that we should torture him first before killing him!" pretested the blonde. "We should just scold him or something. I don't want to be cruel.."
"Cruel?" snorted Heero. "You can be too nice for your own good, Quatre. Don't you understand what that jerk tried to do to you and Trowa and to the rest of us? He didn't want us to get together so he made up all those stupid lies to make us all misreable!"
"I know but - "
"How would you feel if Wufei managed to get away with his plan and you and Trowa never got to tell each other how you feel?" snapped Heero.
"I will kill that Wufei for trying to destroy me and Trowa's love!!" shouted the blonde suddenly. Quatre's eyes reflected with the image of burning fires and the others can feel the anger radiating from his body like an aura. "Hehehehe.. we will kill him, ne Trowa?"
Quatre smiled his Zero System smile and suddenly everyone was feeling a bit afraid.
There was a moment of silence and suddenly it seemed as if Quatre had broken out of his trance and he was smiling his cheerful smile. He glanced at the others and he saw that Duo was cowering behind some crates of stuff and Heero was cautiously holding his hand not far away from the back of his spandex where he kept his gun. Even Trowa looked kinda stunned.
*Author's note: I all ready warned about this part being extremely OOC, ne?*
And as quick as a flash, Quatre was back to his normal self. He was smiling his sunny smile and he blinked as he looked at the horrified looks on his friends' faces.
"What's wrong?" he asked innocently. "Why are you holding your gun, Heero? And what are you doing behind those crates, Duo? Is there a mouse or a rat or something? Oh dear, I thought I got rid of all those household pests before!"
"Ne, Heero? Next time don't encourage him to get mad."
"Now to search for that blondie and that braided baka," muttered Wufei to himself as he searched all over the house. He had been searching for them for ten whole minutes all ready but he caught no sign of those two or even Heero and Trowa. "Damn! Why is this house so big?"
Wufei was carrying a pitcher filled with icy lemonade and some plastic cups on a tray. He was planning on offering some lemonade to Duo and Quatre. He was planning on slipping in some soluble sleeping tablets (I know there's no such thing, right? I just made it up) into those two's drinks when they weren't looking. Then they would soon be in dream land and he would be able to carry out his evil plan.
"Hiya Wu-man!" came Duo's cheerful voice and lucky for Wufei, Quatre was right with the American. "Lemonade!! I want some. Man, I am so thirsty you have no idea."
"Hn. Would you like to have some, Quatre?" asked Wufei politely and Quatre nodded his head. He filled in two cups with lemonade and suddenly he pointed to a direction and yelled, "Look!"
Duo and Quatre's heads instantly shifted to look into the direction Wufei was pointing at and Wufei quickly tossed in the soluble sleeping tablets.
"What? I don't see anything?" said Duo in a confused voice.
"Oh, I thought I saw a tarantula or something on the wall. Must have been my imagination," said Wufei with a shrug. "Here's your drinks."
"Thanks, man," said Duo as he took a cup. "How come you're so nice suddenly? You want a Mars bars, Wu? I got tonnes, see?" He pulled out several Mars bars from his pockets and shoved them to Wufei. "Have some. I know you like Mars."
"Thanks," said Wufei as he opened the wrapper. He watched with satisfaction as Duo gulped his drink and Quatre sipped his politely. Suddenly, the two boys were sprawled onto the floor.
The Chinese boy took a huge bite of the chocolate confectionary with a smirk. "Being evil can be so sweet," he said to himself. He took another bite of the Mars bars. Then, "Damn chocolate! It's too sweet - good thing there's still more lemonade."
But before he could fill his cup with lemonade, he too, was also sprawled onto the floor. Suddenly, Heero and Trowa appear from out of nowhere and proceeded to tie Wufei up with cords, strings, rope, threads, metal coils, and practically about anything that could be used to tie an unconscious Chinese boy's hands and legs.
"Damn. That Wufei sure is a sneaky rat," commented Heero. "See? He was planning to do something to Duo and Quatre!"
Trowa went to the blonde's side and gently held him in his lap. "Quatre? Wake up little one," he said but Quatre still would not wake up.
"They'll be out for probably a few hours," said Heero and he nudged the snoring, braided boy with his sneaker-clad foot. "In Duo's case.. probably for a whole day."
Wufei woke up feeling groggy and very, very uncomfortable. >P>"Where the hell am I? And why do I feel so stiff?" he wondered crossly. Then seeing his body sitting on a wooden chair and covred with yards and yards of duct tape, "Oh."
"Oh, so finally you've decided to wake up, huh?" Heero said from the shodows from this, this weird place he was in which was actually the Winners' rat-infested and crate-filled basement which was also damp and moldy at the same time. Definately not a very good place to be held captive..
"What's the meaning of this, Yuy!" Wufei snarled angrily. Trowa and Quatre also emerged from the shadows and Wufei glared at them angrily. "Barton and Winner, too? Are you playing another one of Maxwell's stupid tricks on me?"
"Actually, Duo's still sleeping," Quatre informed the Chinese and Heero pushed a still-sleeping Duo into the light with his foot.
"Wake up, baka!" Heero hissed at the sleeping boy and kept on nudging him with his foot.
"Pancakes! I love pancakes," Duo was rambling in his sleep with drool coming out of the sides of his mouth. Then he did the most outrageous thing - in his sleep that is. He grabbed Heero's foot and jammed it into his mouth.
"BAKA!! My foot's not a pancake!" Heero screamed and proceeded to shoot Duo with his gun he pulled from inside his spandex pants.
Duo, oblivious to everything and still stuck in Slumber Land was still chewing on Heero's foot and Trowa had to restrain the Japanese from shooting Duo and Quatre had to drag a drooling Duo away from Heero's all ready drool-covered foot.
"Mmm, I love bananas!" Duo was murmuring happily in his sleep and next proceeded to stuff Quatre's hand into his mouth.
"Aaaaahhh!! Trowa! He's going to eat my hand!!" the blonde screamed and Trowa had to save his little blonde next after making sure Heero wasn't going to shoot Duo anymore.
Wufei (and BV and the readers) sweatdrop at this little, demented exchange. He even has dark lines under his eyes and his hair is poking out in every possible direction.
"Uh.. what are you people doing?" he asked in a strained voice and suddenly, four heads turned to stare at him (Duo happened to wake up at that moment) like they have never seen him in their entire lives.
"Ahem," coughed Trowa. "We are here to interrogate you, Mr. Chang Wufei."
"Interrogate me?" Wufei shouted. "What? Are you weak people playing detectives?"
"No. We want to know everything about your devious plans," Duo said with a smirk. "And I mean everything!"
"What do you mean?"
"We know, Wufei, about what you tried to do," Quatre said next. "You tried to ruin everybody's happiness by making the rest of us heartbroken."
"CRAP! You're all talking crap!" Wufei yelled. "I don't know what in blazes you're all talking about!!"
"Then do you know what this is?" Heero asked as he shoved 'Wufei's Super-duper Tragic Love Story Secret Plan' into the Chinese boy's face.
Four menacing faces glared at him. Hard. Wufei gulped again. And again.
"OK! I admit it! I was the one who caused all the trouble," Wufei burst out at last.
"Why did you do all this?" Duo asked. "You got some problem or something with other people being happy and in love?"
"No," Wufei said meekly. "I was jealous I guess."
"Poor Wufei," said Quatre sympathetically. "With five of us, there could only be two pairs and he's the odd one out. Maybe we can find somebody for you?"
Wufei's eyes lit up. "Really? But I don't want Sally Po or any weakling onnas!"
"No problemo. We'll be sure to get you the guy of your dreams!" Duo said with a wink.
A few days later...
The Heero+Duo and Trowa+Quatre couples had arranged a blind date for Wufei with the one person Wufei has his heart and eyes set on. And he was to meet his date at a very expensive suite at some very expensive hotel which was all paid for by Quatre himself.
Wufei took a deep breath before knocking on the door to the suite where his date awaited.
"You may come in, Dragon," a sexy voice said which send shivers up and down Wufei's spine. "Close the door and don't worry about anybody bothering us - it's a special lock that will only open tomorrow. So we have the whole night to enjoy ourselves."
The Chinese boy danced a little and walked in further towards where the bed lay.. and he say Treize Kushrenada!!
"Hello, sexy Dragon," Treize purred before pouncing on Wufei.
"KISAMAAAAA!!! I HATE TREIZE AND I HATE ALL OF YOU!!"
Back at the Winner mansion, four people were snickering as they thought of their revenge prank they had played on Wufei.
In all truth, Wufei liked Zechs and not Treize. Oh, well. At least he got some that night, ne?
Finally!! The END of the most demented fic of all time. Actually, the ending was the most demented ne? Anyhow, I hope minna-san are now at rest and not feeling 'waku-waku' cos this fic is no longer unfinished. :) Please send feedback to me at blue firstname.lastname@example.org.