Title: Relena's Worst Nightmare
Author: Jade
Pairing: 1x2
Rating: NC-17
Warning: yaoi, lemon, RFO, Relena bashing
Disclaimers: don't own, don't sue, don't ask, don't tell

Heero had had enough. He was sick of Relena and her incessant stalking of
him. Everywhere he went, there she was, with that annoying whine of hers. He
resolved that, once and for all, he would put a stop to this. No matter what
drastic measures were required. This would be the end.


Relena sat in her pink bedroom in her pink mansion, at her pink desk, writing
with her pink glitter pen on hot pink paper. She wore a pink taffeta dress,
and her hair was up in pink ribbons. Are we sensing a theme here?

So what was the Queen of the World writing? Important words, no doubt. A
peace treaty, perhaps, or a proposal to end world hunger? No, Relena-sama was
practicing her signature. Or rather, the signature she would use after she
married Heero. She wrote:

Relena Yuy…

Mrs. Relena Yuy…

Mrs. Heero Yuy…

Relena Peacecraft-Yuy…

Relena Darlian-Yuy…

You get the idea. Over and over. With flourishes. In different styles. Over
and over.

A beep sounded. Relena chirped, "Yes?"

A nameless servant's voice came over the intercom, "We've located him, Miss

She giggled, "Goodie!" and flounced off to change into yet another pink


The pilots had all been thoroughly briefed on their roles in this crucial
mission. Nothing was left to chance, every detail was rehearsed. If they
didn't eliminate Relena this time, Heero was going to lose control

Timing was critical. Each pilot had a role and it needed to be executed with
precision. Information was leaked, the trail was laid, she had only to follow
it. They knew she wouldn't resist the bait.

Quatre's voice crackled over the scrambled, secure channel to Trowa. "04
here. I've broadcasted the coordinates."

Trowa's monotone responded, "Understood. Commencing response signal."

Later, Wufei's voice could be heard, transmitting on a prearranged frequency,
"Target is on route to coordinates. 05 out."

Heero sat at his laptop, GPS tracking system charting the progress of
Relena's pink monstrosity of a car. It was approaching his location, just as
predicted. Heero radioed, "All units, plan proceeding as scheduled. Return to
base. I'll take it from here."

Quatre, Trowa and Wufei acknowledged, and returned to the safehouse, glad
they were not the ones to complete this mission.

Heero, however, relished the end to this mission. He would be free forever
from the specter of Relena. It was a dirty job, but someone had to do it.
Heero went to prepare.


Relena drove the car herself, wanting to meet Heero alone. She giggled with
excitement. Heero had rescued her before, now was her chance to do the same
for him. The radio plea for help was in Heero's personal code, and from the
response, no one could get to his location for several days. Heero wasn't
seriously hurt, but couldn't get to safety on his own. He had indicated that
he would wait for pickup. Relena giggled. After she saved his life, he would
have no choice but to admit his undying love for her and propose marriage.
She rehearsed how she would respond. Should she say yes right away, or
pretend to think about it?

As she approached the dilapidated cabin, Relena wrinkled her upturned nose
with distaste. It was not exactly the place she would have imagined for the
beginning of her destiny with Heero, but at least it was secluded. No one
would bother them here. Especially not that horrible Duo Maxwell, whose hair
was longer than hers and who was always hanging around her Heero,
interrupting their moments together. She wasn't sure why, but she was
terribly jealous of the long-haired pilot. It didn't make sense to her
black-and-white, Heero-and-I-belong-together, deluded little mind, why she
was jealous of Duo. He was another boy, after all. No threat to her romance
with Heero. Yet, she had this irrational urge to scratch those violet eyes
out every time she saw him.

Relena bounced out of the car, first aid kit firmly in hand, and flounced
over to the door. Trying the door, she found it unlocked, and stepped in,
squealing, "Heeeeero! I'm here to save you!"

Getting no response, she took another step into the dimly lit interior of the
cabin. Locking the door behind her, she looked around. Then she heard a sound
from what must be the bedroom. Relena strode fearlessly toward the sound.
Pushing the creaky door open, she peered into the darkness before taking
another step that brought her fully into the room.

The door slammed shut behind her. She whirled around, to see her Heero
standing by the door smirking. "Heero!" she cried out, just before Heero
started to move.

Relena felt herself pinned against the wall by the Perfect Soldier's
incredible strength. Her simple mind immediately jumped to the wrong
conclusion. She felt a thrill of excitement as she felt Heero against her,
and closed her eyes and licked her lips, preparing for the inevitable
passionate kiss.

What she felt, however, was the cold steel of handcuffs around her wrists.
Her eyes flew open as she felt her now-cuffed hands lifted above her head and
secured to the wall behind her. She tried to struggle but Heero's
preparations were as perfect as he was. Relena's eyes widened as he
approached her. Fear began to creep into her universe.

"H-Heero?" Relena managed to squeak. Then she came to a realization. Well, if
this was the sort of thing Heero went for, she could handle it, as long as
they were together. Relena knew about Heero's upbringing, and she reflected
that a certain amount of roughness might be expected from someone trained as
a soldier from such a young age. But of course it was just play, he would
never hurt her. Heero's kinkiness was unexpected, but not insurmountable. "If
you wanted this, Heero, all you had to do was ask!"

If anything, Heero's smirk increased as he as he closed the distance between
them. He stood inches from her and just smirked. Then he spoke.

"You just don't get it, do you? After I threaten to kill you, ignore you, and
evade you all this time, you didn't get the hint," Heero almost laughed.

Relena just looked confused. Then a thought emerged. "I thought you were

Heero continued, "Do I look hurt?" With that, he stripped off his tank top.
Relena gasped as she looked upon his smooth, hard muscles.

Relena shook her head, completely confused.

"Well, you finally got something right, then," Heero answered. "But now you
think you're tied up here so we can… ugh… have some S and M fun?"

Relena nodded, not so sure of herself now.

Heero actually laughed at that. "You're even more deluded than we thought."

Relena started to get slightly frightened now. Heero had said, "we."

Heero saw the fear on Relena's face, and despite the fact that he preferred
that expression to her normal lovestruck one, he said, "If you're worried
about your safety, don't. The only thing I'm going to harm tonight are your
preconceptions. The restraints are so you don't run away before you get the
full message."

Relena started to say, "But, Heero…"

Heero interrupted, "And that brings us to the last of the preparations." With
that, he pulled out a roll of duct tape and firmly taped Relena's mouth shut
so the only sound she could make as a faint whining sound.

Heero stood in front of her, inspecting the restraints. Satisfied, he turned
and flipped a switch, saying, "Then let the show begin!"

Relena gasped (or tried to) as the spotlight illuminated the bed. On the bed
was Duo, naked except for black silk boxers and a completely unfair amount of
hair. The usually braided hair was unbound, and it flowed around him in
silken chestnut waves. The light reflected off the golden highlights so Duo
appeared to glow as he sat in the middle of the bed. Duo made a breathtaking
sight, and his body was as incredible as Heero's.

"Beautiful, isn't he?" Heero's voice startled her. He seemed to be waiting
for a response, so she nodded, with no idea of what was happening.

Duo smiled at the compliment, and replied, "Not as beautiful as you, koi."

Relena's mind whirled. Koi? That meant… no! It didn't make sense, it couldn't
be… Relena began to shake her head, no.

"No?" mocked Heero. "No, to what?"

Duo snickered. "I still don't think she gets it."

Heero smirked, "I didn't think she was THAT stupid. I thought she would have
figured it out by now." As he said these words, he walked slowly toward the
long-haired boy on the bed.

Relena was still struggling. She couldn't quite wrap her mind around what was
going on. It was too incomprehensible to her narrow psyche. No!

"Well, there's no other alternative then, we have to proceed with the
mission," stated Heero as he reached the bed.

"Ninmu ryoukai," murmured Heero as he kneeled on the bed next to Duo.

Duo smiled up at him and said, "Go for it, baby."

Relena's mind threatened to come unhinged as she saw her Heero bend over Duo
and press him back to the bed, until he was completely on top of the other
boy. Bare chests pressed together as Heero lowered himself slowly toward
Duo's mouth. Her brain screamed what her mouth could not: no, no, no, no!

Just before their lips touched, Heero looked over at Relena to be sure she
was watching. He smiled, then claimed Duo's mouth in a deep kiss.

Relena couldn't have torn her eyes away if she wanted to. She couldn't accept
this, couldn't. Heero loved her! Duo was a boy! It couldn't be real! NO! Her
Heero was kissing Duo! Relena's already tenuous grip on sanity began to slip.

As Heero kissed Duo, he began to push his hips against Duo's. Duo moaned into
his mouth and pushed back. Heero began to thrust slowly against the other boy
as they broke the kiss, panting.

Heero lifted himself up on his hands and turned his head to look at Relena.
"Do you get it yet?"

Duo snickered. "Maybe not, but we sure are."

Heero smiled a smile reserved only for his violet-eyed love.  Then he again
looked at the captive audience.

"Do you understand yet? I don't love you," Heero lowered his head and kissed
Duo's neck. "I never loved you." Heero continued to kiss downward, teasing
Duo's nipples and making the long-haired boy gasp. "I don't even like you."
Now Heero was kissing Duo's smoothly muscled stomach. "I like boys." Heero
dipped his tongue into Duo's bellybutton, and Duo made a small sound of
protest and bucked his hips. "Specifically, this boy." Heero hooked a finger
into the waistband of Duo's boxers. "In fact, I love him." Duo was moaning
now as Heero slipped his hand inside the boxers. "And now, I'm going to show
you exactly how much I love Duo." Heero stroked Duo's hardness, then slid the
boxers off, revealing the very aroused boy.

"Mmmmmm this is so kinky, Heero," gasped Duo as he lay back on the bed, naked
and hard.

Heero looked at Duo. Duo looked incredible, hair spread around him, lithe
body stretched out for Heero. He ached to make love to Duo, right now. It
only made it sweeter to have Relena watching, proving to her beyond a shadow
of a doubt that he loved only Duo.

He looked at Relena again. Her eyes were as wide as saucers as he wriggled
seductively out of his spandex. She tried to gasp as he stood naked and
unashamed before her.

Relena would have sobbed if the gag had allowed her to do so. Heero was even
more gorgeous unclothed, as she knew he must be. His manhood stood hard and
huge as he looked down at Duo. She still couldn't accept it; it was all a
joke at her expense, she was sure, and Heero would relent soon, untie her and
kiss her.

Heero smirked. The woman was beyond belief. "I can't kill you, because you
are necessary to keep the word in peace. I don't want to kill if I don't have
to. I've killed too many innocents. But you won't leave us alone. I can see
that you still don't believe the truth, even now. So watch, and believe. I am
going to make love to Duo now. Do you get it? I'm going to fuck my BOYfriend.
 You're going to watch, and hopefully you will finally believe."

Relena watched in horror as Heero approached the bed, and Duo. Duo smiled and
lay back invitingly, opening his legs wide for Heero. "You are such a hentai,
Hee-chan," Duo purred.

Heero crawled onto the bed and pushed between Duo's legs, spreading them
wider apart. Glancing down at Duo's rock hard erection, he said, "You don't
seem to mind very much."

The bed was parallel to the wall Relena was chained to, so she had a perfect
view of everything that was going on. She wanted to close her eyes, but found
she couldn't. Revulsion and hysteria welled up inside her as he watched Heero
press his body fully against Duo, rubbing his engorged manhood against Duo's.

Duo threw back his head and moaned softly as he felt Heero's hardness rub
against his. The wonderful friction increased until he was biting back his

Heero kissed Duo hard, then said, "I want to hear you scream, Duo. Don't be
quiet because of her. I want her to hear you scream my name as I take you. I
want her to hear you moan from the pleasure I give you. I want her to hear
and see how much I love you. Only then will she believe."

Duo nodded, unable to speak. Then Heero thrust his hips savagely and Duo
cried out.

"That's better," smiled Heero.

Relena watched as Heero's mouth once again traveled down Duo's body, stopping
just short of his straining arousal. Oh, no, he's not going to... she
couldn't believe her eyes as Heero began to lick Duo's erection. Then he
began to suck on it as if it were a Popsicle, taking it all into his mouth

Heero continued to lavish attention on Duo's hardness, making the violet-eyed
boy moan louder and louder.  Up and down Heero's mouth went, driving Duo to
new heights of ecstasy. Duo was screaming now, and he grabbed Heero's hair,
thrusting himself deeper into Heero's mouth.  Duo couldn't stand it any more,
and screaming Heero's name, he climaxed violently. Heero swallowed every
drop, making sure that Relena was still watching as he licked his lips. "You
are delicious, Duo."

The he gathered Duo into his arms and kissed the momentarily sated boy.
Reaching into the bedside table, Heero withdrew a small tube and went about
preparing his love for the final act.

By the time Duo was prepared for Heero, the longhaired boy was fully aroused
again and begging for Heero to take him. Relena's eyes seemed like they would
pop out of her skull, but still she watched.

Heero positioned himself, then looked up to make sure he had Relena's full
attention. "Are you watching? Duo, tell me. Tell me what you want me to do to

"Oh, Heero," begged Duo, not caring if the entire world heard him, "Please, I
want you inside me. Take me, Heero. Please. Fuck me hard!"

Locking eyes with Relena, Heero slowly pushed himself into Duo's tight body,
making sure she could see how it made him feel to impale the other boy.

Relena backed up against the wall, head thrashing back and forth as she tried
to deny the evidence before her. Denial turned to anger as she desperately
tried to break free, to save Heero from whatever spell that long-haired devil
had cast upon him.

Heero turned his attention back to Duo as he buried himself to the hilt in
his violet-eyed love. He bent down to claim Duo's mouth again as he started
to thrust. Relena was forgotten as he lost himself in the ecstasy that was
Duo. Stroke after stroke took them higher, until nothing existed for the two
of them except pure white pleasure. Heero reached down to stroke Duo's
arousal, and unimaginable sensation increased as Duo climaxed, tightening on
Heero's hardness deep inside. Duo screamed Heero's name. Heero pumped one
last time into the white-hot heat, growled, "You're mine, Duo," and released
into him.

At the moment of Heero's climax, Relena lost consciousness, her mind unable
to reconcile its delusions with the scene before her. She slumped in her

Heero collapsed as gently as possible beside Duo. The long-haired boy was
still panting. He brushed back Duo's sweat-soaked hair and searched his
love's face. "I love you, Duo."

Duo smiled weakly. "I know."

"Thank you for doing this for me," Heero murmured in Duo's ear.

"I hope it worked," answered Duo.

Looking over at the unconscious girl, Heero replied, "I don't think she'll
forget this."

Duo laughed, "Neither will I!"

Heero smiled at Duo, and they reluctantly dragged themselves up and got

On the way out, they left a message with Relena's staff as to where she could
be found. They released her cuffs and left her sleeping in the wet spot.

She never bothered them again.


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