Warning: {Insert standard warnings about an author who over-dosed on the
caffeine here}
Disclaimer: {Insert standard disclaimer here.} I'm poor so don't even try it.
Its not worth the $2.49 I have to my name. But of course if you like the
story, you can send me a donation! :)

"Gundam Wing: Mission Impossible" Part 1 of 2
By Duet (FrootCake22@aol.com)

    Duo lay face up in the soft, tall grass staring at the clouds. The sun
was just beginning to set and it promised to be a gorgeous evening. As usual,
our kawaii little pilot was in the mood for romance! "Isn't it such a
beautiful night, my Heero-chan? The breeze is blowing, the-"
"Its evening Duo. Don't start," Heero said as emotional as ever.
    The smaller boy wanted to pout at his stoic friend, but grinned when he
noticed how cute his companion looked in the fading sunlight. An instinctive
predatory smile grew on his face. A wild cat ready to pounce...
"Duo look out!" Heero yelled as he pulled out his gun. (Not that gun you
eechis!! That comes later!)
    Duo dived out of the way at top speed, turning, expecting to find some Oz
soldiers, mercenaries, or at least a disgruntled bear or two. What he got:
"Heero Yuy," he began, not in the least amused, " WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
    No sooner had the outburst came out of Duo's mouth than our  long-haired
G Boy felt something pulling and prodding at his hair.
"What the fuck?" He exclaimed.
" Not again..." Heero sighed.
    When Duo realized what was happening, he immediately began swatting at
his head like a dog with fleas.
"Get it out! Get it out! Get it out!!!" He screamed, almost tearing out his
    Heero grabbed the other pilot by the shoulders and shook him violently.
"I'm trying! I'm trying! I'm trying!!!"
    Duo's head bobbed back and forth a la one of those springy guys people
have on their dashboards.
    Finally, after a good 30 minutes of shaking, hair pulling, and yelling,
something brown and fuzzy jumped out of Duo's hair, running for its life.
"Thank God." Heero sighed, growing angry. "Duo! That's the third time a
squirrel has tried to nest in your hair THIS WEEK!"
    The slightly frazzled pilot smiled sheepishly, trying to look as innocent
as possible.  "Gomen, Heero-chan. I can't help it."
"Oh yes you can help it," the other began, grinning satanically, "Duo, you're
getting a hair cut."
    Shock. Pure shock. Duo knew by the look on Heero's face that he was
serious, but seriously didn't like the idea.
" No...you...I... can't...no!" THUD! Several small woodland creatures
scurried out of hiding as Duo crash landed in the grass.


    A slightly groggy Duo woke up to the wonderful aromas of smelling salts
and Wufei's cooking. He coughed lightly, swatted away the smelling salts, and
held his breath for as long as he could. "Passing out would definitely be
better than having to smell this burning macaroni and cheese crap," he
thought to himself. Slowly he opened up his eyes to see Quatre standing over
"Duo!" GLOMP!
"Get off me Quatre!" A slightly startled Duo exclaimed as his blonde friend
attached himself to Duo's waist.
"Oh Duo-chan! You're alright! Heero dragged you in here about an hour ago,
dropped you off on the couch, mumbled something about rabid squirrels, and
left!" The pilot's face turned serious. "Has he hit you again? Honestly,
sometimes I thinking that he is going to-"
"No, he didn't hit me Quatre. He threatened to do something much, much worse!"
"To cut off your testicles and feed them to a wild iguana?" Trowa had popped
his head into the living room and decided to add his two cents to this little
conversation. Even if it wasn't appreciated by the other two boys, the
promise of a violent castration brought Wufei in from the kitchen holding a
pot of "Wufei's Flaming Macaroni and Cheese".
    The Chinese pilot's eyes lit up as he saw a frazzled Duo lying on the
couch. "Castration?! He caught you flirting with that obsessive fan girl
again, didn't he?"
"He doesn't know about the obsessive fan, nor will he ever know about her.
And will you take that crap out of here! It smells terrible! Even I wouldn't
eat that."
"Fine," was  the Wufei's disgruntled reply as he threw the pot out the window
of their sixth story penthouse suite. Trowa looked out the window while a
surprised cat ran out of the alley, trying to avoid the make-shift napalm
bomb that was supposed to be the G-Boy's dinner.
    In the 5 and ½ seconds that it took to launch "Wufei's flaming mac 'n'
cheese" out the window, scaring the shit out of some unsuspecting ally cat,
Duo had gone into hysterics. "I don't wanna cut my hair," he sobbed. Quatre
sweat dropped. "Its ok Duo-chan. I mean, look on the bright side, it will
take you less time to get ready in the morning."
"And some of us might get to use the bathroom after six A.M." Trowa added
    This only made Duo more upset. But his incessant whining was interrupted
by the doorbell. Being the social butterfly that he is, Wufei went to answer
it. Unlocking the heavy wooden door, he found an overly muscled, spandex
wearing (no not Heero) man holding a pool skimmer.
"I've come to clean your pool," he said eying the young pilot.
" But we don't have a pool," Wufei replied.
In the background, cheesy porn music began. Bow chicka bow wow. Bicka wicka
bicka wicka. (There Manda! Are you happy now?)
    Wufei slammed the door and ran back into the kitchen screaming like he
lost the keys to the Shen-long.


    The other pilots just stared at the doorway.
"That was interesting," Quatre said. "But since when have we had a pool?"
"We don't have a pool, you baka!" Wufei yelled from the kitchen.
"Then why did he want to clean it?"
    Duo and Trowa sweat dropped.
"Never mind Quatre-chan. Let's just go have wild and kinky sex now!" Trowa
exclaimed, completely out of character.
"I was being sarcastic!"
"I don't get it." Quatre and Duo chimed in unison.
    Finally, one extremely pissed Chinese pilot came storming out of the
kitchen. "That's it! This fic is going straight to hell!" Duo suddenly perked
up at the mention of something going to hell. " For the past page and a half
there has been no exposition, no new characters, and absolutely no PLOT!
There has been nothing but really inappropriate references to porn and bad
sex jokes!" He looked up at the sky and pulled out his sword. "So listen up
Froot Cake! Calm your raging libido and start writing something with a plot
    A bright light beamed down from the heavens and a chibi, SD girl in a
catholic school uniform stepped down off of a cloud. "Listen up Chang! You're
bitchin isn't going to help you much! Now I'd shut up, if I were you, or else
Nataku might be visiting my sister's low rider in the JUNK YARD!" With that
she patted Duo on the head and returned to Spanish class, where she had been
writing. Well, she returned to class...physically.
"...." For the second time this story, an awkward silence filled the room.

    Wufei shuddered. He definitely didn't want Nataku turning into scrap
metal. He wasn't going to complain again any time soon. But the kind author
took into consideration his complaint and decided to move the plot
along...err...make a plot.
" But I liked her corny sex jokes." Quatre said, eyeing Trowa.
" I don't," Trowa disagreed, disgusted. He didn't like having his personal
life being aired out like dirty laundry.
" HELLO!" Duo screamed, " I'm the one having the crisis now! I don't want my
hair cut! I like it! I'd miss it!"
    As usual a totally empathetic Quatre tried to calm the distressed pilot
down. "Ok Duo. When Heero comes back Trowa will talk to him and make him
" I will?"
" You will."
" Grrr...Somebody's sleeping on the couch tonight."

(Author's Note: I'm back! Miss me? Sorry about all that terrible
self-insertion, but I couldn't help it. It was the result of too much spare
time and way too much caffeine. I promise it won't happen again... Unless
Wufei steps out of line again.)
(Wufei's Note: I never stepped out of line woman!)
(Author's Note: Shut up! ::dangles a 1/144th scale model of the Shen-long
over a woodcutter::)
(Wufei's Note: Meep! Sorry.)
"Gundam Wing: Mission Impossible" Part 2 of 2
By Duet (FrootCake22@aol.com)

The door slammed shut and in walked none other than Heero Yuy! Trowa sweat
dropped, almost backing out, but Quatre put on his "you can't resist me, I'm
just too damn kawaii" face and the pilot of Heavyarms soon gave in. Slowly,
not making any sudden movements, he walked over to Heero with his hands where
they could be seen.
"Umm..Heero, don't you think it's a little harsh to-"
"But Heero," Duo whined, "you can't do this to me! Its cruel, its inhuman,
its..its..Just not Kosher for Passover!"
    The Zero One's pilot grinned maniacally. "At least I'm not letting that
obsessive fan girl cut your hair. And yes, I know you've been flirting with
    Duo gulped. How the hell had Heero found that out? Our braided buddy was
still pissed, but remembered what happened the last time that obsessive fan
girl had tried to cut his hair. She seemed innocent enough, saying she was
from the DuoML and wanted an autograph. Duo was stupid enough to believe her.
Once she got within range, she jumped onto his back with a razor, trying to
cut off his braid! "Its for the good of my fan club my ass!" Duo thought.
"Heero does have a point," Wufei cut in when he noticed that Duo had started
to sweat. This was the first time he has spoken up in over three hours.
"Don't you turn on me now, Wufei!" A disheartened braid boy remarked.
"Let's go!" Heero picked up Duo by the collar and dragged him out the door.
"No buts, you're going and that's it!"
    {Insert cheesy love song here.} Duo pouted. His braid was his pride and
joy! It had been with him through good times and bad. For better and for
worse. Through sickness and health. Through gel and hair spray  through the
big hair year A.C. 187! And now Shinigami would have to part with his best
friend because Heero was being a prick! Tears welled up in his eyes, but he
forced them back. "Real men never cry," he thought to himself. "But real men
also have braids!"
    He squeezed his eyes shut and let Heero drag him down the street. He felt
so betrayed.
    Finally it was time. The pilot never opened his eyes, but felt the burst
of cool air that welcomed him as he was pulled into the salon. Has the God of
Death finally met his match? On the next episode of Gundam Wing... (Author's
Note: ::Dodges the bricks being thrown at her by an angry mob lead by
Lindsay-chan:: Gomen! I was kidding!)
    Duo clenched his hands into fists and squeezed his eyes shut so hard they
watered. He wasn't going to give up. There was no way he was going to part
with his braid without a fight! Oh...Heero was going to pay for this! If he
didn't back off, he was going to have a thermal nuclear beam scythe shoved up
"Duo, you can open your eyes," Heero began.
"No! I don't wanna! How could you do this to me? If you think I'm gonna let
you do this without a fight you are.."
"Just open your eyes Maxwell!" he ordered.
    Slowly Duo cracked open one eyelid, then the other. "Huh? Since when have
salon's had menus and waiters?"
    Heero hugged his slightly confuzzled companion and gave him a quick kiss
on the cheek. Duo blushed bright red realizing that he had forgot their
anniversary. Come to think of it though, it hadn't been a year yet, had it?
"Anniversary?" he asked stupidly.
" Yup! Its our 9 month anniversary, Duo-chan!"
Duo thought hard. The more he thought, the more he realized that his lover
was just anal enough to think of something like that. (Stop! Stop! Beats back
the yaoi hentai fans with a stick!)
    Duo looked over at the rest of the pilots who were siting at a booth
watching them. Little tears formed in Quatre's eyes as he hugged Trowa like
an over-sized teddy bear. "Oh joy!" he exclaimed. The author sniffled. "I'm
so happy!"
    Heero pulled Duo into a deep, passionate, yeah I'm asking for a lemon
sequel, kiss. Wufei pulled out some popcorn and Trowa pulled out some tissues
and handed them to Quatre as the little blonde pilot sobbed on his friend's
"So you weren't gonna make me cut my hair?"
" Nope," Heero said as he handed him an envelope. Duo opened it and his eyes
went wide.

{ 3 days later, in the Bahamas.}

    Duo lay face up in the soft, white sand staring at the clouds. The sun
was just beginning to set and it promised to be a gorgeous evening. As usual,
our kawaii little pilot was in the mood for romance! "Isn't it such a
beautiful night, my Heero-chan? The breeze is blowing, the-"
"Its evening Duo. Don't start," Heero said, not even looking up from his
omnipresent laptop.
    The smaller boy wanted to pout at his stoic friend, but grinned when he
noticed how cute his companion looked in the fading sunlight. An instinctive
predatory smile grew on his face. A wild cat ready to pounce...
"Duo look out!"
"Not again!!!!!"

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