Chang Wufei was the honourable pilot of Gundam Shenlong and a skillful warrior... with a secret. He was the mysterious superhero that saved the lives of helpless, innocent civillians and weak onnas. He... was Justice Man. Fighting evil people like that horrible Treize Kushrenada who had nothing better to do than to drink wine and take baths in rose water all day when he could be doing something useful - like, tweezing his forked eyebrows into something that didn't look so freaky. They scared the hell out of little kids and that was an injustice. Scaring little kids with weird eyebrows was a very dishonourable thing according to Chang Wufei's Book of Justice (TM). Besides showing that awful show with the bloated purple dinosour on TV, of course.
Wufei read the headline on the main page of the morning's paper which screamed, "Justice Man Has Saved the Day!!" with a satisfied smirk. As he scanned the rest of the story, he felt pride welling inside his heart. He was a true hero. It said so in the papers - in every single newspaper that Quatre buys every day to check the stock exchange rates. "Justice has been served yet again," he muttered to himself, as he discovered the picture of the villain he caught last night whom was trying to steal underwear some baka onna left hanging in the yard.
There was a huge blow-up picture of the sillhoute of a masked young man, his cape billowing softly in the wind on one of the newspaper. A large sword gleamed at the masked man's side, creating a dramatic contrast against the dark backdrop of the night sky. Justice Man looked strong. Justice Man looked courageous. Justice Man was everything every superhero looked like minus the bulky muscles and the little underwear worn on the outside (apparently because the superhero had forgotten to wear his underwear before he put on his costume) and more. Justice Man was also smart. He can hack into computers and build his own bombs and pilot mobile suits because in reality he was a Gundam pilot. And of course, Justice Man made every onna drool with desire even though drooling onnas was something almost as bad as the purple dinosaur on TV. But it didn't matter cos it meant that Justice Man rocks.
And that is because Justice Man is also THE Chang Wufei. Of course! Justice Man would never be Justice Man if he was the alter ego of Trowa Barton. He would be... Clown Man or Lion Man and wear either frills around his neck or a furry thing round his head according to his moods, wouldn't he? Well, most probably but Wufei never got to continue his thoughts because the next second, his peaceful daydreaming was interrupted when the newspaper was snatched from his hands.
With the paper no longer blocking his view, Wufei could see perfectly the culprit. He was none other than the baka Duo Maxwell who never had any use for good manners. Yes, and that was why he had honey dripping down the side of his mouth as it dripped, dripped, dripped onto his T-shirt as it mingled together with the marmalade jam splattered on the front. And that was why he had his feet propped on top of the dining table with the pink bunny slippers still slipped on. And the number one reason why Duo Maxwell hasn't even an ounce of good manners was not because he was an American. It was because he was Duo Maxwell and that was a fact.
Wufei would just love to scream, "Maxwell!!" and rant his head off till he was red in the face but decided against that. No, he didn't decide against doing his usual thing. I beg your pardon. He didn't do that because he was too shocked. He, Chang Wufei was always the first to wake up in the mornings - even during weekends and here was Duo Maxwell, the second person to get out of bed. It wasn't time for the morning cartoon shows yet and the other pilots weren't downstairs yet. So of course it was something to feel shocked about!
"How come you're up all ready?" Wufei asked.
"Eh? Am I supposed to have a certain time when I can wake up?" Duo retorted as he flipped through the papers in search of his beloved comics section. "Oooh!!! It's Justice Man! He's a way cool superhero, ain't he?"
"Yes. He is a very honourable warrior and crime fighter," Wufei agreed as well as complimenting himself at the same time.
"Of course he is! But don't you think this picture of him with his cape flapping in the wind looks very romantic?" Duo said enthusiastically. "Makes me think of Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon, you know! Really romantic and handsome and romantic. Oooh, makes me wanna drool! Now why can't Heero be like that?!"
Wufei nearly fainted. Romantic? Do you call a superhero romantic? More importantly, do you call a hero like Justice Man romantic? ROMANTIC?? Noooooooooo!!!!!!!! This can't be!! For the past few months Justice Man has been praised by the media and the community as brave and heroic and kind and selfless and well, whatever. Anything but romantic!! Justice Man cannot be romantic!! No, he can't be!! Oh, his image would be shattered to little smithereens.. his pride would be shattered to smithereens. He, Chang Wufei would rather sell his soul to the devil than to have his superhero alter ego known as romantic!! And,,,
"Ohayo guys!" Quatre greeted cheerfully as he and the other two pilots walked into the dining room. "Duo! You're up all ready!! I'm sure you're going to tell me later that marmalade on toast does not make a balanced meal so I'd better make something filling then. Is sausages and eggs fine with everybody?"
The others nodded except for Duo who mumbled a distracted sounding, "OK."
"What's that you're reading, Duo?" the blonde asked curiously. "You don't sound distracted when you're reading the comics page."
"I'm looking at this picture of Justice Man."
"Oh, he looks so dashing and he must be very romantic, ne?" Quatre said with a sigh. "I wish I could meet him in person. Maybe some moron would be mugging me in the streets and then he'll be coming to my rescue. I hope something like that would happen! Then he'd take me away with him into the night... romantic, ne?"
"I thought you always said that I was the most romantic person in the world," said Trowa, pretending to be hurt. "And now you're envisioning yourself being saved by this Justice guy and flying into the night in his arms."
Wufei felt like he was about to die. First Maxwell. Now Winner. Who else? Heero??
"Ah, gomen. I still think you're the most romantic person in the world, Trowa. I really do," the blonde confirmed sincerely. "It's only that I think that Justice Man is romantic because he's a hero, you know?"
"Hn. I think that I need to prove to you that I'm the only person in the world who can be romantic," Trowa said wickedly and then he grabbed the blonde, hoisted him over his shoulder and proceeded to carry him off to their bedroom. "Then you won't think that Justice guy is romantic anymore."
"Matte, Trowa! I haven't made breakfast yet!" they heard Quatre protesting as footsteps sounded against the stairs.
"Never mind. Let them have cornflakes," came Trowa's voice and that was the last thing they heard as the door to their bedroom was closed and locked with a loud 'click'.
"Looks like it's only marmalade on toast and cornflakes for us then," Duo said as he sweatdropped.
It was twelve o'clock. Midnight. The time where villains appeared to do their evil deed as they slink away from the shadows that they hide in during the day. It was also the time where Justice Man appeared to do justice good and put those bad guys where they belonged: In the House of Justice aka the local jail. Or the juvenile detention center.
As Wufei put on the finishing touches onto his costume - which was sort of like Zorro's except that it had a gigantic picture of a winged dragon on the cape instead of being just plain black. OK, finishing touches done with and the only thing left to put on was his mask. Suddenly the door to his room suddenly opened and the light came on to reveal the baka who didn't know how to knock before entering which of course, was Duo Maxwell himself. And when Duo saw Wufei in the Justice Man costume, he could only gape and stutter like a baka before blurting out, "Holy cow! You're.. you're..."
"I guess I have no choice but to tell you now that you know," said Wufei in a resigned voice. "It is true. I am who you think I am. I am Justice Man."
"I was about to ask you if you were going to a cosplay."
"Now I know the secret you've been hiding all this time from the rest of us. And I daresay it's an even more exciting secret you have other than the fact that you have that lucky red-lace briefs you wear on every rainy day," said the braided boy with the beginnings of an evil smirk. "But there is a price to pay if you want me to keep this thing a secret. Or do you think letting Sally in on the secret would be a better idea? Hmmmm??"
"Please! I'll do anything - everything and anything! As long as you keep this a secret," cried Wufei as he begged on his knees. The day Chang Wufei begged on his knees especially to somebody such as Duo Maxwell clearly means the end of the world but you'll find that out soon enough.
"Anything??" Duo asked with a gleam in his eye and Wufei wished that he had never said what he had said.
"Oooh, baby!! Do you think the Justice Mobile is cool or what?" Duo screamed over the roar of the engine of the motorcycle with the passenger seat thing at the side. Duo was driving the motorcycle with the passenger seat thing at the side while Wufei sat fuming in the seat thing. And no, he did not think that the Justice Mobile was cool, thank you very much.
And what was Duo doing there with him? Well, the baka had gone and forced Wufei to take him as a sidekick and that's why he was there. "Every superhero needs a super sidekick and you know I'll make a great sidekick," Duo had told him. Bah! And to show that he was a great sidekick with great ideas, he had come up with the Justice Mobile with it's very noisy engine. Now all the villains would be able to run away before he, Justice Man could catch them!
Oh, what a wonderful sidekick Justice Man has! Not only was his sidekick a baka, he had to go and dress up like one, too. Duo had on a black mask, black knee-high boots with straps and black gloves and black cloth wings that looked like bat's wings. Sounds decent enough? Sounds like something a sexy bishie would wear when he became a superhero's sidekick? Well, probably so... if he didn't have on that little purple underwear worn on the outside like most of the superheroes from Marvel Comics who apparently forgot to wear their underwear before they changed into their costumes.
So they drove around town in the Justice Mobile, searching high and low for any crime that might occur any second. Wufei was beginning to think that it was pointless to go about searching for crime and villains this way. He thought it would be better to lurk among the shadows and then ambush the villain at the scene of the crime. That, was the more dramatic way of crime-busting. And therefore Duo had the smart idea of hiding in the dumpster as he dragged Wufei along with him.
Moments later found themselves seeing a scene where two men negotiating a smuggling deal near the dumpster. Taking the chance, the two heroes jumped onto the two men and whammed and bammed and kerplowed for all they were worth. Justice Man (and his sidekick) has yet again, saved the day!
And yes, that was the headline of next day's papers again and there was a picture of Justice Man and his sidekick, the mysterious no name guy. How the hell the reporters ever got hold of the story or how the hell the photographers had managed to take their picture, nobody ever knows. Only the fact that the paparazzi people sure can be a scary lot who would do anything for a bit of news. They were probably hiding out in the dumpster along with the both of them.
But Duo Maxwell had to go and brag to the other pilots about last night's adventure because he felt that it was a big waste to keep such a juicy secret to himself. He didn't care if Wufei wanted to keep his superhero identity a secret, what was more important was that people recognized him as the hero also! Plus, he was pissed because the media referred to him as the no name guy so he made it a point to rant to the other pilots that he had a name - Super Shinigami. And knowing Duo, Wufei's secret managed to leak out due to certain circumstances AKA his big mouth. Well, at least it's only the five of them who knew about it. That's fine, isn't it?
Obviously not. Wufei should have sold his soul to the devil last night instead of letting Duo blackmail him because now, not only has he one sidekick, he has another three. Guess what? The rest of the pilots had all jumped onto the superhero bandwagon and so, the peaceful little place called Gundamville shall never be tainted with evil and injustice, weak onnas who forgot to bring in their laundry shall never lose their precious Victoria's Secret to wackos and nobody shall die from watching the TV show with the awful purple dinosaur ever again with the help of Justice Man and his loyal sidekicks.
A CRAPPY FINISH TO A CRAPPY STORY.
O.O Looks like I got carried away with this fic. Noticed that I rambled with the descriptions and especially with Wufei's thoughts? I've had loads of fun writing this and I think I might write more fics with Wufei as the main chara. :) Because I do so love rambling and he seems like the rambling type, ne? So what do you think? Good or no, e-mail me your comments at firstname.lastname@example.org.