While Wufei was being chased all over the place by a very love-struck (and not to mention very horny) Treize, Duo and Heero had all ready sneaked away from the party to hide in a little bathroom.
"Hey, where's Wufei?" Duo asked, suddenly realizing that their Chinese friend had disappeared.
"Hn. Wasn't he right behind you just now?" asked Heero.
"Yeah, well, that's what I thought but if he were, then where the hell is he all ready?" said Duo as he scratched his head. "Damn. That stupid blonde dye is making my head itchy. So what are we gonna do now, Heero? Find Wu-man?"
"I guess so," said Heero with a shrug and turned the doorknob. He jiggled it again a few more times but it appeared to be stuck. "Shit. Stupid door's stuck."
"Can't you just ram it open or use your stupid gun?" said Duo with a roll of his eyes. "I mean, why not use a gun if you have one anyway?"
"Hn. It will make a loud bang and then our cover will be blown, baka!" scolded Heero.
"Then, why don't we try the window?" Duo suggested. "Oh, damn! I forgot that we're a long way from the ground." But he went to check the window anyway. "Uh, it's stuck and we have nothing to pry it open plus we can't just blast the damn thing with our guns cos it's bullet proof!"
"Only one way out of here, then," Heero said seriously. "We smash the toilet and we escape through the drain pipe and into the sewerage system."
"Are you crazy?" Duo said incredulously, his eyes goggling. "I am NOT going to go around in the stupid sewers that is filled with waste and rubbish and RATS. And besides, how the hell can we fit into the stupid toilet's drain pipe anyway?"
Heero paid no attention to Duo and took out his trusty, metal gun and began to bang it onto the porcelain toilet bowl. Duo sweatdropped and he wondered if this was all just a crazy dream or something out of his imagination as he watched the Perfect Soldier smashing the toilet to pieces.
"Just smash it a bit more and then - " muttered Heero, grunting, but he never did get to complete his sentence as the toilet bowl suddenly exploded and there was a waterfall of toilet water mixed with human waste (you know, the browny, stinky stuff) raining down all over them.
And what was Wufei doing at the same time while our two heroes were in their little, shitty-Niagara-falls crisis? Why, he was stuck in his own crisis. too! Being chased by.. none other than the lovestruck Treize Kushrenanda. (Uh.. this story is way too demented. This is what happens when I try to write while having the writers' block...)
"AAAAAHHHHH!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!"
"No, I will never leave you, my precious dragon!!" Treize wailed loudly as he chased Wufei all over the place, completely oblivious to the fact that he was making a fool of himself in front of all the guests and his followers.
The people watching this..this craziness didn't even dare to laugh even a teensy bit. Well, you were bound to get into trouble if you laughed at your general and superior, right? So, they could only watch this little show of run-and-chase with hidden amusement.
Wufei ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and.. ran. He didn't notice that he had ran away from the ballroom and the crowd. He didn't care as long as he lost that stupid Treize with the weirdly plucked eyebrows. Soon, he saw a door up ahead and with a triumphant cry, he dashed as fast as his high-heeled clad feet could carry him and then he stumbled into the room and locked the door quite happily.
"Dragon, let me in!" Treize was yelling at him, banging the thick oak doors like a madman.
"Hahaha! You'll never get in!" Wufei yelled back. He was quite satisfied that the door was of good quality and thus made it more difficult for his enemy to break in.
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
The Chinese boy just ignored the rude banging and decided to look around the room. The room was dark since he didn't switch on the lights when he had barged in. When the lights came on, he realized that he was in a bedroom. And a well-furnished one at that. There was a four-poster bed, antique furniture, expensive Persian rugs and gold-edged frames sitting on the dresser. Numerous vases filled with roses and bowls of potpurri and fragrant candles were the decorations. The whole room smelt like some sort of perfume factory!
Curious, Wufei walked towards the dresser so he would get to see the picture frames.. and he was horrified to see that they held pictures of Treize Kushrenada and some held pictures of himself! Shimatta! He was in that dreaded person's room!
Suddenly, the unlucky Wufei realized that the banging had stopped.
"Hn. Did that baka Treize decided to give up and go away?" he muttered to himself. "Good. Now I can leave this stupid room."
But he spoke too soon. There was the sound of a key being inserted into the door's keyhole and the next second, there was the sound of the key being turned.. and then CLICK! The door burst open to reveal.. yeah, yeah, we all know who it is. The dreaded and love-struck and not to mention horny Treize Kushrenada himself.
"Think you could get away from me that easy, eh, Dragon?" said Treize teasingly with a wink. "Of coruse, I knew you weren't really planning to run away from me.. you were just playing a game with me! And of coruse, I know how much you want me - that's why you ran into my room, didn't you?"
"Kisama! I didn't know that this was your blasted room!" Wufei shouted. "And I am NOT playing a game! AND I DON'T WANT YOU!"
"Tsk, tsk. You don't have to be so coy," said Treize with a laugh. "There's nothing to be afraid of. We're the only people here. And now, we can get down to having some real fun."
The general locked the door behind him and began to pace towards Wufei seductively and like a tiger after it's prey.
"Oh, fuck! This is all your stupid fault," Duo hissed at the Japanese boy who was perched beside him on the bathroom sink. "The name 'Perfect Soldier' shouldn't have been given to you in the first place."
"Hn. Shut up, baka.. or I'll push you off the sink," Heero threatened as he pointed to the gunk that was a mixture of toilet water and poop that was rising higher and higher every second.
"OK, OK! Don't push me - I was just joking!" Duo said quickly. "Geez. Don't take everything so seriously. But I still say this is all your fault for smashing that dumb toilet." He glared at Heero. "This place is gross and it stinks! And how the hell are we supposed to get out?"
"No other choice. We must ram the door open."
"Are you crazy?? If you're gonna ram the door, ram it yourself," said the braided boy indignantly. "The door's metres away and no way am I gonna walk in this shit just to get to it! I'm not gonna get my boots covered with shit, you know!"
"Hn. What do you care? That's not your boots you're wearing," Heero pointed out. "It's just some stupid Sailor Moon boots."
"I don't care - I'm not going to walk in this shit."
"Baka! If we don't get that door opened, then all the shit will keep rising till it fills the whole room. Then we'll be covered with shit and we'll probably end up dead from lack of oxygen!"
"But I don't wanna walk around in the shit!!!"
Suddenly, there came an exploding sound from the big gaping hole where the lavatory had previously been and even more stinky stuff came raining down all over the bathroom like a fountain - the most dirtiest and the stinkiest and the most disgusting fountain in the entire universe.
"Aaaaaahhhhhh!!" screamed Duo and proceeded to dove behind Heero for cover so that the poo wouldn't fall onto his beloved hair.
Duo was wondering why he was still hearing screams even when he had all ready stopped with his screaming. Was it just his imagination or was that his screams echoing in the bathroom? Then he realized that it was Heero who was screaming.
"Mmm, Trowa," murmured Quatre blissfully, resting his head against the taller boy's chest as they slow danced.
"Did you notice that Heero, Duo and Wufei are nowhere in sight?"
"Maybe they decided to hide out somewhere," Trowa answered with a chuckle. "I don't think that they would want to be seen wearing little pleated skirts and high heels, would they?"
"You have a point but they're missing all the fun!" Quatre exclaimed. "And all the food laid out on the tables.. maybe we could ask for a doggy bag and bring some home some food for Duo."
"That's just like you to be kind and selfless," Trowa said admiringly. "Yeah, Duo would like that a lot. He'd better be grateful to have you for a friend."
At the same time...
"Aaaaahhhh!! Aaaaahhhh!! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"
"Gah! Heero, stop shouting you big baka!!" Duo shouted at Heero but Heero didn't seem to hear him since he was screaming in an even louder voice. Finally, Duo decided to strangle the Japanese with his braid to shut him up.
"Omae o korosu," Heero gargled, whipping out his gun from uh.. where in the world, Duo didn't know. The braided boy immediately unwound his braid from Heero's neck and 'eeped' as the other boy pointed the gun at him.
Heero had gone back to being his usual self and soon he was acting all business-like again.
"We have to get out of here before we suffocate from lack of oxygen," he decided.
"Yeah, like HOW? You said that there was no way to escape this bathroom except through the toilet pipes and look what has happened?"
"Mistakes happen," Heero said, blushing. Whoa, Heero blushing.
"So smart guy, how do we get away from here?" Duo asked snidely.
"We'll just have to blast that door open."
"Hurry up then!! The toilet-poo-pee-water is rising by the second!!
At the same time again, Relena was in the bathroom putting the finishing touches on her costume and makeup.
"Yup, I do so look good in orange," Relena murmured with satisfaction. "Heero's gonna be pleased when he sees me!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Wufei screamed as Treize lunged at him. But he managed to dodge away from the scary person with the even scarier eyebrows just in time.
"INJUSTICE! STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!"
Treize jumped again and grabbed hold of the Chinese boy's ankle and Wufei began to kick away the hand frantically. He was like a madman squirming around like a dying worm. Finally, Treize had to leave go of Wufei's leg and Wufei took the opportunity to dash out of the room before Treize could chase after him. He didn't even realize that he had left one of his shoes behind...
"Finally, we're free!!" Duo cheered as the stupid bathroom door finally got smashed to bits. "Ah, I missed the fresh air so much," he said happily and he inhaled the clean, not stinky air gladly and deeply.
"Duo, I think now's not the time to relax."
"WHY?" Duo asked irritatedly.
"Because that sea of gunk is flowing out of the bathroom!!"
Indeed.. the yucky yuck yuck gunk was spilling out of the bathroom and was heading towards them like a giant tsunami.
"Wu-man! Whaddahell are you doing here?"
"I'm running away from a psychomaniac," Wufei said with a huff as he ran into Duo and Heero who apparently were also running away from some thing or person. "And why are you guys running?"
"Do you not see that right behind us?" Heero asked in a monotone as they ran at fast speed.
Wufei turned his head around and saw... the giant yucky tsunami that was chasing after them.
"Trowa? Don't you think those screams sound familiar?"
"I think it sounds like Duo."
"Waaaahhh!! Tro-man, Q-man, we hafta get outta here!!" Duo shouted as they ran into the ball room. Trowa and Quatre looked at him strangely.
"What's the matter, Duo?" Quatre asked, then he noticed that Heero an Wufei were also running at top speed towards him and Trowa.
"No time to explain," Heero said briskly and dragged the two of them away from the ball room.
People were staring but nobody had time to question anything because as soon as the five boys had exited the place, the ball room was flooded with... uh, you know...
So, the boys never got to carry out their mission because they had run away in their Gundams away from the scene but the mission was nevertheless, a success. Most of the OZ soldiers have died from getting buried under the you know what. And Treize was last seen scrubbing at his floors on his hands and feet in a daisy patterned apron.
But the most important thing that made it onto the front page of every single newspaper was that Sailor Venus, who was supposedly the culprit and the supposedly pilot of Sandrock was caught and locked up in jail. Heero was happy that there would no longer be anymore Relena to chsae after him now that she was locked behind bars but Quatre was not happy. His reputation as the great Sandrock pilot was ruined way beyond repair.
I really should apologize if minna-san was eating while reading this and become totally grossed out with this fic's stupid bathroom scenes. So, here's a totally stupid end to an overall demented series. I thank all of you who have sent me feedback.. even though stupid fics such as this don't deserve any. :) -BV