>3WAMST 2K >- >WWWA Mystery Science Theatre 2000 >- >Battle: Waah not another one! >:CAST call:: >Battlekrome:It's me yet again >TydRipper:I'd better be getting paid for this... >Yuri: 3WA trouble shooter, half of the Lovely Angels (no the other ones) >Leona Ozaki: Newport Tank police. >Aooga - Aooga - Aooga >FANFIC ALERT >10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...0 Happy New Year! This project was an experement in my own personal writing skills; Can I take a normal relatively unimaginative plot, and make it good? I think it was pretty successful myself. >Battle: That's for us to decide not you. Right everyone? >Tyd: Of course! How dare he assume he's fit enough to decide whether or not his fic is good! >Leona: Hmm... >Battle & Tyd: NAH! The Fighter. >Tyd: Ooh, imaginative! Part 3: A test of strength. >Battle:Ooh a test of strength! >Leona:Ooh a test of courage! >Yuri:Ooh a test of Pizzaz! >Tydripper:Ooh a test of bodily functions! >Battle and Yuri ::sweatdrop:: Ranma walked into the Ucchan and gave a relieved sigh as the girl worked quietly behind the grill. She looked up and smiled warmly at him, "Ranchan, you hungry?" >Yuri: they're both cute >Battle: Yuri, you do realize that Ukyo is a girl? >Yuri: well... she makes a cute guy >Tyd: I'd rather not think about that, thank you. The boy frowned suddenly growing serious. "No, I'm lookin for somebody, a martial artist guy, gaijin." >Battle: today on in search of: The common house cat >Yuri: here kitty kitty >Tyd: Think dyslexic maybe he? The girl gave him a quizzical frown and sighed. "Did he kidnap Akane again?" >Battle: Wonder if there is a Kidnapper of the month Akane subscribes to. Ranma grit his teeth and relaxed visibly. "No, Akane got beaten up pretty badly, he took out Mousse and Shampoo too." >Yuri: What? He hurt Akane, then took Mousse and Shampoo to see a movie? >Tyd: How inconsiderate. >Leona: took out? he beat them up. He didn't take the to a movie. Ukyo looked up in surprise. "Both of them?" "Yea, pretty easily too from what I heard," the boy sat at the counter with a slight sag in his step. "I'm gonna teach the guy a lesson." Ukyo snorted lazily, "You came here cause you where worried about me?" >Battle: Ooh a typo! >Tyd: Ooh, where? Where? "Yea," replied the boy simply without thinking. Ukyo smiled to herself and flipped an Okonomiyaki over sending it onto a plate and in front of her fiancée with one swift motion. "I'm glad." Ranma just looked at her and frowned. "Uhh, that's not exactly what I meant..." >Tyd: That's right. He meant he wanted to have hot, nasty sex with her. >Battle: I thought you had an Akane bias. >Tyd: I do... But can't good ol' Ucchan get laid once in a while? >Yuri: why can't I get hot, nasty sex with Ranma? "Ranma! How dare you let somebody do that to Akane!" screamed a familiar voice as the wall of the small shop crashed in, Konatsu was sent flying across the room into one of the tables. >Battle: and another helpless wall is murdered in the search of comedy. >Tyd: Someone beat Konatsu? I thought only Ranma could do that. "Hey you jackass!" screamed Ukyo angrily as she pulled out her battle spatula. >Tyd: Well said! "Uhh, hello Ryoga," said Ranma sheepishly as he backed away from the angry martial artist. "Don't "hello" me, for what you've done to Akane; I will kill you Saotome!" Ryoga charged forward slamming into the grill just as his target vanished a large metal object he hadn't noticed before promptly flattened him. He looked up and frowned as he pulled the bent metal off of his face. "Why did you do that?" he asked calmly looking up at Ukyo's snarl. >Tyd: (As Ukyo) So I could complete my collection of spatulas with facial imprints! Get the whole set! "Why? Look what you did to my restaurant!" snapped the girl as she grabbed him by his collar and forced him to look at the damage. >Tyd: (As Ryoga) Ahh, it looks better without the fourth wall... Look at it this way, now you can have a patio restaurant! "Oh, sorry; I'd stay and help clean up but I've got to go kill Ranma right now," he glanced around and noticed his intended target was gone. "See ya," Ryoga started for the door and stopped as several spatulas embedded themselves in the floor at his feet. >Leona: Hey watch it you almost hit him! >Battle: what if she was aiming at him? >Tyd: (As Ukyo) Damn cockroaches. "Oh, no you don't," said the girl with an evil looking smile on her face. >Tyd: Not to be confused with the happy looking type of smile. >Battle: Or the sweet one that gives diabetics sugar shock. Dan closed the door to his room and frowned as he turned to see someone standing at the end of the hallway glaring at him. "Who are you?" he asked looking the boy up and down. >Tyd: I am Cornholio! >Battle: I am The One! >Leona: Je suis un poisson! >Battle: Was that a scene change? >Tyd: I think so. >Battle: Okay, just checking. "I have heard tales of a Gaijin who fights any who will put up a battle," said the boy calmly as he stepped into the light. >Yuri: I've heard tales grow back when you cut them off. >Leona: Actually, those are tails, and only on lizards. >Tyd: Well, this tale sure ain't quitting any time soon. >Leona: Good point. "Yea, so?" said the boy in reply as he assessed his new opponent. >Tyd: Hey! You just met him! It's too soon to assess him! >Yuri: Dan is cute >Battle: Dan's the author >Yuri: Oh, then he isn't "Are you this man?" snapped the intruder. >Tyd: (As intruder) He's about 6'2", 245 lbs... >Leona: (As Dan) Oh dear, let me fetch my girdle! "Maybe, why do you want to know?" asked Dan with a small smirk appearing on his face. "I the mighty Blue Thunder of Furinkan High School shall punish you for the injury of Akane Tendo!" roared the boy as he charged. >Battle: Hey it's the True Blunder! >Yuri: I thought he was the Green Fart? >Leona: wasn't it the Aquamarine Splash? >TydRipper: The Yellow Yodeller! Dan gasped as he heard the sound of metal sliding out of a scabbard as he jumped up and landed on the ceiling as the boy's slash cut into his door halving it easily. The sword once again rested in its place at his side as he had swiftly returned the blade to its place after the strike. >Tyd: Wow. He's using his katana... First time I've ever seen him use a sheath, though. I thought that was Kenshin's gig. "A Japanese swordsman? Never fought one of you before, should be interesting," he jumped back down to the floor just behind the boy and smiled. "This girl you speak of, is she a martial artist as well? Perhaps at a dojo in the area?" >Battle: He talks like Kuno! >Tyd: Hey, even for a gaijin who beats the crap out of women, cats and ducks, there's no need to be rude! "The same," replied Kuno as he turned slowly with an angry look still embedded into his features. >Tyd: In ALL his features? >Yuri: Oh come on... Even I'm not THAT vulgar..... What? >Everyone: ::sweatdrop:: "I recall a battle with such a girl, she was very skilled. Perhaps she will better herself now that she has known a real defeat," he lifted his hands and smiled. "Perhaps you can learn this lesson as well?" "I have no need of lessons from the likes of you!" snarled the Kendoist as he charged again. Dan ducked under the slash and sent his knee into the boy's belly as he passed by sending him to his knees. >Tyd: That's right! School's over for the day! Wait until tomorrow morning before you teach me sometihng! "You're very skilled, but not much of a fighter I'm afraid. You have excellent form, but your swordsmanship is poor, good only for contests and shows," the boy glared at Kuno as he slowly rose to his feet and raised the blade vertically beside his face in a standing stance. "I will show you the true power of the Blue Thunder, have at thee!" he charged again with his strikes blurring at an unbelievable rate producing the effect of several blades. >Battle: why is Kuno using a blade anyway? >Yuri: only he can attack Akane! well then there's Kodachi and Asuza and.... >Tyd: Have at thee! >Yuri: >Tyd: Err.... Dan merely smirked and jumped into the air over the boy's strikes shifting his weight in midair into a kick that hit his opponent on the back of the neck. Kuno grunted but managed to perform a back slash that barely missed. Dan frowned slightly as several pieces of hair floated down in front of his face. He snapped a kick upwards taking the boy in the crotch causing him to drop the weapon in shocked pain. Kuno fell to his knees again clutching himself and coughing violently. "A cowardly attack, you dishonor..." Dan punched him in the face sending him sprawling across the floor on his back in a daze, the boy was clearly angry at his words. "You would strike such a flower of beauty? I spit upon such a man, you have no honor," stuttered the boy as he rose to his elbows and stared at the martial artist who was standing over him. >Tyd: I knew it! I KNEW it! I knew Kuno was really a flower underneath! >Leona: I think he's talking about Akane. >Tyd: What's Akane got to do with it? I thought Kuno was talking about >his face. >Battle: Umm.... "Not even a flower more skilled than you boy? I have known many great fighters in my time, and no weapon is greater than beauty. It was an honorable battle." Dan smiled at his downed opponent and tensed his body up for the final blow. "Lies! Akane Tendo is a flower who must be protected by myself! I shall not allow this slight on her honor! Thus I will defeat you and regain her heart! You are a dishonorable warrior who uses tricks and sorcery to win your battles!" Kuno managed to get to his knees despite the intense pain in his crotch. >Tyd: You know, you really should get that looked at. Might be malignant. >Yuri: I can excise it. "Who are you to speak of dishonorable? You attack an unarmed opponent with a sword! Where do you think you are little boy? This is a street fight, honor and pageantry have no place here, anything goes." Kuno snarled as the man kicked his sword onto the parking lot's gravel surface. "You're not even worth my time boy." >Tyd: (As Dan) That's right! You want pageantry, meet me at the little Miss Overpowered Martial Artist Pageant tomorrow afternoon! "Insolent cur! I will smite you for this dishonor!" roared the kendoist as his opponent walked away ignoring him. He had not even taken the time to finish the battle; the boy merely walked on silently not caring about the fool behind him. He had placed a bigger blow on Kuno's pride by just walking away than he ever could have by beating him. >Battle: yeah now Kuno's pride is only the size of Texas >Tyd: So how big was it before? >Battle: You need to ask? Akane frowned as she pushed herself up again from the floor, a rack of weights was straddled across her shoulders and her injuries were much better than before. She gasped in strain as she finally let herself fall to the floor with the weight pushing her chest against the carpet. She rolled onto her side pushing the metal bar off of her and lay there staring at the ceiling. After a moment she put her hand in front of her face opening and closing it a few times before finally making a fist. She was covered in sweat and breathing heavily, strangely she had never felt better in her life, despite the injuries. Somehow she knew he would return to face her again, it was just a matter of how long it would be. "I will be ready!" she whispered to herself as she brought the fist down on her chest gently. >Battle: Akane training, Akane getting better at Martial arts >Yuri: Which century would this be? >Tyd: Okay, since when does weight-lifting have ANYTHING to do with fighting skill? They're supposed to use zen techniques like killing a hive of bees before one has a chance to sting you, or running through a barn full of people throwing things at you blindfolded, while not getting hit! >Battle: Hey, I think I saw that movie! >Tyd: Quiet, you. Ryoga Hibiki frowned as he walked through the streets of Nerima that evening. Konji had forced him to work off the damages he had caused in her restaurant. He snorted angrily as the memory of her attempt to make him wash the dishes. According to her, he still owed her another two thousand hours of work to cover it all. "Maybe I should avoid that place for a while," he muttered under his breath as he walked. >Tyd: Konji, not to be confused with Kuonji... >Battle: ooh another typo. collect the whole set. Several hours later the sun began to rise over Nerima Ryoga smiled to himself, he had camped out in a park that night and gotten an early start. He was planning to hunt down the boy who had hurt Akane and make him pay, but unfortunately he hadn't been able to locate him. He shifted his direction again and looked up to see where he was. The lost boy sucked in a quick breath at what he saw, not twenty feet in front of him was a tanned looking gaijin in a dirty white dogi. "That's him!" he cried triumphantly as he recognized his prey. The boy was about to cross the street with what appeared to be a bag of groceries. "Hey! You! I'll kill you!" roared the Ryoga as he rushed forward towards his opponent. A large gray piece of metal blocked his vision and he fell back on his back as he rushed into it with an audible clang. Ukyo appeared over him and looked down smiling to herself as he lay there looking confused. >Tyd: (As Ukyo) Cool! Duplicates! I can trade this for the extra rare Shinnosuke imprint! "Well, you actually managed to find your way here! Come on, only two thousand more hours to go!" she grabbed him by the back of the collar and started to drag him into the Ucchan. "Wait! I have too," he glanced around at the street and saw the boy had vanished. "Oh well." He gave up and resigned himself to his fate. "I don't do dishes." >Yuri: Have too? >Tyd: Have not! >Yuri: Have too! >Tyd: Have not! >Battle: I will not have green eggs and ham. "Well you broke enough last time, it would have only taken you around eighteen hundred hours before that mess," said the girl grumpily. "You'll wash tables with Konatsu today." "That's even worse!" screamed the boy with a fearful look on his face. "Jeez, you'd think you where afraid of water or something," muttered Ukyo with a sour look on her face as she threw him onto the floor and tossed him a rag. >Tyd: (As Ryoga) Water? Why would I be scared of water? Heh. heh. heh. heh. Ranma staggered into the Tendo home and dropped his bag and his shoes off at the doorway. "I'm home," muttered the pigtailed youth as he passed Kasumi in the hallway on his way to report to the two men. >Leona: Staggered? >Tyd: (As Ranma) Boy, that bar shore ish... da greatesht! *hic* "What did you find?" asked Soun cheerfully. >Tyd: A GREAT screwdriver! >Leona: Isn't that vodka mixed with OJ? >Battle: No, that was the White Bronco escapade, if I recall correctly... "Nothing, he's vanished," replied Ranma as he sat at the table looking dejected. >Tyd: (As Ranma) I've GOTTA learn that trick... "Are you sure?" asked Genma warily. "I couldn't find him all right?" snapped the boy angrily as he grabbed the elder Saotome by his collar. >Tyd: (As Genma) SCOOOOOOBY DOOOBY DOO! >Battle: Where are you? >Tyd: Sitting in a chair. "He'll be back," said Akane calmly from her place at the table. She was no longer wearing any bandages and all signs of her bruises were gone. >Tyd: Said Akane, just as a tall musclebound man with sunglasses, a gun, and a heavy Austrian accent just walked in the door. >Battle: hey a cameo! "What makes you say that?" asked Soun with a concerned look on his face, knowing his daughter she might have offered him her hand if he won. All things considered it would be up to Ranma to free her again. >Tyd: Perhaps the Austrian man can answer that. >Austrian man: I'll be bach. >Tyd: only if I can be Mozart! >Battle: wasn't Mozart Austrian? "He said he wanted to fight me again, he said I was good. This isn't the kind of man to say it for no reason." The girl looked at her fiancée and frowned at the angry look he was giving her. "It's just a matter of how long I have to wait for him." >Tyd, Yuri & Battle Hum the jeopardy theme. That evening Ryoga staggered out of the Ucchan with an angry scowl on his face. "She didn't have to laugh so hard," he mumbled as he walked out. Ukyo had promised him drier work tomorrow, if he made it at all that is. He stopped as someone caught his eye from across the street; a boy dressed in a martial arts dogi stood staring at him hungrily. >Tyd: Mmm... Pork chops... Ryoga stepped back and growled at him, "You! You're the one who attacked Akane!" >Battle: Yeah, and I'm glad I did it, see?! Nya! Nya! You'll never catch me alive, coppers! Nya! >Leona: >Battle: Urk! Dan frowned and remembered the girl again. "She must be someone really special to have all of these people defending her," he commented dryly as he pushed himself off of the lamppost he had been leaning on. >Tyd: Great, now HE wants to date her. >Battle: this guy knows nothing about Ranma does he? >Yuri: totally clueless >Leona: you mean Kuno >Yuri: a complete idiot >Battle: ah Ryoga then >Yuri: I meant Dan "I don't see what everyone is so upset about, she did consent to the match after all." >Tyd: (As Dan) Not to mention what came.. AFTER the match... heh heh heh... >Battle: Tyd, you're sick and weird. Nice to meet you. "Consent?" Ryoga got a confused look on his face as he stepped back and glared at him. >Battle: Not to be confused with 'Convent.' >Tyd: (As Ryoga) What? Akane's joined a convent?! Ranma, this is all YOUR fault! "Yes, I challenged her dojo and she accepted," replied the boy calmly. "So, you like to pick fights with people weaker than you?!" snarled the boy as he clenched his fists in anger. >Tyd: (As Dan) Well, yeah.. If I fight people stronger than me, I might lose! >Battle: That can be arranged. "I have only one wish, to fight strong opponents to further my own skills. Akane Tendo was a good opponent, as I'm sure you will be as well!" "I am Ryoga Hibiki, I shall avenge Akane Tendo's honor!" cried the boy as he stepped forward in a ready stance. "Hibiki? I've heard that name around during a few fights. You fight locally around the island don't you?" >Tyd: Island? I thought Japan was a country... >Leona: I guess it depends where you live... >Battle: Isn't Japan a series of islands? "Yea, what of it?" asked Ryoga with a frown. "Let's make this fight interesting," said Dan as he tossed a roll of money onto the sidewalk. Ryoga frowned and pulled a roll from his pocket of about the same size. "This is a battle of honor," he said returning it to its place after a moment's thought. >Tyd: Whoa! Where did Ryoga get money from?! >Leona: Well, he's got a lot of travelling to do, right? He's gotta have money! >Tyd: Then why didn't he just give that to Ukyo? >Battle: He's an idiot, remember? "As you wish," replied Dan as he retrieved his own wad of cash. The pair charged each other screaming their respective battle cries as they slammed into one another, Ryoga punched out and growled as Dan ducked under the blow and put several lightening quick jabs into the lost boy's stomach. >Tyd: I thought Ryouga couldn't do speed... That's why he learned the breaking point... his forte is strength! The pair turned slowly to face one another and Dan frowned as he noticed Ryoga looked like he hadn't even noticed the strikes. "What the? Those strikes were at several nerve centers! It should have put him on his knees! He must have some way to deaden his nerves." >Tyd: Yup. Same technique he uses to deaden his brain. >Battle: I thought Ryoga was dense as a post from birth. Ryoga was giving his own analysis of the situation. "He's fast, but not as fast as Ranma, I can hit this guy; but he's stronger than Ranma and accurate too. That hit would have taken me out if it weren't for the Bakusai Tenketsu, he knows just where to hit me!" Dan noticed the boy rubbing at his belly for a moment before focusing on his opponent again. "So, he felt it after all, just not too much. I'm gonna have to disable this guy pretty fast somehow!" The pair rushed forward again and Ryoga jumped into the air, Dan smiled and jumped directly up into his chest touching his stomach for a moment before falling back down. Ryoga's eyes widened in shock as he felt nothing more than a touch. He landed on the ground opposite the boy and hunched down to a low crouch with a look of surprise on his face. "What the?" gasped the lost boy as he grit his teeth and stood tall. >Leona: (As Ryoga) A purple dinosaur? >Battle: Barney must DIE! >Tyd: (As Ryoga) A flying pig? Ranma, this is all YOUR FAULT! >Yuri: hey look a house >Battle: I'll get you and your little dog too. collect the whole set. "So, I was right, you are pretty strong. I think you'll find it a bit harder to move around now since your center has been disrupted. You're feeling about four times the earth's gravity right now," Dan smiled as he rushed forward and planted his fist into the boy's chest taking out a bundle of nerves in its center. Ryoga screamed in pain as his arms moved up to slowly to block the strike. He managed to stay standing and grit his teeth as he pulled out all his strength into a jumping sidekick that was easily avoided by his opponent. The blow created a large crater as he landed and Dan smirked as he spun around and kicked Ryoga in his shoulder. The lost boy screamed in pain as the limb fell limply at his side. Dan was far from finished however, he jumped forward after skipping back to avoid a slow punch and kicked him in several different places in his leg, causing the boy to lose his use of that leg as well sending him to the ground. Finally, the confident martial artist placed a kick in his face expecting him to pass out. The boy managed to stay conscious and grinned at his opponent. "Its gonna take more strength than you've got to take me out!" >Tyd: Rather lengthy, isn't it? >Leona: Hmm? Sorry, didn't catch it. I went out for pizza... >Battle: Pizza! food of fanfic writers! >Yuri: Food of MST'ers as well. Dan looked at him in shocked surprise as he staggered to his feet again raising his fists up for battle again. "He's got his arms and legs back already?" he snarled at Ryoga and rushed forward. "You don't need strength to win a battle if you know where to hit someone!" His arms became a blur of motion and slammed into Ryoga's upper body and head in several places. The lost boy staggered back as his vision blurred as he struggled to stay awake. Dan frowned as he realized that his center was still disrupted. With a wry smile appearing on his face he placed his finger on the boy's forehead sending him to the ground on his back. Ryoga growled at him again and watched helplessly as the boy closed in on him. "I won't be defeated so easily! Eat this Shi shi houkou dan!" a blue ball of light formed in the boy's hands as he pointed them towards Dan. >Battle: As opposed to the green ball of light that usually comes from him... "What the hell is that?" screamed the boy as he jumped up to avoid the blast. The Shi shi houkou dan blasted from Ryoga's palms and shot about two feet into the air before it collapsed under the super gravity that disrupted Ryoga's chi field. A small shockwave of energy blasted out twenty feet in every direction no more than two feet high. Cars where blasted into walls and various brick surfaces were blackened by the intense energy. >Tyd: Not quite the perfect Shishihokodan, but close enough. Dan frowned as he looked on in shock at the attack from his place just below the top of a light pole. Ryoga Hibiki finally passed out in the center of the street and he jumped down next to him placing his hand on the boy's chest to realign his center. He smiled to himself as he lifted the boy onto his shoulders and walked over to a nearby bench to place him down. "Man, this place is great! This just keeps getting better and better!" He walked away whistling a tune to himself as Ryoga rested on the bench. >Tyd: So he shimmied up the light post? >Battle: Wouldn't you? >Tyd: Nah, I fell out of a tree a few days ago. That's the last time I get more than two feet off the ground. >Battle: Boiing! >Yuri: Inside joke, folks. The next morning Ryoga woke up with something covering his face, it was cold and remarkably hard. His head was splitting from all the ki he had used last night and something was making his ears ring. He lifted whatever it was on his face up and the screaming voice finally became clear. "Ryoga you jack ass! Wake up! You still owe me a lot of work!" >Tyd: (As Ukyo) All right! Herb Chrome plating, here I come! "How the?" he looked up and found he was lying on a bench just a few buildings away from the Ucchan. Ukyo snarled as she grabbed him by his collar and dragged him along behind her as he looked at her in confusion. >Tyd: Because of course, he could do nothing else other than look. >Battle: maybe he was staring. To be concluded... >Everyone hums the 'Back to the Future theme' Finally, the final battle as Dan finishes his business in Nerima leaving all of this tied into a neat little package for my short story section on my web site.[Shameless plug! Http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/fountain/3203 ] >Battle: Shameless pug (holds up a dog) >Tyd: What's shameless about him? >Battle: Just look! (Holds dog up vertically) Endowed, ain't he? >Yuri: (Eyes popping wide open) >Tyd: Uhh... better put him away before Yuri starts looking for the nannichuan. Cologne and Shampoo are involved, but will Akane let Ranma fight her battle for her, or will she face Dan again. If she does, is she ready for him this time? C&C to Carrotglace@juno.com >Battle: Au revoir! >Tyd: You can mail my check later. >Yuri: Gott in himmel! >Leona: Poltergeist!