(We find Heero, Wufei and Trowa gathered around Relena and her birthday cake.)
Heero, Wufei and Trowa (singing enthusiastically): Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Relena, happy birthday to y--
(Duo - who is extremely drunk - stumbles in with his arm around an equally drunk Hilde and a bottle of beer in his other hand.)
Duo: Yeah, great party! Hey, let's all get naked, come on let's all get naked! Everyone get naked!
(Duo starts to take off his shirt but passes out drunk on the couch.)
Heero: (mumbles) Filthy American...
Hilde: *Hic!*
Trowa: ......O...... kay...... umm, now it's time for the amazing Trowa Barton the Magic Clown! For my first trick I'm going to saw Lady Une in half...
(Trowa puts Une in a box, saws it down the center, and separates the two box halves.)
Trowa: ...and rather than putting her back together... tada! Two completely different Lady Unes!!!
(An Une with glasses and one without step out of each half of the box. Everyone claps.)
Trowa: Thank you, thank you!
A voice coming out of the cake: Psst, is it time yet, Heero?
Heero: Yes.
(Quatre bursts out of the cake dressed like a male stripper.)
Quatre: Who's ready for some man to man lovin'-- hey, you said I was doing a guy's party, you know I don't do girl's parties, Heero!
Heero: Pipe down, she's rich!
Quatre: I've already got more money than I need, I don't do it for the money!
(Awkward pause.)
Relena: (thinking) Why couldn't Heero come outta the cake?
(Duo wakes up.)
Duo: Uuuhhh, where am I?!?!
(Duo looks around.)
Duo: Oh, that's right...
Relena: Duo, did you jimmy open my liquor cabinet?
Duo: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, yes.
Relena: How? That lock was state-of-the-art!
Duo: I used my Gundam. It was no match for my beam scythe! Hey, this Japanese beer is great! We don't have anything that gets you hammered this fast in America!
(Duo takes two more swigs and becomes drunk again.)
Duo: (to Relena) Hey babe, wanna know what we do at parties in America, meet me in the bedroom, now you have to have a lotta beds cuz a lotta people do this...
(Duo passes out on Relena.
Everyone: Filthy American!
(Relena gets out from under Duo and slaps him.)
Hilde: (still drunk) *Hic!*
Heero: ......O...... kay...... ummmmmmmmmmm, Relena, why don't you open your presents.
Relena: Okay.
(Relena opens a small package from Heero containing a note that reads: Meet me in the bedroom for a special birthday surprise. - Heero)
(Heero winks at Relena.)
Relena: This is the best gift I could have received!
Trowa: Open mine next!
(Relena opens Trowa's present.)
Relena: Keys?
Trowa: To your new mobile suit!
Relena: Oh wow!! How did you afford it?
Trowa: I took some money from Quatre when we were playing some music!
Quatre: What did you say?
Trowa: Oh, nothing...
(Relena opens a red envelope labeled From Quatre and takes out a card with an erotic picture of Quatre on it.)
Relena: Ewwwww, that is really gross.
Quatre: Hey, like I said, I thought I was coming to a man's party...
(Everybody takes a step back from Quatre.)
Everybody: (to Quatre) You sick bastard!
(Relena opens a really huge present from Duo.)
Relena: Oh WOW! A complete set of every single Gundam Wing model kit EVER MADE!!! How did you get the money?!
(Duo wakes up.)
Duo: I took Quatre's wallet when he was playing music with Trowa!
Quatre: What did you say?
Duo: Oh, nothing...
(Duo takes another swig of beer and passes out again.)
Relena: Why didn't you get me a present, Chang?
Wufei: Because you are weak!
Relena: Fair enough... well, this really has been the best birthday I've ever had!
(Duo wakes up long enough to say, "Wow, that's really pathetic" then passes out again.)
Heero: Relena, why did you invite that filthy American?
Relena: You mean Duo? I didn't invite him, I found him laying on my front lawn with Hilde and a present for me.
Heero: I'll get rid of him!
(Heero tosses Duo into a nearby dumpster.)
Duo: Hey, there's some peanuts in here!
Fin
