Little bells jingled as he walked through the white nature. Snow crackled under
his heavy boots and his breath danced in little clouds in front of his long,
white beard. A happy smile laid on his face, his cheeks were redden. Today was a
special day. A day he loved the most. For over thousands of years. Today was his
Silently he hummed a song as he glanced at his pocket clock. Just three more
hours and it all would began. Like every year. And like every year he could not
await to get to his reindeers and to make children happy. All around the world.
At that moment he heard the crying. It was near. He stopped and turned to the
right. Between the snow covered trees was a big building. It was white, too. The
windows were covered with ice crystals that sparkled mysteriously. Of course he
knew this place, but it wasn't a place to cry. Merely it was a place to laugh.
To be happy. To start new again.
He frowned and followed the crying. Soon he stood in front of a fountain. The
water was frozen. Three stone birds were captured in it. It all looked bizarre,
but at the same time simply beautiful. Someone sat at the snow covered rim and
cried. He coughed as he stepped nearer and looked into tear filled eyes. They
were as blue as the fountain's frozen water. And they were filled with
desperation. With a sadness he didn't want to see on his day. He knew what
happened on Earth, but he wanted the people to be happy. At least for 24 hours.
That was his goal. That was what made him do all those things only he could do.
This idea could make him keep being what he was. Even when he had to see all the
wars, all the battles, all the fights going on. Even when he had to see all
those loveless people. All those lonely people...
But this person looked too sad than he could have made her happy just with his
low "hohoho" or with a little gift. Or with a joke.
"What's wrong, little one?" he asked with his low voice and sat down, too. It
was a girl. A small girl. Maybe she was four or five years old. Her sea green
hairs covered her shoulders and she seemed to froze. All she wore was a white
"Hey, why are you crying, little one?" He stripped his red coat and hang it
around her shoulders. He touched her skin just for some seconds, but it was
enough to see what was wrong with her.
Cold, ice cold water.
A sad doctor.
A crying mother.
A cursing father.
Then... this place...
"Oh no..." he sighed and stroke through her curls. "No one should die on
The girl raised her head and sobbed even harder.
"I wanna go back." She cried and wrapped the warm coat tighter around her
shaking body. "I miss my mommy and my daddy. I don't wanna be here." Her little
fists were clenched. "I miss them!"
He coughed and looked helpless around. But as always no one was around who could
help him. Well, the one who could help was always around, but she never helped
"But you'll be a good angel. Believe me. You'll get your wings soon." He wiped
away the tears from her cheeks. They were replaced by new ones immediately.
"I don't wanna be an angel! I wanna get back to my mommy and my daddy!!!" she
cried even louder and looked pleading up at him.
"Are you sure?"
I can't ask her! She is too small!
But he didn't know what to do else.
Maybe it was a big mistake and that's her way to change it.
"Of course! I wanna go back to my parents! I wanna be back in my house! With my
doggy!" begged the girl and raised begging her folded hands. "Please! Isn't
there a way?"
"Well..." he rose and ran a hand through his long, white beard.
"There is a way." He raised his left hand to interrupt her. "But there are
special rules you have to follow."
"Rules?" she frowned. "What for rules?"
"I don't have much powers, little one. Okay, I can make my reindeers fly. I can
travel through time to get to every child on this earth within 24 hours. But I
can't give you back your life. Not simply like that."
"What for rules?" she demanded to know. The tears dried away and he knew that
she would try it. No matter how much it would hurt her, she would try it.
"You have to find someone who needs you."
"Oh, that's easy. My parents need me." She smiled self-assured and rose now,
"Nothing is easy, you'll know. You have three chances, little one. Go down to
earth for three Christmases and find the person who tells you that he or she
loves you. It must be a confession from this person's deepest heart. Then you
may stay on earth until your time will be over." He said and sighed as he saw
the confused expression on her face.
"That's all?" she asked, now grinning.
"Hai, that's all. But it's a harder task than you think. You only have three
Christmases you can choose by yourself. When the third one is over and no one
loves you and wants you to stay, then you have to be an angel."
"Okay. No problem!" Now the little girl laughed. She looked beautiful when she
laughed. "Then I'll go. My parents are surely waiting for me."
She threw the red coat in the snow and spun around. More jumping than running
she passed the fountain and disappeared inside the white building. The old man
only sighed deeply and bowed to pick up his coat.
"I wish I could help you otherwise." He whispered sadly. "Because it's very hard
to find someone to love. To find the real love."
Slowly he hang his coat again around his shoulders and stepped back to the snowy
path. His reindeers waited already. Soon he would start again with his journey.
Knowing that there would be one girl who wouldn't be happy on Christmas. He
tried to help her. He did his best. But he didn't know if that was enough.
"Three Christmases are very short, little one."
For one moment he turned around to watch the lifeless, white house.
"I wish you luck, little one."
The snow started to fall and soon he was nothing more than a shadow at the
Believing in an angel
- an Haruka & Michiru Christmas carol-
(by April Eagle)
Part one: Losing your faith
"Glaubt mir, ich hab' den Weihnachtsmann "Believe me, I've seen Santa Clause
Mit eigenen Augen gesehen. With my own eyes
Er ist zur Zeit bei uns im Haus Right now he's in our house
Und hält sich dort versteckt." He's hiding there"
The old house was covered with snow. It sparkled in the full moon's light in all
shades of blue. A cold blue. Almost as cold as the wind playing with the naked
trees in front of it. Some birds screamed above and dove into the icy waves of
the near sea. Ice was swimming on the surface. It was a peaceful atmosphere.
Just like every Christmas.
For the split of a second a bright light seemed to lighten up the night, but it
was gone before anyone could notice it. A little girl stood with a sudden on the
snow covered street. Hardly a car passed by. And the car that belonged to the
house stood near the garage. Surely the family was inside, celebrating a happy
Surely mommy's making her cake.
Surely daddy's fighting with the Christmas tree.
The girl giggled and ran towards the house. No one saw her. No one wondered why
she only wore a white night dress. No one gave her some shoes and a scarf. Not
even the birds seemed to notice her as she ran laughing towards the house door.
For a moment she froze, because no one welcomed her home.
"Hamlet?" she shouted, but no little dog came running towards her. No little
paws were pressed against her belly. No wet tongue caressed her fingers.
"Hamlet?" She frowned but then shrugged her shoulders. Maybe the little dog was
sitting in the kitchen, near the oven. Begging for something to eat. Chicken.
Mostly they made chicken for Christmas, because she liked it so much.
Her little hands grabbed for the door knob and one moment later she stood in the
corridor. She couldn't remember having opened the door at all, but that wasn't
important right now. She was too excited to take attention. She wanted to
surprise her parents with her coming home. Surely they would tell her how much
they loved her within some minutes and then she could stay. For always. In her
She turned around and froze. The corridor looked so different. Where were the
pictures she had drawn in the kindergarten? Only for her parents? All the
dolphins and the endless seas? Her teacher had always said that she was very
talented and her parents had put them on every wall in their house. Now they
were gone. Just like the big mirror her mother had loved so much. It had have a
special frame. A golden frame in the shape of little horses. Galloping around
"Nani?" She didn't know the jackets hanging at the coat rack. She didn't know
the shoes standing near the door. Nor did she know the strange lamp. Her mother
would have never allowed to have such a heavy lamp made of porcelain. It looked
"Nani..." her voice got unsure and died away as someone jumped down the
staircase. She raised her head, ignored the sport shoes standing there, and
watched how a child jumped downstairs. Taking two steps at once. For a moment
she thought that it was a boy who was making so much noise. His blonde hairs
were cut short and he wore a worn out, dirtied jeans. But as she saw the face,
she knew that this child was a girl. Around her age.
What is she doing here?
In my parent's house?
"Mom? Dad?" screamed the girl and opened the door to the living room without
knocking. "Mom! Dad! I've gotta talk to ya!" The low voice was excited.
The little girl frowned even more and followed the other girl. The obvious wild
"I have no idea where YOUR son is!" she heard an angry man's voice and winced.
"Oh, he's still your son, too."
"No, not any longer! Surely he's around with his... friends..."
She started to shake as she heard the abomination in the male voice.
"Then call him up! Why did you give him the cell phone then?"
"He never has it on!"
"It's all your fault!"
"Why the hell is it my fault?"
"You didn't take enough attention of him. So he found the wrong friends and got
into this situation!"
"I didn't take enough attention? Who's the one who wanted to go studying
although I earn enough money?"
"Oh, so it's my fault that he's got such friends?"
They got louder and louder. The girl made a tortured face and entered slowly the
living room. Just to stare shocked at the strange couch. At the cupboard that
was brown. Her parents had always been blue. Her mother had loved the sea,
everything in their house had looked as if it came from the ocean's ground. But
this brown, it should have been an imitation of wood, was a bad one. There were
too many ornaments, it looked like total kitsch. Here her pictures were missing,
too. Just like the desk with the old typewriter her father had used. She had
loved it to sit near his desk, to play with her dolls and to listen to the music
his typewriter made.
Where are those people?
"Mom? Dad?" Again she saw the blonde girl. She stood next to the fighting
couple. Her cheeks were redden and she jumped from one leg to the other one.
"Mom! Dad!" she pleaded and pulled at the woman's apron. "Mom! Dad!"
"What the hell is wrong! Don't you see that I am talking to your father?" asked
the woman annoyed and tried to push her away. But she didn't let go.
"Mom! I've seen Santa Clause!" she shouted excited and dark green eyes sparkled.
"Really! Believe me! I've seen him."
"Don't talk such a nonsense and leave me and your mother alone." Said now the
man. He looked the same annoyed as his wife.
"But it's true! He's here! In our house! He's hiding on the attic! Really! Santa
Clause!" the girl jumped even more and grabbed at her mother's apron until she
slapped her away and the blonde fell on the ground.
"Go into your room and stop lying! I told you so many times that you shouldn't
lie to me, Tenô Haruka!"
"Listen to your mother and go. And leave us in peace!" added the father and took
a deep breath.
"But it's true!" the girl came hard to her feet and clenched her fists. "Santa
Clause is here. He's on the attic. On our attic!"
But her parents ignored her and went over to the kitchen. Soon the door was
closed and the blonde was alone. In a tasteless decorated room. The air was cold
and soon filled with angry voices.
What for a sad atmosphere...
The little girl plugged at her night dress and shook her head. Here was no
Hamlet, too. And not her parents. Where were they?
The blonde girl looked angry at the door, before she finally gave up and went
back to the corridor. Surely to do what her mother told her. Or at least to do
anything else than standing in the living room like ordered and never taken.
Where are my parents?
Where are you?
The little girl froze, but then decided to ask the other one. Maybe she knew
where her parents were. Maybe this was simply the wrong house. It wouldn't have
been the first time that she missed the right way.
"H..." for a moment she hesitated, then she remembered the blonde's name.
The girl winced and spun around. Her dark green eyes grew wide as she saw the
other girl standing in front of her. Snow sparkled in sea green hairs and blue
eyes looked trusting up to her.
"How..." shortly Haruka looked around but she was alone on the corridor. Or at
least alone with the strange girl. The door was closed and surely locked. As
always. There was no one from her mean play mates outside who would play their
dirty jokes with her. "How did you... where..." stammered the blonde and walked
towards the door. She looked through the little window, but all she saw was the
snow and the night. An icy night.
The girl didn't move. She stood there, her hands plugging nervous at a night
shirt. Haruka suspected that it was a night shirt. A very old fashioned one.
"Where are my parents?" asked the high voice again. A tender voice...
"Your parents?" Haruka came slowly nearer. As if she was afraid that the other
girl could disappear within the next moment. Or turn into a snake and bit her.
"Who are you?"
"I am Michiru!" said the green haired girl and crossed her arms before her
"Just Michiru?" the blonde looked sceptical and touched the right hand for a
second before she jerked away. The girl didn't only look real, she also felt
real. Maybe she was indeed real. But where did she come from? With a sudden?
They had no neighbours and Haruka knew that it was a long way to walk before you
reach the next bigger city. That was why her parents had a car and that was why
there was always trouble with her bigger brother who didn't have a car yet. But
who wanted to have one. He begged for it over a year now. Over a year in vein.
"Well..." the girl seemed to hesitate and Haruka grinned proudly.
"My name is Haruka. Tenô Haruka. I have a nice name. Not such a short one like
"Michiru is a very fine name." Responded Michiru and showed her her tongue. "And
this is my house. So don't insult me!" she wanted to look important. Very
important. But for Haruka she looked suddenly alone. Like a little, lonely girl
she was, too. Sometimes. Almost every day when her big brother wasn't at
"Your house? My parents bought it."
"Can't be! My parents would never sell it." Snapped Michiru, not wanting to
believe what she heard.
"It's not your parent's house. It's my parent's one!" snapped Haruka back and
they both looked angrily at each other. Just like two young dogs would do.
Fighting for their territory.
"No. I was born in this house and I live her since I can remember."
"Oh... how old are you? Then this can't be a long time."
"I am already four years old!" Michiru made an even more important face and blew
some curls out of her angrily sparkling eyes.
"I am five years old. I am older." Laughed Haruka happily and jumped around the
smaller girl in a strange kind of dance. "I am older, so you have to believe me.
And to do what I do."
"No, I don't have to." Pouted Michiru and shook her head quickly. "You are a
stranger to me and you are in MY house, so..."
"That's not your house." Said Haruka and stopped to dance. "That's surely not
"Then prove it!"
"Nani?" Michiru blinked and looked directly into a slightly blushed face
surrounded by blonde strands. "Nani?"
"Prove that this is your house, then I won't say anything against it."
"Really. You have my word."
Before Haruka could react, the smaller girl ran upstairs. Just like she had
done, she took two steps at once as she ran. Stumbling again and again, because
her legs were shorter and the night shirt too long. Haruka only sighed and
pressed her eyelids together as the other girl stumbled over the last step. But
she didn't complain. Instead she opened a door. And screamed. Then there was
"Why me?" Haruka sighed deeply and followed her. If that was a joke of her play
mates or her parents she would never say a single word to them again.
"So, what's the..." Haruka entered the room and froze as she heard the sobbing
sounds. She frowned. Michiru was sitting on her bed, covering her face with her
"Hey, what's up?" she asked and came hesitating nearer. She hated it to see
other girls cry. She always felt uncomfortable when someone cried in her near,
because then she felt like crying, too. And she didn't want to cry. Never. She
was a strong girl, not a weak one.
"They aren't here." Michiru sobbed and raised her head. Shortly she looked at
the car posters covering the walls. At the strange, dark machine standing on the
desk. And finally at the doll sitting next to her in the soft blankets. It was a
very old doll. The kimono was very old fashioned and the porcelain face smiled
in a way no one seemed to smile any longer. The make up was used in an old
fashioned way, too.
"I am not in the wrong house." Cried the little girl and held the doll up in the
air. "That's what my father gave to me when I was a baby. But he's not here any
Haruka gulped and finally sat down on the bed next to Michiru. Still feeling
very, very uncomfortable. She found the doll some weeks ago when they tried to
tidy up the attic. Or better her big brother found it in an old cardboard
standing in a dirty corner. He gave it to her because he was too old to play
with dolls. She didn't like dolls, too, but this one had smiled too friendly,
she couldn't throw it away. So she hide it in her bed, mostly under her blanket
and held it secretly tight when a thunderstorm was raging outside.
"Maybe..." Haruka thought for a moment and grabbed for an old pullover. It laid
in front of her bed. She never held any order. Her mother often argued with her,
but she didn't like it when everything was on its place. She preferred more the
adventure in searching the things she needed. Just like a brave boy would do
when he would search something in the jungle. On safari. Still hesitating she
hang it around Michiru's shoulders and gulped as she saw in deep blue eyes that
were filled with tears.
"Maybe your parents moved away?" she suggested, shrugging helplessly her
shoulders. "My parents bought this house..." she frowned and tried to remember
what her brother once told her. "... before I was born. Maybe they wanted to
have a nicer house. Nearer at the city." Said Haruka, thinking of the long ways
to her kindergarten. She beamed at Michiru, but the smaller girl didn't react.
She only stared at her old doll and sobbed even more.
They are the only ones who love me.
Why aren't they here any longer?
Why did they left me?
She closed her eyes and rolled up in a ball. Holding the doll tight in her small
arms. Crying even harder. Feeling totally alone.
Why did this old man send me home when this place isn't my home any longer?
Why did he give me another chance when I can't use it?
Why aren't they here any longer?
I love you... where are you?
"Michiru?" Haruka gulped and touched a shaking shoulder, rubbed automatically
over a cold arm, trying to cover it with the old pullover. "Hey, Michiru. Don't
worry. You'll stay here over Christmas and then my parents will search for your
parents, okay? Last year when I lost my matchbox they found it, too. They are
often arguing, but they are adults. Don't worry, they'll find them."
But I don't have so much time!
Michiru shook her head and wanted to disappear.
"My mother makes really good cookies. She only makes them on Christmas Eve. You
will surely love them." Haruka smiled and jumped from the bed. Then she clapped
on her forehead. As if she remembered something she had forgotten. Something
important. "And Santa Clause is already here. On our attic. Surely he has a nice
gift for you, too. You can play with it and then we'll search and find your
Michiru raised her head, feeling the hot tears running over her cheeks.
Remembering a soft touch. Old fingers wiping them away. It had been just some
moments ago, but suddenly it felt like an eternity ago.
"Do you believe me? He's on the attic. The attic of this house! Come and take a
look at him!" Haruka's dark green eyes sparkled and she grinned, as she grabbed
Michiru's hand. Ignoring the other one's sadness. This was Christmas Eve and
Santa Clause was in their house! Surely with a huge sack full of toys. She
wanted so badly the new formula one race car. A red one. Big enough that she
could sit on it. And to make her play mates jealous. The boys would be really
angry when she would have such a toy and they wouldn't.
Maybe then they'll accept me the way I am.
"Come, Michiru! I am sure Santa Clause has a nice toy for you, too. Just come!"
without listening to Michiru's protesting words, she held the little, cold hand
in her own one warming tight. For the split of a second she wondered why it felt
so familiar. So right. But her greed about the Christmas presents was bigger
than every other feeling.
"Santa Clause wouldn't stand here for so long. He has to visit every child in
"That's why we have to use that chance!"
Michiru shook her head, but followed the excited blonde.
If it's really Santa Clause, maybe he can tell me where my parents are. He knows
"Okay, then show me your Santa Clause, Haruka."
"That's what I wanted to hear." Beamed the blonde and went silently upstairs in
a big house Michiru remembered to know. In another fashion. With other
furniture. Surely in another time...
"Hört mir irgendjemand zu, "Is any one listen to me
der Weihnachtsmann ist hier bei uns. Santa Clause is with us
Er hängt auf dem Dachboden rum, He's hanging around on the attic
ich glaube, er braucht Hilfe und ist in Not. I think he needs help and is in trouble
Er hat sich direkt unterm Fenster He hung himself up right under the window
An einem Balken aufgehängt On a beam
Man kann die Kirchenglocken von hier hören You can hear the church's bells
Wenn man ganz leise ist" If you are very quiet."
"I think he's in trouble. He looks so sad." Whispered Haruka smartly as she
pulled Michiru with her in the cold, dark attic. The wind was blowing through an
opened window and the smaller girl froze immediately. She felt how Haruka took
an old jacket that was lying on the ground and handled it to her.
"That had been mine, but I grew a lot during the last year." She explained
proudly. "You can keep it, if you want."
Michiru watched the screaming red jacket for a moment and suddenly knew why
Haruka was so proud of not fitting into it any more. It looked terrible.
Nevertheless she pulled it over her freezing shoulders and closed it. Her breath
hung before her in the air as she followed the blonde over the old boards. They
crackled under her feet. The house as indeed old, but no storm, no Tsunami could
break it. Surely it would hold her weights as well. Michiru looked for a second
doubtful at the ground, but then tried to ignore it.
She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.
Not now! Never again! It's over, isn't it? You are able to chance it! Maybe
Haruka's parents are really able to find my parents. Then they will tell me that
they love me and this nightmare will be over!
Too thin to hold her...
"Look! There's his sack. Isn't it big?" Haruka was too excited to whisper any
longer. Her voice sounded strange in the silent atmosphere. It was almost
peaceful here. Very cold, but peaceful. Michiru could see the snow falling
outside through one of the opened windows. Flakes were flying through the air
and in one corner was a little hill. The sea green haired girl couldn't resist
but had to bow and make a snowball.
"We can build a snowman if you want. Tomorrow morning. Don't worry, I am really
good in building snowmen." Haruka pulled something heavy with her and Michiru
had to look twice to recognize the sack. But it looked different from the one
she had always imagined. It was smaller, although it was surely very big for a
five year old Haruka.
"Can't wait to see what's in it." Giggled Haruka and opened it. Her head
disappeared for some moments in the sack, then she appeared again. Being
"There are no toys in it. No, no." She said, pouting. "That's unfair." She
reached inside the sack and produced an old bottle. "What the hell is Santa
Clause doing with an empty bottle of beer?" Haruka shook her head. "My daddy
drinks this stuff. I don't like it. It makes him loud and angry." She threw the
bottle in the corner without wasting a second look on it. "And what's that? An
old book?" she turned the book around and around. "That's not very useful."
"Are you sure that it's Santa Clause?" asked Michiru, now a little bit curious,
too. Haruka's excitement and now her deep disappointment was contagious. "I
always thought that his sack would be bigger and that the gifts are at least
"Right... hm..." Haruka rubbed her forehead with her right fist and made a
depressive face. "I really wanted that Ferrari." She marbled and put the sack
down. "But it must be Santa Clause."
She grabbed again Michiru's hand and pulled her again with her. The smaller girl
stumbled over some old sockets, some torn wrapping paper, another beer bottle
and a sheet full with signs. Probably a letter. She couldn't tell. She couldn't
read yet. At least nothing more than her name.
"I mean, he wears a red coat, right? And there's definitive a white beard." Said
the blonde and Michiru almost crashed into her as she stopped with a sudden.
Haruka raised her finger and pointed at a shadow floating above. Well, not
floating, but more hanging. The shadow moved in the night's cold wind. Back and
"Do you really think that this is Santa Clause?" whispered Michiru and shivered.
There was something about the shadow that scared her. Like hell. Deep shadows
laid in the old man's face so that she couldn't see the expression there. But
why didn't he talk to them? Why didn't he say his typical "hohoho" then? Why
didn't he pull them on his knees, rock them a little bit and give them a nice
gift? Why didn't he want them to say a poem or to sing a nice Christmas song?
Why was he so silent? Why didn't he move? What was wrong with him?
"Well... he's got a sack, a red coat and a beard. Why shouldn't he be Santa
Clause?" answered Haruka and went over to the window. It was opened too. From
here you had a fantastic view over the near sea, even if it was now only a
black, moving carpet.
"I tried to talk to my parents. I wanted them to take a look at him, but they
didn't listen." Said Haruka after a long time while Michiru came to the window,
too. Snow flakes danced in the twilight and suddenly she could hear the ringing
of far away church bells.
I used to go to church with my parents each Christmas.
Michiru sighed deeply and stretched her hands towards the snow. The flakes
melted away on her palms. A smile appeared on her face.
It had always been so wonderful. To sit between my parents. To listen to the
pastor's words. To know that I am loved by my parents.
"They never listen to me!" growled Haruka next to her and Michiru opened her
eyes again. For a moment she looked at the angry girl next to her and wondered
why she couldn't be happy on a Christmas Eve. Christmas had always been a
special, a magical time for Michiru. Both of her parents had been at home for at
least three days after another. They had spent this time together. Having a lot
of fun. Her granny came, too. Just like her auntie and her uncle. It had been so
fantastic, why couldn't Haruka be so happy?
"Hush." She said and laid her icy hand over Haruka's warm one. "Do you hear the
Haruka was quiet for a moment and took her hand away as if she had burned
herself. Michiru giggled a little bit because that was the typical behaviour
little boys always had in her presence. But not girls.
"Hai." Frowned the blonde after some seconds impatiently. "And?"
"They are announcing Christmas. It's Christmas, Haruka. Isn't that great? It's a
special day, I can feel it."
"Until now I didn't get a single gift. It's a boring day and I freeze."
"Christmas isn't there for the gifts."
"Who said that?" Haruka looked suddenly unsure. No gifts on Christmas? That
would mean a middle catastrophe in her small life. Especially for her pride. No
Ferrari, no jealous play mates and no acceptance.
"My daddy and he's always right."
"Hmpf!" The blonde made an estimating gesture with her right hand. "I wanna have
gifts." She said and left her place near the window. "Otherwise it would be
boring to be here the whole days. With my arguing parents!" she raised her
hands, but forgot the hanging Santa Clause. She crashed against his legs and one
boot came down. It landed directly on her head and she screamed. Defensive she
swirled her arms around and got to get more from the Santa Clause. Suddenly the
coat came down and covered the blonde completely.
"What the..." Haruka freed herself struggling. Michiru helped her, but she could
hardly hold back her giggle. Haruka's blonde hairs stood in every direction and
it didn't look as if she would ever accept that a simple coat defeated her.
But the depression on her face changed into confusion as she found the card
lying on the ground next to her. It seemed to have fallen out of one of the
coat's pockets. Michiru didn't know what it was, but she was sure that Santa
Clause didn't need an identity card. This one showed the picture of young man. A
young man with long, blonde hairs. He looked a little bit like Haruka, but the
same time completely different.
"Who's that?" she asked, but Haruka didn't listen to her. Instead she raised her
head and looked closer at the strange Santa Clause. Her face's expression
changed from confusion to fear.
She came on her suddenly trembling feet and grabbed for a stick leaning against
the wall. Then she raised it and kicked at the beard. It came flying down. Just
like the red cap and the wig.
Haruka's face changed from fear into blank horror.
Michiru wrapped her arms tighter around her freezing body. That wasn't obviously
Santa Clause. Nor was it one of his aides. There was a young man hanging on a
beam, right under the window. Moving in the night's wind. Back and forth.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
Michiru didn't know who he was no did she have a lot of life experience, but
when she looked in dark green eyes staring so expressionless down at her, she
knew that this man was dead.
At that moment Haruka started to scream.
Michiru gulped. It was noisy outside the room that once had been her room.
People were running around. First people in white clothes, later on people in
dark ones. The couple Haruka called her parents weren't arguing any longer. The
woman was crying now. And the man drinking. One beer after another. Like the
beer they had found empty on the attic.
The blonde had screamed high and loud. Not like a child any more. Not even like
a human any more. It had sounded like an injured animal. No, like a dying
animal. Still the memory let Michiru shiver.
After her parents came and her mother started to cry hysterically, Haruka ran
downstairs. She locked herself in her room and didn't come out when her parents
knocked against it. Then they called all those people and let their daughter in
peace. Or, as Michiru had the feeling, left her totally alone.
"Leave me alone!" The blonde pulled her pillow over her head. She didn't cry.
She didn't mourn. Not now. Now she seemed to be angry. Extremely angry.
"But..." Michiru didn't think of her own parents any longer. Christmas Eve was
almost over and she knew that she wouldn't find them this time. Haruka's parents
were too occupied right now to help her find them. Right now she only thought of
the trembling girl lying in front of her in her bed. In the room she used to
know so well and that was now so strange to her.
"Leave me all alone! I hate you! I hate you all!" screamed the girl, grabbed her
slippers and threw them after Michiru. They missed her and crashed against the
locked door. "I hate you..." the voice died away as Haruka pulled the pillow
again over her head.
I hate you...
Michiru gulped and tried to creep deeper into the screaming red jacket.
I need to find someone who loves me to stay on earth. And what do I find?
Someone who hates me...
"I didn't want to..."
"Just go! Go and leave me in peace! Damned!" shouted Haruka and the doll
followed the slippers. It crackled slightly as it hit the ground. "Just leave me
all in peace. You are guilty! You all are the reason why he is dead now!" Haruka
closed her eyes and kicked with her feet against the bed's frame. "You killed
him! You all and your bloody arguments!"
Michiru bowed and picked up the doll. For a moment she watched the scratch
crossing the whole face, making the old doll even older and ugly.
I still have two more chances to find someone who needs, who loves me.
She sighed deeply and laid the doll next to the still struggling Haruka on the
I am sure that I'll find my parents somewhere. Or someone else who loves me. Who
loves me and not hates me...
Sadly she winked although she knew Haruka couldn't see her. Then she turned
around and was gone within the next moment.
It was almost dusk as Haruka woke up again. She couldn't remember when she fell
asleep, but she did remember everything that happened yesterday.
My dear brother...
She gulped, fighting against her tears. Tears which wouldn't change anything.
Her beloved brother wasn't any longer with her. And her parents were guilty for
I hate them!
I hate them all!
She crawled out of the bed and stumbled over something. Angrily she looked down
and stared for some seconds at the doll with the broken face.
Simply Michiru. No other name...
Haruka grabbed the doll, determined to find the smaller girl and to ask her some
questions. As Christmas was over, she hated her parents more and more. As winter
turned into spring, she missed her brother more and more painful. And as another
year begun, she still searched the mysterious girl.
But she searched her in vain.
"Frohe Weihnacht, ich hoffe es geht Euch gut "Merry Christmas, I hope you are
Seid nicht böse über meine Flucht. Don't be angry about my flight
Ich schau Euch trotzdem von hier oben beim Feiern zu." I'll watch you
celebrating from above."
The persons mentioned in the Haruka & Michiru Christmas carol "Believing in an
angel" belong to Takeuchi Naoko.
The song "Weihnachtsmann vom Dach" (Santa Clause from the attic) belongs to the
German punk rock band "Die Roten Rosen".
How will it all develop? Will Michiru find someone who will love her in just two
more Christmases? Will Haruka hate all people for the rest of her life?
I'd be glad if you'd read part two: "Memories", too.
14th December 2001
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