In the not too distant pa-ast,

Somewhere in space and time

There was a fanfic writer

(Who’s trying to make this rhyme)

And this writer had the awkward luck

Of having characters who ran amok,

So to get some peace around the place

She put them in ship, and she launched them into space. (AV: Pleeaaase, guys!)

“I’ll send them cheesy fanfics,

And other stuff I find,

And they can sit and watch them,

And it’ll keep them occupied.

Keep in mind only I control

Where the fics begin and end

As I protect my precious sanity

From my interfering friends

CHARACTER ROLL CALL!

Nutbunny: I’m BACK! REJOICE!!!

Astrea: Good to see you all again!

Jake: Vacation’s over?

Twinkia: Repeat ad infinitum.

Foooord: How did they convince me to come back?

If “Where’s the ‘bots and Mike (or Joel)?”

Is the question that you ask,

Just keep in mind who’s the writer here

And then get off my back

For Nutbunny Fanfic Theatre 3000 ( kazoo/harmonica/ukulele/lute TWANG)

Author’s Note: Sorry to vanish like that! With the FF.N debacle, exams, and moving back home, I kinda broke off unexpectedly. In the interim, Ford eventually came out of hiding, and the crew took a vacation. We now enter season 2, which should run weekly ’til December, good lord willin’ and the crik don’t rise. This MST is one of my own stories, in which we learn something important about Sailor Nutbunny.

(Open in the Rec Room. Everyone is sitting around talking about what they did over the summer.)

Jake: I mainly just hung around…

Ford: drank a lot…

Jake: Yeah. That’s it really.

Twinkia: Fred and I did some work around the temple, went on a sort of quest…

Nutbunny: Cool!

Twinkia: Well, it wasn’t a really impressive quest. I convinced a Cyclops to become a vegetarian, so that’s an accomplishment.

Astrea: I fought some monsters, hung out with my friends back home, visited my family. You know, same as usual.

Nutbunny: (with exaggerated enthusiasm) I went to Cancun! AND I got to swim with dolphins!

Astrea: Lucky. ^_^

Jake: I hate you.

Nutbunny: Of course to pay for it, I had to work as a drugstore cashier, selling 40 ounce bottles of malt liquor to crazy people. I did not enjoy that. And I got my wisdom teeth out and my face swelled up so I looked like Richard Nixon. My karma is balanced.

AV: Hey, it’s great to have you all back! In a fit of madness-

Jake: Meaning your normal mindset?

AV: -I’ve decided to give one of my very own stories. My first posted fanfic. From all of about two years ago. Have fun, kids! And don’t play in the street!

DOOR SEQUENCE

Door 1: The dry erase board. Jake writes “Three guys walked into a bar. One ducked.” and it rises into the ceiling.

Door 2: The Bennet’s apartment. Astrea takes the spare key out of the potted plant and opens the door.

Door 3: The darkened windows. Ford grumbles and opens them with a credit card.

Door 4: The giant plushie pile. Nutbunny dives and knocks them down.

Door 5: Colin the dog. Jake yells at him and he sits.

Door 6: The deserted concession stand. Twinkia’s presence brings it back to life and everyone gets snacks and beverages.

Door 7: Basic theatre door. Everyone walks right through, and sits down

(Seating order, l to r: Twinkia, Astrea, Nutbunny, Ford, Jake)

Invader Zim Vs. The Terrible Trio
By Sailor Nutbunny

>Nutbunny: I don’t remember writing this.
Disclaimers and Notes: I have no legal rights to Invader Zim or any characters thereof.

>Ford: Who actually says “thereof”?

>AV: Me.

I have only limited rights to the characters of Molly/ Sailor V.G.O.S.M. and Sara/ Sailor Nonsequitor,

>Nutbunny: Hey! They’re my friends! I know them!

as they are based on real people.

>AV: As accurately as possible, believe it…or NOT!

I have full and exclusive rights to the character of Lauren/ Sailor Nutbunny, as she is me.

>Nutbunny: Wait…what…?

Any trademarked items and concepts mentioned in the following fanfic are owned by their respective owners. Duh.

The following story is a work of fiction, specifically fanfiction, and a fairly ridiculous one at that.

>Astrea: I’m glad you can admit that.

It is rated G. (No swearing or "adult" material. Mild cartoonish and silly violence.) Characters are written as accurately as possible. If you wish to comment on the story, email me at ophelialr@ hotmail.com. If you wish to know more about the original characters, profiles can be viewed at www.angelfire.com/anime2/weirdrealm. If you insult me or attempt to pass off my work as yours, I will whack you upside the head with a halibut.

>Ford: Ooo, a halibut. Real scary.

>Nutbunny: (whacks him with a halibut)

>Ford: Ow!

Thank you, and enjoy.

**

>Twinkia: Synchronized swimming turtles.

It was a moderately warm fall day, but Zim, mighty Irken invader, had other things on his mind than the weather.

>Astrea: Like his skull.

He made a few adjustment

>Jake: Hey, AV, forgot an “s” there.

>AV: Quiet, you..

on small piece of hi-tech gadgetry before him, and began laughing triumphantly. Finishing his obligatory evil laugh,

>Ford: Like this? BWHA HAHAhahaha!

he called out to his feeble minded mechanical assistant. "G.I.R!" The small robot scurried up, saluted, and answered cheerfully, "Hellooo."

"Do you know what this is, G.I.R?" Zim queried, indicating his latest piece of Irken scientific genius.

G.I.R. thought hard.

>Twinkia: You could tell from the smoke.

And then thought a bit more, finally replying, "Nooo."

"This, G.I.R, is an advanced security module, designed to enhance your original security functions. With this, you will be able to defend our stronghold from any threat."

"Oooh." A brief pause. "I'm gonna go watch TV now."

"G.I.R! I have to install the security module, and then, you must go outside and watch for intruders while I work on my plan to conquer the Earth."

"Oh, okay. Then can I watch TV?"

**

>Jake: We’re being watched.

Meanwhile, nearby, three teenage girls were wandering purposelessly.

>Astrea: I suppose if you have a purpose, it’s not really wandering.

>Ford: What if you have a porpoise?

The smallest of the three, with rectangular glasses, short red hair, a blue backpack (reflective for traffic safety),

>Jake: What are you, in preschool? (a ham falls from the sky, missing Jake’s head by inches)

a beige corduroy jacket, a baggy Phantom of the Opera T-shirt, loose fitting blue jeans, and red canvas high topped sneakers, slurped merrily at a cherry-cola.

>Twinkia: Hey, it’s the AV, in corporeal form!

>All (waving): Hi AV!

The tallest, in a long sleeved shirt printed with an image of Buddha and jeans with dragonflies on the pockets, her long blond hair pulled into a ponytail,

>AV: I think her hair’s brown now, though.

carried a McDonald's Triple Thick Milkshake and a rainbow-striped purse (lovingly made in Home Ec). The third, of medium height, with dark brown hair, a zebra print bag, and an Eddie Bauer sweater, clutched a bottle of Diet Pepsi.

The brunette, Molly, spoke. "Are you sure we're not lost?"

>Twinkia: We’re not lost, we’re geographically confused.

The short red head, Lauren, shook her head firmly. "I have an excellent sense of which direction home is."

"Where is it then?" Sara, the third girl, asked. Lauren pointed in a direction forward and slightly to the left. The other two nodded and continued on.

After walking for a few minutes in silence, Lauren suddenly piped up, "You know something? The name "Triple Thick Milkshake" doesn't seem right. I mean, is there a certain standard for milkshake thickness?"

>Twinkia: Not that I’m aware of.

Sara responded, "I think they're just trying to say it's really thick. Like, too thick to suck through a straw." A brief pause. "I can suck it through a straw okay, though." The trio paused as Lauren and Molly stared at Sara in mild befuddlement.

>Ford: (snickers)

>AV: This dialogue is almost entirely based on real conversations.

"I don't think the grammar is right though," continued Lauren, diving back into a pointless rant, "I mean, I'm pretty sure "triple" is an adjective, or it seems like it should be, but "thick" is an adjective, and you can't have an adjective modifying an adjective, so "triple thick" sounds to me like it's both triple and thick, but that doesn't make any sense at all."

>Jake: That’s true, though.

>Ford: Maybe, but who really cares?

She gazed at her companions forlornly. "I'm losing my mind, aren't I?"

Molly patted the smaller girl on the head. "You lost that a long time ago."

>All: Yes.

"Shut up, you." Lauren responded eloquently.

"Green puppy with a slurpy!" Sara said suddenly.

>Ford: Is she on drugs?

>AV: No.

>Twinkia: Should she be?

The other two pause for a moment,

>Jake: Sudden tense change, or forgotten letter. You’re falling down on the job, AV.

>AV: You’re getting a real kick out of this, aren’t you?

as this was the best response to Sara's strange comments, giving them time to sort themselves into some semblance of sense. Finally, Lauren made the only response possible.

"What?"

>Astrea: That pretty much sums it up.

"Over there. It's a green puppy with a slurpy." Lauren and Molly looked across the street, where Sara was pointing, and sure enough there stood a puppy. Which was in fact, green. And was indeed holding a slurpy. Molly assessed the situation quickly.

"Cuuuuute!"

Lauren hopped slightly. "Let's go play with it!"

**

>Astrea: The fic’s been attacked by vampires!

G.I.R. saw the three rushing across the street, finished his slurpy, and smiled. Maybe they had cake.

**

>Twinkia: Only two stars? It’s not that bad.

Zim was working industriously on his latest, and most spectacular plan to bring certain doom to the planet (and particularly Dib) when he heard strange noises from outside. After a few minutes of listening, during which time the sounds neither stopped nor changed to the sounds of an intruder being driven away in terror, he decided to investigate.

>Jake: Fun with sub-clauses!

Traveling quickly to the upper levels of his "house" and donning his human disguise, the stalwart Irken opened the door.

>Jake: And vocabulary words!

>AV: You are cordially invited to bite me.

And saw G.I.R. covered in sticky bubbles. And chalk drawings on the sidewalk. And three strange girls in the yard.

>Ford: VERY strange.

"G.I.R! What are you doing?"

"Playing."

"What about the security module?"

"I took it out."

"Why?"

"To make room for the fudge," G.I.R. stated matter-of-factly, simultaneously produce said fudge.

>Astrea: Gee, this seems familiar, somehow.

>Jake: And your tense is wrong.

>AV: Don’t make me hurt you.

At this Lauren turned to the conversation. "What kind of fudge?" she asked expectantly.

"Peanut butter. Want some?" At this Lauren was almost overcome with joy, hopping cheerfully on her toes while nibbling on a piece of fudge.

Zim decided he had had enough. "G.I.R! Prepare for battle!" The "green puppy" began twirling and waving its arm dramatically.

>Astrea: GIR! Henshin yo!

And then stopped and unzipped its costume to reveal the robot inside.

"Aww, cute robot!" Molly said, patting it on the head.

After a few seconds had passed, Zim shouted, "G.I.R! Attack them!"

The little robot, turned, confused. "What?"

"The intruders! Attack them!"

"But they're nice. They brought toys." G.I.R replied, plaintively.

"Attack! Go!" G.I.R. strode purposefully towards the trio. As he reached them, he stopped, turned to look at Zim, then up at the girls, then back at Zim. Finally, he wrapped his metallic arms around Lauren's leg. "They're nice. I like them."

"Awwwww!"

>The girls: Awww.

All three girls bent to hug G.I.R, in the process carefully detaching him from Lauren, who appreciated the gesture, but appreciated the use of her leg a bit more.

>Twinkia: You have issues with contact don’t you?

"Very well. I will deal with them myself!" Zim stated, shedding his human disguise and laughing maniacally. "Let's see how you like my Irken Doom Ray!"

Before Zim could set his ray to fire, Lauren pulled out a pen with plastic rabbit head on the end, yelling "Nutbunny Fanfic Power, Make-Up!" as colorful sparkles swirled around her, fading to reveal her standing in a chartreuse sailor suit, with a sloppily tied blue bow, red high-top sneakers and gigantic floppy bunny ears.

>Nutbunny: AAAHHH! MY LIFE IS A SHAM! I’M AN S.I! (tries to “die” >dramatically, but since she’s sitting in the middle of the row there isn’t enough room. She >stands up, moves past Astrea and Twinkia, and flings herself down in the aisle) I’m dead >now. The fic has killed me.

She posed and called out, "Do you think you can out weird me? I get weirder things than you in my breakfast cereal! I am Sailor Nutbunny, defender of weirdness, and in the name of Cherry-cola and peanutbutter fudge, I mock your doom ray!"

>Twinkia: (silly French accent) Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!

As Zim attempted to process this, Molly held up a sock monkey key chain and shouted, "Vishnu Silly Monkey Power, Make-up!" A similar scene followed, the main difference being that Molly's sailor suit was a purplish-red, with dark-but-not-quite-black bows. "For kitties, kilts, and diet cola, I am Sailor Vishnu-Goddess-of-Silly-Monkeys. (generally abbreviated to Sailor V.G.O.S.M.)" "Oookay," Zim said, " if your done..."

>Jake: Y-o-u apostrophe r-e! (a large water balloon hits Jake on the head) I will not be >silenced!

"Wait!" Sara called out. "I can't find...oh, there it is."

>Ford: Now, that would be a problem in a combat situation.

>AV: If you can’t beat ‘em, confuse ‘em.

She pulled a pink colored pencil from her purse and held it up. "Nonsequitor Random Power, Make-up!" Her sailor suit was pink with lavender bows. "I am Sailor Nonsequitor. Moooo!"

Everyone turned to look at her, confusion clear on their faces. "It seemed like a good idea at the time," she shrugged.

"Enough foolishness!" shouted the angry Irken, readying his Doom Ray. He fired at Nutbunny, who dodged smoothly, but lost something of the dramatic effect when she tripped and fell.

>Twinkia: That’s our Nutbunny.

>Nutbunny: I had Jell-o today.

>Astrea: Is she alright?

>Twinkia: Yeah, she’s just over-dramatic.

"Ow," she said, rising to her feet. "Nutbunny Fanfic Obsession!" Suddenly Zim was surrounded by hundreds of pages of notebook paper covered with barely-legible handwriting.

>Jake: Don’t you hate when that happens?

"I can't move!!!" The diminutive invader flailed wildly to free himself from the pages. When he was loose, he turned his Ray on Sailor V.G.O.S.M. Unfortunately, a page of fanfiction was lodged in the barrel, and it shorted, zapping him. As he tried to clear the paper out, V.G.O.S.M. launched her attack.

"Vishnu Silly Monkey Attack!" From out of nowhere a horde of small, insanely cute pink monkeys appeared, swarmed all over Zim, tap-danced, and vanished.

>Ford: Well, that was silly.

>AV: And it involved monkeys. Appropriate, isn’t it?

Zim rose dizzily, shook his head and aimed his Doom Ray more-or-less in the direction of Sailor Nonsequitor. He missed the tall girl, but hit Nutbunny's abandoned backpack.

"Nooooo!" the rabbit-eared warrior of weirdness shouted, running to her stricken bag's side. She began rummaging through, emerging finally with a plastic vial, now half-empty of its greenish contents.

>Jake: You’ve released the deadly experimental zombie virus!

"You spilled my bubbles! Those are special bubbles! They dry and you can touch them and they don't pop!"

>Jake: Or that.

Zim saw the rage mounting in the small red-head's eyes, and thought it might be best to retreat.

>Ford: Good choice.

Before he got more than a few steps, however, the tall blonde called out, "Nonsequitor Uncomfortable Stencil Pose!" The attack froze Zim with one leg turned sort-of sideways and bent up at the knee, and one arm raised and bent at the elbow as if waving.

>Astrea: Um…

>Twinkia: I can kind of see it…sort of…(tries to imitate the described pose) Nope, >people are not meant to bend that way.

Nutbunny advanced on him, brandishing a halibut. "Nooo!" he cried out as the large flatfish struck him, sending him flying through a window.

G.I.R. turned and began to run into the house, a concerned look on his metal face.

>Ford: How does a robot look concerned?

>AV: Tell B.o.B. the pinball machine’s broken and see for yourself.

>B.o.B’s voice: That’s not funny!

As he reached the door, he turned, smiled, and waved. "Bye-bye!"

The three girls, now returned to their civilian garb, waved back.

**

>Ford: Squid porn! (automatically ducks to the right, expecting Nutbunny to hit him, but she isn’t there. Jake hits him instead) Ow.

The girls walked homeward in the fading light of evening. Suddenly, Molly spoke.

"Hey Lauren?"

"Yeah."

"That was really weird."

"So? What did you expect?"

"Swenson's!" Sara called out unexpectedly. The other two looked, and sure enough, there was the drive-in, not far from Lauren's house.

"Told you I knew where home was. Hey, let's get some food, I'm hungry."

>Twinkia: She’s like a walking stomach. (to Nutbunny) Get up, it’s time to go.

(All exit the theatre)

(Open in the rec room. Astrea, Twinkia, and Jake on the couch, Nutbunny sulking in a chair, Ford at the bar.)

AV: Ladies, it’s time for us to have a talk.

Astrea: (Joel imitation) This is like having your mom tell you about sex.

AV: Well, I kinda hope I won’t have to handle that topic…disturbing. Anyway, this is about the fic. Nutbunny, yes, technically you are a self-insertion character.

Nutbunny: But people hate S.I.s!

AV: Well, I’ve tried to avoid the things that people dislike. You aren’t super-powerful, inhumanly attractive-

Nutbunny: Oh, thanks, that’s good for the ego.

AV: I mean you aren’t perfect, and people aren’t automatically awed by your fabulousness. You’re essentially my inner child, a version of me that does and says the things I think about but can’t do or say without freaking people out. You have to be an S.I. It’s part of who you are.

Nutbunny: I’m going to have to think about this.

AV: To be honest, all of you have certain qualities of mine, which could, I suppose, make you S.I.s to a greater or lesser degree, although I try to make you sufficiently developed characters that it doesn’t become an issue. Astrea, in her original storyline, is probably closest to a “Mary-Sue” type character, because she’s closest to the person I would like to be, but she still has her fair share of character flaws and weaknesses, in my opinion. I thought it would be best to be honest with you. I hope you’re all okay with this.

Jake: So, are we done then?

AV: Um, yeah.

Jake: Cool. What’s on TV?

END