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Ranma 1/2: Akane Can Cook
Written by Jack Staik
Edited by Lady Tesser the Magnificent
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(Ed. note: Kill fiance who can't do anything without making it look like my fault.)

Ukyo noticed Ranma under his favorite tree, waiting. She smiled; she had prepared one of his favorite okonomiyakis for him for lunch today.

"Ohayo, Ranchan!" she called cheerfully.

He glanced up, distracted. "Oh, hi Ucchan."

"Hey, I made you an okonomiyaki for lunch! Your favorite! Extra-large with triple everything!"

Ranma shook his head. "No thanks. Akane made me a special lunch."

"HUH??" Ukyo was horrified. She'd tasted Akane's miso soup in the past, and knew that anything more complex was deadly in the extreme (from the accounts of the wretched survivors).

"Yeah! She got this new Micronesian cook book, and she's really good with it! She makes the most special food imaginable!" He got a dreamy look in his eyes. "Her cooking's like a dream come true!"

"BWAAAK!!" Ukyo commented. <Akane's become a good cook?!? NOOOOOO!!!>

Akane came up with two large bentos, then froze as she saw Ukyo. "Oh, hello, Ukyo." She looked at Ranma sadly. "I was hoping you'd want some more of this stir-fry, but I see you and Ukyo -"

"Were just talking!" he said hurriedly. "I haven't eaten since breakfast! I was waiting for you! PLEASE don't take your food away!"

"Yeah," Ukyo said dejectedly. "He was raving about what a great cook you were."

Akane's face lit up. "Really?!?"

"Haven't I been telling you that for the past two days?" he said. "I don't even eat Kasumi's cooking anymore!"

"Nihao!" Shampoo called cheerfully. Then she saw Ukyo on her knees, surrpounded by a dark aura of despair. And Akane was giving Ranma a bento - and he was smiling!

"NOOOO!!! Ranma not do himself in!!!" Shampoo cried. "Shampoo save Airen from Pervert Girl's toxic waste!"

Ranma grabbed the bentos and leapt straight up, just as Akane's foot hit Shampoo in the face.

"Hey, watch it!" Ranma said as he landed. "You could have spilt Akane's delicious food!"

Shampoo looked at Ranma, then at Akane's smiling face. "Not believe it! Shampoo taste Kitchen-Slayer's swill! Shampoo earn lots of money to deliver to Mercenary Girl when Akane cook!"

Akane fumed at the news that Nabiki had had food smuggled in. "Why, you -"

"You don't talk about Akane-chan's marvellous food like that!" he protested. "Akane's food is magnificent!"

Shampoo was shocked. "Can't be true!"

But Ranma was scarfing as she watched, with many yummy sounds and some chortling as if in joy. Ukyo wailed in despair.

Shampoo turned to Akane. "What demon you sell soul to?"

Akane shook her head. "I got this great new cookbook. It seems I have a talent for Micronesian cooking."

"Micronesian?" She looked at what was left of the food before Ranma gobbled it up. A standard stir-fry, nothing fancy. Smelled odd, though.

"What you make him?"

"His favorite!" Akane said smiling. "Remember that large gray-and-white alleycat that lived over by the dumpster?"

"Oh yes, always chasing Shampoo. Why?"

Akane smiled.

Shampoo's eyes got huge. "YAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"

Ranma cackled madly. "REVENGE IS MINE!!!"

Ukyo and Shampoo both ran to throw up, while Ranma and Akane enjoyed their stir-fried alley-cat.