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A Day in the Life of the Sailor Starlights
Day 2

Today's episode: Yaten, the Black Widow!

Yaten: Okay, okay. So the Britney Spears/DMX/Three Lights joint album was a bad idea...
Taiki: Well, face facts. We're almost broke.
Seiya: Good one, Yaten. How are we going to eat now that we've bought all this nifty new stuff?
Taiki: Maybe we can rent her out as a maid...
Yaten: Hey! I know! I can marry one of our neighbors and kill them for their money!
Seiya: Um, can you do that, Yaten?
Yaten: Well, Kate's roommate Adam did it once and got away with it! I'll bet I can too.
Taiki: Fine, but we're not getting involved.

Micheal: Do do de do...Hi, I'm walking down the street and I have lots of money!
Yaten: Target found. Hee hee hee...
Taiki: Stop laughing like that. You're creeping me out.

Seiya: Hey, check it out, I look like the guy from Star Trek!
Taiki: Uh oh, she's found a target.
Seiya: Relax, he's got to marry her first.
Taiki: Don't speak too soon...

Yaten: I haven't known you for very long, but this bathroom inflames my passion! Will you marry me?
Michael: I've only known you for about five seconds. But hell, why not? This place beats my pad.
Seiya: Are you two done? I really have to pee?

Michael: You look beautiful in your dress my dear. But why are you in black?
Yaten: You'll find out soon enough...hee hee hee.
Taiki: I told you to stop laughing like that.
Seiya: This is cute and all, but I REALLY HAVE TO GO! MOVE IT OR LOSE IT!

Yaten: Now that we're married, Michael dear, will you mow the lawn?
Michael: Of course, darling. Where is the lawnmower?
Yaten: Why, in the shed in the back, of course!
Michael: All right, my love, I'm headed back there!

Michael: Hmmm...this shed seems to be empty...
Back wall: *slam!* *click*
Michael: Oh dear. The wall seems to have slammed shut. I'll just open the door and...wait, there is no door!
(pause)
Michael: Oh damn.

Taiki: Hey, Yaten, where's Michael?
Yaten: I don't know. He went out a little while ago. I'll just turn up the radio...
Seiya: I'm sure he'll be back! Dinner!

Taiki: ...and that's how I blew out the Outers' window with the guitar!
Seiya: I so did not need to hear that.
Yaten: Ahem, oh where can Michael be? He's never late for dinner.
Seiya: He's never HAD dinner. You married him today, remember?
Taiki: You weren't serious about killing him off for his money, were you?
Yaten: Of course not. Hee hee hee...
Taiki: Dammit, Yaten, STOP THAT!

Taiki: Are you SURE you haven't seen him?
Sailor Mars: Positive. Ami was the only one who's met him, but he never came by the house.
Taiki: This worries me.
Sailor Mars: You're worried about that? Didn't you hear what'll happen to you if Haruka catches you for breaking that window?
Taiki: *gulp*

Yaten: Oh, I hope my dear Michael is all right. Oh well. Night night, guys.
Taiki: She seems surprisingly unconcerned.
Seiya: Yeah, it's not like Yaten to cheerfully go to bed alone.
Taiki and Yaten: SEIYA!!!
Seiya: Sorry. Yeesh.

Meanwhile, in the shed out back...
Michael: *sniff* I've been in here for hours! When will someone come to rescue me? *sniff*

Michael: Hello! Anyone out there! Can I at least have a comfy chair?

Michael: And I really need to pee, too...oops. Never mind. How embarassing...

Michael: This sucks. I should never have married someone I've only known for five minutes.

Michael: I smell horrible. Maybe someone will smell me out instead.

Michael: *sob* I haven't eaten in hours! And my superfast metabolism will cause me to starve to death in approximately two pictures. I just know it! *sob*

Michael: See, see! I was right! Argh!

Michael: Farewell, cruel world! I'll get you next time, Yaten! Next time! *dies*

Yaten: Oh my! Everyone, come quickly!
Taiki and Seiya: Gasp!
Yaten: He's dead, dead! It looks like he accidently locked himself in the tool shed! I should have come out here and checked, I just know it! *sob*
Taiki: Um, there's no door in the tool shed.
Seiya: I didn't even know we HAD a tood shed.
Yaten: No time for that! We must mourn!
Taiki: Okay, fine. Between this, and the phone sex hotline, I'm having a long talk with you about crime-free ways to make money.
Seiya: Oh well. Can we buy a hot tub?
Taiki: Sure. The Outers' won't let us use theirs anymore anyway.
Yaten: Oh, Michael!
Seiya: If only you had more money...
Taiki: Seiya, no!

And so ends this rather morbid "Day in the Life of the Sailor Starlights!" Thanks for tuning in! We now return you to "Sailor Food," already in progress.