Camel Spotting with Quatre Raberba Winner by Jade Sage (jade_sage@angelfire.com)
Disclaimer: I don't own Monty Python, or GW, or Quatre! So don't bother me about it!
Note: I just thought the "Camel Spotting" thing would be funny with Quatre 'cause he's Arabian (albeit a test-tube baby) and has, undoubtedly, seen a camel. At least, I hope. 
And I'm giving the interview 'cause I couldn't think of anyone else who would. And I want to. OK, enough of me.


(In the country we see an Interviewer (Jade), with microphone. Behind her a boy sits on a wall, with clip-board, goggles pushed up over his forehead, binoculars and spotting gear.) 

Jade: Good evening. Tonight we're going to take a hard tough abrasive look at camel spotting. Hello. 

Quatre: Hello, Jade. 

Jade: Now tell me, what exactly are you doing? 

Quatre: Er well, I'm camel spotting. I'm spotting to see if there are any camels that I can spot, and put them down in my camel spotting book. 

Jade: Good. And how many camels have you spotted so far? 

Quatre: Oh, well so far Jade, up to the present moment, I've spotted nearly, ooh, nearly one. 

Jade: Nearly one? 

Quatre: Er, call it none. 

Jade: Fine. And er how long have you been here? 

Quatre: Three years. 

Jade: So, in, er, three years you've spotted no camels? 

Quatre: Yes in only three years. Er, I tell a lie, four, be fair, five. I've been camel spotting for just the seven years. Before that of course I was a Gundam Spotter. 

Jade: A Gundam Spotter, that must have been extremely interesting. 

Quatre: Oh, it was extremely interesting, very, very - quite... it was dull; dull, dull, dull, oh God it was dull. Sitting in the base waiting room. Course once you've seen one Gundam you've seen them all. 

Jade: And have you seen them all? 

Quatre: Well I've seen one. Well a little one... a picture of a... I've heard about them. 

Jade: Well, now tell me, what do you do when you spot a camel? 

Quatre: Er, I take its number. 

Jade: Camels don't have numbers. 

Quatre: Ah, well you've got to know where to look. Er, they're on the side of the engine above the piston box. 

Jade: Nani?! *sweatdrops*

Spotter: Ah - of course you've got to make sure it's not a dromedary. 'Cos if it's a dromedary it goes in the dromedary book. 

Jade: Well how do you tell if it's a dromedary? 

Quatre: Ah well, a dromedary has one hump and a camel has a refreshment car, buffet, and ticket collector. 

Jade: Mr Winner, aren't you in fact a Train Spotter? 

Quatre: What? 

Jade: Don't you in fact spot trains? 

Quatre: Oh, you're no fun anymore. 

(ANIMATION: Then a girl in bed. Count Dracula enters. The girl reveals her neck. The vampire goes to kiss her but his fangs fall out.) 

Girl: Oh, you're no fun anymore. 

(A man at the yardarm being lashed.) 

Lasher:... thirty-nine... forty. All right, cut him down, Mr Fuller. 

Lashee: Oh you're no fun anymore. 

(Back to Quatre the Camel Spotter.) 

Quatre: Now if anybody else pinches my phrase I'll throw them under a camel. 

Jade: (giggling) If you can spot one. 

(Quatre gives her a dirty look. Knight in armour appears beside him. He hits Jade with chicken.) 

Jade: Oi! *gets up and runs after Knight*

Quatre: Oh dear.... *sweatdrops* 

*End Camel Spotting Sketch*