"Duchess' Day Off" or "Inbreeding leads to insanity"

Luna and Diana are watching TV and hear that the visiting Duchess Rubina has the flu. Diana then says that it's kind of like in Crystal Tokyo, when Neo Queen Serenity and Prince Darien(god dammit, Helios calls him Prince Endymion and in R, he was the future king...prince is more accurate since it's a matriarchy, but still, make up your damn minds!) sometimes both get sick on the night of an important function.

Luna: The queen and the prince get sick at the same time?

Diana: Uh-huh. But they always feel much better in the morning!

(Diana is so cute!! ^_^)

The Duchess of Amethyst is faking it, but completely insane. For example, to get Rini and Serena to stop fighting, she steps between them and puts a hand on both of their faces. It works, but probably because few people expect a strange woman to do something like that. Rubina then recruits two men to help Serena with the same tactic. Serena and Rini say thanks but no thanks and run like hell.

At the bar, Hawk-Eye and Fish-Eye(who are sitting awfully close together) are looking at a picture of Rubina in her duchess gear. Hawk-Eye asks Tiger-Eye if he's sure he doesn't want a chance at a Duchess. Tiger-Eye says he's not interested and besides, the Duchess is sick.

Hawk-Eye and Fish-Eye laugh at Tiger-Eye because they think the Duchess is lying through her regal teeth. Then they "demonstrate" the scenario of the duchess going AWOL and her minions saying she has the flu as a cover-up. Tiger-Eye says he still doesn't care and that Rubina looks boring. Hawk-Eye replies, "Not to me," causing both Tiger and Fish to stare at him.

Meanwhile, Serena and Rini pull on kimonos to head to the festival. They see Rubina just outside their door who tells them not to worry. Or something. I really have no idea what this chick's on or what happens here, but Serena and Rini end up at the festival. Rubina molests the cotton candy man, then sees a bratty kid screaming for a balloon. So she gives him one. Because he inspires a flashback of a duchess moment when she's told she can't go out and be a regular tourist because she's the Duchess of Amethyst.

Then she gives the other nearby children balloons. And when asked by the balloon man for money, she hands him a balloon and smiles. He starts screaming at her.

Hawk-Eye comes to her rescue and informs her that when you want something, you're expected to pay for it with something the public calls money.(I guess he and Tiger-Eye learned that the hard way after their first encounter with a prostitute...) Then he calls her duchess, causing her to shove him to the ground and announce that she's going to be free, just like the balloons! After she runs off, the balloon man(no, not one from the circus, the guy who sells balloons)whacks Hawk-Eye with a mallet, ruining his hair, and demands money. Ever suave, Hawk-Eye hands him 1,000 yen, telling him to keep the change. According to this site that's about $8.05 US.

Serena and Rini, having decided that Rubina is no ordinary tourist, decide to follow her.

As Rubina's about to move closer with Serena and Rini, Hawk-Eye appears behind her. She tells him that she'll go back to the hotel after the fireworks. Hawk-Eye says he doubts that. Curtain comes down, 1,2,3, and, well, no Pegasus again. So, Rubina's going to be paying for those balloons with her life.

Moon and Mini-Moon appear and give their speeches. Hawk-Eye suggests they should pay for the balloons(he's really pissed about the balloon thing...)then calls out Elephanto, another member of the ball family who comes with her own elephant. She's Gum Mario's sister in law and she babbles on for awhile(I watch dub. I don't know what she said)

Hawk-Eye opens up his portal and announces that he's leaving. There's no reply. He taps Elephanto with a stick and tells her to get to work. So, Elephanto does her best trick...she can balance an elephant on top of her! Sailor Moon and Sailor Mini-Moon, who really need to get out more, are amazed by this. Elephanto then gets a crack in her and tells the elephant to get off. She then rolls herself towards the two pumpkins.

Hawk-Eye says he's leaving if anyone cares. He jumps up into his portal--and collides with the elephant's ass. After screaming at it, the two eventually go through.

Moon and Mini-Moon, meanwhile, find themselves running on top of Elephanto. Tuxedo Mask appears and chucks a rose on the ground. Elephanto runs over it. So, Tuxedo Mask knocks her out from under his future wife and daughter with his cane, just before the ball hits the passed out Rubina. Sailor Moon and Sailor Mini-Moon naturally find this something of a mixed blessing as they end up flat on their backs. Still, Pegasus is called, Moon Gorgeous Meditation, Elephanto goes to ball lemure heaven.