The Wizard of Ozzy Land By: Little Tin Goddess *SPECIAL THANKS TO MY LITTLE SIS FOR COMING UP WITH THIS IDEA* Ok this is Metallica in “the wizard of ozz”. I haven’t seen the movie since I was little so I don’t remember most of it. Anyway, bear with me with the wrong timeline and shit. I decided to write a Metallica fanfic because there’s not many here under fanfiction.net, and that really sucks. There’s like thousands of fanfics about dumb fucks like the backstreet boys but on only about eighty for Metallica. Come on you guys! Write more fics about Metallica, Tool, Pantera, and such!! Well anyway, I hope you enjoy part one of the fic, and here is a little summary…. SUMMARY: Metallica all got together in San Francisco to hang out with Kirk. (Lets just say he lives there again). So while Jason was on his way to Kirk’s house he somehow ended up in another timeline, and another world… “The Wizard of Ozzy Land” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jason-Dorthy Chub Chub-Toto Kirk-The scarecrow Lars-The metal guy James-The lion ~~~~~~~~~~ The telephone on the hotel nightstand rang. Jason annoyed that his sleep was disturbed wakes up to answer it. “Eh?” “Hey Jason it’s Kirk, listen um, me and the rest of the guys are gonna meet up at a bar later tonight so meet us at my house ok?” “You do realize it’s 8am right?” Jason says in a harsh tone. “Why yes…yes I do.” “Good, cause when I see you I’m ripping out your nipple ring!” “I don’t have one, that’s Lars.” “Who?” “Lars.” “Oh its you, I don’t like you.” Kirk said nothing dumfounded about what Jason had just said. “Uh…I’m kinda lost.” Snoring is heard through Kirk's phone. “Jason?” No reply. “J-Jason?” Kirk hangs up. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BEEP BEEP BEEP Jason’s alarm clock goes off. He turns it off and glances at it. “FIVE PM?! HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN?!!” He screams. “Ok, so I go to Kirk's place in two hours, which gives me enough time to sleep for an hour and a half then begin panicking half an hour before I have to leave the house.” He resets the alarm clock for 6:30 PM, and falls asleep for the third time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BEEP BEEP BEEP Once again, the alarm went off. Jason sits up and rubs his eyes while leaning over to turn it off. He yawns and gets out of bed. “I need a shower, but I guess I gotta be quick about it if I wanna make it to Kirk's in time.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After getting out of the shower and preparing to go, Jason checks out of the hotel and makes his way to his car. He gets in, starts the car and drives away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Listen I TOLD you! I have a flat tire!! I need your help. Get your ass down here now!! I’m not gonna give you directions again!!” Jason screamed into his cell phone about a mile from Kirk’s house. He stood by his car waiting for the tow truck guys impatiently. It was already getting dark. Jason looked into his watch, 6:30. He decided to call Kirk and tell him he was stuck. “Hello?” Kirk answered. “Hey man, it’s Jason. I have a flat tire and I’m stuck.” “Well then walk! We’re all waiting on you!!” “Fine…” And so, Jason began walking the rest of the way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Man I’ve been walking forever!” He says to himself. “BARK, BARK!!” A dog’s voice comes from behind him. “What the fuck?” Jason turns around. Sure enough, there was a cute little poofy brown dog right behind him. “Where the hell did you come from dog?” The dog just waged his tail and looked into Jason's face. Jason just stares back and then turns to walk away. The dog begins to follow him. “Oh shit, your gonna follow me now huh? Where the hell are your owners?” That’s when he realizes the dog didn’t have a collar. “DAMMIT! STOP FOLLOWING ME!” “BARK!!” The dog screamed back as if it were a reply. Jason once again walks away with the dog following him. “Oh well, I suppose if you MUST follow me then I should give you name.” The dog just kept wagging while walking next to the bassist. “Hmmm…how about poofy! Nah, that’ll just make you look gay like Lars, I’ll just call you Chub-Chub.” (Don’t flame me on the Lars comment, I just thought it kinda went there. Trust me I love all the Metallica members. ^_^) “Bark!” “Chub-Chub it is.” Jason kept talking to the dog as if it were a person oblivious to the fact he was about to walk into an open sewer. “So anyway, that’s when James thought it would be funny if he were to kick me in the balls…and so he did…and it freakin hurt! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” “BARK!! BARK!! BARK!!” Chub-Chub peered into the sewer that Jason just fell into. He decided that his only choice was to jump in after him. After all, he was very nice to him. Chub-Chub jumped in. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! CHUB-CHUB!! WE’RE FALLING THROUGH AN ENDLESS PIT!! …AND IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT!!” Jason screamed up to Chub-Chub. “HOLY CRAP I THINK I SEE THE ENDING, THIS IS GONNA HURT CHUB-CHUB, I HOPE YOU CAN LAND ON YOU FEET.” Jason landed right on his ass. “Oof!” Chub-Chub landed safely on his lap. “BARK!” “Yah, yah!! Now get off! Where the hell are we?” There was a big wooden door in front of him. “Well Chub-Chub, looks like we have no choice but to open it…unless you wanna climb back up that tunnel that smells like shit…” “BARK!” “Yah, that’s all you can say isn’t it! God I can’t even communicate with you anymore!” “BARK!” “Well, c’mon lets open the door.” And so, Jason slowly opens the gazes inside. The sky was orange, the water was clear blue, and there were giant lollypops and candies instead of trees. “I think I’m gonna be sick,” Jason retorted. “It’s too colorful.” “Bark.” Chub-Chub agreed. They both walk in only to be confronted by a little gnome with pink hair. “Welcome friends!” “AHHH!” The bassist screams. “I mean, umm…hi…how are you…Mr.…midget.” “What brings you to Ozzy Land?” The dwarf questions. “Uh…I dunno…I fell in…how do I get out?” “You wanna leave huh? Well there’s only one way to that, you gotta ask the wizard of Ozzy land.” “Uh-huh. And where might I find this ‘wizard’ of yours?” “Oh, I can’t answer that…but I know someone who can.” “ISN’T THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN DO SO THAT I DON’T HAVE TO GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE YOU RECOMMEND?!” Jason screams getting impatient. “Relax, I’ll bring them out right now…” the gnome replies, then he turns around and screams behind him into the little village behind the big candies and lollypops. “HEY GUYS!! YOU GOT YOURSELF A GIG.” “Alright!!” Screams a voice from behind the shadows of the village. All of a sudden, a bunch of amps are set up and out comes Pearl Jam ready to perform. “What in hell-” Jason looks at them. “Hey!! Pearl Jam, what are you guys doing down here?!” “What do you mean down here?” Replied one of the members of the band. Jason decided to shut up from now on. He didn’t know where he was and what was happening, but he would play along. He really didn’t wanna anger or confuse anyone right now…if he was to get answers he didn’t want everyone to think he’s a psycho. Peal jam began to play their awesome riffs. Eddie Veder lets his voice rip through the microphone. “FOLLOWWWWWWWWWWW THE METAL BRICK ROAD!!” Jason’s eyes widened. This was getting scary. “I SAID NOW, FOLLOW THAT METAL BRICK ROAD!” Eddie pointed to a road behind the small stage they were playing on. Jason saw this and was ready to go find this wizard guy. Pearl Jam got done singing the metal brick road song and got off for a small break. Jason walked up to Eddie Veder. “So uh-Eddie, how can a metal road be made from brick?” “Well, it’s made of metal and it’s shaped like bricks that’s how…now get your ass moving if yah wanna make it to the wizard. I gotta show to do.” And so, Jason and Chub-Chub began to walk down the metal brick road leaving the sexy Eddie Veder and his band singing “Black” behind them. “Well Chub-Chub, I’m scared but I guess this can’t get any worse. I have a feeling we’re not in San Francisco anymore…” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Well that’s the end of part one. Please review!! I know this wasn’t that funny but that’s only because this was the intro so just tell me if you like it! ^_^