*Author's Note: I dislike Big Four's voice. He sounds like Malik on drugs.
Catling: *blinks* That was random.
DG: Thank you! I feel like being random today... Hmm, what else?
Catling: Nothing?
DG: Nah, not so lucky. Ooh, I know! What's the difference between Yugi and Yami?
Catling: One's dead and the other's not?
DG: *laughs* Which would you say is which?
Catling: Wouldn't dare guess. So, what?
DG: "If you gave Yugi a pair of wings, he'd provide his own halo. If you gave Yami a pair of wings, he'd spraypaint them black."
Catling: *turning her catnip pouch inside-out to get at the corners* Profound.
DG: Thanks! ^_^
Catling: So why doesn't Ay have a halo, then? *gestures to the angel in the corner, contentedly sipping his hot chocolate*
DG: Err... left it in heaven?
Catling: If it makes you happy... *starts chewing on the lining of the pouch*
DG: *annoyed* It does! Well, I'd better let people read the fic now... Oh, but Death Shadow Dragon? I'm not afraid of you! And Skye? Who ever said that the last chapter was unfunny? *grins* It was fun to write, and this one was, too. Except for the bit where they all died. But, hey, whatcha gonna do?
On a completely unrelated and equally random note, anyone who would like email notification whenever new chapters are posted should say so in a review (or email me at dgatomon@hotmail.com) and leave their email address. I'm already doing this for a few people, so it wouldn't be a problem at all, if you'd like me to add your name onto the list.*
Mai: Great try, guys, but we still need even more attack power.
Joey: *tossing a rock up and down* Well, that's the beauty of them being "real" monsters, ain't it?
Mai: "When in a cave, do as the cavemen do?"
Yugi: *slightly embarrassed* You got it!
Mai: I hate this! Everything's rigged against us!
Yugi: Hey, Adena seems like she's here to help! We wouldn't have gotten out of the labyrinth without her and Earu.
Joey: Yeah, can't forget little Mokuba-ette!
*Yugi jumps in front of Mokuba and starts trying to convince him to put down the big rock he's suddenly holding.*
Mokuba: Come on, Yugi! One good shot, that's all I ask!
Grandma: I see you've made some new friends.
Adena: They saved me. They're the bravest warriors I've ever seen!
Yugi: *looking worriedly at the less-than-friendly-looking soldiers* Uhh...
Joey: No need to go THAT far...
Mai: Yeah, your own soldiers? They look fantastic.
Mokuba: So we'll just be going now.
*And so, the Legendary Heroes, recognizing the basic human hatred of being shown up, took discretion as the better part of valor, and fled.*
Kaiba: Unnh... Where... am I?
Witty Phantom: You're with me, Seto Kaiba.
Kaiba: *too groggy to not be sarcastic* No, I'm Seto Kaiba. You're the Witty Phantom -- who failed to answer my question. Despite the fact that it's now perfectly obvious that it's a volcano.
Witty Phantom: *annoyed* It's no good taunting you if you're going to be so snide.
Kaiba: That seems like your problem, not mine.
Kaiba: That's enough. Override protocol! End this simulation!
Witty Phantom: *tsks* I told you things have changed. Your code's been rewritten, and now all your silly safety precautions are a thing of the past.
Kaiba: As is all tact, clearly. Characters that know they're part of a game? Where's the adventure in that?
Witty Phantom: *smirks* Anything to make you unhappy, dear Kaiba.
Kaiba: *muttering* My game... my poor game... *growls* How dare they...!
Mai: I like Adena. At least she knows how to travel in high style!
Joey: What? In purple-Kiwimon-drawn carriages?
Mai: Er... yeah! Yeah!
*The boys sweatdrop.*
Yugi: Is this your palace?
Adena: Why, yes. I am the princess of this land -- Sin Lau. Princess Adena. *curtsies*
Heroes: PRINCESS?!
Adena: Well... yes. Why did you think everyone was calling me "my lady?"
*Everyone sweatdrops.*
Joey: Uh... they're, uh... really polite?
Adena: Well, I didn't want to say anything before, but people often disappear when it is time for the offerings... Every year at this time, offerings are collected from this and another kingdom so that the Mythic Dragon can be resurrected.
Yugi: The Mythic Dragon?
Mai: RESURRECTED?!
Yugi: Now, this might seem like a stupid question... but is there a particular reason you want a fire-breathing dragon running around your kingdom?
Adena: *coughs, blushes, and stammers* Uh, well, um... no reason, really...
Adena: The other kingdom has already put up their offering -- some stranger from a distant land.
Mai: *blinks* One? Only one? Now, I'm not saying that's not horrible, but how small is your kingdom that you notice one person disappearing a year?
Adena: *counts on her fingers* Well, it's just me... my cousins... and the Hayas on the next hillside over.
Mai: Well... that would do it...
Mai: So what are you going to do about your kingdom's offering?
Adena: Oh... well... I've volunteered. *gasps all around* But don't worry about my fate, for with the legend comes a prophecy, and it predicts that epic heroes will come to Sin Lau from beyond the distant mountains. It is these great heroes, who, united, will create a power that is strong enough to destroy the Mythic Dragon.
Yugi: Are you saying that you think that that's us?
Mai: Sounds to me that that makes it exactly our problem to worry about, doesn't it?
Joey: I think you're over-doin' it on the logic, Mai.
Mokuba: HEY! My brother designed this game!
Joey: *mutters* Yeah, well, I wouldn't be surprised if he was fond of hard nights on the town while makin' it.
*Mai snickers.*
Adena: To properly prepare you, we will adorn you in the manner of our greatest heroes.
Mokuba: Yeah, because making people worry that they're going to trip over their cape is the best way to ensure that their full attention is bent on saving the kingdom.
Mai: *poses* A girl like me could get used to this. How'd you make out, Yugi?
Yugi: Well, I feel a bit silly.
Mai: Silly? I think you look just great!
Yugi: If you say so.
Mai: Geez, what's wrong with you, kid? Most guys'd be jumping all over that compliment!
Yugi: *blushes brightly* Uh, well, I'm just worried, I guess. *tries to keep from tugging at his Puzzle*
Yugi: You know, Mai, Kaiba Corp's execs have reprogrammed this game. You could be putting yourself in danger.
Mai: Yugi, did you check me out? I look way too good to be sittin' at home.
Yugi: *grins* And you can tell that without the benefit of mirrors?
Mai: *winks* You know it!
Mai: Where's Joey, anyway?
Joey: *pokes his head out from behind a curtain* Back here. And back here is just where I'm stayin', too.
Mai: Oh, come on, don't be such a wimp.
Joey: *flings open the curtain, blushing* I'm wearin' a bathroom rug, Mai!
Mai: *impressed* Wow. Was what they tried to give you so much worse than that?
Grandma: But, Joey, this is the traditional garb of our greatest national hero!
Yugi: *sweatdrops* Good thing Yami isn't being in a helpful mood today... *shudders, picturing himself in that*
Grandma: But, Joey, this is the traditional garb of our greatest national hero!
Joey: Oh! Really? Well, then... *flexes his muscles and shows off, while the nursemaid snickers*
Yugi: *whispers to Mai* I didn't know these virtuapeople had such a sick sense of humor.
Mai: *whispers back* Well, Kaiba did program it...
Yugi: Joey! Look out! The Armed Ninja!
Joey: No way he's layin' a hand on the princess!
Yugi: We've gotta stop him.
Mai: Leave it to me. Dark Witch, attack! *the Dark Witch attacks a few of the airborne monsters* Two down!
Yugi: *sweatdrops* How is that helping us with the Armed Ninja?
Mai: Picky, picky...
Mai: So then... they got Mokuba?
Adena: *tearfully* Yes, that was him. He wanted to go.
Mai: He WANTED to go?!
Joey: Yeah, just like a man WANTS his house to burn down without him in it.
Mai: Or Joey WANTS to be hit upside the head.
Joey: *edges away from her* Hey!
Joey: But how do we reach the dark castle?
Yugi: *walks over to the edge of the battlements, and sighs* I don't know. *opens his eyes* Huh? Look! Guys! Down there! Ancient ruins!
Joey: What do you see, Yuge?
*After a slight pause, everyone looks at Adena.*
Adena: *confused* What?
Joey: *sweatdrops* Whoops, sorry. Forgot you weren't Mokuba, again.
Joey: But, even if it's buried under there, it must be a fossil by now! How could we ever restore it?
Yugi: I don't know, but it's our only hope of rescuing the Kaiba brothers. Let's go down and check it out!
*The gang leaves the palace and stares intently at a random spot on the ground.*
Joey: Yuge, this is hopeless. There's no way a plane that old is gonna fly.
Yugi: *sounding rather demented* No. It won't. That's the reason we have to restore it to the way it was a thousand years ago!
Joey: *slaps a hand to his head* Do you guys even listen to me?!
Mai: Maybe subconsciously...
Joey: *on the airship* Wow. We're flying!
Mai: Well, that would be the point of a Flying Machine, now wouldn't it?
Joey: Hey, look who it is!
Yugi: Earu! I guess this means you want to come with us!
Earu: *flutters around, smiling happily* *silently* I like your hair... It will make a good nest for my young.
Joey: I'm drivin'. I called it, I'm drivin'!
Yugi: *shrugs* Fine by me. I doubt I could see over the prow.
Mai: And you wouldn't expect a lady to drive, would you?
Joey: *sweatdrops* Yeah, go and take the fun out of it...
Goon: I see an opening!
Téa: No, you don't! *slams the door on his hand*
Goon: *eyes filling with tears* Oww... sh-she hit me! MOMMY!!
Kemo: We're getting in there, you little thumbsuckers!
Téa: Little WHAT?!
Kemo: Thumbsuckers! You don't stand a chance against us, you twits.
Téa: Ohh, thumb-suckers. Okay, yeah, that's better.
*Tristan snickers.*
Yugi: *tearfully* Are you okay? Earu, say something.
Earu: *silently* But I've never spoken!
Yami: All right, Joey. Charge ahead.
*A moment later...*
Mai: Oh, no! We've hit the magical barrier!
Joey: Well, if this ship lives up to its legend, then we should be able to pass right through it.
Mai: Well, technically, the hero of the past only managed to escape from the dark castle on it.
*Yami glares at her.*
Mai: On the other hand, never mind.
Joey: She's falling apart! Abandon ship!
Yami: Hang on! Winged Dragon of the Fortress!
*The gang flies off on a dragon that is hopefully unallied with the dark castle -- with Yami, unsurprisingly, getting to ride in front.*
Joey: That was quick thinkin', Yuge!
Mai: Which? When he presaged the Salamandra's attack, or summoned the monster? Because if it's just the second one, I think me using Multiply on the Harpies to carry your monsters was just as clever.
Joey: *sweatdrops* Err, the first one, then, definitely.
Witty Phantom: Wake up, Kaiba. You programmed me to torment my captives, not let them sleep.
Kaiba: Guess you weren't my most inspired invention.
Witty Phantom: I think that's more evident from your lack of imagination when it came to my personality. Surely you could have given me an original idiosyncrasy or two, couldn't you?
Kaiba: *smirks* Nah. I had more important things to be thinking about.
Witty Phantom: Ooh, I'm hurt!
Witty Phantom: Heh heh. Come now, Kaiba. Give yourself some credit. After all, just look who I managed to snatch. His disguise didn't fool us.
Mokuba: *appears, and yanks off his dress -- and is somehow wearing the clothes Adena had been underneath* Seto!
Kaiba: Mokuba! What are you doing here? *looks at the dress and coughs* Uh... hehe...
Mokuba: *fingering the hilt of his sword* Yess? You were going to say?
Kaiba: *hastily* It was the Big Five! Really! I've never though of you as a girl, Mokuba -- really!!
Witty Phantom: His disguise didn't fool us.
Kaiba: Mokuba! What are you doing here?
Mokuba: Gee, big bro. You'd think you'd never seen a rescue attempt before.
Kaiba: Actually, I was referring to the dress.
Mokuba: Eh? *looks down and blushes* Well, y'see, Seto, you might wanna sit down for this...
Kaiba: Armed Ninjas -- like the one who took my first Blue-Eyes.
Mokuba: Bloody hell! He's the one who was sent to capture me, too! Dammit, there are waaay too many of those in this game.
Kaiba: *shudders* I know. It's bad enough they had to rewrite my game, but did they have to bastardize it, too?
Kaiba: Now, Mokuba, tell me how it is you got here.
Mokuba: Don't be mad, but I got Yugi and his friends to help.
Kaiba: *mad* You did what? You know how I feel about Yugi Moto.
Mokuba: *dubiously* I do?
Kaiba: Don't you?
Mokuba: Well, you've kinda been giving a lot of mixed messages...
*Kaiba stares at him, shocked and disturbed.*
Joey: What on earth? A floating castle with its own forest? I think maybe Kaiba ought to spend more time in reality.
Yami: Reality is highly over-rated.
Mai: *not getting it* Yeah, I mean, there's got to be a reason they call it the Castle of Dark Illusions, after all.
Mai: That fire -- it's disturbing the Cocoons! They're hatching! And they're full of more creatures!
Joey: Well, yeah, generally that's what cocoons are for, Mai...
*Mai whacks him, and he shuts up.*
Joey: A Kuriboh? On a Catapult!
Yami: Not just a Kuriboh, but a team of them! Get ready for some fireworks! Go, Multiply!
*The Kuriboh does as it's told, and soon there are dozens of Kuriboh falling off the Catapult and running around people's legs squeaking.*
Mai: *sweatdrops* Oh, yeah. Look at 'em go.
Joey: Though considering that this whole problem started with fire, maybe that isn't such a bad thing...
Joey: Wow, from creepy forest to creepy cavern. And still no trace of Kaiba and Mokuba. Whoa, you guys hear that? There it is again. Something's definitely up there.
*A startlingly albino girl giggles and flings a few rocks at them before scampering away.*
Joey: *ducks and sweatdrops* Oh, yeah. Just what we needed. A little Bakura-ette, too.
*Yami laughs.*
Joey: Kaiba, Mokuba, you're okay! What a relief! We've been all worried.
Kaiba: *smirks* Joey, you look like an overgrown monkey in that outfit.
Joey: *stung* Yeah, well, at least I didn't come looking like I fit into the place!
Yami: All right, everyone! Stay close! We'll win together, or together we'll fall.
Kaiba: That's remarkably unselfless, Yugi.
Yami: *shrugs* I already saved you once. The second time, I require mutual support. And the third time? Well, you'd better just hope that you do something for me before then.
Kaiba: Suck it up. There's only one way we can get out of this game.
Yami: I agree. We have to take this Dragon down.
Mai: *rolls eyes* Uh, guys? The Witty Phantom captured Kaiba, which he shouldn't have. Then the Mythic Dragon was summoned, though it shouldn't have been. Starting to see a pattern here?
Mokuba: I doubt it, Mai.
Big One: Just another bit of reprogramming that we did.
Big Three: We call it the Dragon's Seal, and it makes this lair a sacred place where only Dragon-class monsters are allowed to attack. Every other monster type is useless.
Kaiba: *laughs wonderfully* You dare challenge me to a battle of dragons? You five should all know better than that.
Big Two: Indeed we do. That's why we have also reprogrammed the game to classify only the Mythic Dragon as a Dragon-type monster.
Joey: Well, that can't be good.
Mai: Joey had his Red-Eyes take the hit, but that means that we'll be down to three dragons, since he doesn't have a replacement! How can we possibly win?! ... *blinks* Uhh, Joey? What's wrong?
Kaiba: *watching Joey die, horrified* It took out all of his life points?
Yami: It's two thousand points stronger than a Red-Eyes Black Dragon?! Errr... anybody up for hiding behind some Kuriboh?
Mai: You creeps! What kind of sick, twisted game have turned this into?!
Big One: "Game?" *laughs* This ceased to be a game long ago!
Yami: Huh? This turned into a Shadow Game, and I didn't notice?
Mokuba: I think he's talking about the whole VirtuaWorld thing, Yugi. -_-;
Yami: ...that's "long?"
Yami: As strong as that Mythic Dragon might be, there's one creature that can beat it.
Mokuba: Exodia?
Yami: Okay, two creatures.
Kaiba: Either of them useful here?
Yami: Well, that kinda depends on a few things...
Kaiba: *impatiently* And?
Yami: Yeah, well, okay, not so much.
*Kaiba and Mokuba sigh, while Mai looks irritated that nobody is watching her mourn.*
Big One: Weren't you listening to what we just said? Your Black Luster Soldier is not a dragon, therefore, he can't attack!
Big Three: But on the other hand, we can still attack him.
Mai: No, you can't! My Pet Dragon will stop you!
Big One: Then you'll pay the price.
*The Mythic Dragon attacks.*
Yami: Mai! Alone her Dragon couldn't stand against it.
Mokuba: So when we attack it, it cancels out our attacks, without hurting us. But when it attacks us, its attack is stronger?
Kaiba: I can't believe it. They didn't even do a good job finishing the debugging for me.
Yami: Kaiba, this may be our one chance. We have to work as a team.
Kaiba: No way. You don't even know what you're doing.
Yami: You just have to trust me, Kaiba!
Kaiba: I don't have to do anything, Yugi. I can win this battle in my own way.
Yami: You're not doing a very good job of it, as of yet!
Kaiba: But I'm not the one who just got one of my friends killed trying to save me.
Yami: Now that's hardly...
Mokuba: *nervously, over Yami* Do you guys obey some sort of turn system?
Big One: *chuckles* Now I don't see why we would do that...
Mokuba: Eep...
Big One: Fools. Names mean nothing. Though that Dragon is powerful, ours is the ultimate one.
Yami: For now, maybe. But once he has combined himself with another, your Dragon's reign...
Big Three: Come now, let's attack!
Big Five: No, wait! There's always the chance he'll say something potentially useful...
Kaiba: Uhh... *pokes Yami*
Yami: ...legend, when heroes are united, they will...
Big Two: How big a chance?
Big Four: And is it really worth it?
Kaiba: *sighs and starts messing around with his PDA*
Yami: ...ythic Dragon. We will fulfill that prophecy NOW! Go, Polymerization! Go, Soldier!
Kaiba: *looks up* Huh? Am I supposed to be doing something here?
Yami: *sighs* No, that's fine. *steals Kaiba's Duel Disk and slips it on his own wrist* Go, Ultimate Dragon!
Kaiba: *blinks a few times, then shrugs* At least it ought to keep him busy for a while...
Yami: Behold! The Supreme Dragon Master Knight!
Kaiba: *glares* I don't like how the Dragon's contribution is completely ignored in that title.
Yami: *smirks* Yeah, that always used to drive you wild.
Kaiba: Uhh... *looks confused, then shakes his head* Whatever.
Random crowd member named Brock: Our heroes, you did it! You slayed the dragon!
Yami: *brushing himself off* Wow. Talk about insightful.
Kaiba: *still holding his head as if he has a hangover* Surely you didn't expect me to program witty conversation skills into the peasants.
Yami: Actually, I wasn't being that sarcastic.
Adena: Our heroes! What you've done will keep my people and our land safe forever more!
Yami: We're not the ones that you should be cheering.
Kaiba: There shouldn't even be any cheering! I lost my brother in there.
Adena: But... his sacrifice was not in vain!
Yami: *ignoring her* Get over it. It's not like he was your sister, or something.
Kaiba: *stares at Yami* You're horribly sexist, you know that?
Yami: *shrugs* Blame it on my upbringing.
Kaiba: Not into personal responsibility, either, huh?
Yami: You've got that right!
Yami: Remarkable. The princess is actually the Mystical Elf! *coughs a few times, and blushes*
Kaiba: Huh? Yugi?
Yami: Uh... nothing...
Kaiba: Uh-huh... *edges away from Yami anyway*
Mokuba: *joyfully* Seto! ...huh? *looks at Adena, then turns back to Kaiba with a glare* Let me get this straight. Not only did you make me a girl, but you made me an elf?!
Kaiba: Uh... hehe... Um, well, uh... about that... *looks around desperately for inspiration*
Joey: *laughs* Sorry, man! You dug yourself into this one.
Kaiba: Gee, thanks a lot.
Kaiba: The exit portal. Let's go, Mokuba.
Joey: Hey, hold it a sec, Kaiba. That's the exit portal? The whirling black vortex?
Kaiba: *pauses walking* Of course it is. What else would an exit portal look like?
Mai: How about something less mentally scarring?
Kaiba: *mutters* Wimps.
Kaiba: I never asked for your help, and as far as I'm concerned, I never needed it. Yugi, you, on the other hand, I will offer some gratitude. We made a good team, you and I. But don't think it means we'll be partnering up in true reality.
Yami: *smirks* Very well, but despite whatever grudge you still hold against me and the others, perhaps you can at least begin to stop looking at us just as adversaries, and more as friends.
Kaiba: Hmph. And once you're my "friends," what next? I suppose one of you would like to date me, too?
*Yami just smirks more broadly.*
Joey: *confused, to Mai* Am I the only one getting the impression we missed out on somethin', there?
Téa: *turning her back on the goons that just broke down the door* Yugi! Joey! You're all back!
Yugi: And so is Kaiba. He's probably getting out of his Pod right now.
Kemo: No, he can't be!
Mokuba: *fiercely* And without you guys to guard your bosses, I'd say he's about to kick some butt!
Kemo: Huh? Hey, he's right! We gotta get back!
*The goons turn tail and run.*
Téa: We did it!
Tristan: Bunch of wimps.
Mokuba: Bunch of wimps with guns. Do you know how much trouble we could have been in if they hadn't bought that?
Yugi: Good thing they're so stupid.
Joey: Yeah, that's for sure!