*Author's Note: Well! Hey, everybody, I'm back! I know it's been closer to one week than two, but hey, that's just how things work out sometimes! Ain't that great? Well, I hope so! I don't think my recent chapters have been all that funny, but you guys seem to think so, and that's what matters, so hey, I'll go with it!
Now, onto reviews!
Zero - Wow, I don't know how you got it to do that symbol without deleting the rest of the review, but that's cool! Care to share your secret?
Farla - Are you SERIOUS?! I mean, come on! Clearly, the voice change and height difference between Yugi and Yami is just cinematics! And there's almost ALWAYS gasping and all that stuff! So either it's just for our understanding and the characters are reacting to something they can't see OR they're under-reacting to Yugi shouting, glowing, and all that stuff! Whatever it is, it's messed up!!
Tikira - I've said it a couple times, I'll say it again -- I'm doing them in order! Look it up!
Clarissa: Um... Deeg? Don't you think you're being just a little mean to everyone?
DG: Yes! Yes, I think I am!
Clarissa: *winces* And, er... why are you shouting so much?
DG: I've got a killer hangover! That was too damn much catnip!
Clarissa: *nods and tries to inconspicuously cover ears* Right... It seemed that way.
DG: Speaking of order, though, I started the next chapter, but there's a new episode on tomorrow, so I don't know which to post up first! It's called "The Night Before." Doesn't it sound like it'll be all recappy and stuff?!
Clarissa: Er... are you happy about that or not?
DG: ... Do you know, I'm really not sure. *flops down on a couch and closes eyes* Ugh. Seriously, not fun. My head's pounding!
Clarissa: *blinks a few times and takes her hands off her ears* Hey, that's not your head... someone's actually pounding at the door!
DG: ... Eep.
*A few seconds later, the person gets tired of knocking and instead blasts a rather larger hole than actually necessary out of it.*
Clarissa: Oh, um, hi there, Yami! I'm sorry. We only heard you a moment ago, and it's a big cave and all... Did you find Malik?
Yami: Oh, I found him alright.
Clarissa: *somewhat warily* And?
Yami: Let's just say that he'll be feeling the backlash for a week and leave it at that, shall we? *looks meaningfully at Yugi... without moving turning his head away from DG, who is seemingly trying to overdose on aspirin, and Clarissa, of course*
Clarissa: *winces again* That's not exactly nice.
Yami: Never said it was. And what is wrong with her?
Clarissa: Ah, she's a little... incapacitated right now.
Yami: Hmph. Well, it wouldn't be right to deal with her now, then. I'll return later.
*Yami nods respectfully to Yugi, who returns the gesture with a smile, and then leaves through the same large hole that was previously a door.*
DG: *blinks* Well, I suppose that would be one way to avoid him.
Clarissa: Oh, no! I'm not going to let you keep overdosing like that.
DG: Aw, go and ruin all my fun.
Clarissa: Perhaps we should repair the door, though.
DG: Definitely, but that wouldn't stop him. Hmm... Maybe some magic would work, though. You know, I hear that those Ancient Egyptian tombs have lots of magical thingies to ward off intruders.
Clarissa: Um, I really don't think that going on a graverobbing spree would be the best idea right now, Deeg...
((Saturday morning update: Saw the new ep. Laughed hysterically at the cuteness. Dug fingernails so hard into my wrist that it's still red. Kept squealing things like "The symbolism! It's too much for me!" Am currently far too much in shock to write for it.))*
Guard: I'd have thought you'd have learned after the first time you fell and broke your arm.
Mokuba: *wincing* Well, yeah, but I really wanna get out of here.
Guard: I meant "learn to check the length," actually.
Mokuba: Ah, keep your comments to yourself!
Croquet: Alright, you little runt, here's your daily gruel. *goes in and sees that Mokuba has left, and groans* So that's why the bedsheets kept disappearing. *pulls them back inside and goes off to do a load of laundry*
Pegasus: *laughing* Where do these guys get all their ideas?
...
*Note: I'm sorry, there's absolutely nothing I can do to improve that.*
Pegasus: Gorgonzola cheese and the world's finest fruit juice, along with a copy of my favorite comic book. Times like this are more precious to me than any other. You do realize that, don't you?
Kemo: *walks in* Yes, sir, which is why we're holding this intervention.
Croquet: When you were calling it wine, we were willing to look the other way, but now that you've started lying about it...
Kemo: You're an alcoholic, Pegasus.
*Pegasus starts crying.*
Croquet: Fruit juice? I thought you ordered wine...
Pegasus: I did, but we're filming the dub today, and in this poor light, it certainly does LOOK like fruit juice, doesn't it? *sips happily*
Croquet: But the prisoner has escaped.
Pegasus: Which one?
Croquet: *goes wide-eyed* How many do we have?
Pegasus: More than your security clearance entitles you to know.
Computer: Six hours have past since the dueling contests began. Twelve of the participants have been eliminated. Those that were defeated and lost their star chips are being removed from the island by boat.
Pegasus: Who programmed this thing? It keeps telling me things I set up myself.
Croquet: Seto Kaiba, sir.
Pegasus: *resigned* Ah.
Pegasus: He is determined to work his way up in the standings in order to gain entry to my castle, which is exactly what I want little Yugi to do.
Croquet: Uh, wouldn't it have been faster to just invite him in?
Pegasus: *blinks* I hadn't even thought of that...
Pegasus: We'll just keep our spy cams trained on our start duelist... *Croquet laughs* ...What? You laugh at me?
Croquet: *gulps* No, sir! I thought you were punning. Star chips, star duelist... you know.
Pegasus: Right. Bye-bye! *pushes a button which opens a trap door under Croquet*
Téa: Wow, Yugi. I can't believe you already won five star chips.
Tristan: Yeah! Pretty soon you'll have the ten you need to get into Pegasus's castle and rescue your grandpa.
Yugi: *holds his head* You've been saying that repeatedly for the past two hours! Please stop...
Joey: *thoughtfully* I wish I had more star chips.
Yugi: And now you've got him started, too! *starts crying*
Tristan: Sorry, Yugi. We're all just really hungry.
Yugi: You'll be able to help your sister out soon.
Téa: Huh? How does speed of winning affect when you get the money?
Tristan: Comforter's logic.
Téa: *looking down at Tristan* Did you ever pause to think that just because you sympathize with someone doesn't mean that they should go free?
Yugi: Huh?
Tristan: Ngggh?
Joey: There are four-foot long fish with razor-sharp teeth walking all over America?! What freaks! *sees everyone looking at him oddly and hides a science magazine behind his back* I mean... buh?
Kemo: You need star chips to duel and you haven't got any, so you're shipping out of here.
Yugi: Oh. Well, I could give him one of mine.
Téa: *leans over and whispers* He wasn't smart enough to run away during the fight. Do you think he would last five minutes in a duel?
Yugi: *sweatdrops* That's a point.
Tristan: *gets up* That big creep. I say we follow him.
Téa: Yes. It's always good to annoy your arch-enemy's lackeys for no reason. Good strategy!
Chris: As soon as I put my star chips and Duel Monsters deck down, he snatched 'em up and ran off with them.
Yugi: You shouldn't be shipped off the island for that.
Yami: Some of us think that intense gullibility is a perfectly good reason, actually.
Kemo: This boat leaves in exactly 30 minutes. Anyone without a star chip ships out.
Téa: Amazing timing...
Chris: But who are you guys?
Joey: *over Yugi* We're the guys that are gonna save your chips. Don't worry, you've got the berilliant mind of Joey Wheeler on the case.
Yugi: *as they walk away* Mightn't it have cheered him a bit to have known he was being helped by a celebrity... just in case we can't find his attacker?
Joey: Yeah, maybe, but that would've taken the spotlight off me.
Yugi: *sweatdrops* Right.
Joey: You've got the berilliant mind of Joey Wheeler on the case, and I always get my man... Even if he's just a kid.
Téa: And how many times would that be?
Joey: *starts walking faster* Ah, well, statistics aren't really that important.
Joey: You've got the berilliant mind of Joey Wheeler on the case, and I always get my man, even if he's just a kid.
*Yami immediately starts to fret about letting his oh-so clueless aibou hang out with this guy.*
Yugi: Maybe we should stake out the scene of the crime. It's over there! *runs and sits down*
Tristan: Why on earth would he come back here within the next half hour?
Joey: *shakes his head sharply* Sorry, what did you just say? I was lost in his eyes...
*Note: Is it funny? No. Was Yugi the most adorable thing on the planet when he sat down like that? Yes yes YES!*
Mokuba: I've found you at last, Yugi!
Yugi: I'm not sure I'd really call it "found," since we came to you...
Tristan: That must be the kid we were looking for!
Téa: Aww! He's almost the same size as you, Yugi!
*Yugi and Mokuba sweatdrop.*
Tristan: You know, sometimes I don't think even Yugi knows why he does half the stuff he does.
Joey: Huh. Yeah, it's kinda weird. Do you think it has something to do with his Millennium Puzzle?
Téa: No, see? It's just activating now. That can't be it.
Yami: Now, how many star chips will you wager?
Mokuba: To wipe you out? Five!
Joey: *groans* Great! Now my brilliant mind has to go and find all the other duelists he stole from, too!
Yami: Then five it is, but only because I think I know why you're doing this.
Mokuba: So it's the guessing that matters, not what you guessed?
Yami: Mmhmm.
Téa: What does Yugi see that we don't? It's like he's looking into the other player's soul.
Yami: Huh? Oh, I was just trying to decide if that bandana would go with my outfit. It's much easier to visualize with a little magic.
Tristan: Maybe, but Yugi should hurry if he plans to get those star chips back to the boat in time.
Yami: *shifty-eyed* Right... the boat...
Mokuba: Seto! Open the door!
Kaiba: *sighs* It has a knob, Mokuba...
Kaiba: I'm not going, Mokuba.
Mokuba: Not going? Why not?
Kaiba: There's no point.
Mokuba: What do you mean, "no point?"
Kaiba: Kid, I could beat them all blindfolded. I've got better things to do with my time.
Kaiba: Since I lost my duel with Yugi, I just don't know what I think anymore. Everything's different -- it feels as if I lost a piece of myself that day.
Mokuba: Aww! My big brother has a crush!
Mokuba: *catches it* Ow! God-damn frickin' card... gave me a friggin' paper cut...
Kaiba: I really should stop swearing around you, shouldn't I?
Kaiba: Here, Mokuba. I'm going away for a while. I don't know how long I'll be gone. Keep this... it was always your favorite.
Mokuba: *looks up from the card* But that makes no sense. I just saw you scatter your whole deck across the table.
Kaiba: *groans* Just go with it, kid.
Mokuba: Ha! Bad choice, Yugi. My Man-Eating Plant will eat your Dragon alive.
*The Plant tries, but can barely fit the Dragon's head in its mouth.*
Joey: *gestures* See, that there's the problem with your species-specific cards.
Tristan: Ooh...
Téa: Ahh...
Mokuba: So now you're finally gonna pay for what you did, Yugi. And your stupid Dragon's gonna be plant food!
Téa: "Stupid Dragon?" So now he's anthropomorphizing the cards just to insult them? Talk about immature.
Yami: You can't win a duel with cards that don't rightfully belong to you. How could your heart ever live in cards that belong to someone else?
Mokuba: Be quiet. I don't believe in that "Heart of the Cards" stuff you keep preachin' about.
Yami: Oookay, how about, "the next time you disrespect me, I shatter you into a thousand pieces," then?
Mokuba: *cowers slightly* Ah, yes, sir! That sounds much better!
Yami: Yes, I can see it now. I sensed a connection to Kaiba. You're his brother. You're Mokuba!
Mokuba: How did you know?! *pulls down bandana*
Yami: Well, aside from the reference to the name of the episode in which you appeared, there was the MK symbol on your hat.
Mokuba: *takes off his cap and fiddles with it* Yeah, well, Seto's given the monographers so much business, between the belts and jackets and everything, that I get all my monogramming free.
Mokuba: That's right, Seto Kaiba is my brother, and he's the best duelist that there ever was.
Yami: I had been going to go easy on you before, but now...
Mokuba: Now, thanks to Yugi, he's gone and Pegasus is trying to take over Kaiba Corp..
Yami: Pegasus wants Kaiba Corp.?!
Mokuba: I don't know what you did to my big brother when you dueled, Yugi, but ever since that defeat, he hasn't been the same.
Yami: Yeah, yeah, I'll apologize later, but first... Pegasus wants Kaiba Corp.?
Mokuba: Hey, I'm trying to be all pained and righteous over here!
Yami: *slowly* Pegasus wants Kaiba Corp....
*Everyone sighs and waits while Yami wrestles with the complexities of the modern world.*
Executive 1: For our plan to succeed, Kaiba must be taken out of the picture... permanently.
Executive 2: However, there is one catch. As per the corporate by-laws, only a Kaiba family member can legally control Kaiba Corp..
Executive 3: To this end, Pegasus, we recommend kidnapping Kaiba's brother Mokuba. In name he will control Kaiba Corp., but we will control him.
Pegasus: Hmm... Good plan. I think I'll steal it! Good-bye! *leaves while the executives are still wide-eyed with shock.*
Pegasus: Wait, wait, wait. You're talking about murder and kidnapping, and you're worried about legal exchange of power?
Executive 4: Ah... well, we figured they'd be pinned on you.
Pegasus: Never heard of accessory charges? *groans* Go away. You're clearly far too stupid to work with. Instead, I think I'll just steal your plan and make a few improving adjustments. Good day!
Executive 1: Excellent. But we have one final condition.
Executive 2: The brat who beat Kaiba has tarnished Kaiba Corp.'s good name, and we must insist that you restore it.
Pegasus: Hmm, no, I think I'd much rather just rename it "Pegasus Corp.."
Mokuba: Let me go, you creeps! I heard everything and when I tell my big brother he'll be really mad and do something, I dunno, but it'll definitely be really big and nasty and I'm sure you'll all be very unhappy he's done it because I'm sure it will be very very bad for you and...
*The executives get bored and wander off in search of coffee and pastries.*
Yami: You don't understand. Mokuba, your brother hasn't deserted you. He's searching for himself.
Mokuba: Liar! Tell it to my monster! *plays*
Yami: Alright. You see, Crocidilus, it's like this...
Joey: Pegasus is the bad guy here. Can't you see that, you crazy little kid?
Téa: No, see... insults aren't calming.
Joey: Huh? They aren't? I never knew that...
Téa: Wait, I get it. Mokuba is trying to save his brother's company by defeating Yugi in a duel, so Pegasus doesn't get to face Yugi at all!
Yami: Yes, that's a lovely theory, except that Pegasus is keeping my grandfather prisoner!! We are GOING to duel. Period.
Yugi: *cowers slightly* Hey, settle down, settle down...
Yami: No, I don't think I will, thank you!! *pants*
Yami: *shouts* Mokuba! Listen to me! You'll never save Kaiba Corporation that way! I can still win the tournament!
Yami: Mokuba, listen to me! You'll never save Kaiba Corporation that way!
Mokuba: *stops and turns around* It's "Kaiba Corp.!" "Corporation" sounds too lame!
Mokuba: But then... what can I do?
Yami: You can start by trusting in me, and together we will defeat Pegasus.
Yugi: Much as I love you, Yami, not even I would trust you here.
Yami: I promise you, we can only bring Pegasus down if we stick together.
*Five minutes later, Mokuba gets dragged off by Kemo.*
Yami: ... Okay, new plan: Every duelist for himself!
Téa: We've only got three minutes left 'til the boat leaves.
Joey: Good thing they were so exact!
Mokuba: *looks at Yami, distressed with their stupidity* I don't think I want to go with you anymore.
Yami: I don't think I want to go with me, either...
Kaiba: Ah, it's no use. I've gone over it a dozen times in my mind, but I still can't figure it out. How was a kid who came out of nowhere able to defeat a champion like me?
Kaiba's Computer: The same way you beat all the people before you, I presume.
Kaiba: Note to self: Reprogram computers to understand rhetorical questions.
Kaiba: I've run computer simulations, probability scenarios, and quantum analysis of our duel, but I still don't have the answer.
Computer: Maybe it would help if you did things that were physically possible. I mean, quantum analysis? Quantum analysis?
...
Kaiba: Note to self: Reprogram computers with a hatchet.
Kaiba: Against all odds and with absolute faith in his grandfather's deck, he somehow drew the one card that assured his victory.
*A third-grader walks up to him.*
Kid: But Mr. Kaiba, sir, it's just as likely as any other hand of cards. Not too much harder than you drawing three Blue-Eyes and a polymerization card, in fact. *Kaiba goes bug-eyed* And as long as the probability is above zero, it's just as likely to happen to you as anyone else.
Kaiba: Shut up! You're making me look stupid! ... And how did you get in here, anyway?!
Kid: Oh, that. Your computer invited me.
*Kaiba groans and bangs his head against the table.*
Kaiba: Exodia! It's not possible!
Yami: What, him? He was my butler, back in the good old days.
Kaiba: I've always believed Duel Monsters was a game of sheer power, but Yugi claims the cards have a heart! It sounds crazy, I know, but could Yugi be right? Is there really a heart of the cards that can affect the outcome of a duel? Is that how he won? Or was he just lying to me, trying to psyche me out? Or could it be that the shock of seeing his grandfather hurt was so much that he lost it? After all, he was shouting and crying quite a bit... Yeah, that's probably it.
Kaiba: It'll take more than you two goons to grab me.
Goon: This can go easy or we can snap you in two, wise guy!
Kaiba: Yes, I'm no match for your pointy fingers of doom!
Goon: *looks at his hand* Ah, crap, the filming for the dub was TODAY?
Kaiba: Afraid so. *nonchalantly walks out the door while the guards weep for their guns*
Kaiba: You'll never take me alive!
Goon: Lucky for us, that wasn't our plan.
Goon: He jumped! Nobody could survive a fall like that.
*Moments later, Kaiba catches an updraft and goes sailing by on a hang-glider.*
Kaiba: So very true! Ta-ta, now!
Goon: Pegasus was very clear -- he wants the deck with the deadly Blue-Eyes.
Goon Two: You know, I'm kind of surprised he grabbed that suitcase rather than the deck.
Kaiba: *listening in down at that ledge* That's because I think ahead. Wouldn't want you have to hunt my body down to get it, now would I?
Goon: Pegasus was very clear -- he wants the deck with the deadly Blue-Eyes.
Computer: He'd have to be clear, wouldn't he?
*Kaiba winces at the sound of gunshots and shattering glass above.*
Téa: Hey, that's not fair! It hasn't been a half-hour yet.
Joey: Yeah! We've still got three whole seconds to spare!!
Kemo: Tough luck. Pegasus sets the schedule here.
Joey: That's it, I'm gonna give you a flat-top!
Mokuba: *sarcastic* Yeah, my brother always found that shooting the messenger works oh-so well.
Kemo: Ha! You losers should really keep a tighter grip on your valuables, don't you think? Then "accidents" like that wouldn't happen.
Téa: Good point! *quickly grabs Mokuba and shepherds him and Yugi off to safety*
Kemo: Let's go, you. Back to the cage. This little ingrate is a special guest of Mr. Maximillion Pegasus, and he's been invited to attend a special dinner in his honor back at the castle. Right, Mokuba?
Mokuba: *gasping* That's not how I'd phrase it, no.
Yami: Hold on! I still have three of my star chips left. I challenge you to a duel, and if I win, Mokuba comes with us!
Kemo: Ha! As if I'm going to fall for that. It's on the first page of the Book! *drags Mokuba off, laughing*
Kemo: I don't know why you'd risk your chips for this punk, but if that's how you want to waste your last star chips, then meet me back at Arena 146 in four hours.
Yami: Risk my chips? I was just stating a fact, not betting.
Joey: Well, we're here. Where's antenna-head?
Tristan: Uh, it's only been five minutes so far, Joey...
Joey: Well, we're here. Where's antenna-head?
Mokuba: Yugi, over here!
Téa: Oh, thank god, he's here! Yugi's been walking around glaring at things for the past five hours... it's really starting to freak me out!!
Joey: Well, we're here. Where's antenna-head?
Mokuba: *STILL being strangled* Yugi! Over here!
Joey: Hey, thanks! But actually, I was the one that asked.
Mokuba: I could tell 'cause it was such a stupid question.
Yami: Put him down now!
Kemo: I'll consider it if you win the duel.
Yami: I'll beat you, all right.
Kemo: I never said I would duel.
Yami: *sputters* But I challenged you! And you said "yes!" *twitches* If you weren't holding Mokuba, I'd smash you into the Shadow Realm so fast your head would spin.
Kemo: Hey! So you're useful for something after all! *pats Mokuba on the head*
Kemo: There is your opponent. *points*
Yami: *gasps* It's a dark silhouette!
Kemo: He's an old friend who's dying to see you again. He met with an unfortunate end earlier today, but he's come back just to duel you.
Mokuba: *bored, to Yugi* It sounds far less impressive if you've listened to him try to memorize those lines for the past four hours.
Yami: I can believe that.