"When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like all the passengers in his car."
"If the radiance of a thousand suns Were to burst at once into the sky That would be like the splendor of the Mighty one -- I am become Death, The shatterer of Worlds."
"If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants."
"It's better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it."
"As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing."
"Never let a computer know you're in a hurry."
"I smile b-cuz I have no idea what is going on"
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?"
"With a moon like this to gaze at, why bother staring at the stars?"
"Women Drivers - No Survivors - If You Don't Like The Way They Drive Get Off The Sidewalk!"
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
"When all else fails, look cute"
"You sold me queer giraffes!"
"CLICK YOUR HEELS AND SAY "I NEED A LIFE, I NEED A LIFE"
"It's hard to soar like an eagle when you work with turkeys"
"They say hard work never hurt anyone, but i'd rather not take the chance."
"To the world you may be only one person, but to only one person, you may be the world."
"Technology, no place for wimps."
"If you want a rainbow, you gotta put up with some rain."
"Whenever you think something sounds easy, it always turns out that there's one part you didn't hear."
"True friends stab you in the front."
"Hit it simply, and wiggle"
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land amoung the stars"
"I don't hate it."
"OH NO! THE DUCKS!"
"I have all the answers, but i never said they were right!"
"...He has the most beautiful eyes i've ever seen, his hair is as black as the midnight sky, and his smile could stop an astroid..."
"...the thought process of a stuned worm, a stunded worm I say"
"even a turkey can fly in a hurricane."
"...He still has more umph than blah..."
"LOOK, THERE'S ZINK!!!.."
Bumper Stickers

Horn broken. Watch for finger.

I brake for no apparent reason.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

No radio - Already stolen.

Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges!

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

Keep honking...I'm reloading.