The smell of peaches and freshly baked roadkill pie wafts through the humid Georgia air. Shashunk makes her entrance through a dark grove of trees that are swarming with growling and drooling plants that have teeth like bear traps. Her clothes are covered in dirt clods and parasitic plant spit. She sighs heavily, mumbling something about, 'the things I do for a friend' as she moves away from the snarling plants; not looking very amused at her current situation.

As Shashunk starts to speak, a particularly vicious plant stretches to snap at her foot. With a swift motion, Shashunk slams the insolent little plant with her ever-present mallet...WHACK! She smiles with wicked satisfaction and turns to begin her speech again. "These 'wonderful' little beasties are kudzu plants, known for their tendency to kill rednecks and any other thing present in most Southern states." Shashunk casts a look at the surrounding shurbery, suddenly begins to mutter 'ne' then yells, "Cut down the mightest tree in the forest with...A HERRING!" The night falls silent at that, except for a few random crickets that chirp for effect. Shashunk sweat-drops, then regains her composure. "Sorry," She begins as she rubs the back of her head in embarrassment, "Got 'Holy Grail' on the brain."

Soon the smell of cheap bathtub liquor begins to premeate the thick air. Shashunk pauses and turns back to the front of the clearing just in time to watch a cluster of kudzu assail Clestis (the slack-jawed yokel) who has stumbled drunk into the grove. "Hey Ma, them there bittin' plants have dun got me!" The vines begin to squeeze him like a boa constrictor, in an effort to make him go squick. Then, with a hungry gleam in their eyes the plants begin to feed, spitting out the occasional shoelace or moonshine jug as they continue their Cletis meal.

Suddenly, millions of 'you might be a redneck' jokes begin to swirl through Shashunk's mind, but she chooses to ignore them and continue. As she opens her mouth to speak a large, but still recognizable chunk of plaid cloth lands a foot away from her current position. Shashunk stoops down and pokes the alcohol and plant spittle soaked shirt with a large stick, sweat-drops, and continues, "There is only one who can truly master the kudzu." Shashunk clears her throat, and the plants pause from their meal and focus their beady eyes on her. "Her name is Lady Kudzuhopper....otherwise known as kudzu." The vines of kudzu begin to swoon at their master's name. Shashunk continues causally, "And doesn't it seem appropiate that she is my friend." She giggles maliciously, "Being that kudzuhopper causes death, and I am death incarnate." Shashunk then smiles warily at the plants, sits down and suddenly begins to type at her computer (which has magically materialized in the grove along with three tubes of Aquafresh toothpaste, a rotten mackrel, and five cases of Miracle Grow.)

Shashunk throws the slobbering kudzu plants the mackrel and turns back to the glowing computer screen; "Well, here ya go. I'll type all the info you need about Kudzuhopper right here." As Shashunk begins to type, a small vine of drunken kudzu begins to meander on top of Shashunk's screen, exhaling its redneck-tainted breath on her face. Shashunk grumbles, and reaches for a tube of toothpaste, squeezing its contents on the kudzu's reeking leaves. Shashunk smirks, "And if you are wondering how I got my special supplies here, remember I am the all powerful Shashunk."

*Shashunk begins to type feverishly*

"Kud sometimes goes under different screen names." Shashunk types as the kudzu plants begin to sing in slurred little voices a drunken diddy about the greatness of the kudzuhopper, they occasionally hiccup between verses.

Screen names: Kudzuhopper, kudzu1, and KuDzUhoP81

Some of the kudzu begin to whine at Shashunk, she rolls her eyes and tosses the Miracle Grow to them.

How She Contributes:
Kudzuhopper helps contribute by retrieving pretty much any type of clip that could be slightly useful in anyway and sending it to little old me, she comes to the site regularly to make sure everything is in working order, and she also uses her 'persuasive' kudzu powers to 'encourage' my completion of the site.

Shashunk clears her throat (being sarcastic can take a lot out of you.) "Wow, kudzu plants have bit me. Nice of the people at digits.com to count when I get mauled..."

*Another plant snaps at Shashunk's hand....she sweat-drops and continues*

"Well, that's what the mighty Kudzuhopper contributes to this...ummm....'humble' site." Various kudzu plants begin to surround Shashunk's computer screen, begging for attention. Shashunk sighs and begins to pet several of the kudzus' leaves, "This is the last time I'm plantsitting her kudzu for her."